It's story time
A while back, I let the cat out of the bag that our family turmoil with the in-laws sent us into marriage counseling. This, by far, was the best thing to have happened to us in such a crappy situation. I cannot even begin to describe how much better our relationship is now compared to three or four months ago. We've really been working hard & trying our best for our family. It's awesome.

I still want to keep that part of our relationship private & sacred. However, I would like to share some reading that our therapist gave us yesterday. It hits the nail on the head & it really gets at some of the truth of the situation. So sit back, grab a cup of joe & I hope this is useful to anyone else in similar situations.

The book is "The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work", by John M. Gottman, PH.D. Pages 189 -193 are "Relations With In-Laws". Establishing a sense of "we-ness" or solidarity, between husband & wife.

Although mother-in-law jokes told by men are a traditional staple of comedy routines, the real family tension is more frequently between the wife and her mother-in-law. Invariably the differences between the two women's opinions, personalities, and life views become evident the more time they spend together. A decision to go out to dinner can create dissension over such minutiae as where to eat, when to eat, what to eat, how much to spend, who gets the check, and so on. Then, of course, there are the deeper issues of values, jobs, where to live, how to live, how to pray, and whom to vote for.

Although such conflicts usually surface quite early in a marriage, in-law difficulties can be triggered or revived at many other times, such as when children are born or pass major milestones in their development, and again as the parents age and become increasingly dependent on the couple.

At the core of the tension is a turf battle between the two women for the husband's love. The wife is watching to see whether her husband backs her or his mother. She is wondering, "Which family are you really in?" Often the mother is asking the same question. The man, for his part, just wishes the two women could get along better. He loves them both and does not want to have to choose. The whole idea is ridiculous to him. After all, he has loyalty to each, and he must honor and respect both. Unfortunately, this attitude often throws him into the role of peacemaker or mediator, which invariably makes the situation worse.

Solution The only way out of this dilemma is for the husband to side with his wife against his mother. Although this may sound harsh, remember that one of the basic tasks of a marriage is to establish a sense of "we-ness" between husband and wife. So the husband must let this mother know that his wife does indeed come first. His house is his and his wife's house, not his mother's. He is a husband first, then a son. This is not a pleasant position to take. His mother's feelings may be hurt. But eventually she will probably adjust to the reality that her son's family unit, where he is the husband, takes precedence to him over all others. It is absolutely critical for the marriage that the husband be firm about this, even if he feels unfairly put upon and even if his mother cannot accept the new reality.

This is not to suggest that a man do anything that he feels demeans and dishonors his parents or goes against his basic values. He should not compromise who he is. But he has to stand with his wife and not in the middle. He and his wife need to establish their own family rituals, values, and lifestyle and insist that his mother (and father) respect them.

The rest of the chapter goes onto give two real life examples of couples living with these dilemmas & the choices they made to create that "we-ness" in their marriage.

I was moved to tears after reading this chapter. This was us! This is what's going on! There's a solution!! Now the hard part is for Bill to have that conversation with his family.

50 weeks old
The weekly count is starting to sound ridiculous. 50 weeks? Really???

The developments that have been happening are all very amusing. Logan is still a great sleeper & back down to two naps a day again. The funny part about his sleeping is listening to him play in his crib, talking (screaming) to himself & throwing all of his stuffed animals out. I usually wake up with a grin every morning listening to him play while I try to get an extra 15 minutes of sleep (this really never happens).

Meal times are changing a bit. His appetite is not as big as it used to be. I did some reading on toddler nutrition & evidently, this change is very normal. He's not really a picky eater, he eats a little less & he just likes to throw his food all over. His favorite is feeding the animals. When I'm sitting next to him eating my lunch or whatever, Logan tries to sneak Buddha some food. I stop mid-bite & give him "The Look". He looks at me with a straight face & shakes his head "no". It takes everything I have to be serious, because this is just way too funny. Logan clearly knows that he's not supposed to feed the dog. Last night while he finished his dinner, I left the room for a second. The next thing I know, I hear him laughing & giggling. I peer around the corner to see what was so funny. There he is, holding his empty bowl out while Kitty is sitting on the chair next to him. She would lick the left over sweet potato & chicken & he would just get so excited.

Play time is where developments are progressing the most. He still loves to read his books & now, when he wants me to read to him, he walks over & brings a book with him. We sit & read together, with him "reading" aloud along with me. He's figuring out how to put his wooden puzzles together. Bill's actually been working with him a lot on this. Bill will hold the puzzle piece over the spot where it fits & Logan will take his hand & push it down. He also knows the hand gestures to songs that I sing to him. This was a cute surprise this week. I was singing the "popcorn" song to him while I was changing his diaper. He got this huge smile on his face & started doing the "popcorn" hand gestures. I think I screamed, "Oh my God! Look at you! You're so smart!"

He started so say "Dada" this week. Although, he's still really stubborn about repeating words. He speaks when he wants to, which is infrequent.

He's still running (yes, running) around the house like a crazy person, doing laps back& forth & all around the living room. He tries to climb over boxes (we have an empty pampers box for him to play with) & loves to crawl & climb all over the couch. He figured out how to get behind the couch where I keep the really annoying toys (out of sight, out of mind...not so much anymore).

He knows where my belly button is. He's still learning that he has one too & so does Dad, but he knows exactly where mine is. It used to be cute, now it's kind of irritating. If I'm on the floor with him climbing on me, he instantly pulls my shirt up & sticks his finger in my belly button. "Yes, that's my belly button. Where's your's? OK, stop pinching & slapping my fat", is usually how the conversation goes.

Logan knows how to play with Buddha too. I'm still trying to get this on tape. Taking pictures or filming any kind of event is becoming increasingly difficult. The minute Logan sees a camera of any sort, he stops what he's doing & lunges for the shiny silver thing in Moms hand. I still try though, because I have to get this on tape. It's the funniest thing ever. Logan will hold Buddha's stuffed mouse & shake it back & forth right on, not in, Buddha's face. He laughing hard & so excited knowing that at any minute, Buddha is going to run around to play.

Play group is more fun every week as well. Logan is becoming more confidant being on his own exploring & running around with the other kids (thank GOD!). Yesterday we met some of the MOMS Clubbers at the mall play area. Logan ran around, crawled with some other kids, attempted to drink strangers coffee that they (stupidly) left on the ground, watched & tried to help another mom change her newborns' diaper & he even was brave enough to try to run out & escape the play area. I actually had to go running after him to bring him back. I think we're on the tail end of the separation anxiety phase. I'm so excited about this because now I can start putting him in the gym daycare while I go workout & not have to worry about him having a total melt down.

Next month we're going to add more activities to our schedule. We'll have our regular playgroup, then the in-laws want to pay for music playgroup (once a week for nine weeks) for his birthday. A lot of Logan's friends are starting gymnastics too. We get a great discount & it will be a fun way for him to burn off some energy, play with his friends & learn some new physical skills (like balancing, swinging, etc.). I want to keep us busy during the winter months so we're not inside glued to cartoons. While it's cute that he has favorite cartoons (Blues Clues is a new one) we're watching way too much TV. It started to get excessive when we were sick & snowed in, now it's just a habit. One that I'm breaking right now.

I'm starting to contemplate weaning Logan from breast feeding. I have mixed feeling about this though. We made it to our (my) goal of a year. I'm ready to have my body back. I'm ready to start working out like I used to. I'm really open to extended breast feeding, but I know if I start doing the things that I want to do, I will totally dry up. He's nursing three times a day. I cut out his mid afternoon snack nursing time to increase the volume for his dinner nursing time. I don't think it will be too difficult to start decreasing some of the other times. It's just a thought right now, I'm not sure if I'm ready to follow through yet.

Kids meals
We rarely go out to eat as a family, but when we do, Logan is able to eat meals from the kids menu. Earlier last week we grabbed some lunch before running around town doing our thing. We ate at a sandwich shop that we've never been to. I thought it would be a great, healthy place to eat. The kids menu offered four different sandwiches. PB & J (not an option for Logan yet), turkey, grilled cheese or cheese pizza. Along with a sandwich, the meal came with our choice of chocolate milk, juice or soda. My thought about healthy eating was squashed when seeing the options, & even more so when our sandwiches were ready.

I ordered a turkey sandwich on whole wheat with apple juice for Logan. Juice is a special treat for him, as water is our drink of choice at home. There's just way too much sugar in there for it to be a regular part of his diet. I was OK with this since it's occasional. When I unwrapped his sandwich I just rolled my eyes. It was just a slice of deli meat & two slices of bread. That's it. No veggies. Again, I thought "Whatever" because he eats really well at home.

When people develop kids menus, do they ever stop to think about nutritional values? Does anyone in the food industry have even basic nutritional education, or are they primarily operating off of business degrees?

I know it's the parents responsibility to make healthy food choices for our children. However, it would be nice if there were healthy choices to make! It seems like every where we go, I have to order side items & make a healthy meal from that rather than order the crapola options from the kids menu. It's kind of sad, really. These are our kids we're feeding here!

I'm glad that we eat out once a month or so. Making less than healthy choices at that rate is not a big deal. And then, the choices we make (even if I have to construct them from side items) aren't that bad at all. I just wish that people who develop kids menus put a little more thought into the health of our kids & provide more opportunities for healthier living.

Making the best of freezing temperatures
So yeah. It's been cold here. Not just cold, but COLD. Like the high is zero degrees. That cold. It's so cold that nobody is leaving their houses unless they have to. Good idea. I had to go to an appointment on Friday & got stuck in a two foot snow drift coming out of the driveway. Bill was not a happy camper having to dig me out when it was freakin' cold out.

Logan & I stayed in today while Bill ventured out to run some errands for us. It was good that we did stay in because Bills comment before leaving..."You know when it's so cold out, your boogers freeze? That's how it feels". I had to laugh. It made me think about the movie Dumb & Dumber. Logan has a bit of a runny nose & is teething pretty bad. His top right tooth erupted, his top left is on it's way out & the one next to that is swollen. I had to give him Tylenol this morning. I'm pretty conservative on the medications, so I know he's hurting when I break that stuff out. With him being in pain & the possibility of runny boogers freezing; it was a pajama day.

Bill came home with everything we needed, including hot chocolate. We're going to get the fire place going tonight, drink some delicious hot chocolate & try to stay warm.

***It's the last day of National Delurking week. If you haven't commented yet, you should!***

Such a fun day today!
Today was supposed to be just a regular old day at home. The moms from MOMS Club were going to meet up at an indoor bounce house for some play time. We weren't going to go because Bill is slammed at the gym with everyone signing up for their New Year's resolutions & he can't make it home for lunch to trade off the car.

One of the moms offered to pick us up so we could go. That was awesome. We had such a good time. Logan was a little freaked out at first, clinging onto me for dear life, but once he warmed up he was all over the place. He crawled around & we chased each other. He laughed & giggled. He played peek-a-boo with other moms & ran around with other kids. We all had a blast.

Logan took a little nap when we got home. He totally wore himself out. It wasn't a very long one though & when he woke up, it was like he just had a cup of coffee. He had his frog rattle in his mouth, running back & forth in the living room, shaking his head (like he sees Buddha doing when he plays with his dog toys), screaming & laughing. I was laughing so hard. It was even more hysterical because my laughing just made Logan laugh & run around harder.
We had more fun during Logan's snack time. As he was eating cheese, crackers & veggies, I put my glasses on him. He thinks it's amusing to look like a little genius. I think it's just plain funny. And cute.
Man, Logan just cracks me up.


***Day four of National Delurking Week. If you're hiding out in Utah, Nevada, Oregon or Colorado, come out & leave a comment. I know your there...I see you in the stats!***

49 weeks old
We're getting close to the end of weekly updates! Then it will be month-by-month developments. Crazy!

The last couple of weeks have been interesting. The biggest development is like nails on a chalkboard to me, but much worse. Logan is grinding his teeth. His two top teeth are still coming in, just as slow as the first two. But they have finally cut. The other day I heard this sound that stopped me in my tracks. "What is that?", I said with a twisted face like I'm getting tortured. "Oh my God! He's grinding his teeth! Ahhh! Stop grinding your teeth! How do you make a baby stop grinding their teeth!?" Bill just laughed & laughed. "I don't know". So, that's what I'm going to look into today & see if it's just a phase (which I'm sure it is) & if there's anything I need to look out for (like pieces of baby teeth laying around).

Other than that, he's still a champion eater & just started learning how to use a spoon this morning. It's going to take some time to get the hand-eye coordination down, but he completely understands that he's supposed to put food on it & eat from it.

He's now not just walking, but running. He tries to run so fast that he trips & does a face plant on the floor. Usually he's just so excited that the forehead to tile contact doesn't phase him. He does have a few red marks on the noggin though.

Since he's mastered his walking skills, he's finished with his "other skills" strike. For a while he refused to shake his head "no" & wave bye-bye. Skills that he learned some time ago, but I guess it was old news & walking was cooler. Now he's back to being like a little circus monkey, showing off all of his tricks.

He's getting better at fitting blocks into the shape sorter (through the correct shape slot) & is beginning to recognize pictures in his books. He is very fond of cats & dogs, but especially cats (or kitties, really). He smiles & has a high pitched squeal that sounds just like the one I make when I'm petting & playing with our cat. He's been trying to point to the picture of the cats in his book.

He loves, loves, loves, to throw all of his toys & binkies over the baby gate in the kitchen. We've even been playing "baby tennis" the last two days. He throws his toy over, I throw it back. He runs off to go grab it & throws it back over. This is usually going on while I'm unloading the dishwasher or cooking him a meal & he's "stuck" on the other side of the gate in the living room. It's way too cute.

Logan is also very loving. He's been so cuddly & frequently stops playing to run over to me & give me a hug & a kiss. It's the cutest thing ever. I love it! He's been giving hugs to Bill too (which he didn't used to do very often).

His vocabulary is getting there. He still babbles all day long & sings in the car, but he's definitely saying "Mamamama" & repeats it when asked if he can say "Mommy". We've been hearing "shhhh" a couple of times as well. It looks like language took a back seat to physical skills. I'm not surprised.

Logan has also been having a great time with the other kids in MOMS Club. We went to a meeting yesterday morning. While the moms were talking about various upcoming projects, Logan was being fed goldfish crackers by another little girl. She was sitting on a chair next to her mom & was giving Logan crackers. He would take them, shoving them all into his mouth. She then tried to hand feed him a few more. He was content to hang out over there with them while they were still able to share crackers. Once Logan was finished hogging all of her snacks, he promptly came walking back over to me, gave me a hug, then off to read a book. Without a doubt, he's having fun.

The next couple of weeks are going to be fun & busy planning Logan's birthday party. It's going to be a big day with lots of people & lots of things to do.

***Day three of National Delurking Week. Leave a note to say what your kids are up to & what first birthday's were like!***

For science nerds everywhere!
I've often talked about that I am in fact, a science nerd. My choices in literature are quite boring to the non-science nerd person. I like to read about facts. I like to learn something new if I have the time to read the book that's in my hand. I absolutely can not stand to read fiction, with the exception of a few Stephen King, Michael Crichton & the Harry Potter series (why, I don't know).

Bill does not share the same taste in literature. Although, he mostly likes non-fiction as well. He's more into autobiographies & memoirs. I can read these if they're interesting enough. He's become much more of a reader since Logan's birth (because we're at home a hell of a lot more?) & is constantly picking up new books from the library. There have been a few of his choices that have caught my attention, like all of Chuck Klosterman's books, "The Dirt", Motley Crew's memoirs & "Kitchen Confidential" by Chef Anthony Bourdain. There is one book that he picked up this weekend that took me by surprise. It's not something he would read, but something that totally fits my science nerd interest.

I found it, not knowing he got it. I've never heard of it either. I read the back of the book & then the inside covers. My jaw dropped. "What on Gods green Earth made him pick this up?", I thought to myself. It was "A Short History of Nearly Everything", by Bill Bryson. I asked him about it & he said that it was recommended by a lot of people. "This so doesn't seem like something you would read. I might have to read it with you. It reminds me of Dave C." I said.

Dave was a personal training client of mine when we lived in Portland. He was a martial artist that had trained with Monks in Tibet & all over Asia & was an extremely smart guy. We got together because he needed to strengthen his core & work on neuromuscular retraining for his back.

We hit it off in our first conversation before he started training. He was excited to get started because we had the same sense of humor & he was really impressed with my background in biophysics & my personal training techniques. We quickly became great friends.

In our sessions we would talk about nerdy science stuff. I felt like he was one of the only people on Earth that "got me" when it came to this. He was the only person that I could have conversations about quantum physics with (yes, I am that much of a nerd that I had long deep conversations about quantum physics). Bill & I don't have conversations like this because I would bore him to death. Dave & I would often work out together outside of sessions (lucky him, it was like getting free sessions) & go out for beers after work while I waited for Bill to get off. Together, we even developed training techniques that were specific to martial arts. It was pretty cool.

When Bill got his promotion that moved us out to Colorado, Dave was on vacation in China, then in New York. We moved so fast, that I never saw him again. It's sad. He was a great guy. Bill & I often wonder what he's up to now.

So, in memory of Dave, this is a book that I'm going to read. I have some extra time on my hands & would rather read about particle physics than clean the bathroom.

***It's also day 2 of National Delurking Week. If there are other science nerds reading, say Hi!***

National Delurking Week
There's really nothing new to write about today. Thanks to everyone's comments about their kiddos sleeping patterns, I'm over the fact that Logan has inherited our "sleepy genes", besides that, I really think it's his learning how to run (no joke...he was running last night) that's wearing him out. I'm taking advantage of the extra blogging time right now!

Because there's nothing new to write, I'm jumping on the National Delurking Week bandwagon. I would love to know who's reading about our crazy life. I would also love to know who the anonymous commenters are that seem to come out during our times of family drama. I promise that I'm not going to send you any hate mail. Really, cross my fingers & hope to die...I promise. I just have a sinking suspicion that I've been found by the in-laws.

So, drop me a line & say hi. It would be cool to know who's out there, how you found me & it would keep me busy by checking out other blogs (you know, now that I have all of this extra free time on my hands). And hey! Even if you comment all of the time & we obsessively check each other's blogs, say hi anyway :)

My little Rip Van Winkle
I guess I shouldn't be worried about this, as most parents fight to actually get their kids to sleep; but I'm wondering if Logan sleeps too much.

I'm thinking this sleeping marathon started as he was walking, so I always justified his three naps a day as wearing himself out. He sleeps through the night just fine, going to bed at 8 pm & waking up between 7 & 8 am. He needs a morning nap at 10 am & an afternoon nap at 1 or 2 pm. For a couple of weeks now, he's been taking a third nap at 5 or 6 pm. All of the naps last about an hour to two. All in all, I think he's getting a total of 15 hours of sleep (which now that I've done some research, is all normal. 12 month olds need about 14 hours of sleep a day).

I feel like a neurotic first time mom being concerned about this. Bill laughs & reminds me of our family sleeping motto: "If you're tired...sleep!" Logan really is tired at these times & I'm not just putting him down because that's the schedule. I wait until he gets fussy or yawning & rubbing his eyes. It's gotten to the point where Logan lays his head in my lap & closes his eyes. Today he took a pillow from the couch to lay down on it. Those are signals that can't get clearer than that. The kid is exhausted.

I guess the concern comes in because I hear about other kids his age dropping their morning naps & taking a long after lunch nap. I suppose if I stopped comparing his sleeping pattern to other kids, then it wouldn't be a problem. I would enjoy the three or four hours a day that I get to myself & maybe get an extra nap in as well. OK, I'm going to do just that. Lord knows I need some more sleep myself.

Not my favorite season
I hate winter. Really, I do. Granted, it can be beautiful with tree branches dusted in snow & how the snow sparkles like glitter in the sun, but I still hate it. It's cold. Being cold is so uncomfortable. We don't do any winter sports so we're stuck inside, sitting & putting around the house. Boring!

This morning Logan & I were supposed to meet some other moms at the mall & let our kids run around in the play area. It snowed last night & this morning creating an ice rink on the streets. Bill almost rear ended someone on the way home from work & suggested that we stay home. I've driven in the snow once. I think that was last Friday. I did OK, but slid around a bit. I do not want to risk getting into a car accident because I'm not a competent winter driver just to get out & about.

So, I hate winter. I'm counting the days until spring when I feel like I'm not risking our lives on the streets & we can run around at the park, take walks, go on family hikes & camping trips. We can play out in the back yard feeding birds & squirrels. We can take naps in the hammock that we got for Christmas. I can wear one layer of clothing rather than three. Seriously. I can't wait.

The evolution from a couple to a family
This is something that I've been wanting to write about for a long time. I've put it off, thinking that I needed more life experience (even if it was a matter of months). Now I feel like we are just getting the hang of the transition & I'm a little more qualified to put in my two cents.

I never imagined how challenging it was to start a relationship as a couple & magically morph into a happy family. It's a complex concept. It's not just the couple, or unit that makes a transformation, but each individual is changing in that same moment.

Change is hard. It's something that we usually fight & resist because we aren't comfortable with something new & different. We like our safe, predictable lifestyles & responsibilities. We tend to cling on to familiarity. When there's a shake-up, even if it's a planned shake-up, it's still change. It's something that we don't control. It's still uncomfortable, even in it's most amazing miracles of life.

I've said it before & I'll say it again: Becoming a parent helps you to become a better person. You see your faults as they are. You learn about your strengths. You become motivated to make life more enjoyable now that there's a little person here who's going to live it right there with you. These are good changes. Great, in fact. But it still doesn't make it easy.

As individuals in a relationship change, even for the better, the relationship itself changes. You are essentially becoming two different people who shift the relationship to accommodate that evolution. This to me, is one of the most uncomfortable changes that happen. What you once knew, is no more. It's something different. It's foreign. It takes some getting used to. Maybe for us, we didn't even know it to begin with & we are now just learning what it's all about.

Today I realized how painful & difficult this evolution is. However, it dawned on me that nothing good in life comes easy. The most wonderful things in life take blood, sweat & tears to obtain. It takes heavy digging in the trenches, the real hard work. I got a surge of joy & excitement knowing that right now, at this moment, we are facing those challenges head on. The end result is going to be beautiful.

We started our evolution almost two years ago with a positive pregnancy test. The first nine months were lifestyle changes. After Logan's birth, we got to a deeper level. There were personal changes. It seems that the next phase is the continuation of those personal changes but now moving to a depth that's at the core. The heart & soul of our family.

I was totally unprepared for the types of changes our family would go through. I nievely thought that it would be just a lifestyle change. I thought we would go out less, stay home more, understand that there would be different & added responsibilities. There would be more life stress knowing that we have a son to take care of, making sure he has everything he needs. The pressure to not screw up is intense.

I knew that our marriage would be different. I knew we wouldn't have the "fun" that we used to have, going to concerts regularly, spending money frivolously, wasting time like it was nothing.

I did not anticipate the personal changes we would go through. The better people we would try to become. I did not know how those changes would create a deeper respect & love in our relationship. I did not know that we would have to learn about our new selves, our new marriage & our new family.

It's hard work. It's challenging. But it's worth it.

Silent Film Festival
I've been able to film Logan doing some of his many cute skills. Again, the quality is kind of crappy & the audio still doesn't work (I think we just need a new camera). But, regardless....Enjoy!

11 months

Logan's last weeks of babyhood are quickly passing by. Soon he'll be a full fledged toddler. Wow. It seems as though he's already there this week. He's learned so many new things in these last few days.

He's still a wonderful sleeper (back to three naps again, sometimes two very long ones). He's still a great eater, even with his third tooth coming through (top left). He's now walking almost all of the time. He only crawls when he wants to get somewhere fast & even then, he's trying to run before resorting to crawling. When we've been running errands & shopping, if Logan gets antsy, all I have to do is hold his hand & walk with him around the store. He LOVES it. He smiles his biggest smile for everyone to see.

At home, we've been reading our books, but now Logan doesn't want to be read to. He would rather do the reading & page turning himself. He actually gets a little angry if I try to read to him. He kicks his legs, screaming & frantically turns the page as if to say, "I can do this myself!" He only enjoys my reading of quiet bed time stories.

We play with puzzles, learning about shapes & colors. I've really been more conscious of his sponge-like state of learning & try to explain everything. I felt like I was slacking & just living day to day without making it a new experience for him. As exhausting as it is, it's so much more fun. I can see the spark in Logan's eyes as he begins to understand a new concept.

Little Einsteins, his favorite morning cartoon, has taught him something extremely cute. When they get ready to take off in their rocket, they pat their legs. Logan pats along with them. After they gain enough patting power, they raise their arms as high as they can & say "Blast Off!". Logan raises his arms too. Whenever we say "blast off", he reaches up. Bill gets quite a kick out of this & is constantly saying "blast off" to Logan all day long.

Logan & I have been having fun teasing Buddha this week. Buddha is a very good alert dog. Not quite a guard dog, but he barks if someone knocks at the door or rings the doorbell. So, Logan & I knock on the door to get him riled up. Buddha barks up a storm while Logan grins. Buddha does this when we play peek-a-boo too. He has a specific peek-a-boo howl that he makes. It's rather strange, but very funny. Whenever Logan & I play peek-a-boo, I take my hands away from my face & he quickly looks over at Buddha to see him howl. Logan has even stood next to Buddha & played by himself, taking one hand away from his mouth. It looks like he's blowing a kiss, but he's trying to get Buddha to howl.

He's even learned to make little Indian sounds. It's so cute because he'll use the back of his hand or his fist rather than his fingers. He likes to do this all of the time.

These next few weeks of new skills are going to be exciting. Logan is quick to learn. He's keeping me on my toes, that's for sure!

Getting ready to party!
Because our Christmas was such a downer, we're making up for it by having an extravagant New Years Eve. We were going to have a couple of friends drive up from Denver, but because of the ungodly amount of snow that's still around, it's not safe for them to make the hour & a half trek up here. So, it's just us. Which is still OK.

We've become such foodies since Logan's been born. We've been addicted to shows like Top Chef & many shows on the Food Network. Bill has to work tomorrow morning, but will be home early. He's going to make a spinach dip appetizer to start our evening off. We'll enjoy a couple of cocktails before dinner. Then it's surf & turf...steak & shrimp, followed by chocolate coconut sundaes. After that, at the stroke of Midnight, champaign. Yum!

We're so excited about our dinner. We've been total dorks & talking about while salivating since we planned it a few days ago. It's going to be great. I can't wait!

Bored? Lonely? Hmmm.
Logan has been incredibly tired today. He slept in until 8 ish. We hung out & watched Little Einsteins. I nursed him, leaving him with Bill & went to an appointment. I got home around 9:30, gave Logan breakfast & not much later, he went down for his morning nap. He didn't wake up until 12:45 pm. That's sleeping for almost three hours.

After he woke up, I nursed him again & waited for Bill to get home so we could switch. I had another appointment at 1 pm & Bill watched Logan on his lunch break. I got home, fed Logan lunch & played for a little bit. He was super tired again. He went down for another nap & has been asleep for a little over an hour. It must be all of the walking that's wearing him out.

So here I sit, pacing back & forth. Surfing the internet. Checking out different blogs. Bored out of my mind! I really don't feel like cleaning. That's no fun. Everyone is either at work, or snowed in from the second storm we endured last night. While I really enjoy some time to myself, some peace & quiet, I don't know what to do with it when I get it. It feels kind of pathetic.

2006 year in review-Another crazy year!
January started the year out with the birth of our first baby boy. Logan's birth was & will always be the most amazing moment in my life. There aren't words to explain how I felt. They just don't do it justice.
The following weeks are a total blur. Faded memories clouded by fatigue, sleep deprivation & hormones. If it weren't for blogging, I wouldn't remember what happened for the rest of the year. There was a lot of laundry & I didn't take a shower on a regular basis. However, time flew by. It seemed as though every time Logan woke up from a nap, he grew up. It was a strange feeling realizing how fast life really does go by.
February was full of discovery. For us & for Logan. Bill & I were learning our new roles as parents while Logan was learning about the world around him. There were first stroller rides, a first trip to the store, doctors appointments & nick-names: Mr. Fussy Fuss. We were learning about Logan as a person while learning more about ourselves in the process. Mothering came easy for me. It was automatic. Breastfeeding, changing diapers, comforting my crying son. What was everyone complaining about? Parenting a newborn is difficult? It was hard work, but it was easy. Because I loved it.
There were difficulties in that first month though. It was the beginning of our issues with Grandma L. It was also the end of a life in our family. Our Beagle, Beck, passed from a seizure.

March brought more experience for all of us. The realities of parenthood became clear. It was more difficult than those first adrenalin fueled weeks where everything seemed easy. It was the beginning of lessons on patience & dealing with frustration. We survived growth spurts. Logan went to the chiropractor for the first time. We celebrated when Logan's umbilical stump finally fell off. We were in awe at how much Logan was like Bill. Our hearts melted when he started to coo. I was inspired to make up a very special lullaby just for our baby. It was a whirlwind of a new life.
I was so thankful that we were willing to do whatever possible so I could stay home with Logan. We made many sacrifices. Bill worked hard for our family & I wished we could have it all. I wished he could spend more time with us at home. Then it happened. The pay raise with more time off. It was too good to be true.

Bill & I also celebrated birthdays that month. My 26 th & his 28 th. Nothing like a birthday & being a new parent to make you feel old.

April came in like a lion & went out like a lamb. Logan started to sleep in his own room & did so wonderfully. He went in for his second month check up & received all of his scheduled vaccinations. He had a reaction that lasted a week. That was pure hell. The week after, he was feeling better & we went on our first family hike. It felt so good to get out & feel the fresh air again. Logan was a peach, sleeping for the majority of the time. When he was awake, he would look around at the trees & sky. This was also the month that we discovered Logan's sensitivity to dairy & soy. What great times we had scooping samples of baby poop out of a diaper to send to the lab for analysis.
As almost every new mom does, I chopped my hair relatively short. I donated my pony tail to Locks of Love. We also had a great day going to the zoo for the first time at the very end of that month.

Logan grew stronger everyday. His baby workout routine was fun & enabled him to crunch out of his swaddle. I wished that I was a strong as Logan when Bill & I talked about selling our brand new house. It was hard to think about, but easy to follow through knowing that this was just another sacrifice we had to make for the quality of our family life.

May was fun with the ever growing boy. He loved to play with his toys, smile & discover his hands & feet. Taking pictures of him was a part of our daily routine & it was so easy. He just sat there looking cute. There were more growth spurts, our first trip to the aquarium, more hiking & my first Mother's Day.

The middle of the month was very stressful. We had dealt with Paypal fraud where someone stole a good chunk of change from our checking account. Bill's job security was a little shaky & the possibility of me having to go back to work loomed above my head. We eventually got our money back & my worries were pushed back when Logan learned how to roll. We spent the end of the month swimming for the first time, taking care of rashes from the pool & reflecting on the anniversary of the positive pregnancy test.
June was the beginning of summer. It started out perfectly. Logan felt grass for the first time & laughed out loud when I sang "Head, Shoulder, Knees & Toes". He went to his fourth month check-up & we agreed that his rash was eczema. Lucky for him that it runs in the family. We talked about his vaccination reaction & made the decision to go with delayed single dose shots. He did great with that plan.

Bill & I celebrated our 7 th anniversary. It was a good time to look back on all of the highs & lows that we had been through. If there's one thing that changes a marriage, for better or for worse, it's the addition of a baby. Remembering all that we survived, it made the adjustment of our new life easier & helped us become stronger.

There was some excitement when we took our first road trip to visit Aunt Ju-Ju & Uncle J. Logan was quite mobile, rolling everywhere & began to sleep without being swaddled. He learned how to turn the music on for his crib toy & took a bath in the "big tub" for the first time. Bill celebrated his first Father's Day. Not too much later we went on our first family vacation to see Bill's family in North Dakota.
It was back to business for Logan in July. The vacation was over & he was ready to work on more milestones. He worked on trying to crawl. He played the keyboard for the first time. This was also the time I underestimated his mobility & he rolled down a flight of stairs. He was fine. I was not. My heart was bruised for days to come.
We found a gorgeous high chair & Logan started rice cereal. He also ate graham cracker on his first Independence Day. Logan wowed us by demonstrating that he learned how to call Kitty & Buddha over. He taught himself some sign language. We were amazed & quite proud of our little Einstein.

The end of the month was a challenge with trying to find a place to live & planning an out of town move. I began speaking with my dad again, mending a relationship that had been strained for 16 years.

August was the big move. Another change for our little family. It was one of the most stressful times in our lives. While I hated the house, I loved the town. After we got settled in, Logan began sleeping through the night. That was AWESOME. We had fun family times going to festivals, ice cream shops & checking out our new city. It was also another growing point for our marriage.
Logan decided that he was ready to crawl & pull himself up. He loved jumping in his jumperoo & exploring the outdoors. He's such an active little guy!

In September we had a visit with my dad & his girlfriend. They had a lot of fun meeting Logan for the first time. We did more family hiking & enjoyed our days at the park. Logan had some allergies from the change of seasons. He started watching morning cartoons & we went to another festival. There was a first cold & then our first time visiting the farm. We had so much fun in the petting zoo & getting lost in the corn maze.
October brought fall in with beautiful colors. We played in the leaves & dealt with the beginnings of stranger anxiety. We also welcomed the birth of Logan's cousin, Baby B. He was a few weeks early being born by c-section due to his breeched position.

After dealing with family drama, it was easy to delight in Logan's new tricks. He learned how to stand up & shake his head "no". We joined MOMS Club & met new friends to hang out with. There was the first snowfall where Logan was evidently over dressed. We had a blast at our first playgroup date. Logan got his second cold & started eating finger foods. There was more hoo-ha with the in-laws, but Logan's first Halloween faded those anxieties. Even though it was too cold to go trick-or-treating, we still had fun dressing him up in his adorable lion costume.
November got off to a rocky start. Bill lost his job, but we weren't too stressed about it. Logan made it easy by doing cute things like waving "bye-bye" & pushing all of his toys around like cars. We welcomed another cousin to the family, Baby M. She was born by emergency c-section. We were thankful that Aunt R & Baby M were OK.

Logan went in for his ninth month check-up & was the perfect little patient. He got a shot & did OK. We had our first embarrassing kiddo moment when Logan threw up at the MOMS Club meeting. Fortunately it was a one time thing.

Logan got his first tooth & tooth brush & went on another vacation to meet his Aunts & cousin Baby M for Thanksgiving. We had a really nice time with them. Our days were filled with fun with Logan learning how to talk & reading books to himself. The little smarty pants.
Logan learned how to clap in the beginning of December. He took his first steps. We went to our first music playgroup & had entirely too much fun. We saw that second tooth come in & celebrated the holidays with a party with the MOMS Clubbers. Then it hit us. The first flu. It got to Logan first. Even though he was terribly sick, he was still easy to live with. When it hit me, that was a different story. I think I whine too much when I'm sick. Then Bill got sick & we had an entire house full of sickies.

While being sick, we experienced Logan's first blizzard. It was a good time to be snowed in. These two events combined put a damper on our first Christmas. We were too sick to get a tree & very late in getting our cards & presents out. There was holiday drama with Bill's family, but we still had a good time celebrating Christmas Eve & Christmas Day as a little family. Logan loved all of his presents & they've kept him entertained for hours.


This year has been bitter sweet. It's been absolutely amazing melding together as a new family. We've learned so much about ourselves & about each other. It's been fulfilling. More than I ever expected. Our joys were accompanied by challenges. The loss of our new house, a move to a new town, a job loss & trouble with family dynamics.

I know 2007 will have some sweet surprises in store for us. I also know that we'll be thrown for some loops. I think the past year has helped us stick together so we can enjoy those good time & hang in there for the bad.

46-47 weeks old
Logan's developments are fast & furious. Now that we're all feeling better from our bout with the flu, Logan's days are back on track. He's still waking up at 6 am to nurse, but considering that he lost weight, I'm not going to try to get him to sleep in yet. Once he goes back to bed, he stays there for a few more hours. This morning he woke up at 9 am & played with his new crib toy. It was a nice change to hear him playing rather than screaming at the top of his lungs for us to get him out.

His appetite is completely restored. He's eating great, except for now he's not that fond of broccoli, zucchini & yellow squash. It may be a texture thing. But he sure does love his peas & carrots. Post-flu, we've discovered that he likes saltine crackers. He never favored other crackers, like the whole wheat bunny crackers, or banana teething crackers. He would always feed them to Buddha. Yesterday I was eating some of the whole wheat saltines that we had. I gave Logan one & he stood there watching T.V. & nibbling on his cracker. It was way cute.

Another new thing is the end-of-the-world temper tantrums he has if you don't share any food. Bill bought pumpkin pie for Christmas dinner & we were both eating a slice. Logan threw a fit with huge tears streaming down his face. "Why don't you give him some? He can have pumpkin, can't he?", Bill asks. "Other than the fact that pumpkin pie is full of sugar, yeah. I guess he can have a taste", I replied. So Logan tasted pumpkin pie on Christmas & loved it. I figured it was a special occasion & a good time to try it for the first time.

He's been having a great time playing with all of his Christmas toys as well. He loves his chunky wooden puzzles, but the books are by far his absolute favorite. He will sit & read to himself, flipping pages. It's adorable & he looks so smart (because he is!). He's figured out how to turn on his busy ball popper. This toy is more work for me than anything. Balls go flying out all over the place & I have to chase after them to put them back down in the chute so they can pop out again. Logan is content once he has a hold of one ball. Then he sits there holding onto his ball watching me try to collect all of the others that are rolling around the house.

He is still clapping all of the time, but has also learned how to play peek-a-boo by himself. He covers his face with his hands while peeking out between his fingers. Sometimes he pokes himself in the eye. It's pretty funny.

He's getting better at walking everyday. He still cruises, but walks by himself across the room until he falls. Sometimes it's 4 or 5 steps, other times is 5 or 6 feet. He gets incredibly excited about this. It's like he knows he's about to do something special.

He's still really vocal, but no real words yet (we're thinking "Mom" was a one time deal). However, he understands everything I say, for the most part. I have to tell him "No" a few times, but he thinks that's funny & gives us a little grin. What a stinker!

It's going to be interesting to see what the next couple of weeks will be like. More teeth? A first word? Maybe a sprint across the room. He's halfway there already.

Literally tagged
Just before the holidays, I was tagged by Debra. Now that the hustle & bustle, flu & blizzard are gone, this is the perfect day for it.

Here's the story...

Find the nearest book. Name the Author & title. Turn to page 123. Post sentences 6-8. Tag three more people.

This is where everyone will see that my choice of literature is quite boring. I'm so not in to fiction. I read nerdy science stuff. But, I guess it's interesting to me! The book that is on the computer desk, waiting to be returned to the library (with a lovely late fee due to the blizzard & flu)...

Super Baby Food Book, by Ruth Yaron
Page 123, sentences 6-8: "I feed my baby this meal in the morning at around 8-9 am, after I've gotten the older kids off to school. The baby can wait to eat his breakfast because the milk feeding he drank upon awakening tides him through the early morning. The main meal includes egg yolk".

See! I told you! Totally nerdy & boring. Hopefully the three people I tag will have something better. Like Lizzy, Jezer & Alissa

Merry Christmas!
What a fun morning it's been! Well, it started off a little rough because Logan was quite cranky for a few early hours, but after breakfast he was set to watch cartoons & play with his Christmas toys. Bill & I were a little tired because last night we had coffee & cookies & stayed up really late (like 2 am late). This batch of cookies are delicious though. They were so good that Bill had to eat two of them in bed. I thought that was pretty amusing.

We spent the day just hanging out & relaxing. I was able to take a long nap while Bill played with Logan, then put him down for his nap. That was a much appreciated break. Bill made a great roasted chicken for dinner. It was really nice to just have a mellow, lazy day & it made for a good first Christmas.

First Christmas Eve
Today was a nice day. I got all of the presents wrapped with Logan's help. He had a great time playing with wrapping paper & testing out his toys. Bill had to work this morning. He came home at 3:30 pm, but was home for only a quick second. The guy that built Logan's book case had just finished it this morning, so Bill went to go pick it up.

The book case is amazing. The guy used cedar wood from a fence that was 37 years old (& still in great shape). It has the perfect rustic look that matches Logan's boyscout room to a T. I'm going to have him build a matching toy box for Logan's first birthday.

After Bill got home with the book case, we sat in the living room & opened presents. Logan didn't really open them by himself. He needed a little help. He really liked all of his presents though & we played with them before dinner.
After dinner, we played with more toys & practiced walking. Logan walked by himself halfway across the room. He was so excited & quickly wore himself out. I got him ready for a bath with his growing flock of rubber ducks while Bill went to Aunt Ju-Ju's to visit with his family.

It's been a nice night & it will be capped with fresh from the oven cookies & coffee for Bill & myself. Tomorrow will be a relaxed pajama day (with new PJ's for Logan) & Bill plans on making a great dinner. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of playing with toys too! Hopefully I can get some good pictures because the ones from tonight didn't turn out that well.

Holiday drama
Well, it's been a while since there's been any major drama with Bill's family. The holiday visits are upon us & it's all unfolding now.

After the email exchange with Grandma L last week or so, Bill & I had a major sit down. We called in the reinforcements & from that day, our marriage & relationship has been amazing. A lot of things became clear to us & it helped to gain a different perspective on the situation.

Since then, there were a couple of emails that I received from Grandma L & Aunt Ju-Ju (who has become a side kick in the issue) trying their best to divide & separate Bill, Logan & I...unless things go their way. It was very difficult to not engage in the "email war", but with Bill's help & support we responded together saying that all we want is for Logan's first Christmas to be nice & we're willing to work on things.

Grandma & Grandpa L flew in on Friday. Bill went to dinner with all of them, being that it was Grandpa L's 60 th birthday. I was not invited & Bill left Logan home with me (smart man). After he came home, we talked about what was going to happen in the next couple of days. We really felt like a team & as nervous as I was about the visit (it didn't compare to how I felt about previous visits), I felt OK. I had done everything I could to work on the situation. I've always been willing to talk (without freaking out) & have sought a professional opinion (who completely validates how I feel). It was the other adults having temper tantrums like toddlers.

This morning Aunt Ju-Ju called & again told Bill that they would open presents tonight, but I wasn't invited. Bill reminded her that it's all or none. Shortly thereafter, Grandma L called to see if we would go to the toy store so she could buy presents for Logan & afterward we would meet up at the hotel they are staying in to talk. We agreed.

We met up with Grandma L to shop for Logan. Things were civil, but fake (& to be expected), but it went well. She bought some things that Logan will love to play with & keep him entertained for hours. He got a busy ball popper, a crib toy (AKA: entertainment center) & a wooden bead maze. We checked out & met up at the hotel.

We sat in the room with idle chit-chat, playing with Logan. He crawled on the bed, played with toys & cruised the room. We were there for quite a while & it was getting close to Logan's bed time. He was beginning to fall asleep on his toys. I started to pack the diaper bag & Grandma L said that we needed to talk before we left.

She wanted to know what we were going to do to resolve the situation. She wanted an immediate resolution. I explained that things are going to take time. "For an immediate resolution, I need people to take responsibility for their actions. That's not going to happen, so Bill & I are learning about different personalities in the family & their communication styles. At this point, I'm not comfortable being honest with you. I don't know how to communicate with you without having you offended & getting upset. Once we learn how communicate with everyone, we'll be able to start on a resolution. Right now, this is a work in progress & we don't have all of the answers".

There was a lot of back & forth, Grandma L crying, Grandpa L freaking out on me while I did my best to stay on point without re-hashing what was said over Halloween & Bill backing me up. I told them that we need to be respected as independent adults & that we don't want to be treated like children anymore. Grandma L was catching on to me hinting that I think they're controlling & manipulative with zero communication skills. She tried to get those words out of me. I resisted by saying, "I'm not going into detail until I learn how to communicate with you. It will only get everyone upset & make things worse. We are in the process of working on a resolution right now. It's just that these things take time & we've only just begun".

Then they wanted to know what happens from here. We talked about how we were willing to go over to Aunt Ju-Ju & Uncle J's to celebrate, but Aunt Ju-Ju needs to be on the same page with us. Otherwise, they could visit with them on the day they have planned & then they're more than welcome to come over to our house the next day to open presents with us. I told them, "One thing that won't be happening is the division of our family. We will all go, or none of us go".

Grandpa L said that that's not happening, freaked out on me again & stormed out of the room. I packed up the rest of the diaper bag, got Logan's coat, we said good-bye & left.

We got in the car with tears in my eyes. Bill held my hand telling me that everything would be OK. "Don't listen to my Dad. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't have any communication skills at all. It's like how I used to be". That moment meant so much to me.

We got home & I fed Logan dinner while Bill finished some last minute Christmas shopping. He came home with some burritos from my favorite place. Just before we were heading to bed, Bill got another scathing email from Aunt Ju-Ju. We just rolled our eyes figuring that we'll have a nice Christmas with or without them. This is a decision that they made & true colors are really showing.

Regression
Not only does the flu make you sick for a week, but it screws up a kids schedule...BIG TIME. Logan is having a hard time with his sleep schedule. He went to bed as usual at 8 pm, then woke up & cried for half an hour at midnight, 3 am, 6 am & 7 am. He was playing the part of Mr. Fussy Fuss all day & will receive an Oscar for his performance. It got to the point where I had to leave him crying in the living room so I could gather myself & take a breather. I took a shower. For 30 minutes. He was still crying when I got out. He cried for two hours straight as well.

He throws most of his food on the floor leaving Buddha to eat it. Logan has lost some weight this week ( I don't know how much, he's just much lighter & his clothes don't fit anymore) because of being sick & I'm kind of freaking out inside that our Pug is getting the nutritional benefits of the food rather than our son. We've gone back to a rigorous nursing schedule again. Every three hours. At least he's getting something.

He's fine if he's sitting on my lap cuddled up to watch T.V. That's all fine & dandy when we're snowbound & sick, but it's starting to feel like too much right now.

I'm not sure if this is the after effect of the flu or maybe he's going through some serious teething. He may also have an ear infection. He's tugged at one side a few times. It's not red & it looks normal though.

I hope that this only lasts a few more days (at the most!) because it feels like our nice little groove is gone. It took some time to get the flow going. I want it back for all of our sanity.

Colorado blizzard of '06

Holy crap, did we just get a ton of snow. The whole town shut down yesterday because of it. It stayed that way today too.

It was kind of fun watching the snow pile up on the deck in the back yard. We got snowed in from the back. Buddha is used to going out back, so I had to let him out the front door. The snow didn't pile up as much up there & there was room for him to move around. He didn't want to go outside. At all. I had to push him out & shut the door behind him so he would at least pee outside. The same thing happened this morning.

Bill woke up this morning feeling well enough to try & get into work. He called the gym. Nobody answered. After calling the manager, he was still going to try to make it later that afternoon. He took a step outside to asses the "damage". It looked like a lot of work. We watched all of our neighbors shovel their driveways & try to uncover their cars that they parked on the street. It took them hours.

We had to go to the store because the initial snow fall hit on our shopping day. Besides that, we were sick, sick, sick that day. So Bill had Uncle J come out to pick him up. They have a huge SUV, while we have a Subaru. Which is good, but low & Bill would've been stuck.

When Bill came back, he said that there's no way he's going to make it out of the neighborhood to get to work. The main roads are clear, it's just a matter of getting there though. We hung out & watched some other neighbors try to get down the street to only turn back around & stay home.

We watched movies, played with toys, watched more T.V. about how the whole state is in a state of emergency (which I'm going to drastically limit once everyone is better & we're not snowbound). Logan got a kick out of seeing it all pile up.
It was good that we had another snow day to give us some more recovery time. Bill will work on shoveling the driveway tomorrow because the plows are supposed to clear the neighborhood roads tonight or tomorrow morning. Logan & I will stay at home because there's no reason for us to go out. I'll probably make more of those buttery pistachio cookies.

The third victim
The flu has claimed it's third victim in our house. Bill woke up this morning violently ill. Once again, Logan seems to be on the mend (knock on wood). He's nursed a few times, drank quite a bit from his sippy cup & is eating saltines by himself for breakfast. Last night I felt like I was taking two steps back & had to take another reglan. I woke up this morning still ill, but not nearly like I was at the beginning of the week.

Bill really felt like he needed to go into work today (that's the hard part of having commission only) because he missed the last two days taking care of us. There's a sever weather warning here where everything is shutting down. We're expecting two to three feet of snow. I guess today is better than any other to get sick. We're definitely going to have a white & ill Christmas.

On the road to recovery
Man, has this been a crappy week so far. Yesterday Logan started to feel better, then out of nowhere, pukes all over the place. I was on my death bed & Bill had to go to work. Fortunately, he took the rest of the day off & took care of the both of us.

He was a genius & remembered that I had left over medication from the pregnancy. It wasn't the wonder-drug zofran, that literally saved my life & Logan's; but the reglan that I tried at first & it didn't work. Well, it worked last night. After Logan went to bed, I took one & was out like a light & not worshiping the bathroom like a holy temple.

I slept on the couch the whole night. Logan woke up at 5 am, I tried to get him back down. He relaxed until about 6:30 am. I got him up to nurse & cuddle on the couch. He wasn't going for it. After being hysterical for half an hour, I just put him back in his crib. He slept until about 7:30 am.

After that, he seemed to be OK. I was feeling better, albeit, very, very, very sore. I had enough energy (barely) to clean the bathroom & do some laundry. Then, after lunch, Logan hurls again. Bill seems to have been spared, so far.

It seems like just when Logan's feeling better, he's sick again. I have a feeling that this is going to take us through to Christmas. Speaking of which, we won't get our tree this year because it's too much of a hassle right now. I haven't wrapped any of Logan's presents, or sent any out for that matter. PLUS...the in-laws are coming.

DOUBLE YUCK!
Well guess who has the flu now. Me. This really sucks. I've been up all night, all day, every minute being sick. I can't even keep water down. This is where I really need help. It's incredibly difficult to take care of Logan when I don't even have the energy to get up the stairs.

Bill had to go to work today, but is coming home early. Thank God. This reminds me of how sick I was during the pregnancy & let me tell you...the first thing that came to my mind was that Logan is going to be an only. I don't think I could live like this again for another nine months. That was just a flat out miracle that we survived. Really. Hopefully there's another miracle coming & I get better by tonight.

Logan is better though. He hasn't been sick since yesterday morning. He's just really tired. I don't blame him. He was able to eat banana for breakfast just fine too.

***Christmas Notice For Family: It looks like everyone is getting their cards & presents before the New Year. SORRY!***

Day two of the flu
Since the post from yesterday, Logan threw up three or four more times last night. It's so heart breaking as a Mom to watch your baby endure illness & there's nothing you can do to fix it. All I could do was sit with him, hold a towel for him to throw up in & rub his head & back.

He didn't nurse too often yesterday, maybe twice. We pumped him full of Pedialyte, which he really liked. But, that didn't stay down very often. He was still his happy little self, playing & walking, chasing Kitty & climbing over Bill. He did sleep through the night & without getting sick.

My hopes were high for him this morning because of that. He woke up at about 7 am. We hung out in the living room to watch cartoons & cuddled. He played some more. After a few hours I decided he was probably OK to nurse. He ate well & kept playing. Bill left for work at 10:30 am & I thought that Logan was in the clear. We were just going to lay low, watch the snow fall outside & read books.

Then it started all over again. He got tired & wanted to snuggle more. I hugged him while we were sitting on the couch with his head buried in my shoulder. He then leaned over & puked all over the couch.

I got him cleaned up & cleaned off the couch (thank God for microfiber). Shortly after everything was clean, he hurled again. I got everything cleaned up again. We sat on the tile of the entry way by the front door. He drank some more Pedialyte, played with toys & cuddled. I was talking to his Aunt J on the phone, then he puked again.

I cleaned everything up, checked his temp & called the advice nurse. His temp is fine, his attitude is great (he really is a little trooper) & he's not dehydrated. The nurse said to keep up with what we're doing & if he can't keep anything down after 8 hours or if his behavior changes, then bring him in. Hopefully we won't have to see the Doctor tomorrow morning.

***Christmas Notice for Family: We haven't mailed out our cards or presents yet. We were supposed to do that yesterday. We hope to get them out by Tuesday. Everyone might be getting their stuff late this year***

YUCK!
This morning Logan woke up at 8 am. When I walked in his room, I noticed that he threw up. He didn't have a fussy night, except for a little whine at midnight or so, but he quickly fell back asleep. So I'm not sure how long he had been in his crib while being sick. I felt really bad for him. I got him undressed, cleaned up & nursed him under a blanket. Then I got him in the tub.

He had a great time in the bath. He didn't act sick at all. I got him dressed & brought him down into the living room to play while I washed his sheets & pajamas. After an hour he seemed just fine. I thought it might have been a one time deal, maybe his stomach didn't feel good from dinner. I made him some breakfast, thinking that we were in the clear.

He ate almost all of it. He played some more, pushing his walker around. Then he started to get pretty tired. He kind of flopped from my lap to Bill's & just seemed exhausted. I put him down for a nap.

After 20 minutes, he cried for a second & went back to sleep. Or so I thought. It was quiet, but I thought I should check on him. I walked in with him awake & covered in his breakfast. I got him cleaned up again, washed his sheets, again & sent Bill to the store for some Pedialyte. It looks like we might have the first flu on our hands.

So here I am with little sicky. Other than being tired, he seems fine. Not really grumpy, not crying all of the time. Just tired & wanting to cuddle. I feel so bad for him. Being sick is the pits.

Here we go!
Logan is getting the hang of walking. He's taking more steps everyday & gets so excited about it. We practice everyday (almost all day long, until he gets tired of it), then he resorts to "crab walking" on his hands & feet. He gets into a standing position without pulling up onto anything. He also does "downward dog" looking at everything upside down. I'm halfway expecting to see him just up & walk around any day now.

I am so proud of him. I actually teared up while cheering him on yesterday. I'm such a dorky Mom.

Baking up a storm
Now that Bill & I are working on a plan of action for handling holiday madness, my appetite is back & I've been doing some baking. This is one perk that I love about MOMS club. I get to bake yummy stuff all of the time. It's a great excuse.

A while back, I made pumpkin chocolate chip hazelnut cookies for a baby shower. They were delicious! This past weekend was the family holiday party. It was a brunch potluck & I made a French toast casserole. Granted, I didn't eat much there at the time, but it was really good. Then yesterday was a cookie exchange. I made buttery pistachio cookies. Totally yummy.

Every family has traditional foods & cookies that someone makes every year for the holidays. I think the pumpkin & pistachio cookies will be part of ours from now on. The next baking project will be Logan's birthday cake & food for his birthday party. I'm really excited about that.

For anyone who wants to try them out (& for future reference for myself), here are the recipes:

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Hazelnut Cookies
Just mix in chocolate chips & chopped hazelnuts (no other nut compares!)

Marmalade French Toast Casserole
This is super sweet & really good

Buttery Pistachio Cookies
Dip or drizzle them in white chocolate for the best combo of sweet & salty

44-45 weeks old
Well, it's been a fun few weeks in development over here. He's still sleeping great. Down at 8 pm & up at about 7 am. Naps are getting longer (sometimes), an hour to two hours. He's eating all table food, all by himself. We figured that he doesn't like Cheerios or crackers & feeds them to Buddha. However, he loves cheese, fruit & veggies. I've taught the boy well.

Logan is always on the move. He never stops. He crawls laps around the living room, back & forth, as fast as he can. He cruises the couch at a sprinting speed. He gets into everything. His favorite thing to do (that also makes him laugh pretty hard) is to make a mess. He will sit with his blocks then start throwing them everywhere, waving his arm through them. He pulls himself up on his push-walker & walks laps as well. He screams when he gets stuck, but has figured out how to back up & turn around. Sometimes he needs help though.

He's more vocal, but not really forming words. He found out that when he emptied his bucket of blocks, he could "talk" into the bucket & make funny noises. We had a good time sitting together talking into the bucket. He likes to sick his thumb in his mouth & say, "eyea, eyea, eyea, eyea, eye", over & over. He is making distinctive grunts & squeaks when he finds something, or makes some kind of discovery.

He learned how to clap & does it all the time. It's really cute when he claps at meal times, or when he thinks we aren't watching him. He sit & clap & watch his hands very carefully. It's so cute.

His second tooth as cut through. It's the bottom right. He looks adorable with his two teeth. When I sing to him, I sing, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth". He laughs, which makes me really laugh.

When Logan gets fussy or antsy, I've found that he really likes to hear me tell stories. Yesterday I was too busy to read him a book, but I made up stories to tell him while I was cooking or whatever. He stopped crying after a while & smiled. Then he forgot all about what he was fussy over & crawled away to play.

He's having a great time at playgroup. He crawls around with other kids, plays with toys next to them & is just very interactive. I'm so happy we joined the club. It's been so much fun for him.

One thing I've noticed this week, is his potential to become a T.V. zombie. With the drama of the last week, I was less than stellar with my playing skills. All I wanted to do was plop on the couch & watch endless amounts of T.V. Logan played, but if the T.V. was on, he would stop every now & then & veg out with me. While I didn't really care about it this last week, I know that this can be a really bad habit & hard to break. This week I'm being more mindful of when it's on & what is on. I'm going to play more Christmas music for distraction.

Everywhere we go, people tell us how cute Logan is. The Moms at MOMS Club just adore him. Logan is one special little kiddo. I love him to pieces.

Calling in reinforcements
It never occurred to me how stressful the holidays could be when you have a baby...& have to deal with the rest of the family. I've lost about five pounds (I'm guessing) because Grandma L sent me a little email (that wasn't completely nice).

A few weeks ago, she had the idea that after calling me names & cutting me off from the family last month or so, that I should be the one to send her an email. I told Bill no way. I want an apology for her tantrum or we're spending Christmas Eve without them. They can come on Christmas Day, but we'll be opening Santa gifts without them.

That apparently got her attention, because she sent this email to me last week. While she did apologize for calling me names, the rest of the email was very passive aggressive & snotty. I could tell she didn't want to send it in the first place.

I wracked my brain about how I was going to respond. I felt like anything I said was going to be offensive to her, because she only wants to hear that things will go her way. I asked Bill for help. "Do what you have to do. I just want it over with". That really didn't help me too much. I felt like I was thrown to the wolves to fend for myself.

So, after sitting on this email for a week (staying up at night thinking about how I could put it nicely that we're going to have boundaries, whether she likes it or not), I decided that I just have to respond honestly. So I did. And she didn't like that too much. Go figure.

It's become very clear how this is affecting our marriage. Which I don't write about very often. But, it's time that we call in reinforcements to help us deal with the shenanigans that are going on so we can be a team & cope a little bit better this holiday season. That gives me some hope.

PS- Thanks for the thoughtful comments. They made me smile. Which I really needed to do.

Not much to say
There's not much to write about, other than the doom & gloom that's going on over here. It's been a really difficult week. I occasionally use the blog as a venting forum, but I don't feel like writing about it right now. I haven't had anything to eat for a couple of days & I'm loosing weight. Not really the right way, so it's not exciting.

I'll write something happy in the next couple of days, like how Logan's second tooth is starting to become visible or new developments that he's achieving. It just might take me a day or two.

Toys, toys, toys
We've been busy shopping over here. It's a lot a of fun. Logan will have quite the collection of rubber ducks for bath time, cars to push around, a hammer that lights up & makes noise, a harmonica & wooden peg puzzles. There are a few things that we're still going to get for him.

There is a crib toy that I want to get so Logan will stay entertained when he wakes up early. I have to order his red Radio Flyer wagon online. The ones that they have in the store are plastic. We want to get the old school wagon like Bill & I used to have as kids. We also want to get him a bookcase. Bill was going to make one before winter started, but Mr. Procrastination over here let it slide. I put an ad on Craigslist & someone offered to make one for us at a reasonable price. Then to top it all off, Bill had the great idea of getting a fish for Logan. I thought that was genius. Logan loves animals & we thought it would be so cute to say good-night to his fish before bed.

There's a lot more, but I think we'll wait for his birthday to get the rest. It's not that much later after Christmas anyway. I might be able to find some good sales. Which brings me to a funny thought I had the other day while doing some shopping online....

I was looking through the toys that were on sale. The first thing I thought of was The Island of Misfit Toys. I haven't watched the video in years, but looking at toys that were on clearance just made me think of the defective & unwanted toys on the island. I laughed, then decided I didn't want to buy any toys on clearance. Yeah, I'm weird.

Music playgroup
Today Logan & I went to our first music playgroup. It was on the MOMS club calender as a demo class to let us get a feel for it & see how our kids liked it. The class goes for $54 for nine weeks. There is also a three week mini playgroup that goes for $18. I've wanted to find a music class for Logan just because he loves to play with instruments so much. This was something we couldn't miss today.

Logan was the youngest one there again, but that didn't stop him from having a really good time. The class started right in the middle of his morning nap. I thought he might get grumpy, but nope. He was good & didn't fuss at all. He was very well behaved.

We started out siting in a circle & singing songs. We played with instruments, scarves & balls, danced around & had a lot of fun. Logan was incredibly cute. He stood there (by himself), right along with the "bigger" kids, shaking bells & egg shakers. He played with drums. He clapped his hands. He loved it.

He liked it so much that we're going to sign up for the next session (at the end of winter-early spring). Logan will be quite the social butterfly going to two playgroups a week.

Two steps!
This afternoon while Bill was at work, Logan & I were playing in the living room. We've been practicing walking for a couple of weeks now. He loves to walk with his push walker, doing laps back & forth until he gets so tired he can't stand up anymore. Well, we decided to ditch the toy & try some unassisted walking...AND HE DID IT!

He stood up, clapping & I held out my hands. He took two steps towards me, all by himself. I was so excited & so was he. So excited that he quickly crawled over to the couch & cruised laps back & forth along the side, literally running. He kept laughing & giggling & side stepping, running away when I asked him to walk over to me. It was so funny. We both couldn't stop laughing.

I sent Bill a text message telling him what had just happened & tried to see if Logan would do it again. This boy is as stubborn as I am. We're in for some trouble. He does things on his own terms, on his own time. We practiced & played some more until he was so tired he was almost falling asleep on the floor. Hopefully he'll be rested enough for when Bill comes home for lunch.

Well, it looks like I have some videography homework to do. Filming playtime, clapping & now walking. This is a blast!

This is fun
Logan has learned how to do a couple of new things in the last two days. First, he's been saying, "mmmbabababab", over & over & over. It's pretty darn cute. He does it all the time, where ever we are.

Then this evening after we got home from Christmas shopping, I was at the computer looking into items that we couldn't find in the stores, Bill was sitting behind me on the futon & Logan was crawling around, being loud & cute. "Hey! He's clapping", Bill says, trying not to be loud & distract Logan. I look over & there he is looking at us & laughing & clapping. It was hysterical. "Good job sweetie pea!", I almost yell with excitement & Bill & I start clapping along with him. Logan got a kick out of that.

So now he will clap (if he feels like it). It's way cute & I have quite the list of things to video tape. Hopefully I'll be able to get them in the next couple of days.

Today I was going to write about how crazy I am
However, I changed my mind. We all know it anyway, so it's not a newsflash or anything. Let's just put it this way. I think I have OCD, or OCPD, or whatever. How did I come to this conclusion?

I switched to Beta the other day. What's the problem? The labels. What's wrong with the labels? Nothing, other than the rest of the blog entries didn't have them. So what did I do? I went through the entire blog, all 300 or so of them & labeled every singe one. Not once. Twice. Why? I had to go back & "double check" my work & correct some labeling mistakes.

It was then that I realized I'm certifiably crazy. It could have been worse though. I could have gone back & corrected all of my spelling mistakes from the early entries. Because there are many of them. This was when Logan was a newborn & I was running on empty. I had no brain cells to spare. Maybe I still don't, but there are a ton of mistakes.

So, I was going to write about how I had to do this, because the blog didn't feel right otherwise. But, like I said....this old news. I'm crazy & there's no changing it. Medication is out of the question. I don't feel like I'm that crazy.

So for my enjoyment & twisted sense of "balance", everything is labeled from day one. The good thing about it was going through the last year & seeing Logan's newborn pictures. How much he's changed, all of the challenges we've been through, just looking back at our life as a new family. Everything that's happened this year? Now, that's crazy.