Night & Day
My newborn experience with Carter, granted it has only been a week, has been drastically different than with Logan. I've honestly never been happier in my entire life. Sure, it's still life & there are bills to pay, money is still tight & there have been times where Logan's constant whining & tantrums have driven me to think about hanging him by his toenails in the front yard tree (& have a beer once or twice this week), but over all - it's been pure joy.
This time I didn't even so much as have the baby blues let alone postpartum depression. I've shed some tears here & there, but it's been in the morning when I'm getting ready for the day & thinking about how lucky I am to have two healthy boys, great friends that I can count on & a husband who finally seems to be on the same page as I am about the difficult issues we have to deal with. So, they've been happy tears which I'll take any day. I've been on cloud nine, almost wondering to myself if there is such a thing as postpartum mania.
After Logan was born, I clearly remember the distinctive feeling of the hormone shift on the second night. The wash of feeling the need to cry from every cell in my body from my head to my toes. The hair loss - handfuls coming out in the shower, covering my bathroom floor & my clothes, another sign of the hormone shift (& stress). I know I started out having the baby blues, but now I know without a shadow of a doubt that Grandma L pushed me into postpartum depression.
After you have a baby, you are asked by every OB, pediatrician, lactation consultant, nurse, counselor, everyone you meet in the hospital & well-baby appointments about postpartum depression & how you feel. I've talked to countless professionals over the last week about the difference in experiences & every single one of them agrees - I didn't have to feel the way I felt after Logan was born; hurt, violated, confused as to what to do about it all & medication wasn't the answer, either.
I never got the chance to recover in peace. I never got the chance to bond with Logan like I have with Carter since he was being held hostage. My feelings were never taken into consideration at all. After living the difference & knowing exactly what I was missing out on, there is greater resentment building towards her. I didn't like her after all that we've gone through & now I dislike her even more. I truly understand how toxic she has been to our family & what she took away from us.
The "no extended family for at least two weeks" rule that we enforced has been one of the best decisions we've made. I'm even lucky enough to not have to worry about their visit for a whole month since they decided to come out for Cousin B's second birthday on October 10th, killing two birds with one stone. The pieces of the happiness puzzle here (making a plan of action, enforcing boundaries & understanding what is important at the core) have all come together creating peace & harmony in our home, even amidst the temper tantrums & whining coming from Logan.
I hope the pieces hold up through their visit & the happiness in our home survives. If we keep doing what we're doing, I'm pretty sure we'll make out OK, no matter what gets thrown at us.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Why Mommy?
One thing I noticed since coming home with Carter was that Logan grew up over night. The very day we came home, he began the "Why" stage. I would ask him to do something & instead of his first response being "No", it was "Why?". At first I thought it was pretty cute. I would explain why to only be asked "why?" again. He was never satisfied with one answer, it was a circle of whys, going round & round for what seemed like forever. Then it wasn't so cute.
Not only has he been inquisitive, but he's also learning how to manipulate The System. Because our transition to a family of four has been one of the easiest changes our family has ever made, & Logan had been talking about potty training some more, Bill decided that he would take it upon himself to get Logan going on the potty again. He pulled out the "orange car" (a big General Lee that the grandparents bought for him that we've been saving for months). Now that Logan saw what his prize would be rather than just talking about it, he was all about pooping on the potty.
Yesterday afternoon, he told us that he had to poop on the potty during nap time. Well, that wasn't true & we knew it. He just didn't want to take a nap. We told him that he had to stay on the potty or he had to go up for his nap. The boy sat there for over an hour at his own will. Now, I've known parents that have forced their kids to sit there for hours because they were stubborn potty trainers, but I've never known of a kid sitting there for that long by choice. Eventually he got off & Bill took him upstairs which resulted in the meltdown of all meltdowns. Needless to say, we've halted potty training for a few weeks until I can really work with him on it for an extended period of time. But let me tell you, after changing newborn diapers for the last week, it's odd to change a two & a half year old's diaper. It's time he really moves forward with this & I hope he cooperates soon.
Logan is also getting easier to reason with, which is helping to bring down the intensity of his tantrums (thank God). He still has them, but at least they haven't been getting worse since being home & there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm looking forward to seeing these tantrums go away, even if it is a painfully slow process. Every little bit counts!
One thing I noticed since coming home with Carter was that Logan grew up over night. The very day we came home, he began the "Why" stage. I would ask him to do something & instead of his first response being "No", it was "Why?". At first I thought it was pretty cute. I would explain why to only be asked "why?" again. He was never satisfied with one answer, it was a circle of whys, going round & round for what seemed like forever. Then it wasn't so cute.
Not only has he been inquisitive, but he's also learning how to manipulate The System. Because our transition to a family of four has been one of the easiest changes our family has ever made, & Logan had been talking about potty training some more, Bill decided that he would take it upon himself to get Logan going on the potty again. He pulled out the "orange car" (a big General Lee that the grandparents bought for him that we've been saving for months). Now that Logan saw what his prize would be rather than just talking about it, he was all about pooping on the potty.
Yesterday afternoon, he told us that he had to poop on the potty during nap time. Well, that wasn't true & we knew it. He just didn't want to take a nap. We told him that he had to stay on the potty or he had to go up for his nap. The boy sat there for over an hour at his own will. Now, I've known parents that have forced their kids to sit there for hours because they were stubborn potty trainers, but I've never known of a kid sitting there for that long by choice. Eventually he got off & Bill took him upstairs which resulted in the meltdown of all meltdowns. Needless to say, we've halted potty training for a few weeks until I can really work with him on it for an extended period of time. But let me tell you, after changing newborn diapers for the last week, it's odd to change a two & a half year old's diaper. It's time he really moves forward with this & I hope he cooperates soon.
Logan is also getting easier to reason with, which is helping to bring down the intensity of his tantrums (thank God). He still has them, but at least they haven't been getting worse since being home & there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm looking forward to seeing these tantrums go away, even if it is a painfully slow process. Every little bit counts!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Little weed
Since Carter's birth, I have so much to write about - more than just "what we did today" & stats stuff. I have some pretty interesting introspective posts that I'll try to write up this weekend, but today is all about Carter (go figure!).
This morning he had his first pediatric appointment & everything checked out OK. Since I wanted to get in sometime by the end of the week, it wasn't that important to me to see the same Doctor that has been treating Logan. The first appointment is all bout weight checks & a physical exam & I was fine with seeing whomever was available. Dr. G, a bent over old man with a very dry personality came in & went over Carter's delivery first. Even though we haven't had any issues, he wanted to let me know how serious Carter's Apgar scores were. Because of him swallowing the meconium with the combination of the cord wrapped around his neck, his first score was 1. I was told this in the hospital, but the nurses were great in staying calm & reassuring me that he was fine. I guess having scored a 1 was pretty serious. Dr. G said that we were very lucky that his next score was a 9, otherwise he could have had some long-term neurological damage. Why he decided to tell me this after Carter is perfectly healthy, I couldn't tell you.
Next, Carter was measured & weighed. At birth he weighted 6 pounds, 10 ounces & was 19 inches long. At discharge he weighed 6.3. After his weight check earlier this week, he dropped a little more to about 6.2ish. Well - nursing has done this boy good because in only two days, he's gone up to 6 pounds, 7 ounces (10%). He's 19 1/2 inches (25%) & his head was 13 1/2 (15%). We'll go back for a weight check in 3 to 4 days to make sure he gets to his birth weight before we go in for the second PKU blood testing.
After that I had Dr. G check out Carter's neck for tightness & range of motion because he has a more difficult time latching on to the left side - he was just fine. He also has a large dimple that looks like a second "exit hole" (if you know what I mean). Bill noticed this after he was born & the pediatric team was checking him out/resuscitating him. Apparently it's common, but Bill wanted me to make sure. I was also given the raised eye-brow when Dr. G brought up that I refused the Hep B shot for Carter at the hospital. After talking about Logan's vaccination reactions, he had a better understanding of why & said that he encourages Carter to get vaccinated but doesn't blame me for not following protocol.
So, Carter is as healthy as they come & growing like a little weed. I probably wouldn't see Dr. G again & would make sure to schedule with a different Doctor if our regular pediatrician isn't available, but it was still a good check-up.
Since Carter's birth, I have so much to write about - more than just "what we did today" & stats stuff. I have some pretty interesting introspective posts that I'll try to write up this weekend, but today is all about Carter (go figure!).
This morning he had his first pediatric appointment & everything checked out OK. Since I wanted to get in sometime by the end of the week, it wasn't that important to me to see the same Doctor that has been treating Logan. The first appointment is all bout weight checks & a physical exam & I was fine with seeing whomever was available. Dr. G, a bent over old man with a very dry personality came in & went over Carter's delivery first. Even though we haven't had any issues, he wanted to let me know how serious Carter's Apgar scores were. Because of him swallowing the meconium with the combination of the cord wrapped around his neck, his first score was 1. I was told this in the hospital, but the nurses were great in staying calm & reassuring me that he was fine. I guess having scored a 1 was pretty serious. Dr. G said that we were very lucky that his next score was a 9, otherwise he could have had some long-term neurological damage. Why he decided to tell me this after Carter is perfectly healthy, I couldn't tell you.
Next, Carter was measured & weighed. At birth he weighted 6 pounds, 10 ounces & was 19 inches long. At discharge he weighed 6.3. After his weight check earlier this week, he dropped a little more to about 6.2ish. Well - nursing has done this boy good because in only two days, he's gone up to 6 pounds, 7 ounces (10%). He's 19 1/2 inches (25%) & his head was 13 1/2 (15%). We'll go back for a weight check in 3 to 4 days to make sure he gets to his birth weight before we go in for the second PKU blood testing.
After that I had Dr. G check out Carter's neck for tightness & range of motion because he has a more difficult time latching on to the left side - he was just fine. He also has a large dimple that looks like a second "exit hole" (if you know what I mean). Bill noticed this after he was born & the pediatric team was checking him out/resuscitating him. Apparently it's common, but Bill wanted me to make sure. I was also given the raised eye-brow when Dr. G brought up that I refused the Hep B shot for Carter at the hospital. After talking about Logan's vaccination reactions, he had a better understanding of why & said that he encourages Carter to get vaccinated but doesn't blame me for not following protocol.
So, Carter is as healthy as they come & growing like a little weed. I probably wouldn't see Dr. G again & would make sure to schedule with a different Doctor if our regular pediatrician isn't available, but it was still a good check-up.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
And the beat goes on
Today is playgroup day & last night I was still deciding if we were going to go or not. It really all depended on how our morning went. It ended up being a rough night with Carter not sleeping well between the 4-6am hours, cluster feeding & needing repeated diaper changing. We've been co-sleeping more than I intended to because he doesn't like his bassinet & at this point in the game, sleep is more important than "what I did with Logan". I was so exhausted by 6:00 that I woke Bill up to change Carter's diaper again (to which he huffed & gruffed about). Shortly there after, Logan woke up & Bill got up to get his breakfast while I tried to stay in bed with Carter to get some more sleep. It wasn't that much more & we ended up starting our day at about 8:00. Plenty of time to make it to playgroup.
I'm so glad we were able to make it! Logan had a good time playing with his friends, catching bugs & eating their snacks (he's such a snack thief). I had a great time chit-chatting with friends (who were surprised that we even attempted to make it) & showing off Carter, who was the perfect tag-along, sleeping the whole time & nursed well being hidden under a blanket. I even had my morning coffee before going & so far, it doesn't seem to bother Carter at all since he's been conked out ever since then. Talk about a huge relief! If we continue to have nights like we did last night, I'm going to need all the coffee I can get.
We got home & Bill took the car to work a half day for the rest of the afternoon, so this is my first time taking care of both kids on my own for an extended period of time. Logan was good eating his lunch & going up for a nap without a fight, which was awesome. Carter just kept on sleeping. After Logan wakes up, I'm going to attempt wearing Carter in a couple of wraps that a training client let me borrow & we'll go out for a walk or to the neighborhood park for a bit. This transition seems to be really easy. I even trained a session yesterday afternoon since having Carter five days ago (granted it was in our house & Bill took care of Logan & Carter). It's great to get back to "normal", or really, our new normal.
And now that Bill found a better version of Photoshop, here are some gratuitous pictures of Carter since we've been home. I'm still working on getting some of the two boys together or one of the three of us (good luck on that, huh).
Today is playgroup day & last night I was still deciding if we were going to go or not. It really all depended on how our morning went. It ended up being a rough night with Carter not sleeping well between the 4-6am hours, cluster feeding & needing repeated diaper changing. We've been co-sleeping more than I intended to because he doesn't like his bassinet & at this point in the game, sleep is more important than "what I did with Logan". I was so exhausted by 6:00 that I woke Bill up to change Carter's diaper again (to which he huffed & gruffed about). Shortly there after, Logan woke up & Bill got up to get his breakfast while I tried to stay in bed with Carter to get some more sleep. It wasn't that much more & we ended up starting our day at about 8:00. Plenty of time to make it to playgroup.
I'm so glad we were able to make it! Logan had a good time playing with his friends, catching bugs & eating their snacks (he's such a snack thief). I had a great time chit-chatting with friends (who were surprised that we even attempted to make it) & showing off Carter, who was the perfect tag-along, sleeping the whole time & nursed well being hidden under a blanket. I even had my morning coffee before going & so far, it doesn't seem to bother Carter at all since he's been conked out ever since then. Talk about a huge relief! If we continue to have nights like we did last night, I'm going to need all the coffee I can get.
We got home & Bill took the car to work a half day for the rest of the afternoon, so this is my first time taking care of both kids on my own for an extended period of time. Logan was good eating his lunch & going up for a nap without a fight, which was awesome. Carter just kept on sleeping. After Logan wakes up, I'm going to attempt wearing Carter in a couple of wraps that a training client let me borrow & we'll go out for a walk or to the neighborhood park for a bit. This transition seems to be really easy. I even trained a session yesterday afternoon since having Carter five days ago (granted it was in our house & Bill took care of Logan & Carter). It's great to get back to "normal", or really, our new normal.
And now that Bill found a better version of Photoshop, here are some gratuitous pictures of Carter since we've been home. I'm still working on getting some of the two boys together or one of the three of us (good luck on that, huh).
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Fill'er up
This afternoon Carter had his first weight check appointment. This was different than with Logan - with him, an in-home nurse came to check-up on us for a couple of days, rather than us having to going to a small clinic (due to different insurance plans, I'm sure). It wasn't too bad though, because Logan stayed at home with Bill. I just had to show up with Carter ready to nurse.
We got there & a nurse/lactation specialist asked me a bunch of different questions about Carter & his eating/elimination habits. He's scored an A+ on all fronts there. Breastfeeding is super easy for us again & actually even easier than with Logan because I'm not having a fast letdown & drowning Carter with my breast milk. So, he's eating well & having more than enough wet & poopy diapers. The nurse put him on the scale & he weighed a little less than he did at discharge from the hospital. He weighed 6 pounds, 10 ounces at birth & dropped to 6 pounds 3 ounces the day after (which was within normal limits). He weighed a little less today, but nothing that was concerning. I nursed him & then he was weighed again. The nurse was very pleased that he was getting plenty to eat (2 & a half ounces, maybe a little more) & was very confident that Carter would be back up in weight by tomorrow.
I thought this was a great appointment because it was just concrete proof that everything was going as it should. I know I'm very lucky that breastfeeding comes naturally for me & my kids when it's not that way for so many other moms. I don't mind the sacrifices that I have to make for my kids to be exclusively breastfed. Sure, I'm the only one that's getting up in the middle of the night or "on tap" every three hours all day for a year (or a little more). I won't be able to eat or drink anything without thinking about how it will effect Carter, but it's worth it to me in my book. Especially because it is so easy.
This afternoon Carter had his first weight check appointment. This was different than with Logan - with him, an in-home nurse came to check-up on us for a couple of days, rather than us having to going to a small clinic (due to different insurance plans, I'm sure). It wasn't too bad though, because Logan stayed at home with Bill. I just had to show up with Carter ready to nurse.
We got there & a nurse/lactation specialist asked me a bunch of different questions about Carter & his eating/elimination habits. He's scored an A+ on all fronts there. Breastfeeding is super easy for us again & actually even easier than with Logan because I'm not having a fast letdown & drowning Carter with my breast milk. So, he's eating well & having more than enough wet & poopy diapers. The nurse put him on the scale & he weighed a little less than he did at discharge from the hospital. He weighed 6 pounds, 10 ounces at birth & dropped to 6 pounds 3 ounces the day after (which was within normal limits). He weighed a little less today, but nothing that was concerning. I nursed him & then he was weighed again. The nurse was very pleased that he was getting plenty to eat (2 & a half ounces, maybe a little more) & was very confident that Carter would be back up in weight by tomorrow.
I thought this was a great appointment because it was just concrete proof that everything was going as it should. I know I'm very lucky that breastfeeding comes naturally for me & my kids when it's not that way for so many other moms. I don't mind the sacrifices that I have to make for my kids to be exclusively breastfed. Sure, I'm the only one that's getting up in the middle of the night or "on tap" every three hours all day for a year (or a little more). I won't be able to eat or drink anything without thinking about how it will effect Carter, but it's worth it to me in my book. Especially because it is so easy.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Recovery & adjustment
Things are going pretty well so far. Recovery isn't that bad, considering the only medication I've had is ibuprofen & I haven't had any since being home. The stitches are going to take some time, though. I'm a little stiff all over, but nothing like I was after Logan was born. It feels great to stretch, touch my toes again & lay flat on my back (this feels sooooo good). My milk came in the day we came home & the engorgement isn't even as bad as I remember going through the first time. I hate to say it, but the second go around is a piece of cake.
Emotionally, I'm doing great. I don't even think I have the baby blues (granted, this is only the third day postpartum). I got a little choked up being wheeled into the recovery unit when they played a lullaby for Carter, I shed some tears when Logan came to visit us in the hospital for the first time & after typing & reading Carter's birth story to really take it all in, I got a little weepy - but that's it. I still don't have any patience for Logan's tantrums & whining, but that's not anything new. I think based on our efforts to make sure stress levels were under control before Carter was born (marriage counseling & no visits from Grandma & Grandpa L for a few weeks), I might not only escape postpartum depression, but even the baby blues. We'll see!
Logan is doing great as a Big Brother! He is very interested in Carter & has been excited to see him every day. He gets even more excited when Carter wakes up. He likes to help with diaper changes & burping & anything I ask his help with. He's incredibly sweet & caring for his little brother. Last night I gave Carter a sponge bath while Logan was in bed. Carter hates to be cold & wet & cried pretty loud about it all. Logan was so concerned he broke down the baby gate we have in front of his door. I was so surprised that he was so worried about him! He's already been trying to play cars & catch with him or asking if he's coming to the store (Carter & I have been staying home while Logan & Bill go out). He even loves to hold him periodically. It's so heart warming. I'm relieved that so far, there isn't even a hint of jealousy & I hope this trend continues. Other than being a little stir-crazy because we've been off our regular schedule & routine, Logan has been his usual self without any new/different behavioral issues at all. Yea!
Carter is a perfect baby, so easy going & content. He rarely cries other than during diaper changes - which are the most difficult part of caring for him. He tucks his legs up so tight, it's a wrestling match to pull them down to get his diaper on. It makes me squirm because his circumcision is still healing & I'm afraid he's going to get hurt. Nursing came easy for him, just as it did for Logan. I thought he would be a spit up kid too because he was spitting up a lot in the hospital, but apparently he swallowed a bunch of gunk & since he came out so fast, he didn't have a chance to have it squeezed out of him. He narrowly escaped needing to have his stomach pumped. He's also a little jaundiced, but I hope this resolves itself in the next day or two. Overall, he's very snuggly & cuddly, sweet & precious. He's just so small, all of his newborn clothes are too big on him. I am thrilled that I get to enjoy his newborn days like this.
Bill has been a big help in keeping Logan occupied & taken care of. He still gets up with him in the morning for breakfast & has been doing all of his diaper changes. He does get a bit of a break because all of my friends from MOMS club are bringing dinners over every other night for the next two weeks starting with tonight (how awesome is that!?). He's taking the whole week off to stay home with us, even though I don't feel like he has to (it's really nice though).
Our transition has been so easy, nice, normal - I could go on with how great it's been. We are so lucky that it's been this way & I couldn't have asked for anything more. We're probably going to be in our regular groove by the end of the week if not sooner. I really feel an intense amount of joy - I don't think I could be happier. Seriously.
Things are going pretty well so far. Recovery isn't that bad, considering the only medication I've had is ibuprofen & I haven't had any since being home. The stitches are going to take some time, though. I'm a little stiff all over, but nothing like I was after Logan was born. It feels great to stretch, touch my toes again & lay flat on my back (this feels sooooo good). My milk came in the day we came home & the engorgement isn't even as bad as I remember going through the first time. I hate to say it, but the second go around is a piece of cake.
Emotionally, I'm doing great. I don't even think I have the baby blues (granted, this is only the third day postpartum). I got a little choked up being wheeled into the recovery unit when they played a lullaby for Carter, I shed some tears when Logan came to visit us in the hospital for the first time & after typing & reading Carter's birth story to really take it all in, I got a little weepy - but that's it. I still don't have any patience for Logan's tantrums & whining, but that's not anything new. I think based on our efforts to make sure stress levels were under control before Carter was born (marriage counseling & no visits from Grandma & Grandpa L for a few weeks), I might not only escape postpartum depression, but even the baby blues. We'll see!
Logan is doing great as a Big Brother! He is very interested in Carter & has been excited to see him every day. He gets even more excited when Carter wakes up. He likes to help with diaper changes & burping & anything I ask his help with. He's incredibly sweet & caring for his little brother. Last night I gave Carter a sponge bath while Logan was in bed. Carter hates to be cold & wet & cried pretty loud about it all. Logan was so concerned he broke down the baby gate we have in front of his door. I was so surprised that he was so worried about him! He's already been trying to play cars & catch with him or asking if he's coming to the store (Carter & I have been staying home while Logan & Bill go out). He even loves to hold him periodically. It's so heart warming. I'm relieved that so far, there isn't even a hint of jealousy & I hope this trend continues. Other than being a little stir-crazy because we've been off our regular schedule & routine, Logan has been his usual self without any new/different behavioral issues at all. Yea!
Carter is a perfect baby, so easy going & content. He rarely cries other than during diaper changes - which are the most difficult part of caring for him. He tucks his legs up so tight, it's a wrestling match to pull them down to get his diaper on. It makes me squirm because his circumcision is still healing & I'm afraid he's going to get hurt. Nursing came easy for him, just as it did for Logan. I thought he would be a spit up kid too because he was spitting up a lot in the hospital, but apparently he swallowed a bunch of gunk & since he came out so fast, he didn't have a chance to have it squeezed out of him. He narrowly escaped needing to have his stomach pumped. He's also a little jaundiced, but I hope this resolves itself in the next day or two. Overall, he's very snuggly & cuddly, sweet & precious. He's just so small, all of his newborn clothes are too big on him. I am thrilled that I get to enjoy his newborn days like this.
Bill has been a big help in keeping Logan occupied & taken care of. He still gets up with him in the morning for breakfast & has been doing all of his diaper changes. He does get a bit of a break because all of my friends from MOMS club are bringing dinners over every other night for the next two weeks starting with tonight (how awesome is that!?). He's taking the whole week off to stay home with us, even though I don't feel like he has to (it's really nice though).
Our transition has been so easy, nice, normal - I could go on with how great it's been. We are so lucky that it's been this way & I couldn't have asked for anything more. We're probably going to be in our regular groove by the end of the week if not sooner. I really feel an intense amount of joy - I don't think I could be happier. Seriously.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
In the raw
I usually photoshop all of the pictures before posting them (crop, remove red-eye, etc) but we still haven't revived our desktop from the dead & the new photoshop program Bill got for the laptop is crap & we'll need to find another. So, these few pictures that we have are unedited. Logan isn't too keen on the idea of taking family picture & we've still been getting settled in to where we haven't made picture taking a priority (this should change soon!).
Carter Liam
My two boys!
I usually photoshop all of the pictures before posting them (crop, remove red-eye, etc) but we still haven't revived our desktop from the dead & the new photoshop program Bill got for the laptop is crap & we'll need to find another. So, these few pictures that we have are unedited. Logan isn't too keen on the idea of taking family picture & we've still been getting settled in to where we haven't made picture taking a priority (this should change soon!).
Carter Liam
My two boys!Saturday, September 13, 2008
Carter is here!
Wow. What a crazy experience that was! I'm still trying to process all that happened & I hope I can remember all of the details. I was in shock for quite a while (maybe I still am). But Carter's arrival into the world was something I never will forget.
Shortly after the last post at 11:30pm, I tried to get as much done as I could. I had this burst of energy & although I knew I needed to save it for labor, I couldn't. The contractions were getting stronger by the minute & at 12:30am, I knew this was the real deal. I labored in bed on my hands & knees, but that didn't feel too great. It felt much better if I leaned over the kitchen counter or something of that height. I decided to walk around in the kitchen for a bit. By 1:00am, I thought that the shower might be a good place to relax. While this made me clean, it only made the contractions worse & I couldn't take it any longer. By 1:30am, I was on the phone with my OB's office so they could call the hospital to let them know I was on my way.
From 1:30-2:00am it was a mad rush of preparation at home. Bill got Logan up, who upon wakening, told Bill in an irritated tone "I don't want to sleep at Little M's house". As Bill took care of Logan, my contractions were painful enough that I was now moaning & screaming & writhing in pain in the kitchen. I had been throwing up. We were just about to head out of the door at 2:00am when my water broke in the kitchen. I was in shock. There was a huge gush of fluid & I just looked at Bill in a panic. "SHIT! MY WATER JUST BROKE! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW!". I knew the contractions were only going to get stronger from that. Bill practically threw Logan in the car as I changed my pants. We drove to photographer friend's house with contractions being about every 2-3 minutes apart. She only lives 3 minutes away.
As Bill took Logan into her house, the contractions were killing me. I was screaming & hanging on for dear life. I felt pain shoot down the front of my legs. I felt the urge to push - in my friends driveway. Bill ran back to the car & put the pedal to the metal. He ran every red light & every stop sign. Thankfully being in a smaller town at 2:00am, there was no traffic. We got to the hospital in 5 minutes where I tried to fight the urge to push. Bill parked the car at the ER entrance & I literally ran through the doors to the security guard running to me with the wheel chair. "Do you have any knives or weapons?", he asked. "WHAT? NO! I'M IN LABOR!", I screamed through contractions.
They ran (more like sprinted) me up to the labor & delivery unit. They tried to get me on the scale. "PLEASE! NO!!", I screamed. As we were running past the nurses station, I began to wretch again. Someone grabbed something for me to throw-up in. I was puking & contracting & trying to tell them to call for an epidural at the same time. As we ran through the doors of the delivery suite, I begged. "PLEASE SOMEONE CALL THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST NOW! I HAVE TO PUSH!" I got on the bed & took off my pants, then threw my jacket & chapstick at Bill. "She's complete. Everyone get in here now", one of the nurses said. "You're not going to have time for an epidural. You're going to have to do this naturally", the head nurse said. "SHIT!", I screamed in a panic. "It's OK, you can do this", she reassure me.
So, without having changed into a gown, still in my pajama top, no IV's or drugs, I held on to the headboard of the bed with a white knuckle grip & screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs with every contraction. The nurse was awesome telling me that Carter was almost here. "Do you want to feel his head?", she asked. I shook my head No because I couldn't let go of the headboard. The room filled with nurses (8 of them Bill later told me) & Bill slowly sunk back into the background of the room on my right side behind the headboard (probably in more shock that I was). Three or four pushes later, Carter was born.
He had the cord wrapped around his neck & they had to do a double clamp to cut him out. He also swallowed/breathed in some meconium, so he didn't cry after being delivered. They whisked him away to clear him out & get him on oxygen. It seemed to take forever, but I wasn't worried or really had any emotion at all other than pure shock & disbelief, trying to process all that just occurred. That's the only thing I could say after asking if he was alright - "I can't belive this just happened & I can't belive I didn't have an epidural". Bill joked about how I got the birth plan I wrote almost 3 years ago with Logan. I watched them work on him as the OB tried to dig out the placenta & stictch me up - I had a 2nd degree tear because the delivery was so fast & furious. Finally, he cried. I was all cleaned up & ready for him to nurse so I took off my pajama shirt & we cuddled for a good hour our more while the nurses took care of the paperwork that we would have done beforehand if we had time.
Arriving at the hopital at 2:25am, Carter was born on September 12th at 2:41am, 6 pounds & 10 ounces, 19 inches long. A little more than 24 hours later, we are getting settled in at home as a family of four.
Pictures to come tomorrow.
Wow. What a crazy experience that was! I'm still trying to process all that happened & I hope I can remember all of the details. I was in shock for quite a while (maybe I still am). But Carter's arrival into the world was something I never will forget.
Shortly after the last post at 11:30pm, I tried to get as much done as I could. I had this burst of energy & although I knew I needed to save it for labor, I couldn't. The contractions were getting stronger by the minute & at 12:30am, I knew this was the real deal. I labored in bed on my hands & knees, but that didn't feel too great. It felt much better if I leaned over the kitchen counter or something of that height. I decided to walk around in the kitchen for a bit. By 1:00am, I thought that the shower might be a good place to relax. While this made me clean, it only made the contractions worse & I couldn't take it any longer. By 1:30am, I was on the phone with my OB's office so they could call the hospital to let them know I was on my way.
From 1:30-2:00am it was a mad rush of preparation at home. Bill got Logan up, who upon wakening, told Bill in an irritated tone "I don't want to sleep at Little M's house". As Bill took care of Logan, my contractions were painful enough that I was now moaning & screaming & writhing in pain in the kitchen. I had been throwing up. We were just about to head out of the door at 2:00am when my water broke in the kitchen. I was in shock. There was a huge gush of fluid & I just looked at Bill in a panic. "SHIT! MY WATER JUST BROKE! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE NOW!". I knew the contractions were only going to get stronger from that. Bill practically threw Logan in the car as I changed my pants. We drove to photographer friend's house with contractions being about every 2-3 minutes apart. She only lives 3 minutes away.
As Bill took Logan into her house, the contractions were killing me. I was screaming & hanging on for dear life. I felt pain shoot down the front of my legs. I felt the urge to push - in my friends driveway. Bill ran back to the car & put the pedal to the metal. He ran every red light & every stop sign. Thankfully being in a smaller town at 2:00am, there was no traffic. We got to the hospital in 5 minutes where I tried to fight the urge to push. Bill parked the car at the ER entrance & I literally ran through the doors to the security guard running to me with the wheel chair. "Do you have any knives or weapons?", he asked. "WHAT? NO! I'M IN LABOR!", I screamed through contractions.
They ran (more like sprinted) me up to the labor & delivery unit. They tried to get me on the scale. "PLEASE! NO!!", I screamed. As we were running past the nurses station, I began to wretch again. Someone grabbed something for me to throw-up in. I was puking & contracting & trying to tell them to call for an epidural at the same time. As we ran through the doors of the delivery suite, I begged. "PLEASE SOMEONE CALL THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST NOW! I HAVE TO PUSH!" I got on the bed & took off my pants, then threw my jacket & chapstick at Bill. "She's complete. Everyone get in here now", one of the nurses said. "You're not going to have time for an epidural. You're going to have to do this naturally", the head nurse said. "SHIT!", I screamed in a panic. "It's OK, you can do this", she reassure me.
So, without having changed into a gown, still in my pajama top, no IV's or drugs, I held on to the headboard of the bed with a white knuckle grip & screamed bloody murder at the top of my lungs with every contraction. The nurse was awesome telling me that Carter was almost here. "Do you want to feel his head?", she asked. I shook my head No because I couldn't let go of the headboard. The room filled with nurses (8 of them Bill later told me) & Bill slowly sunk back into the background of the room on my right side behind the headboard (probably in more shock that I was). Three or four pushes later, Carter was born.
He had the cord wrapped around his neck & they had to do a double clamp to cut him out. He also swallowed/breathed in some meconium, so he didn't cry after being delivered. They whisked him away to clear him out & get him on oxygen. It seemed to take forever, but I wasn't worried or really had any emotion at all other than pure shock & disbelief, trying to process all that just occurred. That's the only thing I could say after asking if he was alright - "I can't belive this just happened & I can't belive I didn't have an epidural". Bill joked about how I got the birth plan I wrote almost 3 years ago with Logan. I watched them work on him as the OB tried to dig out the placenta & stictch me up - I had a 2nd degree tear because the delivery was so fast & furious. Finally, he cried. I was all cleaned up & ready for him to nurse so I took off my pajama shirt & we cuddled for a good hour our more while the nurses took care of the paperwork that we would have done beforehand if we had time.
Arriving at the hopital at 2:25am, Carter was born on September 12th at 2:41am, 6 pounds & 10 ounces, 19 inches long. A little more than 24 hours later, we are getting settled in at home as a family of four.
Pictures to come tomorrow.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Let the laboring begin
I think this is it. Contractions have been pretty strong all evening & they've really started to pick up in intensity for the last hour or so. If this is the real deal, I'm going to try & labor at home as long as I can so Logan can stay & sleep in his own bed tonight. I haven't begun timing contractions yet, but I've frantically begun packing the rest of the hospital bag. I'm getting Carter's coming home outfit washed (as well as a load of Logan's clothes) & I never got to making the cupcakes (damn it!). I've canceled my training session for the morning & emailed photographer friend to let her know to be "on call" just in case I can't hold out until the morning. I knew this would happen in the middle of the night!!!!!
So, I'm contracting, doing laundry & hopefully getting ready to go to the hospital at sunrise. This has to be it, because if it's not - damn. I'm in for a long ride.
I think this is it. Contractions have been pretty strong all evening & they've really started to pick up in intensity for the last hour or so. If this is the real deal, I'm going to try & labor at home as long as I can so Logan can stay & sleep in his own bed tonight. I haven't begun timing contractions yet, but I've frantically begun packing the rest of the hospital bag. I'm getting Carter's coming home outfit washed (as well as a load of Logan's clothes) & I never got to making the cupcakes (damn it!). I've canceled my training session for the morning & emailed photographer friend to let her know to be "on call" just in case I can't hold out until the morning. I knew this would happen in the middle of the night!!!!!
So, I'm contracting, doing laundry & hopefully getting ready to go to the hospital at sunrise. This has to be it, because if it's not - damn. I'm in for a long ride.
Change is in the air
Things are beginning to happen. Whether it will be fast or continue to be painfully slow, only time will tell. We had another pajama day & I was going to make the family celebration cupcakes with Logan earlier (I'll probably get started on them here in a few minutes), but I haven't been too motivated to do anything really.
I lost what I hope is the rest of my mucous plug this morning (I don't think I had a membrane sweep at my last OB appointment, but she sure did get things moving out) & to top it all off, I've been having more deep menstrual-like cramps after I showered. It's nothing I can time yet, but things are different today...
Things are beginning to happen. Whether it will be fast or continue to be painfully slow, only time will tell. We had another pajama day & I was going to make the family celebration cupcakes with Logan earlier (I'll probably get started on them here in a few minutes), but I haven't been too motivated to do anything really.
I lost what I hope is the rest of my mucous plug this morning (I don't think I had a membrane sweep at my last OB appointment, but she sure did get things moving out) & to top it all off, I've been having more deep menstrual-like cramps after I showered. It's nothing I can time yet, but things are different today...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Where is your mom at?
This morning we had playgroup at the park & it was a super nice morning for it too. Logan & I had just been at the gym where I walked on the treadmill for an hour with photographer friend (who woke up feeling gross being 12 weeks pregnant herself & decided lifting was out of the picture), so I was already tired before we got there. The park that we met at is one of the newest parks in town & really quite fun - for older kids. It can be a pain if you have a younger one because it's very difficult to keep track of them there. I've had many heart attacks because Logan has run off somewhere & hid or played in some part of the structure where I couldn't see him. Being the slow, waddling whale that I feel like, it was even more difficult to keep up with him.
When we first got there, Logan was content to eat his snacks & sit on the rocking bench "ride". I was talking with some of the other playgroup moms for a bit while we all sat there & enjoyed each other's company. Soon enough we were interrupted by a very annoying & obviously starved for attention boy (who was about 5 or 6 years old, maybe? I don't know). He got on the swing with us, which was fine because there was plenty of room (there are actually 2 benches attached to a rocking swing thing - it's difficult to explain), but he would interrupt our conversations & wanted us to follow him around the park so he could show us the "gold" in the rocky hill. I told him that Logan wanted to stay there & eat his snacks & I had to stay there with him because I was his mom. This kid didn't give up.
He kept wanting me to play with him, away from Logan. He would run over to the rocks with the "gold" & talk about them from across the playground. At one point he hit his head (I don't know how, because I wasn't watching him) & he came running over to me rather than his mom. I felt like we had just picked up a lost puppy dog & it was all because I humored this kid with conversation when he came to share the ride. We soon relocated to a regular park bench to watch our kids & this kid followed us there, actually taking up the spot of one of my friends. We all began to ask him where his mom was. We had been asking him every now & then, but we didn't get a response. Finally, he pointed to the picnic pavilion where a woman was sitting alone, far away from her son. The other moms & myself began to look at each other & roll our eyes because we knew we had just been "suckered" into being a babysitter for this kid while his mom paid no attention to him at all, or even cared that he was talking to strangers (let alone bothering them) for long periods of time. He ran off from her unsupervised & tagged along with us even though he was uninvited.
We continued to play with our kids on the playground. I followed Logan around as best as I could & he had fun sliding down the slides. At one point, this kid lured him away from the playgroup & over to some large rocks. I could still see Logan from a distance, but in the blink of an eye, he was gone. I figured he was on the other side of the rocks & waddled over there to check. He wasn't there. No, he was running across the soccer field with this kid on the other side of the playground. I yelled to Logan to run back over & that he wasn't supposed to play on the field. He came running back with this lost kid behind him. The kid pipes up about them playing over there, to which I quickly cut him off mid-sentence. "Logan isn't supposed to play over there. He's supposed to stay on the playground where I can see him."
I was shocked that his mom didn't care at all that her son was out of sight & running off far, far away hanging out with strangers. He could have easily been abducted. She would have never known until it was too late. Fortunately, he left shortly there after explaining that he had a dental appointment. "I said good-bye", he told us sternly because once again, he was interrupting our conversation & we didn't immediately respond to him. "Oh, have fun. Bye!", we said relieved that he wouldn't be bothering us anymore.
On on hand, this kid was annoying - like a pesky mosquito. On the other hand, I felt bad for him because he clearly didn't get the social interaction that he desperately needed or the basic discipline & instruction about "stranger danger" & polite communication skills from his own mom. The experience made me so glad that Logan, while having his moments, is a well behaved little kid. Sometimes it takes days like today to remind me of that.
This morning we had playgroup at the park & it was a super nice morning for it too. Logan & I had just been at the gym where I walked on the treadmill for an hour with photographer friend (who woke up feeling gross being 12 weeks pregnant herself & decided lifting was out of the picture), so I was already tired before we got there. The park that we met at is one of the newest parks in town & really quite fun - for older kids. It can be a pain if you have a younger one because it's very difficult to keep track of them there. I've had many heart attacks because Logan has run off somewhere & hid or played in some part of the structure where I couldn't see him. Being the slow, waddling whale that I feel like, it was even more difficult to keep up with him.
When we first got there, Logan was content to eat his snacks & sit on the rocking bench "ride". I was talking with some of the other playgroup moms for a bit while we all sat there & enjoyed each other's company. Soon enough we were interrupted by a very annoying & obviously starved for attention boy (who was about 5 or 6 years old, maybe? I don't know). He got on the swing with us, which was fine because there was plenty of room (there are actually 2 benches attached to a rocking swing thing - it's difficult to explain), but he would interrupt our conversations & wanted us to follow him around the park so he could show us the "gold" in the rocky hill. I told him that Logan wanted to stay there & eat his snacks & I had to stay there with him because I was his mom. This kid didn't give up.
He kept wanting me to play with him, away from Logan. He would run over to the rocks with the "gold" & talk about them from across the playground. At one point he hit his head (I don't know how, because I wasn't watching him) & he came running over to me rather than his mom. I felt like we had just picked up a lost puppy dog & it was all because I humored this kid with conversation when he came to share the ride. We soon relocated to a regular park bench to watch our kids & this kid followed us there, actually taking up the spot of one of my friends. We all began to ask him where his mom was. We had been asking him every now & then, but we didn't get a response. Finally, he pointed to the picnic pavilion where a woman was sitting alone, far away from her son. The other moms & myself began to look at each other & roll our eyes because we knew we had just been "suckered" into being a babysitter for this kid while his mom paid no attention to him at all, or even cared that he was talking to strangers (let alone bothering them) for long periods of time. He ran off from her unsupervised & tagged along with us even though he was uninvited.
We continued to play with our kids on the playground. I followed Logan around as best as I could & he had fun sliding down the slides. At one point, this kid lured him away from the playgroup & over to some large rocks. I could still see Logan from a distance, but in the blink of an eye, he was gone. I figured he was on the other side of the rocks & waddled over there to check. He wasn't there. No, he was running across the soccer field with this kid on the other side of the playground. I yelled to Logan to run back over & that he wasn't supposed to play on the field. He came running back with this lost kid behind him. The kid pipes up about them playing over there, to which I quickly cut him off mid-sentence. "Logan isn't supposed to play over there. He's supposed to stay on the playground where I can see him."
I was shocked that his mom didn't care at all that her son was out of sight & running off far, far away hanging out with strangers. He could have easily been abducted. She would have never known until it was too late. Fortunately, he left shortly there after explaining that he had a dental appointment. "I said good-bye", he told us sternly because once again, he was interrupting our conversation & we didn't immediately respond to him. "Oh, have fun. Bye!", we said relieved that he wouldn't be bothering us anymore.
On on hand, this kid was annoying - like a pesky mosquito. On the other hand, I felt bad for him because he clearly didn't get the social interaction that he desperately needed or the basic discipline & instruction about "stranger danger" & polite communication skills from his own mom. The experience made me so glad that Logan, while having his moments, is a well behaved little kid. Sometimes it takes days like today to remind me of that.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Like molasses in the dead of winter
I had my 38th week check-up this afternoon & as much as I hate to say it - not much progress. I've dilated to 2cms, maybe 2.5 if we're being generous. So, nothing too different from last week. The Doctor that I saw (a sub because my OB is on vacation) said that I've thinned out a bit more, but didn't give me specifics & I didn't care to ask. She also seemed to be digging for gold in there when she was checking my progress & I'm certain she dislodged some of my mucous plug (which I know is TMI, but get over it - this is pregnancy. It's not glamorous). So, that may get things moving along, right? Right...
Meanwhile, the painful contractions continue, I feel like garbage - tired & often nauseous (even with zofran still), just over all uncomfortable. Sleeping sucks & every time I try to flip I feel like my pelvis is going to split in half. Carter is still all up in my ribs & contorting into odd positions to where I have to keep my arms raised above my head if I want relief or oxygen - you know, the important things.
Boy, aren't I just rainbows & unicorns over here!
I had my 38th week check-up this afternoon & as much as I hate to say it - not much progress. I've dilated to 2cms, maybe 2.5 if we're being generous. So, nothing too different from last week. The Doctor that I saw (a sub because my OB is on vacation) said that I've thinned out a bit more, but didn't give me specifics & I didn't care to ask. She also seemed to be digging for gold in there when she was checking my progress & I'm certain she dislodged some of my mucous plug (which I know is TMI, but get over it - this is pregnancy. It's not glamorous). So, that may get things moving along, right? Right...
Meanwhile, the painful contractions continue, I feel like garbage - tired & often nauseous (even with zofran still), just over all uncomfortable. Sleeping sucks & every time I try to flip I feel like my pelvis is going to split in half. Carter is still all up in my ribs & contorting into odd positions to where I have to keep my arms raised above my head if I want relief or oxygen - you know, the important things.
Boy, aren't I just rainbows & unicorns over here!
Monday, September 08, 2008
We needed this
It's been another gray Monday without much to do (outside the house - I've been swamped with MOMS Club stuff via email). Logan & I have had another nice day cuddling on the couch watching TV, reading books & playing with cars. Too many days like this tend to make us both stir-crazy, but not today. Today has been awesome & so relaxing. We both needed this.
I don't know how many more days Logan & I will have together with it just being the two of us snuggled up. I don't know how more days I'll have to just hang out & sleep the 3 hours during Logan's nap time. Sure, there's a pile of laundry that needs to be folded (more like 6 piles) but at least it's all clean. The dishes are done & our house cleaner comes tomorrow (when we get back to busy schedule life). Right now, it's all about the big, white, fuzzy robe & all the cuddles we can get in.
I don't know why today has been the way it has since Logan is usually too wild to cuddle for long periods of time. He usually gets bored & causes trouble, causing my blood to boil. I usually have to yell at him a million times about leaving Buddha alone or to stop running around with food in his mouth. I can count on one hand how many times I've had to raise my voice today (once, maybe twice?). He hasn't even had a temper tantrum today (except for the mini melt down before nap that was really nothing). The rest of the time has been spent hugging - me, Carter, the cat - & laughing at him being cute.
This is how I want to remember our last days of it being just the two of us. Calm, loving, relaxing, cute. I hope it lasts a bit longer.
It's been another gray Monday without much to do (outside the house - I've been swamped with MOMS Club stuff via email). Logan & I have had another nice day cuddling on the couch watching TV, reading books & playing with cars. Too many days like this tend to make us both stir-crazy, but not today. Today has been awesome & so relaxing. We both needed this.
I don't know how many more days Logan & I will have together with it just being the two of us snuggled up. I don't know how more days I'll have to just hang out & sleep the 3 hours during Logan's nap time. Sure, there's a pile of laundry that needs to be folded (more like 6 piles) but at least it's all clean. The dishes are done & our house cleaner comes tomorrow (when we get back to busy schedule life). Right now, it's all about the big, white, fuzzy robe & all the cuddles we can get in.
I don't know why today has been the way it has since Logan is usually too wild to cuddle for long periods of time. He usually gets bored & causes trouble, causing my blood to boil. I usually have to yell at him a million times about leaving Buddha alone or to stop running around with food in his mouth. I can count on one hand how many times I've had to raise my voice today (once, maybe twice?). He hasn't even had a temper tantrum today (except for the mini melt down before nap that was really nothing). The rest of the time has been spent hugging - me, Carter, the cat - & laughing at him being cute.
This is how I want to remember our last days of it being just the two of us. Calm, loving, relaxing, cute. I hope it lasts a bit longer.
Friday, September 05, 2008
38 weeks today
Mellow, gloomy, overcast day. Coffee, naps & pajamas. Another Portland-type Friday. I've been catching up on laundry, watching ungodly amounts of cartoons with Logan & just getting the house put together. Moving slowly in every way, making the term "a watched pot never boils" ring true. A watched uterus never dilates.
It also feels kind of strange to have most of our home projects completed. Our "home days", while relaxing, are incredibly boring & I find myself almost twiddling my thumbs. When procrastinating on house work, I'm getting pre-occupied with politics & discussions being had all around. My blood pressure rises a bit. Maybe that will get the contractions to do something!
*Taking belly pictures this afternoon, but will need Bill's help with editing on the laptop since our desktop took a dirt nap earlier this week*
Mellow, gloomy, overcast day. Coffee, naps & pajamas. Another Portland-type Friday. I've been catching up on laundry, watching ungodly amounts of cartoons with Logan & just getting the house put together. Moving slowly in every way, making the term "a watched pot never boils" ring true. A watched uterus never dilates.
It also feels kind of strange to have most of our home projects completed. Our "home days", while relaxing, are incredibly boring & I find myself almost twiddling my thumbs. When procrastinating on house work, I'm getting pre-occupied with politics & discussions being had all around. My blood pressure rises a bit. Maybe that will get the contractions to do something!
*Taking belly pictures this afternoon, but will need Bill's help with editing on the laptop since our desktop took a dirt nap earlier this week*
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Psych!
For months now I've been having contractions. They started out as Braxton Hicks, then at around 30-31 weeks, they turned into pre-term labor contractions that needed to be stopped. After weeks of having these contractions due to stress, having an "irritable uterus" & needing Carter to stay in, the gears have switched & now I want these crazy contractions to do what they are supposed to. GET HIM OUT.
Everyday I have painful contractions that make me think, "this is it!" only to have my hopes dashed by their inconsistency. This morning I was up at 3:00am with painful contractions that did nothing. I trained two clients this morning & dealt with contractions during both sessions. During photographer friend's session, I walked with her on the treadmill for about 20 minutes & was SO SURE my water would break right there in the gym. Guess not, huh.
This kind of stuff happens all day long, every day. I have no clue when it's really going to happen since I've been plagued with False Labor for so long. My uterus cramps, Carter fights it & kicks my ribs at the same time & they are so strong they suck the breath out of me. Really - I get this hollow feeling like all of the air is being drawn out of my lungs even though I can still breath. It's the craziest feeling ever. So, yeah. A little bit stronger than your typical Braxton Hicks contractions. And between the pain of the contraction & the force of Carter's resistance, I feel like I'm always wincing in pain, yelping, gasping & trying to get comfortable (which never happens).
I am tired of contractions that do nothing. I'm also tired of this sharp stabbing pain in my cervix that makes me think I'm dilating, but I'm not. I'm tired of feeling like things are changing when they aren't! UGH!
Yeah, I'm over this pregnancy now.
For months now I've been having contractions. They started out as Braxton Hicks, then at around 30-31 weeks, they turned into pre-term labor contractions that needed to be stopped. After weeks of having these contractions due to stress, having an "irritable uterus" & needing Carter to stay in, the gears have switched & now I want these crazy contractions to do what they are supposed to. GET HIM OUT.
Everyday I have painful contractions that make me think, "this is it!" only to have my hopes dashed by their inconsistency. This morning I was up at 3:00am with painful contractions that did nothing. I trained two clients this morning & dealt with contractions during both sessions. During photographer friend's session, I walked with her on the treadmill for about 20 minutes & was SO SURE my water would break right there in the gym. Guess not, huh.
This kind of stuff happens all day long, every day. I have no clue when it's really going to happen since I've been plagued with False Labor for so long. My uterus cramps, Carter fights it & kicks my ribs at the same time & they are so strong they suck the breath out of me. Really - I get this hollow feeling like all of the air is being drawn out of my lungs even though I can still breath. It's the craziest feeling ever. So, yeah. A little bit stronger than your typical Braxton Hicks contractions. And between the pain of the contraction & the force of Carter's resistance, I feel like I'm always wincing in pain, yelping, gasping & trying to get comfortable (which never happens).
I am tired of contractions that do nothing. I'm also tired of this sharp stabbing pain in my cervix that makes me think I'm dilating, but I'm not. I'm tired of feeling like things are changing when they aren't! UGH!
Yeah, I'm over this pregnancy now.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Equal to bigamy?
Throughout the entire pregnancy with Carter, I never once felt guilty that Logan would have to share his time with us or that his world would change. I always thought that he would adjust very well since he is really good about sharing, is independent & has been fascinated with babies. I planned on keeping him involved by being my little helper, which he loves to do anyway. I thought being a Big Brother would make him feel important & special, even though he's only two. And then I heard this piece of conversation today...
"My sister was reading a book that said that bringing home a new baby is to the older sibling what you'd feel like if bigamy was legal and your husband brought home another wife. I never thought of it like that!"
Well. I never thought about it like that either. It makes a lot of sense. After taking that in, my stomach dropped & for the first time I felt an intense wash of guilt flow through my blood. An irrational thought of "Holy crap! What did I do? I can't take this back!" popped out of the recesses of my sporadically functioning pregnancy-brain. I know how jealous I would be if the tables were turned & I had to "share" & for some unknown reason, it never clicked with me on how Logan might feel until now. Until we are virtually days away from expecting Carter's birth.
Maybe I was blinded by optimism & refused to believe that Logan would be emotionally hurt by the arrival of his brother. As I watched him play out in the backyard by himself, swinging on his stomach on the swings, driving his cars across the fence, relentlessly chasing Buddha around & playing pretend with his dinosaurs, I felt sorry that he was alone. I always imagined how much fun he would have with his little brother & never imagined that he might dislike him just because of his existence in our home.
The more I thought about this, the more I realized that not all of us like our siblings. Some of us had intense sibling rivalry as kids that we grew out of (my sisters & I had daily hair-pulling fights) & some of us grew to dislike our brothers or sisters as adults (Bill might feel this way now, but I can't speak for him). As mothers, we always dream of the perfect family - kids playing together peacefully & lovingly. I think mothers of boys even take it a step farther & dream about the brotherly love their kids will share - a sibling connection that is stronger than one can fathom. Now I am afraid that I have unrealistic expectations or dreams of the relationship that Logan & Carter may have.
I can only hope that Bill & I express to Logan effectively (for a two year old) that Carter is not a subtraction from him or us, but an addition to our family. That even though our time will be divided, our happiness will double. I want to keep thinking that things will work out as I had hoped them to.
Throughout the entire pregnancy with Carter, I never once felt guilty that Logan would have to share his time with us or that his world would change. I always thought that he would adjust very well since he is really good about sharing, is independent & has been fascinated with babies. I planned on keeping him involved by being my little helper, which he loves to do anyway. I thought being a Big Brother would make him feel important & special, even though he's only two. And then I heard this piece of conversation today...
"My sister was reading a book that said that bringing home a new baby is to the older sibling what you'd feel like if bigamy was legal and your husband brought home another wife. I never thought of it like that!"
Well. I never thought about it like that either. It makes a lot of sense. After taking that in, my stomach dropped & for the first time I felt an intense wash of guilt flow through my blood. An irrational thought of "Holy crap! What did I do? I can't take this back!" popped out of the recesses of my sporadically functioning pregnancy-brain. I know how jealous I would be if the tables were turned & I had to "share" & for some unknown reason, it never clicked with me on how Logan might feel until now. Until we are virtually days away from expecting Carter's birth.
Maybe I was blinded by optimism & refused to believe that Logan would be emotionally hurt by the arrival of his brother. As I watched him play out in the backyard by himself, swinging on his stomach on the swings, driving his cars across the fence, relentlessly chasing Buddha around & playing pretend with his dinosaurs, I felt sorry that he was alone. I always imagined how much fun he would have with his little brother & never imagined that he might dislike him just because of his existence in our home.
The more I thought about this, the more I realized that not all of us like our siblings. Some of us had intense sibling rivalry as kids that we grew out of (my sisters & I had daily hair-pulling fights) & some of us grew to dislike our brothers or sisters as adults (Bill might feel this way now, but I can't speak for him). As mothers, we always dream of the perfect family - kids playing together peacefully & lovingly. I think mothers of boys even take it a step farther & dream about the brotherly love their kids will share - a sibling connection that is stronger than one can fathom. Now I am afraid that I have unrealistic expectations or dreams of the relationship that Logan & Carter may have.
I can only hope that Bill & I express to Logan effectively (for a two year old) that Carter is not a subtraction from him or us, but an addition to our family. That even though our time will be divided, our happiness will double. I want to keep thinking that things will work out as I had hoped them to.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Labor day
And no labor. Well, no baby labor but a whole lot of physical labor. We are 98% finished with all of our major home projects & I have to admit, I am quite impressed (not with myself, because I really didn't do squat - it was all Bill's hard work).
When we moved into this house, I was sick as you could be without dying & Bill had the flu. We basically just left everything in boxes until now (six months later). The closets were a huge mess with nothing hung up, but massive piles on the floor. Thankfully we have gigantic walk-in's & you would never notice unless you looked. The garage was lined with piles of boxes & random junk that needed to be organized. It was so cramped that we often couldn't open the doors to the car all the way - in our two car garage.
But! All of the baby gear is out of the garage & getting washed, the clutter is gone & it looks not only clean, but spacious. We have plenty of room to open the car doors. The closets are almost done - it won't take much to finish. We have pretty much everything that we need for Carter & set up, but I still need to decorate the nursery (which honestly, isn't top priority right now). He has his pac n' play set up in our room, his crib is put together, the changing table is built & everything is washed & put away. There are just ugly curtains in his room with bare walls. He doesn't know the difference.
So, a lot of hard work & very productive at that. At least we got these projects completed before the real Labor Day.
And no labor. Well, no baby labor but a whole lot of physical labor. We are 98% finished with all of our major home projects & I have to admit, I am quite impressed (not with myself, because I really didn't do squat - it was all Bill's hard work).
When we moved into this house, I was sick as you could be without dying & Bill had the flu. We basically just left everything in boxes until now (six months later). The closets were a huge mess with nothing hung up, but massive piles on the floor. Thankfully we have gigantic walk-in's & you would never notice unless you looked. The garage was lined with piles of boxes & random junk that needed to be organized. It was so cramped that we often couldn't open the doors to the car all the way - in our two car garage.
But! All of the baby gear is out of the garage & getting washed, the clutter is gone & it looks not only clean, but spacious. We have plenty of room to open the car doors. The closets are almost done - it won't take much to finish. We have pretty much everything that we need for Carter & set up, but I still need to decorate the nursery (which honestly, isn't top priority right now). He has his pac n' play set up in our room, his crib is put together, the changing table is built & everything is washed & put away. There are just ugly curtains in his room with bare walls. He doesn't know the difference.
So, a lot of hard work & very productive at that. At least we got these projects completed before the real Labor Day.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Getting emotional
Now that we really are getting close to Carter's arrival, I'm beginning to get more choked up & teary-eyed at thought & preparation that I've been doing. I've been getting all of our pictures organized to get ready for the onslaught of newborn pictures that we're going to take, we're cleaning out the garage this weekend, I'm going to clean out the car, we'll get our closets purged & organized & the purchase final bits & pieces of things that we need to get for Carter (diapers, pick out a coming home outfit, etc). I'm also going to get the hospital bag packed & Logan's potential overnight bag packed too.
One thing that I am so excited about is our coming home party that I'm also getting ready for. It is SO IMPORTANT to me that we have some very special family time when we come home from the hospital, especially since I missed out on those moments with Logan. I do want it to be kind of a big deal without much effort. I'd rather not just come home with an anti-climactic feeling of "now what" or just going back to business as usual. So, we're going to have a little birthday party, or more like a family celebration. At the baby shower, one of my friends bought Logan the cutest "Big Brother" shirts that he'll wear & I'm going to make some cupcakes to freeze ahead of time. All Bill will have to do before picking us up is remembering to thaw out the cupcakes & possibly getting Logan a balloon. So, nothing extravagant, but simple & special (now I need some kleenex).
It's unbelievable that we are so close to becoming a family of four, a family with two boys. The pregnancy will be over with & I'll (hopefully) never have to worry about living with hyperemesis again. There are so many feelings, everything from excitement & anticipation to fear & doubt. But right now? Just thinking about our family makes me so happy & I can't wait for our littlest guy to join us.
Now that we really are getting close to Carter's arrival, I'm beginning to get more choked up & teary-eyed at thought & preparation that I've been doing. I've been getting all of our pictures organized to get ready for the onslaught of newborn pictures that we're going to take, we're cleaning out the garage this weekend, I'm going to clean out the car, we'll get our closets purged & organized & the purchase final bits & pieces of things that we need to get for Carter (diapers, pick out a coming home outfit, etc). I'm also going to get the hospital bag packed & Logan's potential overnight bag packed too.
One thing that I am so excited about is our coming home party that I'm also getting ready for. It is SO IMPORTANT to me that we have some very special family time when we come home from the hospital, especially since I missed out on those moments with Logan. I do want it to be kind of a big deal without much effort. I'd rather not just come home with an anti-climactic feeling of "now what" or just going back to business as usual. So, we're going to have a little birthday party, or more like a family celebration. At the baby shower, one of my friends bought Logan the cutest "Big Brother" shirts that he'll wear & I'm going to make some cupcakes to freeze ahead of time. All Bill will have to do before picking us up is remembering to thaw out the cupcakes & possibly getting Logan a balloon. So, nothing extravagant, but simple & special (now I need some kleenex).
It's unbelievable that we are so close to becoming a family of four, a family with two boys. The pregnancy will be over with & I'll (hopefully) never have to worry about living with hyperemesis again. There are so many feelings, everything from excitement & anticipation to fear & doubt. But right now? Just thinking about our family makes me so happy & I can't wait for our littlest guy to join us.
Friday, August 29, 2008
TERM!!
Sorry to make everyone sit on the edge of their seats waiting for an update, but there's no Big News. We've made it to 37 weeks, so now Carter can come out without much worry. At my last OB appointment this week I was measuring two weeks behind & needed another ultrasound to see if fluid levels were OK. I went in yesterday & everything is fine. Plenty of fluid & Carter is measuring right on track. He's estimated to weigh about 6 pounds & something ounces right now, about the 40th percentile. I guess I'm just good at hiding babies.
The ultrasound technician was the same woman who did our 3D ultrasound & she remembered me & our stubborn little baby who didn't want to get his picture taken. She tried her hardest to get some extra pictures for me. Carter was being just as stubborn as he was during all of the other ultrasounds, but she did get an AWESOME picture that I just LOVE. Carter was flexing his bicep! This kid has guns on him already, no joke. His bicep has a baby peak & his forearms are pretty solid, too. We laughed when we saw this on the screen & I had to laugh even harder being a personal trainer. The technician wasn't surprised that I had been pulverized from the inside for the entire pregnancy as his picture not only shows him flexing, but in a boxer stance, ready to use my liver as a punching bag & on his tip toes with the ball of his foot pushing deep & hard on my ribs (again). I often referred to Logan as my little Olympic soccer player when he kicked the crap out of me, Carter is my little boxer.
Here is the 37th week belly picture overload & as usual, Logan was being especially cute (why he can't have this attitude during professional sessions is beyond me).
Ready for Carter to come out
Measuring small, but feeling huge
CUTE!
Hugs for Carter
Super Cute!
Sorry to make everyone sit on the edge of their seats waiting for an update, but there's no Big News. We've made it to 37 weeks, so now Carter can come out without much worry. At my last OB appointment this week I was measuring two weeks behind & needed another ultrasound to see if fluid levels were OK. I went in yesterday & everything is fine. Plenty of fluid & Carter is measuring right on track. He's estimated to weigh about 6 pounds & something ounces right now, about the 40th percentile. I guess I'm just good at hiding babies.
The ultrasound technician was the same woman who did our 3D ultrasound & she remembered me & our stubborn little baby who didn't want to get his picture taken. She tried her hardest to get some extra pictures for me. Carter was being just as stubborn as he was during all of the other ultrasounds, but she did get an AWESOME picture that I just LOVE. Carter was flexing his bicep! This kid has guns on him already, no joke. His bicep has a baby peak & his forearms are pretty solid, too. We laughed when we saw this on the screen & I had to laugh even harder being a personal trainer. The technician wasn't surprised that I had been pulverized from the inside for the entire pregnancy as his picture not only shows him flexing, but in a boxer stance, ready to use my liver as a punching bag & on his tip toes with the ball of his foot pushing deep & hard on my ribs (again). I often referred to Logan as my little Olympic soccer player when he kicked the crap out of me, Carter is my little boxer.
Here is the 37th week belly picture overload & as usual, Logan was being especially cute (why he can't have this attitude during professional sessions is beyond me).
Ready for Carter to come out
Measuring small, but feeling huge
CUTE!
Hugs for Carter
Super Cute!Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Moving along
I think I may be right about Carter's early arrival. I had an OB visit this morning & was checked. Since the trip to labor & delivery on Friday night, there's been some progress. Not a lot, but some. Before the weekend, I was a finger tip dilated (whatever that's really supposed to mean - less than a centimeter, I guess). Carter, while head down, was still kind of high & so was my cervix.
Now, I'm 1 to 1.5cm's dilated, 70% effaced & Carter is low. Low enough that I'm measuring small again & need to go in for another ultrasound on Thursday just to make sure there's not a decrease in fluid. He either needs to come before the 5th or after the 15th. My OB is going on vacation on the 5th & I'm going out for dinner for Moms Night Out on the 15th (Melting Pot! YUM!). I've got a sinking suspicion that he's probably going to be born somewhere in there though.
Holy Crap! It's crunch time!!!!
I think I may be right about Carter's early arrival. I had an OB visit this morning & was checked. Since the trip to labor & delivery on Friday night, there's been some progress. Not a lot, but some. Before the weekend, I was a finger tip dilated (whatever that's really supposed to mean - less than a centimeter, I guess). Carter, while head down, was still kind of high & so was my cervix.
Now, I'm 1 to 1.5cm's dilated, 70% effaced & Carter is low. Low enough that I'm measuring small again & need to go in for another ultrasound on Thursday just to make sure there's not a decrease in fluid. He either needs to come before the 5th or after the 15th. My OB is going on vacation on the 5th & I'm going out for dinner for Moms Night Out on the 15th (Melting Pot! YUM!). I've got a sinking suspicion that he's probably going to be born somewhere in there though.
Holy Crap! It's crunch time!!!!
Monday, August 25, 2008
The lone ranger
I'm a little nervous. I probably shouldn't be & everything will be OK, but Bill is leaving for a business trip in the morning & will be gone for the next day & a half (two days?). While I'm having contractions on a regular basis throughout the day, he'll be halfway across the country - Portland, no less.
First & foremost, I am VERY jealous. I miss Portland badly & want to go back for a visit as much as I want to eat ice cream every night. We're hoping to take a family vacation there this summer, so it's not a far off dream, but still. I want to go. But not while pregnant. Because I can't eat the sushi or drink the beer. On the other hand, it would suck more than anything to go into labor while he's gone. Not saying that I think it will happen, but with our luck - you never know. I'm so glad I have a lot of friends that I can call for labor support & child care if anything like that should happen.
However, I am slightly anxious about taking care of Logan all by myself from sun up to sun down for the next two days. Bill's been getting up early to take of Logan's breakfast & getting him bathed & into bed at night (because it hurts me to do so). This is a time where I think to myself, "how on earth do single pregnant mothers do it". I am exhausted as it is, I can't put on my own shoes without sounding like a grunting jungle animal & getting through Logan's bath time routine should result in me being awarded a gold medal. Or something like that.
I hope the next couple of days go by quickly & painlessly.
I'm a little nervous. I probably shouldn't be & everything will be OK, but Bill is leaving for a business trip in the morning & will be gone for the next day & a half (two days?). While I'm having contractions on a regular basis throughout the day, he'll be halfway across the country - Portland, no less.
First & foremost, I am VERY jealous. I miss Portland badly & want to go back for a visit as much as I want to eat ice cream every night. We're hoping to take a family vacation there this summer, so it's not a far off dream, but still. I want to go. But not while pregnant. Because I can't eat the sushi or drink the beer. On the other hand, it would suck more than anything to go into labor while he's gone. Not saying that I think it will happen, but with our luck - you never know. I'm so glad I have a lot of friends that I can call for labor support & child care if anything like that should happen.
However, I am slightly anxious about taking care of Logan all by myself from sun up to sun down for the next two days. Bill's been getting up early to take of Logan's breakfast & getting him bathed & into bed at night (because it hurts me to do so). This is a time where I think to myself, "how on earth do single pregnant mothers do it". I am exhausted as it is, I can't put on my own shoes without sounding like a grunting jungle animal & getting through Logan's bath time routine should result in me being awarded a gold medal. Or something like that.
I hope the next couple of days go by quickly & painlessly.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Spreading the love
At the end of last week, Dawn let me know how much she enjoyed this little blog here by sending on over the "I love Your Blog" award. I love reading hers too & have been reading since before James was born, who is the same age as Logan. Three years is a long time to read a blog & keep up with a family! She's been a big source of positivity in her comments & in her posts on her blog about the challenges her family faces throughout the years. Someone I should take some notes from!
When I first started reading "mommy blogs", it was a great way to peek into the world of other bloggers living similar lives, being pregnant & first time mothers. Pearls of wisdom were found & appreciated, but mostly, friendships were made from around the world. Over the years I've kept up with all of my original favorites, reading about their kids growing up from babies to preschoolers, watching families grow from one to two kids. I've read about life struggles, blogging ruts & personal triumphs. It's amazing how you get to know someone through their blog.
So, without further ado, I'm passing this on to all of the blogs that I've kept up with from the beginning. While I may not comment as often as I used to, I still read daily & I probably always will until the end. I still love all of the "newer" blogs that I've been reading & have added to my link list, but the original blogs will always hold a special place in my heart. Be warned, this list may be a bit long. I guess there's a lot of love to spread!
2 Pink Lines
Reesh had Lily on the same day I had Logan. I remember reading her birth story as I was in early labor, so excited for her & not knowing I was going to be in the same situation shortly there after. Since then, she had another daughter (Nadia) & has started up a smoothie business with her sister, so she's super busy & I miss her frequent posts.
Girl From Florida
I've read GFF grow so much as a woman over the years, often moving away from friends & family & having to re-root herself with her incredibly adorable daughter, Amelia. I admire her ability to juggle both motherhood & work & am envious of her scholastic achievements. She's one freakin' smart cookie! I also love her pictures & her passion for good food.
Hilarities Ensue
I love Liz. She's great, smart & her writing is something I look forward to everyday. And, I'm sure if we had met pre-kids at a Phish lot or some other concert, we would have had a great time. Not many other moms share the same taste in music as we do in this house! I also remember her son's birthday shortly after Logan was born & Liz has been a wonderful source of advice (not assvice) throughout the years.
Hola, Isabel
Reading her blog often reminds me of how much I miss living in the Pacific Northwest (rain & all!). With a newborn Logan on my lap, I remember reading about the arrival of Babboo. I've also been amazed at the skills of her husband who built their house with his own two hands. Amazing.
It's all about Paisley
P is one cute kid. I mean, C-U-T-E, kind of cute. She has as much spunk as Logan & I think it would be HILARIOUS if the two of them should ever meet. Ashley has been through a lot since motherhood & is a great source of inspiration to keep doing what you've got to do.
JezeWhiz
From "mommy blog" morphed to more of a food blog, I will always be an avid reader no matter what direction she takes her writing. Al & Logan are only a few months apart & much like the other blogs, I remember the day he was born. I love her style, love of food & love reading about how she tries to balance that with a fitness goal, motherhood & work.
Mommy Musings
Although her oldest son is a little bit older than Logan, I've been readings Jen's blog for some time. We share a lot of similarities in our lives from our wacky-crazy in-laws to living through our pregnancies with hyperemesis. We've had many phone calls & novel length emails about things going on in our lives & I'm thankful that she's there to lend a listening ear (or eye). And sorry, she's private (for very good reason!).
Our Sweet Little Girl
One of the private blogs on my list, unfortunately you won't get the chance to read about a super cute girly-girl. However, addicted from the beginning (& before she went private) it's been so fun to watch how our kids have grown & how much boys are innately different than girls. As different as the gender extremes of our children are, they still share similar personalities & it's great to read about another mom going through the same preschooler shenanigans that we go through.
The Boyd Girls
Caroline & Logan are the same age & it's been fun reading how their family has grown from one to two little girls. Keri is a very creative mom, finding so many activities to do to keep her kids entertained throughout the day. I often read what they've done thinking to myself, "Why didn't I think of that!".
The Three Apostles
I really like Erica's sense of humor, dry & sarcastic, I totally get it. Kira is the same age as Logan, but by reading her blog you would think Kira is much older - she's sharp as a tack. I also think it's kind of crazy how our first kids are so close in age & now our second pregnancies are on the same time line too. She's one that I'll be reading for a long time to come.
Thanks for the years of support through comments & sharing your lives on your own blogs!!!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Strike a pose
Since this is going to be our last baby & I will never (hopefully) be pregnant again, it's important to me to record as many memories of pregnancy as I can. The one aspect I missed with Logan was belly shots. I got a few towards the end, taking a picture by month, but nothing compared to the weekly/bi-weekly pictures I've been taking with Carter. The other photographic evidence I missed out on was a maternity photo shoot, because, let's face it - they aren't cheap & we didn't have the funds to even think about it with Logan.
Photographer friend has been one of my most awesome friends ever. From helping take care of Logan during our trips to labor & delivery, listening to me cry about random stressors, sharing our pregnancies & losses (she's pregnant again after a loss), hosting a baby shower for me, going out for a lunch that saved my life while I was sick, to taking our family portraits for free - including all of our prints (custom designed announcements & holiday cards, too). This morning we went over to her house/studio for my maternity session. With everything she's done & continues to do - I don't know how to thank her enough.
The session this morning was fun, even with Logan screaming his head off again. I don't know what's up with that boy, but every photo shoot we have, he melts down & is the most difficult subject to photograph. It wasn't important that he be in many of the shots this time, so it was a whole lot less stressful. I think we got maybe one or two with him, more of Bill & myself together & after that, they went upstairs to watch Sponge Bob with Little M while I did the belly shots & more "artistic" poses.
This is the great thing about having your pictures taken by a professional - you have great lighting & they have the photoshop skills to edit out ugly stretch marks (which, YES, I have requested for professional pictures). You are photographed in ways that you could never do on your own, with props (fans & sheer wraps!) & really, you look like a completely different person compared to the snaps shots you take with your point & shoot at home. Professional photographers make you look amazing.
She showed me a couple on her view screen & they looked so nice. I can't wait to see what she has after she goes through the proofing & editing. As much as I feel like a fat cow, I know that the pictures she took are beautiful & I will cherish how my pregnant body looked for years to come.
Since this is going to be our last baby & I will never (hopefully) be pregnant again, it's important to me to record as many memories of pregnancy as I can. The one aspect I missed with Logan was belly shots. I got a few towards the end, taking a picture by month, but nothing compared to the weekly/bi-weekly pictures I've been taking with Carter. The other photographic evidence I missed out on was a maternity photo shoot, because, let's face it - they aren't cheap & we didn't have the funds to even think about it with Logan.
Photographer friend has been one of my most awesome friends ever. From helping take care of Logan during our trips to labor & delivery, listening to me cry about random stressors, sharing our pregnancies & losses (she's pregnant again after a loss), hosting a baby shower for me, going out for a lunch that saved my life while I was sick, to taking our family portraits for free - including all of our prints (custom designed announcements & holiday cards, too). This morning we went over to her house/studio for my maternity session. With everything she's done & continues to do - I don't know how to thank her enough.
The session this morning was fun, even with Logan screaming his head off again. I don't know what's up with that boy, but every photo shoot we have, he melts down & is the most difficult subject to photograph. It wasn't important that he be in many of the shots this time, so it was a whole lot less stressful. I think we got maybe one or two with him, more of Bill & myself together & after that, they went upstairs to watch Sponge Bob with Little M while I did the belly shots & more "artistic" poses.
This is the great thing about having your pictures taken by a professional - you have great lighting & they have the photoshop skills to edit out ugly stretch marks (which, YES, I have requested for professional pictures). You are photographed in ways that you could never do on your own, with props (fans & sheer wraps!) & really, you look like a completely different person compared to the snaps shots you take with your point & shoot at home. Professional photographers make you look amazing.
She showed me a couple on her view screen & they looked so nice. I can't wait to see what she has after she goes through the proofing & editing. As much as I feel like a fat cow, I know that the pictures she took are beautiful & I will cherish how my pregnant body looked for years to come.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Baby Shower!
This morning was my baby shower, hosted by photographer friend. There was a huge turn out with most of The Club in attendance (which was flattering) & lots & lots of yummy food to snack on. She picked up an ice cream cake from Cold Stone - chocolate cake with coffee ice cream, chocolate gnash frosting & almonds on top. Oh, so yummy. We had a great time just chatting, hanging out & grazing on the buffet of food. We didn't play any games - I said it wasn't necessary since I think they're kind of cheesy. The kids had a lot of fun playing outside in the back yard. We were really lucky to have such beautiful weather.
There were about 20 people there & more kids since almost everyone has two. It was a full house & everyone was so thoughtful & generous with their gifts. I felt INCREDIBLY lucky to have found such a great Club & to have made so many wonderful friends. I can't imagine what I would do without some of my closest friends that I've made (photographer friend & massage friend, for sure).
There were pictures taken, but not by me - I'll post them when I get them.
This morning was my baby shower, hosted by photographer friend. There was a huge turn out with most of The Club in attendance (which was flattering) & lots & lots of yummy food to snack on. She picked up an ice cream cake from Cold Stone - chocolate cake with coffee ice cream, chocolate gnash frosting & almonds on top. Oh, so yummy. We had a great time just chatting, hanging out & grazing on the buffet of food. We didn't play any games - I said it wasn't necessary since I think they're kind of cheesy. The kids had a lot of fun playing outside in the back yard. We were really lucky to have such beautiful weather.
There were about 20 people there & more kids since almost everyone has two. It was a full house & everyone was so thoughtful & generous with their gifts. I felt INCREDIBLY lucky to have found such a great Club & to have made so many wonderful friends. I can't imagine what I would do without some of my closest friends that I've made (photographer friend & massage friend, for sure).
There were pictures taken, but not by me - I'll post them when I get them.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Back again
All day today I had felt "off". I was crampy, tired, slow-moving. I just didn't feel right & it reminded me of how I felt when I was in early labor with Logan. I didn't do anything about it, going about my business, keeping appointments & doing some shopping.
Later in the evening, I had to go to an emergency board meeting for The Club. Remember Playgroup Nazi? Well, she was back to her old antics & we were trying to figure out how to terminate her membership. We had to revise our Code of Conduct to include phrases like "All members must treat each other with courtesy & respect", "NO foul language at activities" & common sense things that all adults should automatically do. How sad is that!? On my way over there, my contractions were getting worse. During the meeting, I was propped up on the couch with a pillow under my knees & drinking water. Some of the contractions got strong enough to make we worry & my friends could see how uncomfortable I was by the look on my face. We all started to get worried.
I called my OB (or the triage nurse because it was after hours) while we timed the contractions. Each of them were a minute long & 5 minutes apart. The nurses were so busy that I had to leave a message. After much discussion about what to do, we finally decided that I would drive home & massage friends would follow me to make sure I was OK. I got home & waited for the nurse to call me back. I knew I wasn't in active labor, but possibly early labor (which could last for a couple of days if it was anything like it was with Logan). The nurse called back & said that I had to go to labor & delivery no matter what because I was still only 36 weeks along & considered pre-term.
We packed Logan up in the middle of the night, again, & took him over to photographer friends house for another sleep over. This time while still a little upset, was not as traumatic for him like the first time.
We got labor & delivery with the contractions still going & the ER staff commenting on how small my belly was. We got set up in a labor suite (we were in triage last time & the suites are really nice), got hooked up to the monitors & waited for the on-call Doctor to see how things were progressing. The contractions were registering on the monitor, but I wasn't dilating - which was a good thing, sort of. Even though I'm having contractions that are uncomfortable & at the spaced time that requires a trip to labor & delivery, I'm not supposed to go back until either my water breaks or until the contractions are strong enough to make me stop breathing & talking. Just like with Logan.
So, now I continue to have strong, uncomfortable contractions every 5 minutes or so & I have to just deal with it until I'm practically dying for my epidural. They are strong enough to wake me up in the middle of the night, too. Craziness.
Logan, however, had a great time at his sleepover. He & Little M stayed up chatting & playing with some toys & dressing up. Little M eventually got tired & left her room to ask photographer friend to talk to him because he wouldn't stop & go to sleep. That is hilarious! So, the next time I go to labor & delivery, when it's the REAL thing, I am not the least bit worried about how Logan will do if we have to drop him off in the middle of the night (again), which I'm almost certain will happen.
All day today I had felt "off". I was crampy, tired, slow-moving. I just didn't feel right & it reminded me of how I felt when I was in early labor with Logan. I didn't do anything about it, going about my business, keeping appointments & doing some shopping.
Later in the evening, I had to go to an emergency board meeting for The Club. Remember Playgroup Nazi? Well, she was back to her old antics & we were trying to figure out how to terminate her membership. We had to revise our Code of Conduct to include phrases like "All members must treat each other with courtesy & respect", "NO foul language at activities" & common sense things that all adults should automatically do. How sad is that!? On my way over there, my contractions were getting worse. During the meeting, I was propped up on the couch with a pillow under my knees & drinking water. Some of the contractions got strong enough to make we worry & my friends could see how uncomfortable I was by the look on my face. We all started to get worried.
I called my OB (or the triage nurse because it was after hours) while we timed the contractions. Each of them were a minute long & 5 minutes apart. The nurses were so busy that I had to leave a message. After much discussion about what to do, we finally decided that I would drive home & massage friends would follow me to make sure I was OK. I got home & waited for the nurse to call me back. I knew I wasn't in active labor, but possibly early labor (which could last for a couple of days if it was anything like it was with Logan). The nurse called back & said that I had to go to labor & delivery no matter what because I was still only 36 weeks along & considered pre-term.
We packed Logan up in the middle of the night, again, & took him over to photographer friends house for another sleep over. This time while still a little upset, was not as traumatic for him like the first time.
We got labor & delivery with the contractions still going & the ER staff commenting on how small my belly was. We got set up in a labor suite (we were in triage last time & the suites are really nice), got hooked up to the monitors & waited for the on-call Doctor to see how things were progressing. The contractions were registering on the monitor, but I wasn't dilating - which was a good thing, sort of. Even though I'm having contractions that are uncomfortable & at the spaced time that requires a trip to labor & delivery, I'm not supposed to go back until either my water breaks or until the contractions are strong enough to make me stop breathing & talking. Just like with Logan.
So, now I continue to have strong, uncomfortable contractions every 5 minutes or so & I have to just deal with it until I'm practically dying for my epidural. They are strong enough to wake me up in the middle of the night, too. Craziness.
Logan, however, had a great time at his sleepover. He & Little M stayed up chatting & playing with some toys & dressing up. Little M eventually got tired & left her room to ask photographer friend to talk to him because he wouldn't stop & go to sleep. That is hilarious! So, the next time I go to labor & delivery, when it's the REAL thing, I am not the least bit worried about how Logan will do if we have to drop him off in the middle of the night (again), which I'm almost certain will happen.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The end of summer
All of the kids have gone back to school this week, the weather has been gradually getting cooler & bikini season is officially over. Oddly, this year I really liked bikini season while being pregnant (before stretch marks got a little crazy). I guess it's more fun to wear when your stomach is supposed to be big. I would have never gone without the board shorts though because my butt looks horrific at this point. This is probably the last time I'll wear this number again until next summer (when I better be at pre-pregnancy size).
35 weeks pregnant
Belly Hugs
New hair cuts & cute smiles
All of the kids have gone back to school this week, the weather has been gradually getting cooler & bikini season is officially over. Oddly, this year I really liked bikini season while being pregnant (before stretch marks got a little crazy). I guess it's more fun to wear when your stomach is supposed to be big. I would have never gone without the board shorts though because my butt looks horrific at this point. This is probably the last time I'll wear this number again until next summer (when I better be at pre-pregnancy size).
35 weeks pregnant
Belly Hugs
New hair cuts & cute smilesMonday, August 18, 2008
I don't know where this came from
Logan has a full blown phobia that has come out of nowhere. He is really afraid of dogs. Like, panics & freaks out kind of afraid & I have no idea why.
Over the last few months I've noticed his fear of dogs increasing. He's certainly not afraid of Buddha (I often have to yell at him to leave the poor dog alone), but other people's dogs? That's a totally different story. Even dogs he knows & sees often at friend's houses. As we walk up the driveway to knock on their door, he'll talk about how he's scared of the dog & doesn't want to go in. I have to reassure him that it's alright & that the dogs are nice & he'll be fine. He's never been bit, but has been jumped on by a small dog (smaller than Buddha). This is the only reason I can pin point.
Last week we were at a babysitting co-op meeting at a members house. The kids were out in the back yard playing while all of the moms hung out in the kitchen & chatted while snacking (the usual things we do). The next thing I know, someone tells me that Logan is freaking out on the deck. I turn around & look out of the sliding glass door to see him in a full panic, running, screaming, frantically trying to get away from a very mellow black Lab. The boy was climbing on top of the picnic table & if he were strong enough, I have no doubt that he would have scaled a wall to get away. He was that afraid.
I ran out & scooped him up, telling him that it was alright, the dog was nice & he's safe. Everything was OK & he could calm down. I carried him inside & he sat on my lap to relax for a while. He did, but did not want to go outside until the dog was gone. The mom brought the dog inside & put them in the kennel & even then, Logan was getting upset that the dog was in the next room. I had never seen him this scared in his life!
This afternoon we went out for ice cream with some friends downtown right where Bill works. After everyone left, Logan & I hung out waiting for Bill to get off. While we played on the kids play structure, another mom with an older kid & a small Jack Russel Terrier on a leash came over to play. Immediately, Logan ran away. I told him that it was OK, the dog was on a leash & wasn't going to get anywhere near him. I also told him that the dog was nice & he didn't have to worry. He still kept his distance. The other mom & I chatted a bit while the kids played & while she gave Logan permission to pet her dog, he refused. Thirty minutes later, he inched closer, smiled at the dog & looked from afar, but didn't want to pet him at all.
I've never told him that dogs are scary. I've taught him long ago that he can't just walk up to strange dogs, he has to have permission & when he does, he's to hold out his hand so the dog can sniff him first. I don't think I've ever told him that dogs bite (except for Buddha & Kitty when they are mad at him for teasing them - even then, this doesn't phase him & he thinks it's funny). So, it's not like I've instilled fear in him. I just don't know why he is so afraid of them. Maybe this is just a normal phase that he'll grow out of. I really hope so because I hate to see him so terrified. It's completely traumatizing to him.
Logan has a full blown phobia that has come out of nowhere. He is really afraid of dogs. Like, panics & freaks out kind of afraid & I have no idea why.
Over the last few months I've noticed his fear of dogs increasing. He's certainly not afraid of Buddha (I often have to yell at him to leave the poor dog alone), but other people's dogs? That's a totally different story. Even dogs he knows & sees often at friend's houses. As we walk up the driveway to knock on their door, he'll talk about how he's scared of the dog & doesn't want to go in. I have to reassure him that it's alright & that the dogs are nice & he'll be fine. He's never been bit, but has been jumped on by a small dog (smaller than Buddha). This is the only reason I can pin point.
Last week we were at a babysitting co-op meeting at a members house. The kids were out in the back yard playing while all of the moms hung out in the kitchen & chatted while snacking (the usual things we do). The next thing I know, someone tells me that Logan is freaking out on the deck. I turn around & look out of the sliding glass door to see him in a full panic, running, screaming, frantically trying to get away from a very mellow black Lab. The boy was climbing on top of the picnic table & if he were strong enough, I have no doubt that he would have scaled a wall to get away. He was that afraid.
I ran out & scooped him up, telling him that it was alright, the dog was nice & he's safe. Everything was OK & he could calm down. I carried him inside & he sat on my lap to relax for a while. He did, but did not want to go outside until the dog was gone. The mom brought the dog inside & put them in the kennel & even then, Logan was getting upset that the dog was in the next room. I had never seen him this scared in his life!
This afternoon we went out for ice cream with some friends downtown right where Bill works. After everyone left, Logan & I hung out waiting for Bill to get off. While we played on the kids play structure, another mom with an older kid & a small Jack Russel Terrier on a leash came over to play. Immediately, Logan ran away. I told him that it was OK, the dog was on a leash & wasn't going to get anywhere near him. I also told him that the dog was nice & he didn't have to worry. He still kept his distance. The other mom & I chatted a bit while the kids played & while she gave Logan permission to pet her dog, he refused. Thirty minutes later, he inched closer, smiled at the dog & looked from afar, but didn't want to pet him at all.
I've never told him that dogs are scary. I've taught him long ago that he can't just walk up to strange dogs, he has to have permission & when he does, he's to hold out his hand so the dog can sniff him first. I don't think I've ever told him that dogs bite (except for Buddha & Kitty when they are mad at him for teasing them - even then, this doesn't phase him & he thinks it's funny). So, it's not like I've instilled fear in him. I just don't know why he is so afraid of them. Maybe this is just a normal phase that he'll grow out of. I really hope so because I hate to see him so terrified. It's completely traumatizing to him.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Place your bets
This afternoon I had an appointment with my OB. It started out as a typical visit with the Group B Strep test (I'll find out results later). The Doctor also checked my cervix to see what was going on. Carter is head down, cervix is still high, but I'm already a fingertip dilated. Now, this really doesn't mean anything other than things are changing. They could be fast or slow changes. Often times, women walk around at 2cms dilated for weeks. But, things are moving along either way! My only rule is that Carter has to stay in until 37 weeks. I'm thinking he'll be born at 38.
Another thing that was brought up (by me) in this appointment was anti-depressants. Now, I don't typically ask for comments on here but now I am...
This pregnancy has been the most stressful eight months that I've had in a very, very, very long time (other than when we were dealing with the in-laws). Looking back to after Logan was born, I'm pretty sure I had undiagnosed post-partum depression & I know that dealing with Bill's family was the catalyst that took me there. I wasn't on any medication at the time & even though I was still able to take care of Logan, it was a horrible first year & I cried all of the time (for VERY good reason). The only reason nothing was done about it was because there was reason to be depressed & I never realized that "Life Crap" could bring on PPD. To be frank, I'm depressed now (not too bad, but again, for VERY good reason) & I'm afraid that extenuating circumstances will bring on PPD again.
So, because the depression on both accounts have been because of events & circumstances & not chemical/hormonal imbalances, I'm unsure if I should start medication. I don't feel out of control, but extremely stressed out which does effect me & every single other person in the family. We're working on the issues at hand & although it will take time to fix, we'll get there eventually just probably not before Carter is born.
My OB is leaving the decision up to me. I'm not a big fan of medication, especially anti-depressants in this situation ONLY because depression is happening because of life crap that is going on. If I take the medication, it won't "fix" the problem per say, so I don't see what the point would be.
I just don't know what to do. I'm definitely not at rock bottom, I've been through much deeper bouts of depression unmedicated & made out alright (like after Logan was born), but I don't want to make the mistake of not thinking about this seriously & all of a sudden finding myself in a black hole (especially if Life Crap gets worse). I'm really confused about it all right now.
I would really love to read comments about anyone's experiences with PPD & medication, especially if it was brought on by difficult things happening in life at the time.
This afternoon I had an appointment with my OB. It started out as a typical visit with the Group B Strep test (I'll find out results later). The Doctor also checked my cervix to see what was going on. Carter is head down, cervix is still high, but I'm already a fingertip dilated. Now, this really doesn't mean anything other than things are changing. They could be fast or slow changes. Often times, women walk around at 2cms dilated for weeks. But, things are moving along either way! My only rule is that Carter has to stay in until 37 weeks. I'm thinking he'll be born at 38.
Another thing that was brought up (by me) in this appointment was anti-depressants. Now, I don't typically ask for comments on here but now I am...
This pregnancy has been the most stressful eight months that I've had in a very, very, very long time (other than when we were dealing with the in-laws). Looking back to after Logan was born, I'm pretty sure I had undiagnosed post-partum depression & I know that dealing with Bill's family was the catalyst that took me there. I wasn't on any medication at the time & even though I was still able to take care of Logan, it was a horrible first year & I cried all of the time (for VERY good reason). The only reason nothing was done about it was because there was reason to be depressed & I never realized that "Life Crap" could bring on PPD. To be frank, I'm depressed now (not too bad, but again, for VERY good reason) & I'm afraid that extenuating circumstances will bring on PPD again.
So, because the depression on both accounts have been because of events & circumstances & not chemical/hormonal imbalances, I'm unsure if I should start medication. I don't feel out of control, but extremely stressed out which does effect me & every single other person in the family. We're working on the issues at hand & although it will take time to fix, we'll get there eventually just probably not before Carter is born.
My OB is leaving the decision up to me. I'm not a big fan of medication, especially anti-depressants in this situation ONLY because depression is happening because of life crap that is going on. If I take the medication, it won't "fix" the problem per say, so I don't see what the point would be.
I just don't know what to do. I'm definitely not at rock bottom, I've been through much deeper bouts of depression unmedicated & made out alright (like after Logan was born), but I don't want to make the mistake of not thinking about this seriously & all of a sudden finding myself in a black hole (especially if Life Crap gets worse). I'm really confused about it all right now.
I would really love to read comments about anyone's experiences with PPD & medication, especially if it was brought on by difficult things happening in life at the time.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
2 1/2 years old
My baby is no longer a baby, no longer a toddler & quickly growing up to be a big boy - a preschooler, doing things all by himself. His growth & development over the last seven months has been amazing & watching him live his happy little life has been both challenging & heartwarming all in the same moment.Logan has turned into quite the early bird, waking up at 6am. Because our bedtime battles with him escaping from his room repeatedly were exhausting, frustrating & going nowhere, we put up the baby gate along his door jam so he can't get out. When he wakes up in the morning, he calls for us now rather than slamming his door a million times or throwing all of his toys out into the hallway. He has grown tall enough to reach the door knob to Carter's room, so we'll see how that works out.
He continues to be a great napper, taking one huge long nap almost everyday from 1 to almost 4. I LOVE that he still naps this long, since it gives me some time to sleep too. I hope he continues this trend for a while after Carter is born so we can ALL take long naps at the same time. I don't think he'll outgrow this too soon since he is such an active little kid & wears himself out regularly.He is still the pickiest eater I've ever known. He'll eat meat every now & then, but I would still consider him to be vegetarian. We are stuck in a major food rut as he wants to eat the same things everyday (which is normal, I guess). For breakfast he has a glass of milk, a banana & a cereal bar. His snacks are banana chips (monkey chips), raisins, goldfish crackers, peanuts & graham crackers (bee crackers). For lunch it's either a cheese sandwich or peanut butter & jelly sandwich with fruit (he loves all fruit) & veggies (usually peas). Dinner is either the same thing, home-made mac n' cheese (the healthy kind) with veggies or hamburgers that we have to call "Crabby Patties" & tell him that Sponge Bob made so he'll eat it. Although, he has no problem asking for "fries for dinner" every single night.
He loves going to school to "make pictures" & wants me to sing "the wheels on the bus" often. I love the way he says "round & round" while doing the hand motion. It is so, so cute. When not asking to go to school, he asks to go to the gym to play with his friends, or asks to go to specific friends houses. He is a busy body that needs something to do every day, all day. Downtime to him is boring & he often gets into trouble when he's bored & looking for something to do.
At home he is still fascinated with cars or anything with wheels, really. He looks for bugs in the yard, plays with his actions figures & somehow loves Spiderman (which we've never watched or played with). We still watch Sponge Bob religiously, as well as Yo Gaba Gaba (again) & now, The Simpsons (thanks to Bill). If he's not driving his cars across every surface in the house, or playing pretend (& I don't know what he's pretending to do most of the time), he's torturing our poor, patient pets, chasing them around the house & trying to sit on them. It's amazing he hasn't been bit yet, & it's astounding how many times I yell, "LEAVE THE DOG/CAT ALONE"!
He is starting to talk more & more everyday in full sentences. He often asks, "What's that Mommy/Daddy?" to everything he sees, whines "but I don't want to", & has caught me off guard by asking, "Mommy, can I have my milk please?" He loves to talk about how the "ambulance takes hurt people to the doctor" or "police car takes people to jail". He is also in the "mine" phase, where he has to claim everything as his, even his friends toys. This stage is beyond annoying.He is very good about getting his shoes on by himself, even on the right foot. That's about all he can do to dress himself right now, since pants/shorts are the next thing we'll work on. He has lost interest in potty training, partly because I probably kept asking him if he wanted to go everyday. Now it's become a power struggle. I still ask, but I leave it at that & only talk about it at diaper changes. He knows that he gets candy if he poops on the potty & now we've upped the ante by telling him that if he poops on the potty, he will get a very big special surprise car (a General Lee car that the grandparents bought him that we saved since he got other Big Cars during their last visit).
Temper tantrums have been decreasing in frequency & talking back has begun to take it's place. So, he's still in timeout occasionally, but it's more for grunting a gruff huff when he's in trouble while pointing his finger at me. Or yelling at me. Or sometimes both. We certainly are heading into the "Terrifying Three's", or at least that's what it feels like.
We had a lot of fun learning to swim this summer & his arm floaties were a hit. We've been working with him on trying to peddle his tricycle, but I think it might take some more time to get the hang of that. However, the kid has an arm on him & learned how to throw discs around just like his Dad. Soon, he'll be tagging along with Bill across the disc golf course with his own bag of discs.
He is learning about chores & helping out around the house. He throws trash away for me, cleans up his toys (occasionally), puts his dishes in the sink, clothes in the hamper & helps Bill pick up dog poop in the back yard (he's the poop finder & points it out. Pretty cute, if you ask me). I think in the next year, we'll start his chore chart. Maybe even sooner than that!
It is just shocking how much he has grown & how fast he continues to grow. I didn't think it was possible, but he gets even more cute as the days go by. He is sweet & very loving, giving us hugs & kisses & cuddles everyday, all day. Hearing his giggles & shrieks of laughter just make me smile on the crappiest of days. He loves to be happy & make everyone around him smile. I am so incredibly proud of the boy he's growing up to be. I love my sweetie pea more than life itself.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Weekend Bullets (because they work)
I've finally hit the wall enough where I feel like my muscles are made of a slow-setting cement. My brain hasn't been clear, I just want to sleep & it has nothing to do with the summer (yeah for central air!) but everything to do with being so close to the end of the pregnancy. So, here's some bullets!
More interesting posts to come this week as I clear the fog from my head (yeah, right!)
I've finally hit the wall enough where I feel like my muscles are made of a slow-setting cement. My brain hasn't been clear, I just want to sleep & it has nothing to do with the summer (yeah for central air!) but everything to do with being so close to the end of the pregnancy. So, here's some bullets!
- Logan got stung by a yellow jacket for the first time on Friday. We have a BIG problem with a HUGE nest under the back deck & have tried everything other than an exterminator (which is our next step). We tell him often that "bee's bite" & to leave them alone. Well, I think he tried to pick one up & it stung the inside of his thumb. He cried for a short amount of time (shockingly) & his thumb swelled up pretty good. He was very good & sat on the couch with me to cuddle & ice his thumb to get the swelling down. We are very thankful that he didn't have a more severe reaction considering his allergy history.
- Logan is definitely a growing boy. He is going through a growth spurt & is increasingly clumsy. He's tripped over his own feet, walked into walls & is covered in a new batch of bruises, cuts, scrapes & gouges.
- I slept pretty much all day on Saturday. Bill let me sleep in really late (9:30!), then he took a nap while I took care of Logan the rest of the morning. When it was time for Logan's nap, I took one too & we slept for three & a half hours. I really needed the rest!
- Hyperemesis seems to be making a comeback. On Saturday I had to up my meds because I lost my lunch. Oddly, getting sick & tossing my cookies no longer bothers me. It's old hat. Kind of sad now that I think about it. And gross.
- I've been trying to take it easy these last couple of weeks, but have found that a whole day alone with Logan doing nothing is enormously much more stressful for me. So, on the days we have nothing going on I've been calling friends for playdates, which has been great. Logan can run off some energy with a pal & I can kick it & chat with my friends on their couch.
More interesting posts to come this week as I clear the fog from my head (yeah, right!)
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Misty-eyed with pictures
I've really been trying to help Logan get prepared & excited for Carter's arrival. We ask him about his little brother, if he's going to be a good Big Brother & help me out, ask him if he knows his little brother's name ("Sister!") & really just talk about Carter often.
Logan seems to be getting more & more excited as time goes on. He's fascinated with babies (& we've had quite a few born in The Club this year) & he smiles at them when they are in their infant seats. This morning at playgroup we had four babies, all younger brother/sisters of Logan's friends; a five month old, a four month old, a twelve week old & a three week old. He was curious about them all & happy that they were at playgroup with his pals. It was pretty cute. At the end while everyone was getting packed up & ready to leave, Logan went over & looked at one of the babies on the couch. "That's a nice baby", he said. Talk about adorable.
After playgroup I decided to find some videos of newborns so he could see what Carter would look like when he came home from the hospital. Logan sat with me excitedly, watching babies on the laptop. "Babies!", he shouted. "Baby sister! That's Carter!". Then he leaned over & patted my belly & gave his little brother a big hug. It melted my heart & of course I got teary & choked up.
On that note, here are the latest pictures of our little guy waiting for his Big Day at 33 weeks...
I've really been trying to help Logan get prepared & excited for Carter's arrival. We ask him about his little brother, if he's going to be a good Big Brother & help me out, ask him if he knows his little brother's name ("Sister!") & really just talk about Carter often.
Logan seems to be getting more & more excited as time goes on. He's fascinated with babies (& we've had quite a few born in The Club this year) & he smiles at them when they are in their infant seats. This morning at playgroup we had four babies, all younger brother/sisters of Logan's friends; a five month old, a four month old, a twelve week old & a three week old. He was curious about them all & happy that they were at playgroup with his pals. It was pretty cute. At the end while everyone was getting packed up & ready to leave, Logan went over & looked at one of the babies on the couch. "That's a nice baby", he said. Talk about adorable.
After playgroup I decided to find some videos of newborns so he could see what Carter would look like when he came home from the hospital. Logan sat with me excitedly, watching babies on the laptop. "Babies!", he shouted. "Baby sister! That's Carter!". Then he leaned over & patted my belly & gave his little brother a big hug. It melted my heart & of course I got teary & choked up.
On that note, here are the latest pictures of our little guy waiting for his Big Day at 33 weeks...
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Brilliant Blogger 2008
I am tired, sore, have heart burn like no other & just feel blah (usual pregnancy stuff), so this tag by Courtney is awesome timing.
A. Attached or Single? Attached
B. Best Friend? Photographer Friend & Massage Friend
C. Cake or Pie? I have to pick. Seriously? BOTH!
D. Day of Choice? Saturday
E. Essential Item? Dishwasher
F. Favorite Color? Green? I have too many
G. Gummy Bears or Worms? YUCK! Neither!
H. Hometown? Salt Lake
I. Indulgence? Hot fudge Sundaes
J. January or July? July
K. Kids? 2
L. Life isn't complete without? Family (not extended!)
M. Marriage Date? June 6, 1999
N. Number of brothers & sisters? 3 younger sisters
O. Oranges or Apples? Oranges
P. Phobias? Haunted Houses like the "fun" ones on Halloween
Q. Quotes? Not sure
R. Reasons to smile? The kids
S. Season of Choice? Fall
T. Tag seven others below.
U. Unknown fact about me? I don't know how to drive a stick shift
V. Vegetable? Peas
W. Worst Habits? Biting my nails
X. X-Ray or Ultrasound? Ultrasound. What exactly is this supposed to mean?
Y. Your favorite food? Sushi
Z. Zodiac Sign? Aries
I'm supposed to tag 7 other people. How about whoever needs some blog fodder goes for it.
I am tired, sore, have heart burn like no other & just feel blah (usual pregnancy stuff), so this tag by Courtney is awesome timing.
A. Attached or Single? Attached
B. Best Friend? Photographer Friend & Massage Friend
C. Cake or Pie? I have to pick. Seriously? BOTH!
D. Day of Choice? Saturday
E. Essential Item? Dishwasher
F. Favorite Color? Green? I have too many
G. Gummy Bears or Worms? YUCK! Neither!
H. Hometown? Salt Lake
I. Indulgence? Hot fudge Sundaes
J. January or July? July
K. Kids? 2
L. Life isn't complete without? Family (not extended!)
M. Marriage Date? June 6, 1999
N. Number of brothers & sisters? 3 younger sisters
O. Oranges or Apples? Oranges
P. Phobias? Haunted Houses like the "fun" ones on Halloween
Q. Quotes? Not sure
R. Reasons to smile? The kids
S. Season of Choice? Fall
T. Tag seven others below.
U. Unknown fact about me? I don't know how to drive a stick shift
V. Vegetable? Peas
W. Worst Habits? Biting my nails
X. X-Ray or Ultrasound? Ultrasound. What exactly is this supposed to mean?
Y. Your favorite food? Sushi
Z. Zodiac Sign? Aries
I'm supposed to tag 7 other people. How about whoever needs some blog fodder goes for it.
Monday, August 04, 2008
I think everything is OK
This afternoon I had my ultrasound to see what's going on & why I'm measuring four weeks behind. I wasn't too nervous because all week long I haven't been thinking about it (other than Googling some stuff after I came home from my last OB appointment). I pretty much told myself that if anything is wrong, there's nothing I can do about it right now & worrying will only send me to labor & delivery for another shot to stop contractions. So, ignoring the fact that there might be something to worry about seemed to work (gee, no wonder why Bill does this coping skill so often).
The ultrasound technician was really nice. We chatted a bit & joked about raising boys. Then she got to measuring. She measured Carters head & I didn't notice any movement. I held my breath while she was telling me the anatomy that she was looking for. She moved the wand & I saw Carter's heart beating, giving me a rush of relief that I felt all the way down to my toes. She then tried to measure his abdomen. This took quite a while with a very long moment of dead silence, concentrated, quizzical looks & many re-measurements. This is where I began to worry again. I stayed silent, watching the screen until the technician told me that since there was little room for Carter to move around, it was difficult to get an accurate measurement. I just nodded.
She then moved on to his femur, which was also equally as difficult to measure. Apparently, my weird body shape is probably the main reason for measuring small. Carter was wedged up into my rib cage (even though he's dropped & head down) & I had to take a deep breath to open my rib cage & get him down a bit so she could measure. After a while, she got what she needed, told me that he was measuring fine, the amniotic fluid was good & everything looked great.
Huge relief. Huge, huge, huge.
I still go in tomorrow to see my OB to go over the results. I didn't think the tech would spill the beans (I didn't think they could), but I am so glad that she did. Now I can sleep well tonight, go about my day tomorrow as usual & look forward to a good visit with my awesome OB.
This afternoon I had my ultrasound to see what's going on & why I'm measuring four weeks behind. I wasn't too nervous because all week long I haven't been thinking about it (other than Googling some stuff after I came home from my last OB appointment). I pretty much told myself that if anything is wrong, there's nothing I can do about it right now & worrying will only send me to labor & delivery for another shot to stop contractions. So, ignoring the fact that there might be something to worry about seemed to work (gee, no wonder why Bill does this coping skill so often).
The ultrasound technician was really nice. We chatted a bit & joked about raising boys. Then she got to measuring. She measured Carters head & I didn't notice any movement. I held my breath while she was telling me the anatomy that she was looking for. She moved the wand & I saw Carter's heart beating, giving me a rush of relief that I felt all the way down to my toes. She then tried to measure his abdomen. This took quite a while with a very long moment of dead silence, concentrated, quizzical looks & many re-measurements. This is where I began to worry again. I stayed silent, watching the screen until the technician told me that since there was little room for Carter to move around, it was difficult to get an accurate measurement. I just nodded.
She then moved on to his femur, which was also equally as difficult to measure. Apparently, my weird body shape is probably the main reason for measuring small. Carter was wedged up into my rib cage (even though he's dropped & head down) & I had to take a deep breath to open my rib cage & get him down a bit so she could measure. After a while, she got what she needed, told me that he was measuring fine, the amniotic fluid was good & everything looked great.
Huge relief. Huge, huge, huge.
I still go in tomorrow to see my OB to go over the results. I didn't think the tech would spill the beans (I didn't think they could), but I am so glad that she did. Now I can sleep well tonight, go about my day tomorrow as usual & look forward to a good visit with my awesome OB.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Round two
Bill's parents came back this week/weekend for another visit. They are on their first road trip as retired people, so they drove through Colorado for a visit during the first half & then came back again on their way home. This visit was a little more stressful than the last.
For some reason or another, Grandpa L thinks it's OK to smoke around Logan. I don't know where he got this idea because the "smoking rule" from day one was that he had to wash his hands & change his clothes if he wanted to hold Logan when he was a baby, to which Grandpa L decided that he just wouldn't hold him (nice, huh). The rules have never changed, however, he's been testing the limits at each visit as the years go by. It started with him lighting up while we were out walking around Downtown this last spring. Then there was the last visit where I had to keep telling Logan to stay away from Grandpa while he smoked in our backyard (which really made me angry).
This last Friday they came over for dinner. Grandma L was cutting up some fruit in the kitchen, Bill, Logan & Grandpa L were in the backyard grilling the burgers. I looked out of the sliding glass door & did a triple take. Grandpa L was standing by the grill & Logan was less than three feet away from his smoldering cigarette. I yelled to Logan from across the yard to come inside & to stay away from Grandpa while he smoked (he should be smoking in the front yard anyway - away from everyone). Grandpa L then has the balls to tell me, "It's OK. The wind is blowing in the other direction. He's fine because he's upwind". I almost lost it. "I don't care where the wind is blowing, it's too close for my comfort", I told him with much restraint. I then brought Logan inside while trying to heard him away from Grandpa L. After that, I guess Bill said something to him but I'm not sure what, but to the effect of don't smoke around our kids, I'm guessing.
So, for the rest of the visit Grandpa L was pissed because I don't want him smoking around us. I never told him he couldn't smoke (that's like telling the sun not to shine) & he has a place where he can go out of view & away from Logan in the driveway or the front yard. If this come up again in the next visit in October (after Carter is born), I will not hold back as much as I did this time.
The rest of the in-laws were their usual selves, Aunt Ju-Ju not being able to commit to a time & place for lunch, ultimately screwing up Bill's lunch hour & Grandma L being fake & also making some kind of interesting statements, comparing Logan to Cousin B (whatever). Nothing to open my mouth over.
Interestingly enough, the info-train with them has come to a complete stop. Since this is the last visit until after Carter is born, they still have not seen an ultrasound, they have no clue about the trip to labor & delivery a couple of weeks ago & they don't know that I'm measuring 4 weeks behind & need to go in tomorrow for another ultrasound. All they know is that we're having Carter at the end of September (hopefully not sooner). Maybe it would have been different if they actually tried to change the relationship, made a real apology, making an effort to respect our parenting choices & not being so cruel to me behind my back.
Bill's parents came back this week/weekend for another visit. They are on their first road trip as retired people, so they drove through Colorado for a visit during the first half & then came back again on their way home. This visit was a little more stressful than the last.
For some reason or another, Grandpa L thinks it's OK to smoke around Logan. I don't know where he got this idea because the "smoking rule" from day one was that he had to wash his hands & change his clothes if he wanted to hold Logan when he was a baby, to which Grandpa L decided that he just wouldn't hold him (nice, huh). The rules have never changed, however, he's been testing the limits at each visit as the years go by. It started with him lighting up while we were out walking around Downtown this last spring. Then there was the last visit where I had to keep telling Logan to stay away from Grandpa while he smoked in our backyard (which really made me angry).
This last Friday they came over for dinner. Grandma L was cutting up some fruit in the kitchen, Bill, Logan & Grandpa L were in the backyard grilling the burgers. I looked out of the sliding glass door & did a triple take. Grandpa L was standing by the grill & Logan was less than three feet away from his smoldering cigarette. I yelled to Logan from across the yard to come inside & to stay away from Grandpa while he smoked (he should be smoking in the front yard anyway - away from everyone). Grandpa L then has the balls to tell me, "It's OK. The wind is blowing in the other direction. He's fine because he's upwind". I almost lost it. "I don't care where the wind is blowing, it's too close for my comfort", I told him with much restraint. I then brought Logan inside while trying to heard him away from Grandpa L. After that, I guess Bill said something to him but I'm not sure what, but to the effect of don't smoke around our kids, I'm guessing.
So, for the rest of the visit Grandpa L was pissed because I don't want him smoking around us. I never told him he couldn't smoke (that's like telling the sun not to shine) & he has a place where he can go out of view & away from Logan in the driveway or the front yard. If this come up again in the next visit in October (after Carter is born), I will not hold back as much as I did this time.
The rest of the in-laws were their usual selves, Aunt Ju-Ju not being able to commit to a time & place for lunch, ultimately screwing up Bill's lunch hour & Grandma L being fake & also making some kind of interesting statements, comparing Logan to Cousin B (whatever). Nothing to open my mouth over.
Interestingly enough, the info-train with them has come to a complete stop. Since this is the last visit until after Carter is born, they still have not seen an ultrasound, they have no clue about the trip to labor & delivery a couple of weeks ago & they don't know that I'm measuring 4 weeks behind & need to go in tomorrow for another ultrasound. All they know is that we're having Carter at the end of September (hopefully not sooner). Maybe it would have been different if they actually tried to change the relationship, made a real apology, making an effort to respect our parenting choices & not being so cruel to me behind my back.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Talk about editing
We had a good time at the viewing party last night, even though Logan was being a Holy Terror, flipping out at the smallest things, not listening, you know - the usual. There were lots of people, lots of food & hey, as a pregnant woman, it was awesome to just hang out & graze. Yum!
The show started & we laughed. It wasn't as embarrassing or horrific as I thought it would be. Through the magic of editing, it was smooth & we looked like normal people, not the spastic idiot trying to "act" like I felt during filming. But editing, wow. They did a lot of it. No wonder why it took an entire year to air. Each "scene" was lightly scripted where we discusses what we were going to talk about, where we were going to stand, what our hands were going to do, etc. Each conversation was re-shot & we did at least five if not more takes for each scene. Then to watch the show & see that every single conversation was edited down to two or three words? Crazy.
But, it was a good show, a fun party & we had an awesome time. I think we'll get a good laugh out of Miami Vice carpet, "Antacid" Pink walls (because I couldn't say Pepto-Bismol) & swinging around poles in the basement for quite a while.
We had a good time at the viewing party last night, even though Logan was being a Holy Terror, flipping out at the smallest things, not listening, you know - the usual. There were lots of people, lots of food & hey, as a pregnant woman, it was awesome to just hang out & graze. Yum!
The show started & we laughed. It wasn't as embarrassing or horrific as I thought it would be. Through the magic of editing, it was smooth & we looked like normal people, not the spastic idiot trying to "act" like I felt during filming. But editing, wow. They did a lot of it. No wonder why it took an entire year to air. Each "scene" was lightly scripted where we discusses what we were going to talk about, where we were going to stand, what our hands were going to do, etc. Each conversation was re-shot & we did at least five if not more takes for each scene. Then to watch the show & see that every single conversation was edited down to two or three words? Crazy.
But, it was a good show, a fun party & we had an awesome time. I think we'll get a good laugh out of Miami Vice carpet, "Antacid" Pink walls (because I couldn't say Pepto-Bismol) & swinging around poles in the basement for quite a while.
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