Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Why am I not surprised
Last Thursday, one of the other moms on the MOMS Club board unknowingly came to the board meeting with shingles. Once she was diagnosed, she immediately emailed everyone she had been in contact with apologizing & offering to answer any questions people may have. Not too many other moms have to worry about it since they've either had the chickenpox or their kids have been vaccinated for it. Only a few people have newborns & I'm pretty sure they made out OK.

I emailed her back wishing her a speedy recovery (I've heard shingles is super crappy to deal with) & that I was the strange one of the group actually hoping Logan would get the chickenpox since he's not been vaccinated (& won't unless he never gets the disease by his teen years).

I've been keeping a close eye on Logan's rashes & eczema outbreaks, looking for any signs of chickenpox. Last night he had a very nasty breakout - a bright red rash on his stomach, hips, arms & the back of his knees & a few bumps on his face. I was sure that he would wake up covered in spots. He actually woke up looking good, but I still took him to the Doctor to get checked out just in case.

We were seen this morning & I was told to leave him in the car while I got him checked in at the front desk. After check-in, they had us come into an exam room by a side door to the building so no other children would be in contact with him if he did have the highly contagious infectious disease. The PA looked him over & checked out the spots on his lips, ears, hands, face & feet. Chickenpox was ruled out, but he was diagnosed with a different contagious infectious disease. Hand-Foot-Mouth disease. I was told that it is really common in kids his age, especially if they are thumb suckers (Logan is more of a whole hand chewer - still). He's been living in the sandbox ever since the weather has been nice, so it's no surprise that he has some virus from the combination.

There's no treatment plan or medication for him to take, we just wait it out for about 3-7 days. He doesn't have a fever & he doesn't have open blisters so he's not contagious & we don't have to be quarantined in the house for an extended period of time. The PA thinks that his rash from last night was a combination of seasonal allergies causing his eczema to flare up, along with the HFM symptoms. It's been suggested that Logan start taking a daily medication like Zyrtec. I might have him take it only during high-pollen days. We'll see.

So, HFM disease. Yuck. Although I was really hoping it was chickenpox.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Sometimes he gets it
I've mentioned before that one topic that I often neglect on the blog is that of our marriage & my relationship with Bill. I might have had a post here & there, a few when we were figuring out the family drama, but for the most part some things are better left between just the two of us. However, sometimes I do have to write about us because it is a moment in our life that I would like to remember so when we're 80 & have no recollection of the previous day let alone events 60 years ago - I have it here.

Pregnancy is difficult on any marriage, no matter how long you've been married or how strong your relationship was before the test came back positive. Although not as difficult as the first time, subsequent pregnancies still present regular challenges that truly test you, or at least us anyway. Add pregnancy complications, hormones & Terrible Two's to the mix & you've got 9 months of some not so fun times.

When I was in the throws of HG, it was tough for Bill. He would wake up & take care of Logan before going to work, then come home (when I was at my very worst) & continue to take care of the things that I couldn't - dinners, dishes & getting Logan to bed. He pretty much had the role of a single Dad for about 10 weeks while I lay on the couch practically dying. With the added stress of some difficult sales at work, I understood that it was not an easy time for him. It wasn't an easy time for anyone in our home. There were many frustrated nights on both our parts, Bill dealing with the extra work & then me dealing with a chronic illness (with complaints & whining coming from both sides).

When I'm sick with HG, I'm by no means an easy person to live with. In fact, I turn into an incredibly terrible person, depressed, angry & just ugly in every sense of the word. When I was working in spinal rehab, I never really understood why my patients with chronic pain had terrible attitudes, but now I get it. It's hard to be chipper when you feel like walking death & that poor attitude doesn't make difficult situations any easier for anyone else in the house.

As I started to feel better, I began taking over again. Bill still gets up with Logan in the morning & gets his breakfast ready, but I'm able to get back to regular life, paying the bills, getting dinners together & putting Logan down to bed. Bill is able to take some time for himself going disc golfing with his co-workers a few nights a week & playing in video poker tournaments for downtime when he comes home. Things soon went from one extreme to another where he was once doing it all to now leaving it all to me while living in a bigger home with a longer list of responsibilities (that required more physical energy than I had).

Once again, very frustrated nights mixed with exhaustion - both physically & mentally ( dealing with toddler screams all day long) & pregnancy hormones led to some ugly nights. But to give Bill some credit - he got it (even if it took more than one crazy pregnant wife freakout). He started helping out around the house a little more to the point where I can't even remember the last time I was the one who did the dishes. Taking care of the house is still overwhelming but I'm working on a solution for that (knock on wood that it actually follows through!) & the small things that Bill has started doing regularly has helped a great deal.

But this is where he really gets it.

It's no secret that Logan is in a "difficult stage" to say the least. And to be frank, I honestly don't know of another kid his age that can outdo his extreme tantrums. I've never seen another mother drag her child by the hand across a parking lot because they would rather run around than behave & listen. I've never witnessed another temper tantrum in the store to the point where the mom had to leave her cart full of groceries. I've also never come across another mother who's had to put her child in time-out in a public place like the mall or the front sidewalk of the grocery store. I've never seen a parent leave a class to never return due to their child's problematic behavior. I've experienced all of these events more than once & it really brings me to the point of insanity.

Bill has been the victim of frustrated crazy pregnant wife phone calls - screaming & crying about how I can't take it anymore. After leaving the grocery store today (again) such a phone call was made (it makes more sense to me to vent to Bill in the heat of the moment than scream at Logan about it). He rescheduled his disc golf night & said that he would stay home to help out. I picked him up from work only to see him standing there with a bowl of Ben & Jerry's "chocolate therapy" in hand. Logan ran around & played on the courtyard playground & we got more ice cream for Bill & Logan to eat too. It was a much needed break & a huge relief.

While I still have to tell him to "think about the details" & there are times that I think he puts more effort & thoughtfulness into a co-workers birthday rather than Mother's Day (don't even ask), sometimes he gets it.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

How's this for gross?
Last night after picking Bill up from work, he asked if I wanted to go out for dinner. He suggested we go out for breakfast since I've been craving pancakes for God knows how long. I was all for it! So we drove to an IHOP by the house.

After we were seated at our table, Logan was coloring & making a mess as usual. I don't know how I saw this, but somehow I noticed something salmon-colored in his left nostril. I tilted his head up & pulled his nose back, looking in to his nasal cavity. And what do you know - there's something in there. Again.

I thought he was out of this stage, but I guess not. As we were sitting at the table in the restaurant, I tried digging it out with a straw. I know from previous experience that you're not supposed to dig anything out, but I could see it & it was late on a Friday night. I had a lot of stuff going on the next morning & going to the Doctor to scoop out whatever it is was not on my to-do list. After figuring out the straw wasn't going to work, I looked around for something else. Bill suggested a toothpick. It was a great idea.

So here I am, holding Logan's head very still as I'm trying to dig into his nose with a toothpick. You can't disagree that this has to be the most disgusting thing anyone has seen while sitting down to eat dinner. The good news was the toothpick worked like a charm & I was able to poke the ERASER HEAD in his nose & pull it right out. Yes, you read that right. An eraser head. Apparently 3 days ago when he was in the computer room ripping the eraser tips off of the pencils I just bought, he stuck one up his nose & we never knew.

I'm about to start taping this boy's nose shut.

***On a side note: Despite giving up naps, we're still having sleep issues here. The first morning he woke up at 7AM. Then this morning he woke up at 5AM! Earlier than before! And he also passed out on the couch after dinner at 7PM, before his bath & brushing his teeth. This sucks.***

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Is this the end?
We're having some sleep issues in our home right now. It hasn't been fun at all & has been very stressful. Logan wakes up at 6AM almost every morning. He goes down for a nap (sometimes unwillingly) after lunch around 1PM. If he decides to actually take a nap, he'll sleep until 4-5PM (if I let him). So, it's obvious that he needs the nap because he's out for the count for so long. After dinner, Bill tries to wear him out a while longer & we get Logan to bed between 8-9PM. However, he's been fighting it like no other & not actually going to sleep until 10-10:30PM.

This is where we're having problems. Sleep is a constant battle. We'll, who am I kidding? Everything is a constant battle. But it's like pulling teeth to get him to bed - be it a nap or bedtime. I'm tired of fighting it all of the time. I'm ready to just give up. If he's tired, he'll sleep. I'm just waiting for him to get so tired that he passes out on the lawn from exhaustion.

So, last night at 10:30PM after Bill discovered Logan had quietly escaped out of his room & clogged his bathroom toilet with toilet paper, he suggested that Logan just sleep for an hour. We'll that's a fine idea, but the reality is a little scarier than that. Logan is much like me in the way that if you're going to sleep - you sleep as long as your body needs to. If someone wakes you up - the whole house better be prepared for a grumpy rest of the day. Considering that Logan is often grumpy enough as it is, I would rather not risk making his tantrums worse.

That's why this makes no sense, but I'm going to try it anyway. We're giving up naps. This kills me because I either get a bunch of stuff done that I need to (computer work), I take a much needed break or take a nap as well. Now, I just keep truckin' along in the day until Bill comes home to take over.

Today was the first "No-Nap" day. I've been resting on the couch watching Logan play in the backyard. He's been keeping himself busy & getting absolutely filthy in the sandbox. He'll come in & out of the house as he pleases, shows me some rocks that he found while I just stare at the dirt all over his face. The boy reminds me of Pigpen in the Charlie Brown series. The only problem we've had today was his refusal to diaper changes. Today is a no-fighting day, so if he refuses to get a diaper change - fine. When it bothers him enough, he'll eventually let me take care of it. But for right now, I am sick of tired of yelling, convincing, bribing - everything. I'm sick of it all & I'm waiving the white flag (& just seconds into typing this sentence, Logan came up to me & told me that he had a poop. He willing went upstairs for a diaper change where I found that not only did he not have a poop, but his diaper was practically dry - after not having a diaper change since 7:30 this morning. It's time to start potty training).

Anyway, so far so good on the No-Nap, No-Fighting day. I think as long as Logan can play outside as much as he wants (which is fine by me!), we'll be good. God, I love spring & summer! Now we'll see if this works with Logan going to bed a decent hour & sleeping in a little bit more (at least until 7:00). Keep your fingers crossed!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Picture Day!

Hanging out at the park

Learning how to play disc golf with Dad

Showing off our sunburns from last week

Always looking at the baby through my belly button (17 weeks)

The official 17 weeks belly shot (a week late)

Saturday, April 19, 2008

You know you're old when...
It's been a busy, boring week with nothing significant going on. I started training a client in her home at 6:00AM & let me tell you, getting up at 5 sucks. But, I better get used to it! Along with training, I'm making sure I get my own workouts in, organized the Walking Group, taking Logan to school, going to playgroup & doing whatever else we have to do during the week. I am starting to get tired quickly, falling asleep on the couch at 9:00PM. You know you're old when you fall asleep before the news comes on.

The weather has been absolutely beautiful, so we've been spending a lot of time outside. Logan loves to play out in the back yard on our playset. I love how our kitchen & living room are designed so I can watch him out the windows when I'm cleaning or cooking. He's strong enough to open the sliding glass door & lets himself in & out. I love this new aspect of freedom & it lets us both do what we want. You know you're old when you would rather stay inside & cook dinner than play outside.

One thing I am worried about though, is that Captain (the neighbors dog) still continues to make daily visits to our backyard. It used to be cute & fun until he started scaring Logan. He was slightly aggressive towards Logan (didn't bite him & didn't jump on him, just kind of charged at him) & now Logan doesn't like to be around the dog. I don't blame him, but now it's to the point where he's scared to be in our own backyard when Captain's around. Bill is going to have to have a talk with them about it in the next day or so.

Our dishwasher has been living on it's last leg this week, so we called our landlords to have it fixed or replaced. The way dishwashers are now, it's a lot cheaper to just replace them. So, that's what they did. It was just installed this afternoon & it's a really nice one (we've had one like this before & it works great). It was so funny how excited we were to get a new dishwasher. You know you're old when you are thrilled to get new appliances.

I've been looking at getting a new sling/carrier/wrap for when the baby is born. I have a Bjorn & it worked really well for us (even taking Logan on his first hike in it at 9 weeks old). But, there is a weight limit on it & the baby must weight at least 8 lbs. Logan was smaller & I'm positive this baby will be too, so I have to find something to use until I can get them in the Bjorn again. One of the playgroup moms is selling mei tai's & kind of gave us a little carrier demo/seminar this week at playgroup. It was very informative, but I don't think mei tai's are for me. I'm not a fan of the ring slings or hotslings, either. I think I'm going to try a stretchy Moby wrap & see how that goes.

So, now it's official. I'm old & boring.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Small funny moments
Logan loves to watch Dora in the morning. I think he started watching it because one of the girls in The Club is obsessed & when he was over there for Date Night, the obsession rubbed off on him. He loves every episode & loves to repeat parts before they happen.

Yesterday while getting his snacks for the walk, I grabbed a small bag of apple slices & grapes & handed it to him to hold. He handed it back saying "Abre". I looked back at him with my head tilted to one side. 'What did you say? Abre? Is that the spanish word for open? Can you say 'open'?". "Abre", he replies. Now, I'm all for our kids being bilingual especially in today's society, but since the boy is having a hard time speaking period, I would rather he start using his english language first. Then we can move onto spanish after that. And after I start studying myself, because 2 1/2 years of spanish classes did nothing for me.

This afternoon Logan & I went shopping for maternity clothes because as of this morning, I have a belly (that looks more like a gut). But still, it's bigger & now I need new pants (pictures coming soon). I found a cute pair of khaki cargo capris for $12.00. It was an awesome deal. After we checked out & I was getting Logan out of the cart (& breaking the 25 pound lifting limit for pregnancy) he suddenly looks around with wide eyes & perked ears. "Mack? Mack?", he says excitedly & starts staring that the video surveillance monitor.

It turns out that the music playing in the store was none other than "Life is a Highway" by Tom Cochran, which just so happens to be part of the Cars soundtrack. Specifically, when Mack is driving Lightning McQueen (aka Queen car in our house). I tried my best to get him out of the store without having a meltdown - which was successful, by some odd miracle. I had to laugh though because he knows the movie by it's soundtrack. Um, I think he's watched it too much.

He knows that we buy baby clothes at Old Navy. Whenever we walk in (which isn't often) he always asks, "baby clothes?" We bought some clothes there for a baby shower recently & he helped me pick them out. Now all he thinks we do at Old Navy is buy baby clothes.

Monday, April 14, 2008

First day at the park 2008
After having a snowstorm with freezing temperatures in the middle of last week, it's finally warm enough to get out & enjoy spring. Today was the first day that it was over 65 (it was actually 75) & it seems like it might be a consistent trend (maybe). I got the Walking Group re-organized for this year & we all met this morning for a long stroller walk & ended it with a picnic in the park.

I picked up our stroller from the bike shop this morning, since Bill dropped it off to get the tubes in the tires changed (I love our stroller because of the tires, among many other reasons). I was praying that Logan would be good & sit in the stroller this year, since last year he was getting a little antsy about being confined. But, to my surprise, once he saw the stroller all he wanted to do was go for a ride & freaked out when I told him that we had to wait until we got to the park.

The walk was great & Logan was very good, eating snacks & watching the scenery change. We walked next to massage friend where Logan & Little N chatted their toddler gibberish together. We saw a fox run by, squirrels & many, many birds. The kids had a great time & the walk (an hour & almost 3 miles) made me tired & out of breath.

When we got the playground Logan was like a caged animal let free. He ran everywhere, climbing on everything & throwing sand in his hair. It was pointless to tell him to stop getting dirty in the sand. I had to pick this battle. He was covered in dirt & grime after swimming in the sand (seriously) & making sand angels. He had a ring of dirt around his eye that made him look like a puppy with a spot. All I could do was sigh & tell myself that this is what little boys are all about - sticks & rocks, running, climbing & getting absolutely filthy.

After hours on the playground, we headed on home with Logan instantly falling asleep in the car. He only slept for 10 minutes & that was his nap for the day. I tried to take of his sand-covered clothes & change his dirt-filled diaper while he slept, but that was a futile effort. I was also an idiot & forgot to put sunscreen on the both of us. Logan's cheeks & forearms are a little pink, while my entire torso, shoulders, arms & hands (I was wearing a camisole) are slowly turning bright red. Not only was it our first day at the park this year, but it was also the first sunburn, too. Hello skin cancer.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Boy, do I feel bad about that
There is a huge baby boom going on in The Club this year. Every single month we're expecting a new arrival, if not two. With new babies & new mothers who may need some extra help, members of The Club get organized to bring meals for the adjusting family. Now that I'm feeling well enough to cook again, I was eager to sign up for one of our playgroup moms who just had her second baby last week.

I was excited to make this meal because for one, I really like the mom & see her every week at playgroup. Secondly, she's helped us out by giving us all of our moving boxes when we moved. Plus, she was always volunteering to take care of Logan while I was sick (even though I didn't take anyone up on that offer just because I was at my worst when Bill was home to take care of him). She also needed dairy-free meals because of breastfeeding the baby & I felt like I would be a good resource for that considering all of the allergy-free meals that I've been collecting since Logan's food allergies were diagnosed.

I made a cranberry chicken over wild & long grain rice casserole, a spinach side salad & lemonade cake. The cake was delicious as I ate two pieces waiting for the chicken to cook. The salad was just spinach, cucumber & tomatoes. Hard to screw that one up. The chicken baked in the oven over the rice with the cranberry sauce. I tasted the chicken to make sure it was cooked before packing it up. It was good to go. I did not taste the rice, however.

After dropping the meal off, Logan & I came back home to eat the same thing for our dinner. I sat down at the table & after taking a couple of bites, I thought to myself, "why is this so crunchy? Did I add too many almond slices?" After taking a few more bites, I realized that some of the rice was cooked, but other types of grains were not. I was mortified. I just made a meal for a friend & her family who are probably spitting out undercooked rice as I type.

Now, I watch my fair share of Hell's Kitchen & anything & everything on The Food Network. You think the concept of tasting your dish before sending it out would sink in. Or maybe it was karma when I was laughing at Bobby Flay screwing up all of his rice dishes, turning to Bill saying, "He's a professional chef. No! He's an Iron Chef! And he doesn't know how to cook rice!?"

I immediately put down my fork & sent her an email apologizing for the undercooked rice. I joked saying that at least the rest of the meal was cooked & taste-tested, all the while feeling like a dork for making a meal that she probably won't eat.

Well, next time I sign up I'll make sure to taste every part of the meal. If I haven't been banned from cooking for The Club, that is.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

In & Out
Yesterday afternoon I had another prenatal check-up. I dropped off Logan over at massage friend's house to play with Little N (late, as usual) & drove as fast as I (almost) legally could only to get held up by a funeral procession & hit every single red light along the way. I got to the appointment late, but was still able to check in, thankfully.

Prior to this weekend, I thought I would have all sorts of questions for the appointment, like "why is my stomach so small? Do we need to do an ultrasound to see if the baby is actually growing?", but after not being able to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes on Date Night, I relaxed a bit & just went along with everything as normal.

I got there & peed in the cup & waited for the Doctor to come in. We listened to the heart beat again (150 for anyone who's wondering) & it sounded really good & strong just like last time. She wasn't concerned about my small size & asked if I had any questions. Other than being small, I made sure it was still OK to do crunches at the gym (as most recommend you change your workout at 12 weeks, but I really don't fit into "general recommendations") & it is. I started really working out again (push ups & the whole bit) that morning without having to drastically alter my routine - other than decreasing my weight. I can still do whatever I want as long as I'm comfortable. So, at this rate I'll be doing crunches on the ball until I actually have a baby belly that gets in the way - whenever that is. And I also don't have to stay off my back (sleeping or otherwise) because again, I don't have a heavy belly to cut off the blood flow. It's as if I'm perpetually living in the first trimester (minus the constant nausea & vomiting - thank God).

This appointment was super fast & I was in & out in less that 15 minutes. The next appointment is in 4 weeks & will be much more exciting than this one. We get to finally find out if we're having a boy or girl & actually see pictures of our little kiddo. I can't wait. If it weren't for hearing the heart beat at my appointments, I would wonder if there really is a baby in there. Being able to see who's in there & finally start picking out names will help me feel like this whole experience is real - because it still doesn't seem like it.

Monday, April 07, 2008

In between
Saturday night Bill & I went out for Date Night. As I was getting dressed, I noticed that my jeans were getting a little too tight. I kept them on & continued to put on my make-up & get Logan ready to go to the sitters. It didn't take long for me to realize that if I was going to eat any food on our date, the pants would have to go.

Fortunately I was smart enough to keep my maternity clothes, what little I had. Bill always makes fun of me for getting rid of stuff & during the time that I swore Logan was going to be an only, I'm shocked that I kept them. I put on my maternity jeans & holy crap - were they baggy & falling off my waist. I still wore them out to dinner, even though I kept having to hike them up every five seconds. I wore them again when we ran errands & it felt like they were hanging half way off my butt - saggy pants style (gag).

I'm stuck. I don't fit my regular clothes, but I don't fit my maternity clothes at all. It seems as though I'll be wearing my workout clothes all week (& how is this different than any other week?). I'm not a fan of the rubber band trick (I can just see that thing snapping me in the belly button) & I'm sure as hell not going to spend $25 on a Bella Band, seeing as though I wouldn't spend that much money on even one pair of maternity pants. Ugh. Maybe I'll have to.

So, this week I'm rockin' the workout clothes then going shopping this weekend for clothes that will fit me better & hopefully last longer than a month.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Where did the weekend go?
I seemed to have blinked & missed it. I sure was busy with "stuff", some of it good, some of it not so good. I guess "stuff" makes the days fly by.

First, I'll start with the not so good stuff. Over the end of the week, I noticed a couple of bugs on the back of Logan's hairline. They were there on different days & each day it was only one bug at a time. So when I saw the first bug, I just picked it off thinking it probably settled on him after playing outside. Then the next day I saw the other. Again, I picked it off but this time holding it on my finger for some kind of identification examination. It looked like a flea.

I totally didn't (refused?) to believe it & as Logan napped, I did some flea research. I checked the pets & they both came back clear. Neither one of them had been scratching at all. And this isn't our first go around with fleas, either. Back when we lived in Oregon, both of the dogs had a pretty bad case as they were "outside" dogs for a period of time. It was easily remedied & we didn't have to worry about the house since it was all hardwood floors. So I know what I'm looking for. But this time, I didn't want to think about dealing with fleas in a carpeted house. The more pictures of fleas that popped up on my screen, the more convinced I became. I emailed Bill letting him know that I think we have fleas.

Over the next day, I developed my plan of attack on the little suckers. Since our pets were in the clear, they had to be coming from somewhere. In my flea research, I read that fleas can lay dormant in carpet for a very long time. As in months. We've only been in this house for a short period of time, so I was totally convinced that they were in the carpet before we moved here.

But then.

I was sitting on the couch with Logan waiting for Bill to get home from work. I saw a bug on Logan's collar again & picked it off. Another jumped on me. And then another. As we were sitting on the couch I saw three or four fleas jumping on or around us. I turned to look behind me. They're coming from the curtains!!!!! As soon as Bill came home, the curtains (that came with the house ) came down to be immediately thrown out & I washed every single blanket in the house. I changed the filter in our vacuum cleaner & will go over every last inch of the house on "power suction". And wouldn't you know it. Now that the curtains are down & in the trash, we haven't seen a single flea & nobody has been itchy with bites (Logan was practically eaten alive). It was an easy victory, but still completely gross.

Now for the good stuff! The weather is starting to stay nice & warm, reminding people that summer - swim suits, shorts & tank tops are just around the corner. This is music to a personal trainers ears. I missed the first fitness season rush over New Years because I was taking a holiday break & subconsciously preparing for 3 months of illness, so it's awesome to be feeling more like myself & being able to jump on the pre-summer rush.

So far, so good! I've had 3 people sign up for my online training program in about a week & two people are thinking about bartering. I'm trying to trade out for someone to clean my house once a week & another to trade out child care at a drop-in center here in town. Whether or not the trades will actually follow through, that's a different story. But at least I have some more long-term training clients jump on board.

Between exterminating fleas & developing nutrition plans & workout programs, I've been too busy to realize that it's late Sunday night. Tomorrow starts another week of adventures...

Friday, April 04, 2008

Possibly another rambunctious future soccer player
Wednesday night after picking Bill up from work, we decided to go grocery shopping to take advantage of "double sale day" at our local grocer. We had been talking about coffee & how much I've missed it. Our grocery store usually has their store brand samples out (it's a farmers market kind of store) & I thought after not having had coffee since December, a sample cup would hurt anything. But, they were out. However, they do have a coffee shop inside & after deciding that I was out of the first trimester, there's no longer a risk of neural tube defects or an increased risk of miscarriage, one latte isn't a pregnancy sin.

Oh, was the cup of coffee so, so good. After our shopping trip, I just felt all warm & tingly - like a coffee hug. I realized how much I missed my morning coffee even more.

Later that night as Bill & I were sitting on the couch watching TV, I felt some jumping around in the belly. "I think I just felt the baby kick." I said, but not really quite sure. 15 1/2 weeks is kind of early to feel any kicking. I felt Logan at 17 weeks & even that was a little early. As the night went on, I kept feeling kicking & there was no other explanation. My baby was bouncing off my uterus, no thanks to the cup of coffee, I'm sure.

I wasn't 100% sold that I would feel the kicking again, but everyday since then I have. This isn't the "butterfly flutters" pregnancy books often describe fetal movement as. This is a full on thrust or solid kick to the gut. It's not uncomfortable at this point, but I think we're looking at another boy who will be just as feisty as Logan (Good God. Help me now). Logan used to kick the crap out of me & got so strong that his kicks literally made me jump off my seat. If this baby is kicking this strong & this soon....wow.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

I'm so over this
I am at the very end of my rope with Logan & his temper tantrums. They are non-stop, daily & occur at almost every public place we go to throughout the day. I've counted to three, I've done multiple time-outs, we've worked on his language development & I've done the "toddler talk" trying to reason with him & let him know I understand what he's upset about.

Nothing works for any length of time & I've had enough. I can not endure another temper tantrum, especially in the middle of public. If I stay home with him & refuse to take him out because of his behavior & just wait this stage out, he will end up living in his room 24/7 because his behavior is just as bad at home. This morning took me to my breaking point where I drove home defeated & crying almost hysterically the entire way. Hell, I'm still in tears now as I type this out & I'll probably be in tears the rest of the day.

We took Bill to work & came back home to get ready for school. I put on a cartoon giving him a choice of Blues Clues or Dora. He said Blues Clues & started screaming at me when it came on. "Dora! Dora!" "Well, you told me Blues Clues..." cue the beginnings of a massive meltdown. I turn on Dora & leave the room to get ready for the morning because I don't have the time or patience to deal with this crap at 8:00 in the morning.

I get us ready to go to school. He's fine when I drop him off & an hour later when I pick him up, he's happy to see me but decides that he's going to run off after I've told him to hold my hand. We're on the sidewalk walking along a busy street. He rips his hand away from mine & before he can throw himself on the sidewalk in a fit, I grab his hand again & tell him he does not have a choice here, he holds my hand & does not run off because there are cars & he could get hurt. Like he's even listening to me. Everything I say goes in one ear & out the other. It's like I'm talking just to move my lips & nothing I say has meaning or importance. Even if I'm talking like I mean business.

We get in the car & I decide that we're not going home - we're going to the gym because after only being with him for a total of an hour, he's already driving me to the edge & we need some space. So he goes running around in the gym daycare (getting soaked by playing in the water fountain, but it's not like he's disciplined there. They just let him do whatever) all while I walk on the tread climber for 30 minutes. I go to pick him up, telling him excitedly that it's time to go to swimming lessons. He flips out. I mean, absolutely flips out. Running over to the wall, pounding, screaming, crying - the whole bit. I walk out of the Kids Club hoping he'll follow. No, he screams for cars & tries to go back to play. I go back in, get down to his level & ask him if he wants to go to swimming lessons or go home. "Cars! Cars!" he continues to scream. "We'll lets go out to our car & get your Lightning McQueen car". The temper tantrum gets even bigger & at this point, I have to pick him up kicking me, hitting me, screaming at me while the entire gym looks to see who's being abducted from the Kids Club.

I get him in the car, yelling at him about throwing temper tantrums, I smack the top of his hand for kicking me & tell him like I've never told him before that I've had enough with this behavior & he needs to stop it right now. After crying it out, he begins to calm down while I tell him that his screaming & kicking makes me very mad. "Yes" he says, like he understands but really, I don't think he has a clue. He's just saying "yes".

After a time-out in the car, we go to swimming lessons. At this point, if we had not paid for the lessons, we would have gone straight home. But because these classes are already taken care of, I don't want to waste our money. For most of the drive there, I tell him that tantrums will not be tolerated & if he acts up, we're going home. "Yes", he sniffles.

We get to the pool, get changed & he listens to me when I tell him to stay where I can see him. He holds my hand cooperatively as we walk by the deep lap pool to go the kids pool. As we get in, he begins to have another meltdown because he doesn't want to do the class, he wants to play with the stupid toys in the other pool that we do in the last half of the class. I explain to him that we have to do our jumps off the side of the pool first like his swim teacher has told us & then we will go to the other pool to play with toys. He's whining, crying & beginning to scream. I tell him that he needs to relax & pay attention to the class as we're about ready to start. He's climbing all over me like a cat getting ready for a bath.

I take him to the side of the pool, sit him out on the ledge & put him on time out. He calms down relatively quickly as I tell him that he needs to stop or we go home. After his time out, we join the class again, only to start yet another screaming fit as I try to get him involved in the "ring around the rosies" game. I immediately take him out of the pool, sit him on time out in the cold & grab our towels. After more stern lecturing about his behavior when his time-out is over, we get back in the pool after I tell him this is his last chance. We join the class for the third time to begin jumps from the edge of the pool. Logan jumps in & then starts his screaming & crying fits again. I take him out, wave good-bye to the swim instructor & carry him to the locker room while his blood curling screams echo throughout the entire indoor pool.

We rinse off in the shower with him screaming & we get dressed & ready to go. While I'm getting dressed, he's sitting on the bench as I've told him to sit there & not to move. AT ALL. He listens to me knowing that if he makes me mad again it's all over for him. But, he is whining "water, water". "No, you lost your swimming privileges & we're going home" I tell him through my clenched jaw. A couple of other ladies who are getting dressed right next to us begin to tell me, "I know he's in trouble, but he is C-U-T-E. We've all been where you are", they try to sympathize. I thank them & while I'm talking to them, Logan is smiling & trying to join in the conversation.

We walk out to the car with Logan being agreeable & holding my hand & running along side me. I get him strapped in his car seat & start crying. I drive home the whole way, sobbing - taking deeps breaths only to begin sobbing all over again. We get home & I send Logan up to his room without lunch & tell him that this is what happens when he behaves like he did.

There are no breaks. This is what it's like pretty much every single day. Every. Single. Day. Screaming, crying, kicking, refusing to listen everywhere we go. I'm horrified by his behavior at virtually every public place we go to. Grocery stores, the gym, playgroups, restaurants, parks, the pool - every place in town. The good behavior is completely overshadowed by the bad because quite frankly, there is very little good behavior. It's mostly him being an absolute terror.

I've had enough.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

15 weeks pregnant
I'm not sure if I have a bump yet, but if you squint really, really, really hard, you might just see it. It will be interesting to see how much the belly grows in the next 5 weeks because I'll be at the half way point then. I still feel like I'm sort of pregnant & have nothing to show for it. By the look of my stomach, you could call that a large lunch. Not a baby.

*Excuse the disheveled look. This was taken after running Logan to school, going to the gym for a quick workout & then going to swimming lessons. Busy days mean low maintenance looks!*