Monday, April 30, 2007

Hay fever is no party
Yesterday was the warmest day of the year so far. With it came hay fever. Seeing as though every member of our household should live in a plastic bubble, we were all suffering. I didn't sleep a wink at all last night. It was truly insomnia. I got up out of bed at 3:30 am, after having tossed & turned for hours on end. I watched TV & listened to the birds begin their Good Morning 3:30 am. I had no clue they started that early.

I never fell asleep & the hay fever quickly turned into a sinus infection. Fever, listlessness, head aches & sinus pressure. It sucked. I felt so bad for Logan because I didn't play with him all day. I was a couch hostage, only getting up to feed him & change his diapers. He would bring books to me so I could read to him. He played & ran around the house by himself. At snack time, he though it would be funny to empty his goldfish cracker cup onto the carpet & smash every single one into little specks of orange. The TV was his babysitter today. I felt incredibly guilty about it, but what was I going to do? I couldn't stand up without getting dizzy.

I hope I feel better soon, because for one...being sick is the pits! But we have a lot of fun activities lined up this week too. We'll miss playgroup at the park tomorrow morning & I'm calling my friend to cancel our workout. I'm hoping that's all we're missing.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Last night we were fast asleep in bed. Then at 2:30 am, I hear all sorts of yelling & commotion outside. It sounded like it was in our backyard. I pop up (like I usually do when I hear something) & look through our bedroom window to see what's going on. I don't see anyone, but then again, I didn't have my glasses on either. Then for some reason, I thought I would be able to hear better if I had my glasses on too (that's 2 am thinking for you).

After I got my glasses on, I could see a bright light shinning into the backyard, like the back gate was open. I could see shadows dancing around on the fence. I heard a deep voice say something like "put your arms down". I was totally freaked out.

Bill got up & looked around. He didn't see anything out the window or when he got up to take a look through the front windows. He got back into bed & just seconds later we heard someone knocking on our front door. The whole time Buddha was barking (doing his guard dog job perfectly) & the knocking only made him worse.

Bill got up to answer the door to a police officer. Apparently, they were chasing some guy & he ran into our backyard. They caught him, but thought he might have broken something. They wanted Bill to go out with them to make sure. Everything was fine.

Bill came back to bed & told me what was up. He got a good look at the guy they caught, as he was handcuffed & sitting on the curb right in front of our house. He apparently looked like some college kid running from a frat party. To top it off, Bill told me he had everything locked up, but found that he forgot to lock the back sliding glass door.

I couldn't sleep all night. I had a whole lot of nightmares. The kind of nightmare that gives you the chills & a really deep sinking feeling when you wake up from it. I hate it!!

At least everything was OK. However, I'm seriously considering leaving a baseball bat by the side of the bed now.

***UPDATE: Bill called the police station to see exactly what happened in our backyard. Apparently, it was a traffic stop where the driver ran across a busy intersection, through an open space, over neighbors fences & ended up in our back yard. The operator didn't know what the traffic violation was for. I'm glad it really didn't have anything to do with our neighborhood.***

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Stirring the pot
Well, there is some funny stuff going on at the gym now that I'm working out with my friend. A couple of days ago when we had our first workout, apparently the fitness manager, the sales manager & every single trainer working there had a million questions to ask Bill. Mainly, "Is your wife training here now?" I'm not contracted through the gym & working out with my friend is Kosher, because there is no exchange of money & I'm working out with her at the same time. So, I'm not breaking any "rules". But the training staff is scared stiff that I'm going to start taking their business.

This afternoon my friend & I had our second workout. As we were sitting on the mats, stretching out & talking, one of the trainers who happens to be friends with Bill came up to us. "Are you training?", he asked. "We're working out together & helping each other out", I replied. "Oh, OK. Bill talked to you about the other day, right?", he questioned. "Yeah. And you know...I am a trainer. I'm going to workout like a trainer. Just because I'm not contracted through the gym, it doesn't mean I'm going to 'forget' how to workout". He was satisfied with that, smiled & walked away. Then I had to be a smart ass. "You know though. If I was training, I would be scared if I were you". I forgot that I get cocky like that in the gym & it just came out. As a woman in the gym though, you have to hold your own. Otherwise, it's not pretty.

So, my friend & I workout & laugh about what's going on. We see the fitness manager watching us like hawks & snicker. My friend tells me that another trainer is giving us "looks". We snicker some more. Between laughing & actually doing our ab exercises, we should have six pack abs in no time.

I think it's just funny that they're so worried. Am I really that much of a threat? I guess it's pretty flattering, seeing as though we've only worked out once & they're all nervous about it. I've seen the way the other trainers work their clients out & I've read each of their profiles on the wall that lists their qualifications. I'll refrain from making another arrogant comment.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Back in the saddle again
I'm doing what I thought I wouldn't. I'm training one-on-one sessions again. Sort of. A few weeks ago at a moms night out dinner, one of the other mom's from MOMS Club asked if we could do a trade. She's a professional photographer & a very talented one at that. I've always wanted to have family portraits done, but it was way out of our budget. We agreed to trade our services. I would develop a nutrition plan & workout program & we would workout together, then in turn she would take studio portraits of Logan & at the end of the summer or fall (when there is a lot of color), she'll take our family portraits too. It's a great arrangement. So, I'm not getting paid to train her (& it's not completely training because I'm working out with her). But I'm back nonetheless.

We had our first workout today. It went really well. We had fun & worked out hard. We'll probably be sore tomorrow (& talk to all of the other moms at playgroups about it). It's completely obvious that I'm a trainer while working out & when I'm working out with a friend, it just feels "like home". That's the only way I can describe it. That it's comfortable, familiar & like I'm supposed to be there.

Logan hung out in the childcare there. We took him yesterday for an hour & he made out just fine. Today we were at the gym for about 2 hours, which was a little too long for his taste. He got a little upset towards the end, so when we go back, I'll have to make sure to keep an eye on our timing.

It just feels so good to be back, it's kind of weird. I don't know what I was so afraid of when I kept resisting it. Maybe it's less pressure because I'm working out with a friend & not really getting paid. Logan seems to be fine in the childcare, but our workouts are so easy going that if either one of our kids (she has a toddler a year older than Logan) had a melt down, it wouldn't be a big deal if we had to skip out early. I think that's it. There's no pressure. No pressure to sell. No pressure to hit goal. It's just working out & having fun.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Is it me, or is this year different?
I don't know if it's because of Al Gore's - An Inconvenient Truth, or maybe the launch of The Discovery Channels mini series - Planet Earth, but Earth Day is different this year. It was actually a big deal with media coverage everywhere you looked. Global warming has been a hot topic for years (since the early 80's) but this year the issue seemed to hit a peak.

It's really scary to think about what's happening & that the US is to blame for the majority of the destruction. This country is all about consumption & having "more". While watching all of the media coverage I asked Bill if he thought it would make a difference. Americans are pretty stubborn people who resist change like it's the end of the world. Oddly enough, if there isn't change, it could be the end of the world as we know it.

We are a pretty conservative family. Of course we could always do more (be better at recycling, using less water, change our light bulbs to CFL bulbs), but I must admit that we're not conservative to be eco-friendly, we're conservative to save money. Which I guess is fine because we're consuming less & in turn having less impact on the environment. But as of yesterday, I think we might be a little more proactive in our conservation, not just to save a penny, but to really try to do what we can.

Bill had to work, so I decided that it would be a good idea to take Logan to the park & walk the 20 mile trail again. While at the park, I noticed how much trash there was. Gum wrappers in the grass, cigarette butts in the sand & all sorts of gunk that Logan tried to pick up & eat. After we had fun running around & he wore himself out, we headed off down the trail. I noticed the numerous plastic bags in the creek, trash littering the open spaces & the smell of the inner city creek water.

We have a long way to go to protect the environment.

While the hype may have inspired me to take a second look at our small city & notice that as a family & a community, we seriously need to make some changes...has it done the same for everyone else? Are people taking this seriously? Does anyone else see how gross the world is getting & that our children's playgrounds are turning into dumps?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

This isn't what I bargained for.
Well, it finally happened. Logan's first time-out. He's been pulling these little temper tantrum fits here & there for a while, but he's been easily calmed with stern instruction & re-direction. However, that was then. This is now.

Yesterday afternoon, he totally flipped out because I was holding Kitty. He's actually quite jealous of her, especially when she's curled up on my lap. This makes me think that if we were ever to have baby #2, we're in for some big trouble. Logan doesn't like it when Bill & I hug each other either. So, that's what started it all.

He screamed at me like he's never screamed before. A top of the lungs, shrill scream. I picked him up & he continued. I took him to his room for a diaper change, he screamed louder. After attempts at telling him to calm down, giving him a book (which he promptly thew on the floor), I had it. I told him that he was going on time-out & that I would come back & get him in a minute when he calmed down.

I put him in his crib (which I don't intend as using as a regular time-out spot) & left to unload the dishwasher. He calmed down & was back to himself when I came to get him when his time was up.

We went through the rest of our day OK. He was still acting up here & there, so I thought it would be a good idea to go to the park & let him run some of his energy off. He had fun, swinging & playing in the sand & running around. Then he noticed a wagon that another family came to the park in. He ran over & tried to push it around. I told him that it wasn't his wagon & grabbed his hand to lead him back over to the sandbox. He had another foot stomping, screaming melt down. I picked him up & told him that we don't scream like that & it was time to go home. On the way home I thought to myself, "Logan is really being a little pill"!

This morning he's been fussy & throwing more fits. It's really grating on my nerves. I don't know what's up with him, other than he may be entering his terrible two's already. God, if that's the case, this sucks!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Sometimes you just need some sleep
Recently, I've been having a hard time getting to sleep at night. Bill will go to bed around 10-11:00 pm, while I'll stay up until 1-2 am. Historically, it's been the other way around. For some reason, the roles have switched & now I'm the one staying up late.

I try to go to bed around 1 am, but then usually end up flipping around like a fish for an hour to an hour & a half. This is where I'm exceptionally thankful that Logan is a great sleeper & sleeps in until 8am. It's become a vicious cycle of going to bed late & needing a enormous cup of coffee (close to a pot) the next morning. Bill has tried to convince me to take a sleeping pill, but I won't for fear that if Logan wakes up (which he doesn't), I won't hear him.

Yesterday was Bill's split shift. He came home from work for a 4 hour lunch. We went grocery shopping (one of our favorite weekly chores) & came home. I was so tired, I took a nap. A 2 hour nap. First, I never take naps. I never could heed the "sleep when the baby sleeps" advice. There were times I would go lay down to only get up 15 minutes later, proclaiming that "I just can't take a nap". This was clearly not the case yesterday & fortunately, Logan was just as tired as I was & slept for the whole 2 hours as well.

Not only did I take a 2 hour nap, but after dinner (a very delicious grilled lamb chop that Bill cooked up) I promptly fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. For another 2 hours. We went to bed & I slept another 8 hours.

This morning I feel like a million bucks. Totally rested & ready to tackle the day. Sometimes you just need some sleep (& maybe just a little coffee).

***There's a great cyber-client update on The Other Blog. Yesterday, Wendy ran a 5k with an amazing finishing time! Go check it out & give her congrats on a race well ran!***

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The pity party is over
Obviously, yesterday was a rough day. Not only were lawsuits, taxes & The Conversation on our minds but we also found out that the fitness blog project in which I would get paid to write, was pulled. We are entitled to our grumpy days & I was taking full advantage of that.

Then this morning it hit me.

As the smell of freshly brewing coffee filled the house, watching Logan dance in place with excitement as Bill put on his socks (Logan loves to watch him put his shoes & socks on) in the newly vacuumed living room...there was happiness in the house. It was a pajamas moment.

It didn't matter that we had a grumpy day yesterday. It didn't matter that there was a mess of problems going on in our grown-up adult world. Our home was still a happy place. It felt good.

I felt even better after balancing the finances (I know, sounds crazy). We are still tight, pinching pennies & living simply. It's still stressful. But, I felt good because I realized that without starting cyber-training on The Other Blog, we would have been in a very bad place & possibly bounced checks (which we've never done before). Where I once thanked Stefanie for her business because I was able to buy Logan a pair of shoes without worry, I'm now thanking everyone who has been training with me because it's saved our family from even more struggle & possibly, a terrible predicament.

Yes, life can be hard at times. And yet again I'm reminded that it could be much harder than it is.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Lawsuits, taxes & The Conversation
Sounds like a lot of fun, huh? Not really! We went back to court to meet with the opposing attorney again this morning. Guess what we found out? The dude is just as STUPID as the HR department of The Gym & the administrative department of The Insurance Company & he ACCIDENTALLY sent in a judgment to garnish wages!! Why are we going through this? Seriously! He realized his mistake is is revoking the judgment today. We still have yet to hear from The Insurance Company, but have found out that one person who handled our HR issues at The Gym ended up getting fired because she lied about doing things when she hadn't (meaning, she said she sent in our paperwork when she didn't do anything but lie). What a freakin' mess.

Bill finished our taxes this morning (because we're slackers & wait until the very last minute to do anything). I think we're getting $65 back. I hear about people getting thousands of dollars back. I'm really wondering how that's happening. We could use some extra cash for sure! I was almost positive that we would get a bigger return this year with being able to claim Logan, the house & now being a one income family that drops us down a bracket, but I guess not!

And then...The Conversation. Bill "talked" to his mom on Sunday. I could go on forever about this, but I'll save everyone from poking their eyeballs out. Basically she said that they'll be here for Memorial Day weekend & that she wants to get this all put behind her. Bill told her that things are going to be the way they are, we are adults & not her children anymore & that's about it. I still have yet to hear from her (I'm not holding me breath for an apology-I just want a common understanding). So now the in-law visit countdown begins. T-minus 39 days.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Surprisingly, I can walk
Yesterday was an absolutely gorgeous day. Bill had to work all day, so I decided that Logan & I would walk to a nearby park & trail. Bill mentioned how it was a five mile trail the day before when we were driving by the park.

"Five miles? No big deal", I said to myself. We left at 3 pm. As we were walking down there, I realized that it's probably two to three miles to get down there. We kept walking, knowing that I would end up walking close to nine miles.

The park was beautiful with big trees & little creeks. Logan was enjoying the ride & we had a great time people watching. It seemed like everyone in our little city was on this trail. Most of them were biking (it's a paved inner city trail system). I was constantly hearing, "On your left!", as bikers passed by. We kept walking & then I noticed the mile marker. SW8. I had walked 8 miles & the trail kept going. I thought, "Wow. I'm going to end up walking about 20 miles here". I kept walking until the trail passed by another park with a playground so I could let Logan run around.

We played in the park, with Logan picking up rocks, pine cones & sand. He laughed as I "chased" him. As he was giggling, he turned around to look at me. And then....bam. He fell & landed straight on his face. Right square on his nose. He let out a silent cry. That's when you know someone is really hurt. I picked him up & he cried like he's never cried before. Then there was blood. In his mouth, in his nose, on his hands. He really got scraped up. I held him & took care of his bloody nose, his fat lip & his scraped up thumb knuckle. After a minute, he was ready to jump off my lap & run around in the sand again.

It was starting to get late, so I decided we should probably get going home. We walked & walked & walked & walked. On the way back, I had to stop three or four times to stretch out my legs & hips because they were cramping up. Logan took a nap & I kept walking, even though I was starting to get stiff & slow. We got home a little before 7pm.

I walked for nearly four straight hours. I walked pretty much the equivalent of a marathon. I was exhausted. I thought I was going to be crippled this morning. But much to my dismay, I feel great. It was like I never walked the trail. I'm only sore in my chest from my lifting routine on Saturday. I may end up walking this trail every Sunday now. Even though it makes me feel like Forrest Gump.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Reflection & thinking
It's been another day where a daytime TV show provokes a reflection of the past. This afternoon Dr. Phil did a show (partially) on HG. I've known about this shows taping & airing for a few months now, because I would get frequent email updates from the HER foundation. I think I found out on Logan's birthday because I remember thinking to myself that I was incredibly thankful that I could eat birthday cake with him, where just a year prior, I couldn't eat anything.

I've mentioned bits & pieces of my life with HG here & there. I'm sure most of it is on The Pregnancy Story (duh). In my pre-blogging days, I kept a journal. This afternoon I took it out & read some of the things I wrote about HG & my experiences.

Saturday, June 18, 2005
The month of June sure has been interesting & very challenging. It's been interesting in the way my body has been changing, smells, tastes, food cravings; but very challenging in the way of morning sickness.

...In the sixth week (of pregnancy) I was eating less. I could barely eat dinner or drink water...which brings me to the seventh week, where I couldn't eat anything & morning sickness took over.

Morning sickness started early & gradually. I was getting sick before I even knew I was pregnant. The funny thing was that I was sick at night in the beginning. It was mostly in the 8pm hour that things got bad. After a while of trying to tough it out, I canceled my 8pm clients. I was running out of the gym when Bill came to pick me up, hands covering my mouth, gagging & dry heaving in the car. Thank God the drive home was only a few short minutes. Bill would drop me off at the stairwell. I would sprint up three flights of stairs, run down the hall to our apartment, throw open the door & barely make it to the bathroom. It felt like I had the flu for weeks.

Soon I was feeling sick earlier in the day. It would start around 4pm & get worse. By 8pm, I was debilitated. I was throwing up at work in between clients & then throwing up in the morning after breakfast. Soon I was throwing up all the time.

In my seventh week, I felt like I was going to die. I couldn't keep any food down for a few days. Event he smallest sip of water made me sick. I was starving & dehydrated. I went to the doctor to get some medication. When the nurse checked me in & got me on the scale, I was very worried. I had lost 5 pounds in a week or less...the doctor assured me that the weight loss was OK & normal for morning sickness & the baby would be fine...

Tuesday, July 5, 2005
I'm now in my tenth week & a lot has happened...The pregnancy has still been really difficult. Morning sickness feels like it is really killing me. All I do is work a few hours in the morning, throw up, come home & sleep, eat, throw up & sleep some more. I have no desire to workout still, which is probably a good thing because I continue to lose weight. I went to see the doctor on the first of July for my first prenatal exam. I had been really sick for two days prior. I had lost another 4 pounds. Now it's a total of 10 pounds lost...I asked for a stronger prescription. They wouldn't give me one. They really don't seem to be the least bit worried that I'm so sick & losing so much weight...

Monday, August 29, 2005
During the eleventh week I ended up in the doctors office to get re-hydrated by I.V. Once again, morning sickness took a turn for the worst & I couldn't keep anything down. The nurses took me back to weigh in. I was 117 pounds. I've never weighed that little in my adult life. I broke out into tears again. Bill mentioned how my clothes were hanging off of me & you could see my spine & other bones sticking out.

The nurse hooked me up to the I.V. It went in pretty quick. Another nurse came in & hooked up a second bag & added some medication to it. I think I had an allergic reaction to it because I felt like I was in space. The nurse came back when the bag was empty. I was really tired & when she would ask me questions, I was slow to answer & my speech was slurred. She said I was worse than when I came in. They wrapped me up in blankets & wheel chaired me down to urgent care. Anther set of nurses took my vitals & my blood pressure had dropped to 80/72. They hooked me up to a third bag & added a different medication. A doctor came in to see me. I had been there for 5 hours. He mentioned that if they couldn't get me better in the next hour, they would have to admit me to the hospital for a 24 hour watch. Fortunately, I got better.

The next four weeks were tough because I went into a deep depression. The new medication was helping, but I still felt gross & I was sick & tired of being on the couch all day long. It was such a drastic change from the lifestyle I used to have...

Friday, September 2, 2005
It's strange how it took a trip to urgent care to get stronger medication when I had asked for it weeks earlier at my first prenatal appointment. The pill that worked out best was Zofran, which is a medication that they give cancer patients to help them feel better after chemo. I kind of felt like I had cancer, minus the pain. I've ended up losing 15 pounds...

Wednesday, September 7, 2005
Well, the morning sickness came back full force this weekend. Not as bad, but I was throwing up a lot. I tried to get off the medication, but couldn't do it. Plus, I've had a cold all week. I went online & did a little research. I saw a link for "Hyperemesis Gravidarum". I remember the doctor saying something about that when I was on I.V. At the time I thought the was the clinical name for morning sickness. It turns out that it's not.

"HG" is morning sickness times ten. I read a lot of womens stories from all over the world. Some of them have been in the hospital 40 plus times, some have had to terminate their pregnancy because it was so bad. Other have had miscarriages & most are on medication their whole pregnancy. When I read everything about it, my jaw hit the floor. Everything made sense now. It also made me feel better to know that I wasn't alone in how I felt. Even if my family didn't understand me 100%, there was a world of other women who did. It was also nice to know that I was on the more moderate end of the symptoms. Some women are feeling much worse than I am. Needless to say, I'm on the site everyday now...

I often think about having another baby. It would be nice to have more family & another baby in the house now that Logan isn't a baby anymore, but a full fledged little boy. And then I read this. And I remember the depression. The complete & utter feeling of illness. The thoughts & wondering if I could continue on with the pregnancy or was my life in danger. Was I going to starve to death & lose my baby too. Then I think that maybe another pregnancy isn't such a good idea. HG runs in the family. My mom had it with all of her pregnancies. My sister had a mild case with hers. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would have to live with it again & then this time, with a rambunctious toddler to take care of.

Sometimes I think that HG is limiting the size of our family. I know that there are other women who go through it more than once, but I don't know if I can. Maybe it has to be in The Grand Plan, The Big Picture, for baby number 2. Right now, after this post, I don't think it's in my plan. I'm sure I'll continue to think about it a lot.

So, with all of this thinking going on, Lizzy nominated me for a Thinking Blogger award. My blogging intentions were to initially just record my new life as a stay at home mom. I never thought my life would make me think more, let alone anyone else in the world. I do have to say though, that motherhood has made me think more about life & myself & the things that matter than any other time in my life. So thanks for the award Lizzy!!!

These are other bloggers I've chosen for the award because they make me think about the things that matter too:

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I don't even know where to start
"How would you like to start another blog. And get paid for it?", Bill asked me this afternoon when he came home for lunch. "What!?" was my only reaction. I know that there are opportunities for people out there, pay-per-post & freelance work, but I never thought that I fit the bill. "The gym (not THE Gym) wants to start a blog & they're looking for a writer", he said. "I didn't volunteer you, but wanted to ask you first. Just write up a proposal & I'll take it in with me & talk to them".

As the title says, I don't even know where to start. Thank God for Google & its infinite researching abilities, because for one, I've never drawn up a proposal before. Nor have I ever lived my life as a writer & I have NO CLUE what to do about salary (pay-per-post?) negotiations. Plus, I suck at negotiating.

But nevertheless, this is a very cool opportunity. I mean, I already write a fitness blog. And now this could be another source of income? That. Is. Awesome.

This may be the push I need to kick start the other writing projects that I wanted to do (& finish) last year. The infant fitness book & my nutrition plan are still just a few files on the hard drive & at a complete standstill. I lost all motivation when the hard drive crashed & I had to start over (now I'm saving them to an external hard drive). But, they have been untouched since last fall.

But, need I remind myself....One thing at a time.

Monday, April 09, 2007

A day of rest
When Bill & I became parents, I thought we would never get the chance to chill out like we used to. Yesterday I was proven wrong. It was great.

Logan woke up at his usual time, 8:00 am. We played in the living room & watched cartoons like we always do. Since it was Easter, we had plans for an Easter egg hunt in the back yard but it was snowing. Bill made a big breakfast for us with pancakes, sausage & the like. Logan loved his breakfast, having pancakes for the first time. The cold, dreary weather made me really, really sleepy. It did the same for Bill. He ended up taking a morning nap on the couch while I got the kitchen cleaned up after breakfast.

After the morning past, I was falling back asleep on the couch when Bill said that I should just go back to bed & he would get Logan's lunch taken care of. I jumped at the chance. I took a really long 2 or 3 hour nap. I woke up just as Logan was going down for his afternoon nap. Bill got Logan to bed & took another nap himself. I don't think we've ever slept this much since Logan's been born. Even Logan was ultra sleepy. Well, it was only because after breakfast he figured out how to climb up onto the couch, turn around & straight up jump off, with no fear. He laughed & laughed as he flew off the couch, landing on the pillow crash pad I made for him on the floor. This wore him out like never before.

After the rotating naps & lazy day play, Bill made an amazing Italian dinner while I got Logan ready for a bath. He splashed everywhere & played with his Crayola bath markers that he got in his Easter basket. He loved coloring the tile orange. I got him in bed just as Bill finished getting dinner ready. We ate manicotti, had a couple of glasses of wine & watched the new season of The Sopranos. It was a really nice chill out day & a great, non-traditional Easter.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Things I've never posted about before
This tag by Erin is a nice break from the "life crap" that has seemed to be in a lull for the next couple of days (until we have The Conversation, anyway). I'm supposed to write about five things that I've never posted on the blog before.

Now I found this funny because, what haven't I posted on the blog! I do live an open life, spilling the beans about my life, venting my frustrations about Bill's family & all of the boring stuff in the middle. There's one part of my life that I will never write about & that's the personal relationship between Bill & myself in our marriage. I may touch on some things here & there, but most of it will stay private. Some chose to write TMI about that part of their life & that's their choice, but it's not for me. Especially since I have friends & family that read this. Nor do I want to potentially set up an incident where Logan would find that info & need years of therapy to erase what he just read.

So now that I covered what I won't write about, onto what I haven't....

  1. I've been doing "deep relaxation" in counseling sessions, which honestly, I think is hypnosis. But I don't know the difference. We started this to help decrease the flashbacks that I was having recently. The first time I "went under", it was a very strange experience that brought on an immediate anxiety attack. I was completely relaxed on the couch, she started counting down. "10, 9, 8, 7, 6...." As she got closer & closer to 1, my muscles started to tense up, my chest & stomach twisted, I couldn't breath & bam. Panic attack. I still stayed "relaxed" & we did what we needed to do. After the session & for the rest of the day, I was completely wiped out. It actually freaked me out a little too. But, we did it a few more times & each time, the attacks were less intense. Now, I'm not having any flashbacks at all & the last time we did "deep relaxation", it was great.
  2. I love cats more than dogs. For years & years I asked Bill if we could get a cat. He always said no because he was allergic. I didn't believe him & kept asking. When we lived in Portland, my biological clock started ticking, big time. It didn't take much to convince Bill that if we went to the pound & picked up a kitten, maybe I would be distracted & wouldn't think about having a baby. Well the next thing you know, we have P-Kitty (Kitty's 'real' name). Seven months later, Logan was conceived.
  3. Last month I was recruited to hold a board position in MOMS Club. This does not surprise me one bit, as I've held some type of leadership position in every organization that I've been a part of. For those LDS (or who have LDS families), I was Laurel president. I was a soccer coach for a couple of seasons. I was the senior assistant in the chiropractic office (& ran the entire place) & the assistant fitness manager (moving up to Fitness Manager, but stepped down after I found out that I was pregnant) at The Gym. This position in MOMS Club officially starts this summer.
  4. I have a box of notes from my freshman year of high school. It's like a time capsule, with notes from all of my friends from the entire school year. A couple of weeks ago, I opened it up & read every single note for the first time since 1995. It amazed me how much time we wasted on writing notes to each other, how boy crazy we all were & it gave me valuable insight at what life with a teen might be like when Logan is in high school. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep them anymore, because I don't want to give Logan any ideas.
  5. Bill & I have a very traditional marriage in which he does all of the driving. The only time I drive the car is when I need it to go to play group or have an appointment. So, I drive maybe twice a week at most. It's been like this from the beginning. When we moved from Vegas to Portland, we became a one car family & I didn't drive at all for four years. My drivers license expired & I ended up having to take my drivers test (just like in high school) at eight months pregnant.
And, walla. Five random bits of information that I've never revealed before. Anyone who is having a hard time with writing content on their blog, or anyone who is a meme fanatic is tagged.

***There's a great update on The Other Blog about cyber client success & I also wanted to give all of the blogging moms a heads up that Erica just signed up too. She has a great goal with some serious humor to go with it!***

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Putting my attorney hat on
Who knew that in my life as a stay at home mom, I would have the chance to try my luck at being an attorney for a bit. Or give in & hire one. But, that's what started the craptastic week this morning. We are being sued. Yes, S.U.E.D. By our STUPID insurance company.

We received a summons for a court date a couple of months ago. When I was served the papers (in my PJ's!), I was fired up. Oh yeah! You want to sue us? I'll show you, you stupid corporate vampire! I'm going to counter sue!

This is the sitch: We had individual group coverage for both Bill & myself when we were working at The Gym. Then I was fired (for being pregnant...yes! Pregnant!!). Bill added me to his individual plan & it became a family plan. We had our premium payments taken directly out of his paycheck. We paid our co-pays before we saw any nurse or Doctor (because they won't even let you through the door of the clinic without a swipe of you debit card, cash or check). After Logan was born, we added him to the family plan. Then there was The Battle of The Missing Paperwork.

Apparently, HR at The Gym has no idea how to handle paperwork. They never sent information over to the insurance company. After many phone calls & conversations with insurance company managers, it was figured out & we were told we had coverage. Or so we thought. After a couple of months, it started all over again. I figured, "Forget it. We'll settle this in court, because I'm not paying thousands of dollars that we don't owe".

So we got served.

We gathered up our evidence that we paid premiums & co-payments (hmmm. Funny that we didn't have coverage, yet they we more than happy to take our monthly payments!) & met with the insurance company's (actually, the credit collectors) attorney. Since people are usually at fault & not The Company, we have a new court date in a couple of weeks where the attorney will look over the evidence & send it to the Insurance Company (who already has all of this evidence on file). I am very tempted to calculate how much we paid in premiums to see if it would be worth it to counter sue. I'm holding off to see what happens, because that could complicate matters & just make it worse.

In a worst case scenario, the insurance company will find fault with The Gym, in which case we'll have to pay the insurance company, then turn around & sue The Gym. Best case scenario, the insurance company will see that they need to figure out how to minimize administrative errors & improve communication with client companies & drop the case.

Either way, this is a huge pain in the butt because two big corporate companies can't find capable people to do efficient work. Hell, it seems like they can't even find people to rub two brain cells together (I know this is very true of the HR department at The Gym). So, we're stuck in the middle of this mess. I'm hoping it resolves before the end of the month (in our favor, of course).

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

An attitude of gratitude
One lesson I've learned in the last year or two is how deal with life's ups & downs (umm, mostly downs) better. I've tried to go with the flow & really, just deal with it. I've come to the understanding, the real understanding, that crap happens. Life is all about the good & the bad & what you make of it.

Well folks, crap is about to hit the fan...starting tomorrow morning. And like always, it's more than one thing. It's everything all at once. Oddly enough, I feel slightly prepared for it because I knew ahead of time that all of these things were coming to a head this week.

I've also found that in these times of "life crap", I usually focus on what's wrong. Not what's right. This also tends to carry over into the "recovery of life crap" time & there's a cycle of focusing on the What's Wrong, the What We Don't Have & the How Hard It Is.

Yesterday afternoon, I gained a little more perspective. I sat down with Logan in the living room after he woke up from his afternoon nap. He was being perfect, sitting quietly & eating his goldfish crackers while I watched Oprah. This episode happened to have a segment about pajamas.

Now, Motherhood has turned me into an emotional, blubbering sap (this is a post for another day, for sure). I've found that I get choked up & teary at the dumbest things. Somebody talks about their birth story-I've got a handful of tissue. Some one mentions a victory or struggle- I start to sniffle. God forbid I hear about something devastating that's happening in someones life because I'll be crying right there with them. It's almost comical now, but I digress...

This segment was about a woman who found her calling in life. She donates pajamas to children in group homes & shelters, because this is a life luxury that most of these children have never experienced. Most have never been read a bedtime story while in their fuzzy PJ's, had a bed time routine & experienced the joy of being tucked in.

This absolutely broke my heart.

Of course upon watching this, I got choked up. Then as always, through the magic that is Oprah, she & her audience were able to pay it forward, donating thousands upon thousands of pajamas to this woman's cause. And of course, the lump in my throat turned into tears.

The reason for this emotion was two part. First, it was for the sorrow of the children who don't have the same joys & experiences that we do. Second, it was for the gratitude that Logan does have fuzzy pajamas. That he gets fun bath times, baby massages & stories, while getting to experience the joy of being tucked in. He loves to be tucked in. He giggles & smiles & thinks it's the most fun thing ever while I get him "snug as a bug in a rug".

I think I spend way too much time focusing on what we've given up, what we've sacrificed & what we don't have rather than focusing on what we do have. We have healthy food to eat, we are healthy, we take walks to the park, we play with friends every week & we have fuzzy pajamas. While we may not have a lot, we have a lot to be thankful for.

So, during this week of "life crap", I'm going to be thinking about pajamas.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Gathering up some courage
I am a chicken. When it comes to the dentist, that is. Pre-pregnancy, I loved going to the dentist. Why? Because, hello! I didn't have any cavities! It was just a simple cleaning with the hygienist complimenting me on my lack of plaque. It was fun. Getting complements on your clean pearly whites is nice.

Now it's not so nice.

After the first trimester, I started getting tooth sensitivity. It hurt to eat raw carrots. I went in & got checked out. Without x-rays (because there was a little Logan still growing inside), the dentist saw a handful of small cavities. She recommended that once Logan was born, that I get them filled. Awesome. I had my first cavities thanks to stupid HG. And not only did I have imperfect teeth, I also had gingivitis! Freakin' fantastic, isn't it!

So, the months of pregnancy waned & my teeth became increasingly sensitive. Logan was born & I justified my procrastination because I was nursing & couldn't partake of any painkillers, if needed. Logan has been completely weaned for a few months now & I still haven't gone in. The new excuse was that we don't have dental insurance, so it will just have to wait.

Ugh. I can't wait anymore. I have to bite the bullet & just go in now.

Yesterday I took a bite of a salmon sandwich & it was very sensitive. A sandwich! Sensitive! I can't even eat cold fruits or vegetables either. My trick of chewing on different sides isn't working anymore. It's to the point that if I wait any longer, I will officially be the dumbest person on Earth because my simple cavities will get big enough for me to need a root canal. That procedure will not be saving any pennies, either.

I've been making some phone calls this morning trying to figure out the best option. None of them are cheap. It looks like the family vacation to Portland that we wanted to take this summer is going straight into my mouth.

And to top it all off, I'm freaking out that the dentist is going to give me a shot (in my mouth!!) & drill into my teeth. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

That wasn't very funny
Last night I heard a a bump in the night. It made me sit straight up like a deer in headlights. This actually happens to me often, but this time I woke Bill up. "What. Is everything OK", he mumbled. "Yeah. I just heard a noise. I think it's fine", I whispered.

Now, if something or someone was trying to get into the house or roam around in the back yard, Buddha is a great alert dog. Not so much an attack dog, but he would bark a whole lot & wake us up (or so we think...we had a friend stay with us one time & he walked straight into the house in the middle of the night while we were asleep. Buddha didn't even move).

Anyway, we went back to sleep.

This morning Bill wakes up & begins to get ready for some yard work. I'm with Logan in the living room when Bill opens the front door & asks, "Did you leave the garage door open last night?" "No", I reply. "Well, someone broke in & stole the car. It's not here", he says. "I KNEW IT! That was the noise I heard last night!", I say as I run out the door leaving Logan in the living room (& he begins to cry).

The whole time I'm thinking, Crap! That's our only car! What in the hell are we going to do!?

"April Fools!" Bill smiles. I slug him in the arm, go back inside & pick up our crying son. "That wasn't very funny".