Monday, October 04, 2010

October seems like a good month to start over

I've been wracked with guilt over the last year or so about this blog, pulling at straws to find the space, the time, the commitment to write regularly like I once had. I feel as though moments of our life have slipped through my fingers, almost forgotten forever. Files of pictures on my desktop wait for editing, wait for a story to be told.

This was the whole reason I started this blog. To make sure we had memories recorded for all time and eternity and generations to come - but mostly for my own selfish reasons of needing a digital memory bank, not wanting to lose precious life moments like I have before. I never wanted my kids to think back on their own childhood, unable to remember a damn thing. But, selfishly again, I never wanted to look back on the second half of my life not remembering a damn thing. 15 years have already been lost forever.

I feel like this space is my heart and soul. This blog is me, my family, our life. I never wrote for an audience, for traffic, for stats (even though I used to obsessively check them). I wrote for me. My love for writing grew in this space. My love for blogging blossomed here. I look back on previous entries from when Logan was a small baby and weep with gratitude that I spent the time to record those memories.

In my absence on this blog, I feel like I've cheated my family. But also, which hurts me more (narcissistically enough), I feel like I've cheated myself.

I suppose this happens to everyone at some point in their life - they lose track, go off the beaten path and return to the straight and narrow. I suppose this happens to every long-term blogger, an ebb and flow of content and time. Some people give up and abandon theirs. I never will, no matter how long my absence is.

But, I think October is a good month to start over.

Logan is back in school and now Carter is, too. While I still blog professionally on my restaurant review blog (which takes up 90% of my writing time), the moments that both boys are in school - two hours a week - I can dedicate writing time to this blog again.

You can expect to read posts on Mondays and Wednesdays. It may take a few weeks to catch up on our summer of fun, but the "what we did today" posts will once again be balanced with those introspective essays I hold dear to my heart.

See you on Wednesday.

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