Carter at 4 months old

I think 4 months old is my favorite "baby" age. He's old enough to start doing some super cute stuff and still small enough to be cuddly and adorable. It's a great mix! Carter has been busy this last month learning all sorts of new things and reaching more milestones.
On Friday morning we went in for his 4 month check-up. He's doing great. I thought he was growing at an alarming rate, but he is not. He is still my little peanut, despite the fact that he's wearing 6-9 month clothing! He measured 25 1/4 inches long (50%), weighed 13 pounds 3 ounces (10%) and his head was 16.5 inches (30%). The nurse joked about how all of his calories are going to his head.

His pediatrician and I talked about his eating habits, still every 2-3 hours. Since he's growing just fine, it's time to start holding him off and make him wait a little bit longer in between feedings. This should also help him start sleeping through the night. He has his dinner at 6pm, in bed by 7 and then would still wake up anywhere between 11-1am then again at 3-5am, up again at 6 or 7am and we're usually up for the day after that. Since the appointment, he's slept through the night the last two nights. He wakes up somewhere between 3 and 5am. YEA!!! I'm
hoping this is a continuing trend.

Nursing is such a sweet time for the two of us. He clearly understands when it's time to eat and gets so excited about it, kicking his legs and waving his arms. He now gets into the "Milk Zone" and has a wandering hand, grabbing my face - nose, cheeks and chin or clutching my shirt. He looks so peaceful, comfortable and safe. I love it when his cheeks get rosy pink circles.
Carter is one social little guy. He has an adorable smile and is quite the talker. He loves to smile at himself in the mirror. It's so funny, I could stand there with him all day long. He doesn't really belly laugh, more like little giggles. What makes him squeal the most is bouncing him up and down on the bed or throwing him up in the air. He seems to be an adrenaline junkie already!
His hands are always in his mouth and he has discovered his feet, too. He likes to hold on to them when he's in his swing or bouncer (that he's quickly outgrowing). He plays with his toys, reaching out for them, shaking them and eating them. His favorite is the same little book that Logan had as a baby.

He hates tummy time, but is getting a little bit better about it. During his appointment when the Doctor put him down, he screamed like he was getting a shot. "Boy, he has some drama in him doesn't he?!", she said. Yes, he does. He's not really rolling yet, only once or twice, but his upper body is still strong. He's just lazy. He should be able to stand on his legs, but he's lazy about that too. We need to get him an exersaucer to start forcing him to put some weight on them. The little stinker. However, he has great head and neck control. He just likes for me to be his personal assistant and do everything for him. This is ending soon enough!
He is very much attached to me and we are quickly working on helping him gain some confidence and independence. As horrible as it is to listen to, I am handing him off to Bill more often even though he screams and fusses. I'm also either letting him scream in his room, in his bouncer, swing or on the floor a lot more. I really don't want him to stay attached to me and hopefully by the time he's 6 months old and in the throws of separation anxiety, it won't be as bad (or worse). But the times that the attachment is cute is right before bedtime. He demands to be cuddled with in the rocking chair, not necessarily rocked to sleep, but cuddled to relax. I don't mind this at all. He's also starting to give me baby hugs which just melt my heart into a big puddle.
He's also very much attached to Logan. The two people he smiles at the most are his Mom and his brother (probably because we're around him the most). He loves it when Logan plays on the floor with him, talks to him and tries to wrestle with him despite my gasps telling him to be careful. I know that the two of them are going to get into all sorts of crazy adventures and Carter will idolize his Big Brother. I can see it now. It's very sweet.
I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot, like his excited smiles when he wakes up or his giggles at bath time. It seems that life goes by so fast with two kids that I miss out on the details with him. I don't get to take nearly as many pictures as I want to and savor every moment I can with my last little one. He's growing so fast already...

So tired

Babies are hard work. But mostly, they are exhausting. I've never been so tired in all of my life. At least when Logan was a baby I could take a nap when he did. Logan isn't napping anymore, so no naps for me at all. With Carter not sleeping through the night, I'm running on fumes. I told Bill last night that one of these weekends, I really want a sleepathon. I just want to stay in bed and only wake up to nurse Carter, then go back to sleep. For an entire day if not two. I desperately need it.

I'm so sleep deprived that I'm losing my mind. Seriously. Last week at playgroup one of the moms was asking me about places to eat on her drive from my house to a park in the middle of town. I stood there like a moron not recognizing the name of the park. I thought it was an intersection that she was talking about and tried to think of these two streets that I had never heard before. The kicker? We used to live by this park and walked there at least three to four times a week. Yeah. Talk about non-functioning brain cells.

I'm sleep deprived that days blend into each other. If it weren't for our family calender, I wouldn't have the foggiest idea what day it was. I can't concentrate on anything that requires great thought and I'm certainly screwing up our finances. I've had to have Bill take over until I can be more organized. It's a miracle that I can even function as much as I do. I can't wait until Carter is sleeping through the night and I can get my brain back to where it was before.

On that note, last week Shannon nominated me for the "Uber Amazing Blog" award. I'm now just getting to it! Talk about being a slacker. After her nomination, I started reading her blog from the beginning. It's a great blog and her son Gage has quite a story. It's a blog that I will definitely enjoy keeping up with. I'm supposed to nominate five other blogs that are inspiring, funny, informative, enjoyable or well designed but to be frank - that's pretty much everyone linked on my sidebar. Otherwise they wouldn't be there! So, while I'm finishing my second cup of coffee and a diet Mountain Dew, consider yourself awarded. Because you deserve it after reading this.

Ironic
This is the first day this week that I've been able to get both kids to take a nap at the same time. I haven't had a nap since the day we came home from the hospital. And now? I can't sleep. Talk about ironic. At least I get some quiet time to myself.

Logan has been protesting his naps ever since Bill went back to work & the combination of being over-tired & the transition has made him very difficult to deal with. This morning we met up with some friends in the Walking Group & rather than bring the stroller, I had Logan walk with me (because I wasn't going to be walking fast anyway) & I just put Carter in the wrap. We walked for a good 30 minutes & then played at the park afterward. I'm sure this is why he's passed out cold in his bed.

I'm fortunate that he's getting some rest because Bill might not come home until tomorrow morning. They're having some big party at work & he thinks he might get home by midnight, but he's not sure. There is the possibility that he'll be spending the night at the office if he can't find a safe ride home (since pretty much everyone will be drinking). This means that I'm taking care of both kids - meals (although we met up with Bill for lunch today), bath times & bed times, not to mention all of the entertainment in between. If he ends up crashing at the office, this means that I'll have to get up with Logan at 6am (which I'm up nursing Carter anyway). If Logan had not taken this nap, it would have been a suicide mission.

It sucks that I can't take a nap myself. I'm running on fumes & I have no idea how I'm doing it. I guess I'm following the advice of Nike & I "just do it". No naps for me & Carter nurses every two to three hours, so I'm not getting much sleep at night. Somehow, I manage to get showered & get make-up on, get the kids dressed & ready, get them fed (but rarely myself, if not just for a cup of coffee) & we're out of the house by 9 or 10 every morning. It's a miracle, I tell you.

Catching up
Clearly, No-Naps is not working out. Which brings me right back to square one. No-Naps, strict routines, relaxed routines, early bedtime, late bedtime, restricted nap lengths, sleep as long as you want nap lengths...we've done it all.

With strict daily schedules (which is what we've been doing since the day Logan was born) worked out great until toddlerhood, where it became a power struggle. The more I tried to take control of a situation with the "I'm the Mom & what I say goes & you have no pull in the situation" kind of attitude, the more Logan resisted & the more frustrated we were with each other.

Then we tried relaxed routines, where I gave up the control & tried working together more, offering options & choices. Offering choices of two, talking about consequences, letting Logan make personal choices (Dora or Blues Clues? Applesauce or yogurt? The gym or the park?). While it worked out occasionally, he frequently responded with yelling "NO!", temper tantrums ensued & there was no reasoning with him.

Early bedtimes resulted in another power struggle over actually getting to bed & if he did sleep, it resulted in an even earlier wake time (4:30-6:00am). Late bedtimes yielded similar results - early wake time (you would logically think it would be later wake time).

Sleep as long as you want resulted in late bedtimes, which produced more bedtime battles. Restricted nap length resulted in increased temper tantrums due to being overtired (& being two). No-Naps has left him flat out tired, often crashing on the couch, the car (during every car ride) & today, has resulted in a 10:30am nap that is still in progress.

This morning while getting ready, Logan got into trouble (surprise) & he ate most of the grapes that we just bought yesterday at the store, while the rest were squished onto the newly mopped floor (this is why I don't even bother cleaning anymore). I sent him to his room for time-out. He ended up crawling into bed & promptly passing out. I tired to wake him up to get ready to go to school, but he was out cold. I even trimmed his fingernails while he slept, which I've NEVER been able to do before. The boy is more than tired, which might explain why he woke up at 6:30 this morning in the most terrible mood ever. Bill even thought this was unusual (I told him this is typical & goes on all day long - he just never gets to deal with it as frequently).

Needless to say, he missed school today. I'm just going to let him sleep as long as he will. It's catch up day today. Hopefully this will get him back on track. Where do we go from here? I have no idea, but I guess I'll figure something out.

Is this the end?
We're having some sleep issues in our home right now. It hasn't been fun at all & has been very stressful. Logan wakes up at 6AM almost every morning. He goes down for a nap (sometimes unwillingly) after lunch around 1PM. If he decides to actually take a nap, he'll sleep until 4-5PM (if I let him). So, it's obvious that he needs the nap because he's out for the count for so long. After dinner, Bill tries to wear him out a while longer & we get Logan to bed between 8-9PM. However, he's been fighting it like no other & not actually going to sleep until 10-10:30PM.

This is where we're having problems. Sleep is a constant battle. We'll, who am I kidding? Everything is a constant battle. But it's like pulling teeth to get him to bed - be it a nap or bedtime. I'm tired of fighting it all of the time. I'm ready to just give up. If he's tired, he'll sleep. I'm just waiting for him to get so tired that he passes out on the lawn from exhaustion.

So, last night at 10:30PM after Bill discovered Logan had quietly escaped out of his room & clogged his bathroom toilet with toilet paper, he suggested that Logan just sleep for an hour. We'll that's a fine idea, but the reality is a little scarier than that. Logan is much like me in the way that if you're going to sleep - you sleep as long as your body needs to. If someone wakes you up - the whole house better be prepared for a grumpy rest of the day. Considering that Logan is often grumpy enough as it is, I would rather not risk making his tantrums worse.

That's why this makes no sense, but I'm going to try it anyway. We're giving up naps. This kills me because I either get a bunch of stuff done that I need to (computer work), I take a much needed break or take a nap as well. Now, I just keep truckin' along in the day until Bill comes home to take over.

Today was the first "No-Nap" day. I've been resting on the couch watching Logan play in the backyard. He's been keeping himself busy & getting absolutely filthy in the sandbox. He'll come in & out of the house as he pleases, shows me some rocks that he found while I just stare at the dirt all over his face. The boy reminds me of Pigpen in the Charlie Brown series. The only problem we've had today was his refusal to diaper changes. Today is a no-fighting day, so if he refuses to get a diaper change - fine. When it bothers him enough, he'll eventually let me take care of it. But for right now, I am sick of tired of yelling, convincing, bribing - everything. I'm sick of it all & I'm waiving the white flag (& just seconds into typing this sentence, Logan came up to me & told me that he had a poop. He willing went upstairs for a diaper change where I found that not only did he not have a poop, but his diaper was practically dry - after not having a diaper change since 7:30 this morning. It's time to start potty training).

Anyway, so far so good on the No-Nap, No-Fighting day. I think as long as Logan can play outside as much as he wants (which is fine by me!), we'll be good. God, I love spring & summer! Now we'll see if this works with Logan going to bed a decent hour & sleeping in a little bit more (at least until 7:00). Keep your fingers crossed!

Unintentional Transition
Well, well, well. Has it been an interesting day or what. I hope I don't have another one like it again for quite some time. It all started out early this morning at 2am...

Bill had been out for Dudes Night Out, celebrating birthdays for three guys he used to work with at the small town gym. It was a crazy night with two of the three celebrating their 21st birthday. He was out cold to the world. I however, was up because Logan would not settle down to go to sleep. He cried off & on for an hour or so. It was not a sick cry, or a painful cry, but more of a whiny complaining cry. I had no idea what was wrong with him. A day later, I'm now suspecting teething as the culprit, but I wasn't thinking straight at the time of the incident.

After about the 10th time of getting up & tucking him back in - with him signing "book" & "bath" every time I came in to calm him down - I leaned over the side of the crib & the whole side rail fell off & onto the TOP OF MY FOOT. I was tired, pissed & now injured. There was no saving the crib, especially at 2 am, so I started to get his room "toddler-bed ready". Meaning, getting all of the things I didn't want him getting into (diaper cream, medicine, hand sanitizer) out of his room.

He slept in his toddler bed for the first time last night. He actually slept OK, but we were exhausted & I canceled my workouts for today & slept in...until 11:00am. We all slept in until 11. Even Logan. When I woke up, I went into his room to find him sitting in his bed reading a book that he pulled from the bookcase.

Naptime was much more difficult. Because our schedules were so off, he threw a fit about having to go down for a nap. He's usually pretty good about it, but with this attitude & the fact that he could get out of bed; it was not fun. At one point I went in to check on him only to find him up & about with dirty diapers strewn about the room. He got into the diaper pail & emptied it all over the floor. I just about died.

Bedtime tonight was a little easier, but I was still met with resistance. I'm pretty much having to pull the mean mommy card "you do as I say & there's no discussion about it". It stinks having to be so stern, but he won't cooperate any other way. After giving him the I'm not messing around look, he was in bed & stayed there.

So now Logan is officially sleeping in his toddler bed. We so weren't ready for this, but there wasn't a different option. So, we're making due. Ironically, the crib is on the latest recall list & I told Bill about it on Friday or Saturday night before all of this went down. It's being recalled for the exact same thing that happened, the side rail detaching from the crib, only some younger kids have died from getting stuck in between the two sides. I'm calling the company on Monday morning.

My little Rip Van Winkle
I guess I shouldn't be worried about this, as most parents fight to actually get their kids to sleep; but I'm wondering if Logan sleeps too much.

I'm thinking this sleeping marathon started as he was walking, so I always justified his three naps a day as wearing himself out. He sleeps through the night just fine, going to bed at 8 pm & waking up between 7 & 8 am. He needs a morning nap at 10 am & an afternoon nap at 1 or 2 pm. For a couple of weeks now, he's been taking a third nap at 5 or 6 pm. All of the naps last about an hour to two. All in all, I think he's getting a total of 15 hours of sleep (which now that I've done some research, is all normal. 12 month olds need about 14 hours of sleep a day).

I feel like a neurotic first time mom being concerned about this. Bill laughs & reminds me of our family sleeping motto: "If you're tired...sleep!" Logan really is tired at these times & I'm not just putting him down because that's the schedule. I wait until he gets fussy or yawning & rubbing his eyes. It's gotten to the point where Logan lays his head in my lap & closes his eyes. Today he took a pillow from the couch to lay down on it. Those are signals that can't get clearer than that. The kid is exhausted.

I guess the concern comes in because I hear about other kids his age dropping their morning naps & taking a long after lunch nap. I suppose if I stopped comparing his sleeping pattern to other kids, then it wouldn't be a problem. I would enjoy the three or four hours a day that I get to myself & maybe get an extra nap in as well. OK, I'm going to do just that. Lord knows I need some more sleep myself.

Officially sleeping in now?
Ever since we've been back from Oregon, Logan has been sleeping in until 8 am & has dropped his 6 am nursing time. He might wake up for a minute, but then falls back asleep. Nothing too major & I usually don't hear him enough to get up. He's now sleeping a good 12 hours at night. This is awesome! I get to sleep in & really get a full nights rest now! 8 solid hours!

This makes me wonder if he's starting to self wean. He still nurses at all of his other usual times & he isn't putting up a fight. I'm still going to shoot for breast feeding for 12-18 months, but it looks like I'll have to start reading up on weaning & baby self weaning. Just in case.

Sleeping in his own bed
This really makes me want to cry. Logan is going to start sleeping in his own bed from the time we put him down to the time we get up & start our morning.

Logan has always been pretty good about going to bed. There have been only a few challenges here & there. Now, he is an all star sleeper. I put him down & he know's it's time to sleep. I don't even have to turn on his mobile anymore. All he needs is his blanket & binky & he's out like a light.

He's been sleeping through the night for a little over a month. He always wakes up at 5 or 6 am to nurse & from the beginning, I've always kept him in bed to cuddle for a few more hours. I was so tired from getting up throughout the night, co-sleeping for those few hours in the morning was essential. There's no excuse anymore. I'm getting a good nights sleep (sort of) because he's doing so well at night. He wakes up & cries for just a minute maybe once or twice, but he settles back down pretty quick on his own.

This morning he woke up at 5:45 am to nurse. Like always, I brought him into bed, nursed & then cuddled. We were sleeping with our window open & it was very windy out. Logan kept watching the wind blow through the tree in the back yard & making his "hooting" sounds. I thought to myself, "He's not going to go back to sleep at all. He's just going to lay here & look out the window". So I picked him up & put him back to bed in his crib. He fussed once shortly after I got back into bed & I had to get up to settle him back down. Then he slept until 8:30 am.

We all slept really well this morning. My gut was telling me that it was time to let Logan sleep in his own bed, all of the time.

This is so bittersweet. On one hand, it's really good. I thought that co-sleeping in the morning was one of those "parenting mistakes" that I was making. I was willing to do it because I was so tired. I knew that there may be a battle of the beds down the line & I was preparing myself for the war ahead. I don't have to though. Logan's ready & willing to be easy about it.

On the other hand, it's really sad. Our cuddle time in the morning was one of my favorite times of the day. It was so nice to snuggle & then to open my eyes & see him looking at me, smiling. It was an amazing way to start the day. It was so special. It's over & it makes me want to cry. There is a lump in my throat & my eyes are welling up as I type this out. Ok, now I'm crying. In my coffee. Great.

In celebration of Logans independence, which really is important to me...for his sake, I made another montage. It seems like an appropriate way to "let go" on this windy, gray, cold morning. And of course, it's sentimental & sappy. Like they all are.

Edit video online at onetruemedia.com

On our way to better sleep!

Things are progressing (granted, slowly) towards all of us getting a good night's sleep. Ever since Logans' pediatrician told us that we can stop his middle of the night nursing, he's been sleeping longer. It's taking a little bit of time & we're still working on it, but it's exciting.

He still has a strict 8 pm bedtime. He'll nurse between 6 & 7, then I read & sing to him. I still swaddle him & he still needs his binky. He no longer freaks out because he's escaped his swaddle. It's more like he freaks out because he's practically doing summersaults in his crib & gets stuck in some funky position. If his binky falls out (& usually ends up underneath the crib), after a while he's content with chewing on his blanket or sucking on his hands.

He pretty much goes right to sleep (usually). He nurses again around 10 or 11 if he even wakes up. If he doesn't, I go to bed. If he wakes up before midnight, I'll nurse him again. If he doesn't, I'll push him to 5 or 6 am by giving him his binky & putting him back to sleep. Sometimes he wakes up around 2 & 4 am. I've been letting him cry it out for a little bit & unless he gets hysterical (which means he's stuck somewhere), it's not bad at all. He can usually get himself back to sleep now.

This is really starting to work out. There have been one or two nights where he slept through the night & I was left feeling like I was going to explode. Sometimes I worry about how this is going to affect milk production & I hope the supply keeps up. I still want to nurse him for another 6 months (if he doesn't get teeth & bite).

Little Houdini.
Logans' sleeping habits are driving me nuts! He's not sleeping through the night at all & quite frankly, I've given up on the idea. We went to the chiropractor yesterday & their massage therapist has a 4 month old as well. She asked about how many times he gets up. "On a bad night, like this week. Six. On a good night. Three." She told me to start feeing him solids. Um, hello? I've never met you before & you don't know that he has food sensitivities already. Thanks for trying to be his pediatrician. Besides, giving him solids isn't going to guarantee he'll sleep through the night. Plus, I think it's very selfish to feed him solids before he's ready just so I can sleep more. Lack of sleep is part of the deal when you have a baby. So is sacrifice.

I told her that he won't start solids for a while & she asked what I was feeding him. "He's exclusively breast fed". She then looked me up & down like, "really?" Now, I know people are going to give advice wether I like it or not. Usually it doesn't bother me. But for some reason, I wanted to punch this lady. I felt like this because: A. She's telling me something I already know. And: B. Don't look at me like breast feeding is bad. It's a good thing I kept my mouth shut, or we wouldn't have been allowed back to the office.

Logans' sleeping schedule has been getting better though. His bedtime is 8 pm & we're usually on top of it unless I've lost track of time because we're focused on rolling over. His naps are more scheduled now at 10 am & between 3 & 4 pm, respectively. His naps are short though, only sleeping for 20-30 minutes. In a miracle sleep, sometimes he'll stay down for an hour. But again, this is a miracle. He's sleeping in his crib all of the time, except for the couple of times that I let him fall asleep in his Boppy chair on the futon. For the most part he wakes up happy & ready to play. I know he's awake because I can hear him kicking the mattress instead of crying. The problems are happening when he's getting to sleep.

At night, I'll get him dressed, read him a story or two & sing him a few lullabies. Occasionally (much less often now than in the past weeks) he'll realize what's going on when I start to sing & he freaks out. He's been better about this though. Once he's calm, relaxed & drowsy but awake; I'll put him down, giving him his binky & swaddling him. This is where I'm at a loss.

I swaddle him because he always has his hands in his mouth & when he's trying to get to sleep, he gets frustrated that his hands are there & not his binky. So essentially, I use the swaddle like a baby straight jacket that keeps his hands down & his binky in his mouth. He's so freaking strong though it doesn't matter how tight I swaddle him, he still gets out. This process of swaddle, leave & then hear him cry, swaddle, leave & a few minutes later....crying; goes on for 30 minutes. He eventually falls asleep in his swaddle & stays that way until about 9:30-12:00, sometimes until 1 or 2 am.

He's pretty good in the middle of the night after he's nursed. He'll wake up at 2 or 3 am to eat, then I get him swaddled again. It seems he has an automatic response to grabbing his feet when he's on his back, so I have to straighten his legs while getting his arms down & trying to wrap him at the same time. On a bad night, he'll wake up 30 minutes later because he's escaped. So then the process starts all over again. There are times now that I just let him cry it out. If he's fed, changed & just being a little Houdini, I'll let him cry until he either gets hysterical or he's been crying for 20-30 minutes.

He wakes up again somewhere between 5 & 6 am & won't go back to bed. He's usually awake & ready to start the day, but I'm not even close to coming out of my sleep deprived coma. This is when I nurse him & co-sleep in the guest bedroom, where once we are cuddled up together, he will go back to bed. He'll stay asleep until 8 am or, if he wants to sleep in, 10 am. Then the escape artistry will happen at nap time as well.

His sleeping habits are really testing my patients. I'm starting to wonder if they really make baby straight jackets, because this seems like the only solution at this point. I figured that I would stop swaddling him when he's not shoving his hands in his mouth & when he's totally mobile (because he's not rolling over in his crib yet & I thought it was recommended that he continues to be swaddled until he's moving around in there). I told Bill that I really don't know what to do at this point & if he continues to be like this, I'm going to duct tape his hands to his sides (I'm kidding. sort of).

He's baaaaack.
Mr. Fussy Fuss had decided to come back for another visit. He's not that much fun to hang out with. Ever since Logan has gone through his growth spurt last week, everything is all amuck. He's back to eating every 3 hours, but his sleep schedules suck. He won't take his naps & gets really grumpy because he's so tired. Then when I try to get him bed at night, he puts up a major fight.

Thursday night after it took 45 minutes to get him to bed, he woke up every hour, sometimes every 30 minutes. It was the night from hell. We were supposed to go to the chiropractor & run all sorts of errands the next day, but I decided it wasn't a good idea to get behind the wheel with such sleep deprivation. It was a rainy day too, so that really would've made me fall asleep while driving.

Friday night wasn't much better. Again, he didn't want to nap during the day & it took forever to get him to sleep. This night was worse than the night before. He knows when it's bedtime & when I turn out the light to sit in the rocking chair & sing him some lullabies, he has a total freak out. He was screaming like his arms & legs were getting ripped off. I couldn't take it much longer & just put him in his crib screaming bloody murder & left for 10 minutes or so. After I took a deep breath, I went back in & picked him up, burped him (because he swallowed a ton of air while in the midst of his fit) & kept him in his swaddle while I sat & rocked him again. He finally got to sleep, but his pattern was like the night before. Up every hour or so. There were times that I just turned off the baby monitor & let him cry it out for a few minutes. When he wouldn't stop after 20 minutes, I would go in & take care of him.

All day Saturday he was fussy. His napping pattern was getting better, but not much. In the late afternoon after I fed, changed & played with him, he was still fussy. I decided it was time to just let him hang out in his bouncer & I would take a break in the shower. He did ok, until I got out. Then he was fussy again. By this time I was fed up with his attitude & turned around & told him "You've been fed, you have a clean diaper on, we played & you're still a little grump. I'm right here, so if you're going to be fussy, too bad. I have to brush my teeth". He fussed a little bit more & then was quiet. I turned around & he had his hand wrapped in his burp cloth & shoved in his mouth.

I've been doing a little research & I've read a couple of things about this kind of behavior. He may be getting ready for a major milestone, like laughing or something physical, like rolling over. It's like an adult who's getting ready for a major presentation at work & can't sleep because they are constantly thinking about it. Or like a kid who can't sleep because they are so excited to go to Disney Land the next morning. So, Logan could be planning out his next moves.

The other theory is that he's teething. He's been drooling, munching on his hands & anything else he can get in his mouth. I just thought he found his hands & has been fascinated with them. I haven't noticed swollen gums or tooth buds erupting, but I guess this could go on for a few months if he is teething. Yea. How exciting.

This night he was much better getting to sleep, just fighting it a little bit. The miracle was staying asleep for more than an hour. I only had to get up once to re-swaddle him & give him his binky. I hope we're getting back on track.

I figured it was time to try something new.
Recently, I've been worried that I'm not doing it "right". Being a mom that is. There are some things that I feel I have a good handle on & then there are other things that I'm just wingin' it. During the day we have a great time singing, cuddling, talking to each other & doing our tummy time work outs. I was talking to one of my sisters last week about his "work outs". In a text message I listed all of the things we do, thinking, "Oh my God, he's really been working out since he was 4 weeks old". She asked, "Does he like it"? The truth is, he loves it. I mentioned how he just thinks it's play time, while his sneaky mom knows that it's play time with a purpose. He's getting stronger & learning about his body. We also talk, so his communication skills are sharpening. I read to him if he gets too tired of the physical stuff & try to teach him about his toys & the noises they make. He's all smiles until he gets tired of it all & then we take a nap or just chill out for a while. So, I think I'm doing this stuff right.

I guess the thing I'm most worried about is not having a schedule. I came to the conclusion that Logan is his own person & not a programmable robot. We had a really nice schedule for about 3 days, then it all went to pot. I'm not so much concerned about daytime routines, but most certainly about sleeping routines. Lately he's been either refusing to nap or sleeping all day. If he's on the sleepy side during the day, it is so totally pointless to try & keep him up. He just gets overtired & very grumpy. Then when it comes to bed time, he puts up a fight. There have been nights where I just walk into our room to put him down & he starts to cry...for hours.

After reading up on tons of conflicting information, theories & suggestions, I decided to try something new. Logan hates his crib. He's been sleeping in his bassinet in our room at night & napping in his swing during the day. The instant I put him down in the crib, he hates me. I've tried to keep him in there to just look at his mobile, with little success. Last night we were going to watch the Sopranos. Every time we do & Logan is in bed in our room, he'll wake up crying about 20 times making me miss pretty much the whole episode. It sucks. So, I got him to sleep & put him in the crib, halfway expecting the same routine, but at least I wouldn't have to run down a flight of stairs to our room. This way, his room is next to the loft & it would take me just a minute to run in there & pop the binki back in his mouth.

We're half way through the show when I realize that Logan hasn't made a peep. I get a little worried & sneak into his room to check on him. He's out cold. Awesome. When it's time for Bill & I to go to bed, Logan still hasn't even moved. I go in to make sure he's still breathing. Everything checks out ok. Then I think, "My hell, he's going to sleep in there all night"! Not really expecting this situation to happen, I feel unprepared. We haven't purchased monitors yet, because he's been at the foot of our bed. I'm in somewhat of a conundrum. He's sleeping in the place I want him to, but if I pick him up to take him into our room, I'll be up for hours trying to get him back to sleep. I know that if we keep our door open & his door open, I will without a doubt hear him. But now I'm second guessing myself. What if I don't hear him? I decided to sleep in the guest room next to Logan's.

He slept in there all night. Not through the night, but he went back to sleep after nursing. I could hear him waking up & trying to soothe himself, or maybe he was just talking to the birds dangling from his mobile. Either way, he didn't wake up screaming like he usually does. I think he got a pretty good nights sleep in there. Me on the other hand, not so much. I slept, but it wasn't quality sleep. I kept my ears open so I could hear him, even though he was just a few feet away. I tried to put on my eyeliner this morning & couldn't keep my eyes open. I feel like a zombie. However, last night gave me new hope. Hope that someday soon, he'll be sleeping in his own room & closer to sleeping through the night. I can't wait to catch up on the sleep I so desperately need.

Last night was a repeat of the night before.
But this time to get Logan to sleep, we had to sleep together on the futon (because I don't feel comfortable with him in the bed due to SIDS). After I was holding him all day, Bill got home late last night & took over. It didn't last very long. Bill seems to think that Logan doesn't like to be held by him. I just think Logan doesn't like to be away from me...already. I didn't think attachments like this started so young. Every time Bill would hold him, he would cry. Then I would come & pick him up & he would stop (sometimes it took some rocking effort though). I think Bill just needs a little more practice. He is still a bit timid when he holds him. Logan likes to be held close & tight & rocked quite vigorously. Bill almost thought I was inflicting "shaken baby syndrome" to which I replied "If that were the case, he would be screaming. Don't worry, his head is supported & he's not going to break. He gets nice & relaxed this way".

Bill had to get to bed earlier because of work, but tried to stay up with us. By 12:45 am, I told him that he should probably get to bed, it might be a while. Logan & I were up until 2:00 am (again). Every time I attempted to get up to get us to bed, he would wake right up. I finally decided that we were going to sleep upstairs in the loft on the futon. It's a really comfortable place to sleep & I'm not worried about SIDS on there. Logan fits nicely on his back in the crook of my arm with his head on my shoulder. It worked out really well. He woke up every 3 hours to eat & it was easy to get him back to sleep or calm him down if he got fussy. It was a lot less stressful than the night before. I just don't want this to become a habit. I like sleeping in my bed next to Bill. It feels really strange not being with him at night, especially since I don't see him at all during the day. we have a co-sleeper in the room, but it seems like Logan wants to be on top of me when he sleeps. Maybe he wants to be back inside the womb.