I've been wracked with guilt over the last year or so about this blog, pulling at straws to find the space, the time, the commitment to write regularly like I once had. I feel as though moments of our life have slipped through my fingers, almost forgotten forever. Files of pictures on my desktop wait for editing, wait for a story to be told.
This was the whole reason I started this blog. To make sure we had memories recorded for all time and eternity and generations to come - but mostly for my own selfish reasons of needing a digital memory bank, not wanting to lose precious life moments like I have before. I never wanted my kids to think back on their own childhood, unable to remember a damn thing. But, selfishly again, I never wanted to look back on the second half of my life not remembering a damn thing. 15 years have already been lost forever.
I feel like this space is my heart and soul. This blog is me, my family, our life. I never wrote for an audience, for traffic, for stats (even though I used to obsessively check them). I wrote for me. My love for writing grew in this space. My love for blogging blossomed here. I look back on previous entries from when Logan was a small baby and weep with gratitude that I spent the time to record those memories.
In my absence on this blog, I feel like I've cheated my family. But also, which hurts me more (narcissistically enough), I feel like I've cheated myself.
I suppose this happens to everyone at some point in their life - they lose track, go off the beaten path and return to the straight and narrow. I suppose this happens to every long-term blogger, an ebb and flow of content and time. Some people give up and abandon theirs. I never will, no matter how long my absence is.
But, I think October is a good month to start over.
Logan is back in school and now Carter is, too. While I still blog professionally on my restaurant review blog (which takes up 90% of my writing time), the moments that both boys are in school - two hours a week - I can dedicate writing time to this blog again.
You can expect to read posts on Mondays and Wednesdays. It may take a few weeks to catch up on our summer of fun, but the "what we did today" posts will once again be balanced with those introspective essays I hold dear to my heart.
See you on Wednesday.