Like molasses in the dead of winter
I had my 38th week check-up this afternoon & as much as I hate to say it - not much progress. I've dilated to 2cms, maybe 2.5 if we're being generous. So, nothing too different from last week. The Doctor that I saw (a sub because my OB is on vacation) said that I've thinned out a bit more, but didn't give me specifics & I didn't care to ask. She also seemed to be digging for gold in there when she was checking my progress & I'm certain she dislodged some of my mucous plug (which I know is TMI, but get over it - this is pregnancy. It's not glamorous). So, that may get things moving along, right? Right...

Meanwhile, the painful contractions continue, I feel like garbage - tired & often nauseous (even with zofran still), just over all uncomfortable. Sleeping sucks & every time I try to flip I feel like my pelvis is going to split in half. Carter is still all up in my ribs & contorting into odd positions to where I have to keep my arms raised above my head if I want relief or oxygen - you know, the important things.

Boy, aren't I just rainbows & unicorns over here!

Psych!
For months now I've been having contractions. They started out as Braxton Hicks, then at around 30-31 weeks, they turned into pre-term labor contractions that needed to be stopped. After weeks of having these contractions due to stress, having an "irritable uterus" & needing Carter to stay in, the gears have switched & now I want these crazy contractions to do what they are supposed to. GET HIM OUT.

Everyday I have painful contractions that make me think, "this is it!" only to have my hopes dashed by their inconsistency. This morning I was up at 3:00am with painful contractions that did nothing. I trained two clients this morning & dealt with contractions during both sessions. During photographer friend's session, I walked with her on the treadmill for about 20 minutes & was SO SURE my water would break right there in the gym. Guess not, huh.

This kind of stuff happens all day long, every day. I have no clue when it's really going to happen since I've been plagued with False Labor for so long. My uterus cramps, Carter fights it & kicks my ribs at the same time & they are so strong they suck the breath out of me. Really - I get this hollow feeling like all of the air is being drawn out of my lungs even though I can still breath. It's the craziest feeling ever. So, yeah. A little bit stronger than your typical Braxton Hicks contractions. And between the pain of the contraction & the force of Carter's resistance, I feel like I'm always wincing in pain, yelping, gasping & trying to get comfortable (which never happens).

I am tired of contractions that do nothing. I'm also tired of this sharp stabbing pain in my cervix that makes me think I'm dilating, but I'm not. I'm tired of feeling like things are changing when they aren't! UGH!

Yeah, I'm over this pregnancy now.

One rough night
Yesterday was a very, very stressful day. Remember when I mentioned that Bill was in the running for The Biggest Jerk of a Husband award? We'll he's officially won that title & the stress from it sent me into preterm labor. I got to hang out in labor & delivery for a few hours late in the evening.

I found out about more of Bill's shenanigans around 3 or 4pm, which was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I'll probably go into more detail about all of this either later in the week or sometime next week - but for now - let's just say it's stressful. I kept my cool, no crying, no yelling or screaming - maybe some hyperventilating, but that was it. I went on with my day taking Logan to the grocery store about an hour later.

While at the store, I had been getting the crazy braxton hicks contractions again. I always get them at the store (or when I'm doing anything physical) so I didn't think too much of it. It was when we got home that I started to worry. I noticed them becoming more frequent & more intense. I kept a close eye on them for a couple more hours while drinking water & laying on my left side. By the time Logan was in bed, I started recording the count. It was more than 6 contractions in an hour. I called my OB.

The on-call nurse had me try again, on my left side drinking 10-12 ounces of water every 10 minutes. If I continued to get more than 6 contractions in an hour, then I had to call back & the nurse would let labor & delivery know I was on my way. Here's what went down in that hour:

9:30 - 12 ounces of water
9:37 - contraction
9:40 - 12 ounces of water
9:42 - contraction
9:43 - small, light kick
9:44 - larger, stronger kicks (thank God)
9:48 - contraction
9:50 - 12 ounces of water
9:53 - small light kicks
9:55 - hiccups, more kicks
9:57 - contraction
9:59 - contraction
10:00 - 12 ounces of water
10:02 - contraction
10:05 - very small movement
10:10 - contraction

At this point, I called the on-call nurse because I had 7 contraction in 30 minutes. She called labor & delivery to let them know I was coming, we woke Logan up & took him over to photographer friends house & were on our way. I wanted to drive myself since Bill was the whole reason for this situation, but he wouldn't let me (I still think he should have stayed home with Logan, especially since he was telling me I was fine & that I didn't need to go - dumb ass).

I got to the ER (the after hours entrance) & they wheeled me into labor & delivery. I got hooked up to all of the monitors to see how Carter was doing. The good news was that his heart rate was strong & that he was doing OK. That was my biggest concern, because I know that so many contractions can be stressful on the baby. But, I was contracting too often & too intense. I was indeed in preterm labor. And of course, I'm sobbing pretty much the whole time we're there.

The on call Doctor came in & ordered a test (kind of like a papsmear, but I forget what it was called) & then checked my cervix. It was still closed & high - so that was good. While we waited for the test results, he ordered a shot of terbutaline & started an IV. If the terbutaline didn't slow things down, they were going to add magnesium to the solution.

A side effect to the shot is increased heart rate & jitters. We'll for me, it was more like lower body convulsions. I was shaking just like when I was in labor with Logan. It started to make me sick & thankfully, I had some emergency zofran in the car (I wasn't about to pay the hospital for the name brand version). We hung out in the hospital for a while, watching something about buffalo in Yellowstone park while we waited for the contractions to slow down. The nurses would come in & out & check on the contractions. One of them said that I had a pretty irritable uterus.

Even though I was still getting some strong contractions, the test came back OK, meaning that I wasn't going to have the baby anytime too soon. The medication had slowed things down to a controllable level & then they gave me Ambien for the ride home so I could get some much needed rest that night.

First, let me say that I never take any sleeping pills other than occasionally Unisom because the thought of it just weirds me out. Well, my opinion hasn't changed since the Ambien experience last night. It was just strange & I'm sure I could have pretty much passed out on the floor while walking through the door. But, boy! Did I get a good night's sleep!

So, this morning I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I'm so tired & I don't have anything in me. Logan missed school this morning & we've just been hanging out out home. I have a client coming over to train, but I'm not canceling because she's the house cleaner too. I desperately need her help right now. Especially since I'm taking care of Logan all day & Bill is coming home late because of disc golf leagues (yeah, another notch towards Biggest Jerk of a Husband OF THE YEAR).

The blog of doom
I kind of feel like that's what it's come to & what it will be like until Friday or so, when the in-laws leave & I can get back to my normal self. Even though we aren't visiting with them today, I am a total grump & not a super nice person to be around.

I'm tired from waking up at 4:30 this morning to find a text message from my client that I was going to train at 6:00 saying that she has insomnia, a sick kid & a headache, so she canceled. Then Tuesdays are our super busy days anyway with school & a Monthly Meeting right afterward. I've had a headache all morning & I've been uncomfortable with normal pregnancy aches (mostly burning sternum - like it's on FIRE). I've also had borderline abnormal pregnancy symptoms that are kind of making me a little edgy. I've been getting a ridiculous amount of braxton hicks contractions, mostly at night, but pretty much every time I move. I haven't been writing times down, but I would say it's about 4-5 in an hour a few times a day if not more & I should make an appointment with my OB if I'm getting 6 or more an hour. And no, drinking a glass of cold water & laying on my left side doesn't stop the frequency, maybe just the contraction itself - which makes me wonder if I'm headed to bed rest if this is something to be concerned about.

I'm mentally drained from the visit already & will have to endure another one at the end of the month when they drive back through at the end of their road trip. I don't like how I feel when they are here, in general & about myself - I'm just not "me" (more on this later). I would love to take a nap, but Logan has been up in his room for the last hour yelling to himself (having some sort of loud conversation) & not laying down for his own nap.

And to top it all off, we don't have anything decent to eat in the house. Talk about a great way to make a pregnant woman irritable. Blah.

Just not feeling it
My workouts in the gym suck. As in non-existent. Sure, I still walk for 45-60 minutes two to four times a week, but weight lifting? Forget about it. I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm tired & weak from losing 20 pounds of muscle that I won't get back until I start lifting again after Carter is born. So, I see no point. I'm not maintaining what muscle & strength I have left because I'm pretty much going to have to start from scratch. Besides that, I'm having braxton hicks contractions up the wazoo and although they aren't uncomfortable, they happen often & I'm using my better judgment & taking it easy this last trimester.

My clients that I train can tell that I'm working out vicariously through them (especially photographer friend), which sure is getting them accelerated results. Nobody is doing easy workouts at this point & I just hang back & count the days until I can get back into it. When designing their routines, I often add in exercises that I know are very challenging & give you a great rush of adrenaline after the set (or at least for me). They may hate me now, but by God, after the summer is over they will all be looking awesome (regardless if they eat right because the workouts are that intense).

On the flip side, I have to keep reminding myself to enjoy these last three months of hot fudge sundaes, marshmallows & eating whatever I want while parking my butt on the couch. While mentally uncomfortable for me, it's one of the last time's in my life that this lifestyle will be acceptable. Live it while I can, is often in the back of my mind. I'm not on track to gain 70 pounds or something crazy like that (I'm actually only 10 pounds up from pre-pregnancy weight, or I was at my last OB appointment - even though this really doesn't mean anything), so it's not like I'm going balls to the wall & eating everything in sight.

It's a very confusing situation for me to be in & I'm trying to work with it...

Getting bigger & more uncomfortable
While I don't look huge, the belly is really starting to get in the way now. I can't wait for Carter to drop because he is so high up in my rib cage (just like Logan was) that it's causing me some pretty intense pain. My rib attachments on the right side feel like they're bruised & the cartilage is breaking down or has a grinding sensation. Not a pleasant feeling.

In addition to rib pain, my mid back just aches at the end of the day (from under my shoulder blades to the middle of the small of my back) & it's all from spreading & carrying high. My diaphragm is squished which is making my exercise-induced asthma kick in more often (like when I'm not exercising). I guess the downfall of Carter dropping is that he'll be resting on my bladder. I'm not sure which is worse, losing bladder control or the rib pain. At least there is a solution for the bladder thing, still haven't figured out what to do about the ribs other than tough it out.

It's more difficult to put on my shoes, give Logan a bath, change his diaper & pretty much everything else other than sit on the couch (which actually makes the rib pain worse). I'm having to rely on Bill a lot more when he comes home from work to take over the nightly routine with Logan.

Carter is getting stronger by the day & I can actually see him moving around now. I'm totally going to try & get video of it. His kicks are becoming strong enough to make me jump (like last night while I was trying to sleep). I can start to figure out his activity patterns (mid morning around 8-ish, 1:00 or so & 7 or 8pm & 10:00pm). He kicks & rolls all over the place.

Logan is still adamant that Carter is a sister, no matter how much I try to get him to accept a brother. I don't know what this is all about, but whatever. He is always wanting to feel the baby belly, often keeping his hand on my stomach while he watches Sponge Bob before bath time.

Nesting is getting more intense as the weeks go on. I found an amazing deal on a crib & mattress for $75, now we just have to keep looking for sitting room furniture so we can get the computer out of Carter's room & get it set up. It's ridiculous how this getting-the-room-ready feels like an emergency situation.

26th week pictures...Logan was napping (I wish he were in these with me).

You can't really see the belly here too much


There's the roundness!

Two steps forward, one step back
Just when I thought I was in the clear & that I was finished dealing with HG, it rears it's ugly head & reminds me that it will be sticking around for a little bit longer. I knew it was too good to be true!!

I had been feeling fine, going on about a month without throwing up. The nausea wasn't too bad & I could live with it. I was eating & drinking (granted the only liquid I could/can drink is juice or chocolate milk, water still isn't sitting well with me). My weight loss had stabilized & I even began to gain some. However, I still needed to take my zofran, even though I reduced the dose from 8mg every 4 hours to 8mg twice a day whenever I needed it. This is where I made my mistake.

I had been feeling so good & so very happy that HG was leaving that I forgot to take my medication all together last Thursday. I usually don't forget these kinds of things, but I guess since I wasn't feeling sick I didn't have much of a reminder. Friday I started to feel gross, but nothing that concerned me. Then Friday evening, on my birthday no less, I was sitting on the couch & had to make a mad dash to the bathroom. I lost my lunch while Logan stood outside the door crying because I had to keep shutting him out & I didn't have enough time to tell him that I was going to be sick. I took my medication immediately after that episode, feeling like I needed a swift kick in the rear for forgetting.

Saturday I wasn't feeling wonderful, but I was bound & determined to go out for my birthday dinner. Bill was taking me out for sushi (California rolls & anything else that was cooked). This is something that I've been craving from the beginning. I was going even if the sushi wasn't going to stick around - but thankfully, it did (along with the Ben & Jerry's hot float that I was almost positive wouldn't stay down).

Easter Sunday I felt the same, not able to eat too much & by dinner I was feeling pretty bad. Bad enough that I couldn't really eat my dinner & after getting Logan to bed, all I wanted to do was stay on the couch. Next to the nausea, everyday since Friday I had been getting massive headaches (a side effect of the medication) that would make me have to hide under a blanket on the couch.

This morning things seem to be getting a little bit better, but I'm still nauseas. I'm starting to notice that I'm getting dehydrated because liquids don't sound appealing, which only exacerbated the nausea. The more dehydrated I am, the less the medication works & a downward spiral happens fast. Thankfully I have some Popsicles & juice (but not much) & I may have to go back to sucking on ice cubes (which helped a whole lot a few weeks ago). I also have a whole watermelon that will help tremendously.

All of this because I missed one day of zofran. It looks like I won't be able to wean off the pills & will be on them the entire time just like I was with Logan. Lesson learned.

***I'll have an Easter update tomorrow along with pictures***

Not a good way to start the day
This morning has left me very sore, sitting in pain & emotionally exhausted. I don't think I've ever had a worse Monday in my life. And it's only 1:00. We're half way through the day. I'm hoping it can only get better.

It was our early day today since Bill starts work an hour earlier because of meetings. After we dropped him off at work, Logan & I came home to eat breakfast, watch cartoons & get ready to go to a St. Patrick's Day playgroup at a friends house. When I got out of the shower, Logan came upstairs with a bloody lip. I have no idea what he did or how he did it, but I wiped off his face, looked at his lip (which was fine) & escorted him back downstairs while I continued getting ready.

After I was dressed & ready, I came back downstairs to get Logan so he could get dressed for the day. I noticed that Buddha peed on the floor (thank God it wasn't the carpet). I got that cleaned up & tried to get him in his kennel. He knew he was in trouble & ran around the house. While I tried to heard him, that's when it happened.

I fell. Hard. Straight on my tail bone.

It was like a banana peel slip, with both of my legs in the air, one after the other, while I smacked my rear end on the hardwood floor. It knocked the wind out of me & it hurt so bad that I couldn't get up. I had to roll over. After I could get up, I immediately called my OB to figure out what to do. I had to go in so they could make sure the baby was OK.

I called Bill crying to let him know what happened & that I would be going in for an emergency visit. Then I called photographer friend crying to see if she could watch Logan for me while I was getting checked out. I got Logan dressed all the while my hips aching, tail bone throbbing, back tightening up & a crampy feeling in my pelvis.

When I dropped Logan off, photographer friend met me in the drive way with a big hug telling me that everything will be OK as I cried on her shoulder. She got Logan out of the car for me & took him inside to play with Little M. After wiping away tears & having a short conversation, I left for the appointment.

Fortunately I didn't have to wait long. The nurse called me back & escorted me to the scale. It was a quiet encounter without a single word from her. Not a "how are you?" or "it will be OK", just silence as she checked my vitals. This kind of scared me. I sat in the exam room waiting for the Doctor to come in. It seemed like eternity before she knocked on the door. I told her what happened & she did a pelvic exam. Everything was fine there. She got the doppler to check for the heart beat. Unlike last time, it was harder to find the heart beat. As she searched, I held my breath. "This isn't the best monitor to use for how far along you are in the pregnancy", she said. Then she found it & it sounded good.

I let out a huge sigh & again started crying & wiping tears from my cheeks. The Doctor helped me up & gave me a long hug. "I was so worried. I'm so glad everything is OK", I sobbed. She was very sympathetic & comforting, telling me to call her if I needed anything. We went over my treatment plan, because I ultimately sprain/strained my entire pelvic complex. Just like any other soft tissue injury, ice, heat, rest (how do you rest your butt if you're sitting on it?) & ibuprofen are going to be my best friends for a while.

I picked up Logan & we went about our day as usual. The only difference was that I was trying not to cry uncontrollably. We went out to lunch with Bill & his family (without me crying) & it just drained the life out of me. I'm ready for a nap & for it to be tomorrow.

All I can think about is how after living inside a sick mommy for many weeks & getting knocked around on the hardwood floors, this little peanut is one strong kid so far. Just like their big brother.

Eventful morning
It's been a whirlwind of activity this morning. As I was getting ready for another OB appointment, I got a call from the VP of The Insurance Company we're attempting to sue/have investigative reporter interrogate. Nothing really happened in the conversation except for an apology, assurance on a resolution & me crying on the phone about how this whole situation has effected our family. However, I hope things do move forward. It's kind of a big deal when you get a phone call from the VP of a multi-million dollar heath care system. So, I'm taking that as a good sign.

After the phone call, I dropped Logan off at massage friends' house while I went to a follow up appointment from last week. I'm down another 5 pounds for a total of 10 pounds lost in 2 weeks. They were pretty concerned about that. I'm taking 8mg of zofran every 4 hours & I guess that's the max my OB wants me to be on. I'm still having a terrible time at night (not eating dinner, nauseous at the smell of what Bill's cooking himself for dinner, glued to the couch), so she prescribed compazine to take at night. I agreed & then came home to look up the information. I'm not sure I want to take it anymore.

It sounds kind of scary. I'm almost thinking starvation at night & dealing with HG with just the zofran (as much as it's not working at night) might be a better option. This stuff sounds serious. More so than zofran. I'm doing more research on it & other medication options (phenergan is not an option for me) to see what else I can do. It looks like my insurance company isn't going to cover the compazine anyway seeing as though the prescription was delayed & they have to call the insurance company.

This time it might be a good thing.

Guilty
This is going to be a boo-hoo pity party post, but sometimes you just have to get it out & let it happen. This afternoon is the worst I've felt yet. I've been sick in the bathroom many times & glued to the couch the other times I haven't been throwing up. Fortunately this all spun out of control just as Bill was coming home from work, so Logan & I had a good day otherwise.

We spent the morning with The Club going on a tour of PetCo, where the kids got to see the different animals they had at the store, pet the snakes (which Logan did not want to do), birds & ferrets. They got to feed the fish & look at the turtles & rabbits. It was a great morning with big fat snowflakes falling all day. We came home after running a few errands, ate lunch (pineapple slices for me) & then we both took a nap. When I woke up, I knew I was in for a bad evening.

I've had a cold for a couple of days & the sinus drainage just complicates things with HG. I was hanging out in the bathroom while Logan watched cartoons. I was only "watching" him for a half hour before Bill came home from work. He cooked Logan dinner as I ran up & down the stairs to the bathroom a few times. He gave Logan a bath, brushed his teeth & got him tucked in to bed, all as I'm throwing up.

I felt so bad. Not just sick, but I felt guilty. I'm usually the one who makes him dinner, brushes his teeth & gets his pajamas on. I tuck him into bed, kiss him on the head, wave 'night-night', blow kisses & tell each other "Love" as I close his bedroom door. I'm now missing out on this because I'm too sick to do it at night. After Bill tucked Logan in, I came out of the bathroom crying, thanking him for taking care of Logan. "It's OK, you can't help it", he told me.

I knew going into this that there would be times I would feel guilty because I was too sick to take care of Logan. Knowing is one thing, feeling it is another. Knowing still doesn't stop me from crying about it, nor does it make me feel any better about the situation. I guess tomorrow I'll pull up my boot straps because it's another day. Hopefully it's just 5 more weeks of the really bad stuff. Hopefully I'll get over this cold, be able to keep up with the right dosage of zofran (8mg every 4 hours) & by the end of the first trimester, have this monster under control.

I guess I have to stay positive even when I feel sick & guilty.

Doctors appointments for all
Talk about a crazy day. It's been one appointment after another. Yesterday morning I woke up feeling really sick. I didn't eat much & I drank even less. I knew I had to call my OB because things can get out of hand quickly with HG. I called to see if I could increase my dosage & they wanted to see me.

This morning Logan woke up with a really bad cough. It was so bad that I thought it was serious (like croup or pneumonia). We got him in earlier this morning before I went in for my appointment. It turns out he does have croup. It's a very mild case & he doesn't need any medication (thankfully). He's not even contagious, so we can still have his birthday party tomorrow. After getting the all clear, I dropped him off at photographer friends' house so I could go to my appointment.

By the time of the appointment, I hadn't had anything to eat or drink for almost 24 hours. They checked the urine sample for ketones to see how dehydrated I was. There were some, but not a lot, so I didn't have to get re-hydrated today. The Doctor increased my dosage of zofran & told me that if anything changed over the weekend, I would have to come in immediately. I still have to go in to get checked out again next week. I'm really happy that they are so proactive about not letting me get so bad that I'll need IV's or another trip to urgent care.

So, Logan is napping & resting after a busy day (that started at 6:30AM) & I'm going to hit the sack & get some rest so I can at least try to get some energy to clean the house & get everything ready for Logan's party in the morning.

I can't wait until the weekend is over with.

It's here
After feeling nauseas all day & all night for three to three & a half weeks straight, I'm now camping out in the bathroom. I haven't made meal plans for the week because the thought of food just makes me want to gag, so I'm not up for making dinner anymore. It's back to the basics for us for a while.

I felt terrible all yesterday afternoon & all last night. I slept when Logan took his nap (from 1:00-4:30), just so I could be unconscious & not have to deal with it. I woke up feeling gross & it got progressively worse throughout the night, eventually making me make a b-line for the bathroom at dinner. That's when I knew I was sick enough to take the zofran.

I've been holding on to that bottle of pills like Linus holding his blanket. I take them everywhere with me to be prepared & they give me a sense of security, knowing that if I get sick, everything will be alright because I have them. It's actually kind of stupid.

So, my nights are shot now. I'm pretty good in the morning, good enough to keep working out. I drink my breakfast (carnation instant breakfast) because I can't eat. I workout, come home, eat some toast & fruit & do whatever we're doing for that day. Come nap time, I begin to feel gross & it's a downward spiral from there. The hard part is staying hydrated because I can hardly drink anything right now. So, I'm already behind the ball on that one.

We were supposed to go out for Date Night tonight, but it looks like we might take Logan over to play with his friends while we come back home. I still have to get the house clean & make muffins for playgroup tomorrow & it seems like there aren't enough hours in the day to get it all done. I find myself taking frequent breaks so I don't run out of steam.

But, oddly enough, things are still easier this time around. I know what to expect & I know what's happening to me. I have a bunch of people that I can call if I need help with Logan (the calls & emails offering help have already started). I'm not scared & I don't see myself going into a depression like I did last time. As paranoid as I was about getting sick, I'm optimistic that everything will be OK. Yeah, I feel like crap, but I can deal with it.

This is mind boggling
Why is it that when I'm pregnant, I take more medications than I do when I'm not pregnant? Isn't this supposed to be a time to lay off the pills? And, I'm only 5 weeks pregnant! How is this happening already?! I don't take medications to begin with. Bill always tells me, "Well, if you have a headache, go take a Tylenol", to which I respond by moaning & keeping myself firmly planted on the couch - sans pills.

Here's the lovely list of medicated conditions I'm already experiencing (& it makes me feel like a senior citizen to be falling apart like this):

1. Hyperemesis - Zofran (this I have, but I'm waiting to take until I'm actually living in the bathroom due to insurance being difficult)
2. Insomnia/late night nausea - Unisom
3. Heartburn/acid reflux - Prilosec
4. Constipation - Colace ( for when I start Zofran. TMI, but too bad. It is what it is & that's what happens when you take Zofran. Or when you're pregnant, for that matter)
5. Headaches - Tylenol (I'm also holding off on this until my brain explodes because I don't want to take all of these medications)
6. Prenatal - Duh (I'm calling this a medication because it tastes like HOT GARBAGE & it's almost too much to keep down)
   

See? Isn't that ridiculous? I think so. I'm holding off on three of these until I think I'm going to die, then I'll take them. Two of them are extremely necessary, as I've tried going without & paid the price. Unisom to sleep through the night & not get up to puke is a must & as of last night, Prilosec is a need as I could only sleep on my left side (the WRONG side) without feeling like my throat was on fire. Yuck.

Anyway, time to swallow the hot garbage pill, then my sleeping & heartburn pills. Good night.