Sunday, March 30, 2008

Surprise birthday party reversed
Bill had his 30th birthday yesterday. He hasn't been looking forward to this milestone for a while & didn't want to celebrate in any way. I would ask him what he wanted to do & half jokingly he would say, "I just want to stay in bed". It was difficult to think of anything to do because he wasn't into it.

Over Easter when Aunt Ju-Ju, Uncle J & Cousin B were over for the Easter Egg hunt, Uncle J was trying to convince me to throw a surprise party for Bill. "No way, he would kill me. He doesn't want to do anything for his birthday", I told him. After they left, I got to thinking more about it. I couldn't just ignore Bill's birthday because he was being a grump about getting older. Hell, we're all getting older & he isn't dead yet. So, I kept poking & prodding. "Are you sure you don't want to do anything for your birthday? What about dinner with friends?" That seemed to get his attention. "That sounds like fun, but I don't want it to seem like I'm planning my own birthday party". And that's how the reversed surprise party was born.

Now that I knew he was looking forward to this & everyone else wanted him to have a surprise party, it was easy & fun to flip it around & get a party planned. I asked Bill for all of his friends email addresses so I could send them invites. I emailed them all saying that I hoped they didn't mind, but I got their addresses from Bill's email account & invited them all out to dinner to celebrate. I let them know to keep it on the down low so Bill wouldn't find out about his "surprise party". The RSVP's came rolling in.

All week long, Bill& I snickered at our little secret as all of his co-workers kept asking him what his weekend plans were knowing full well that there was a party. They kept trying to test him to see if he had found out. Bill played it up saying that he didn't want to do anything & if I did plan something, he would be pissed. This was a lot more fun than actually trying to pull a fast one on Bill & even better that it was something the two of us could laugh about.

Saturday rolls around & it's the day of his dinner party. I gave him his birthday present which I was so sure he figured out (a new disc golf bag), but this he was surprised about & really liked. We dropped Logan off at photographer friends house & drove to the restaurant. We were running a little late, so Bill sent a text to the friend who got there early to reserve a table (since the restaurant didn't take call ahead reservations). He sent the text as me, saying that I grabbed Bill's phone while he wasn't looking. This made us snicker even more.

We got to the restaurant & met everyone there with Bill pretending to be surprised. It was the funniest thing ever. Everyone kept asking if he ever found out & saying that I did a great job keeping it a secret, even texting people from Bill's phone. Little did they know that Bill was in on it from the very beginning. Dinner was a blast with lots of fun & laughing & many, many drinks for everyone (but me). After dinner I intended to give Bill a roast that turned into a toast that quickly came to an end the minute I talked about starting a family together. In true hormonal pregnant fashion, tears began to well up in my eyes & I wrapped it up quick so I wasn't a crying mess in the middle of the restaurant in front of all of his friends. A few tears on the eyes - OK. Streams coming down the cheeks & dragging mascara down with them - not OK. I still got the point across without looking like an idiot. Or so I hope.

After dinner, we went across the street for birthday shots & a few more beers. Bill was taking full advantage of it being his birthday & having a pregnant wife to drive him home. He had a lot of fun & so did everyone else. After we left to go pick up Logan, we just laughed & laughed about the reversed surprise party. I think it's something we'll be laughing about for a while.

Hope you had a happy 30th Billy!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Call him crazy
After we moved into our house, we soon discovered that one of our neighbors is the proud owner of a Golden Retriever puppy named Captain. We met our four legged neighbor after we found out that our hedge in the backyard has some holes in it large enough for Buddha to get out & explore our neighbors yards, as well as Captain sneaking through to taunt Old Man Buddha.

We were quick to buy a lead for Buddha so he is leashed in the backyard & can't escape, but Captain still comes over to hang out (which I really don't mind). Buddha & Captain get along well. Well, it's more like Buddha tolerates the other dog since he's an old Pug that doesn't play. Logan however, is thrilled when Captain is in our backyard visiting, often running from window to window, pounding on the sliding glass door & screaming with excitement. The other night we left the back door open & found Captain in our kitchen hanging out. That was all sorts of excitement.

After finding Captain in our house, Bill told me he wanted to get a puppy. "Think long & hard about that one", I told him. It would be a whole lot of work & really, this is not the time to do it. We have a crazy toddler who isn't potty trained yet & loves to feed his food to the one dog we do have. Then, we're expecting a newborn in which case we'll have less time & attention to give a puppy. Lastly, I'll be the one taking care of it during the day since Bill is at work. I would rather not have to worry about Logan, a baby, an incontinent Pug & a new puppy. That's just insane.

While no definite decision has been made, Bill has been looking through ads for puppies. I'm really leaning towards waiting until the baby is walking (or really, running). Bill thinks it would be a good idea because it would take some of the attention off of Buddha, who has been harassed & relentlessly chased around the house by Logan since our move. We also can't agree on what kind of dog we would like to get. Bill wants a Lab. I say I want a Great Dane (although that's a terrible idea & I know this). Really, we need to find a small to medium dog that's easy to take care of. But the fact that I've even given it this much thought is ridiculous. We simply can't get a puppy right now. It would be a huge mistake & it wouldn't be fair to the new dog, but everyone else in the house too.

This is the first time in my life that I'm saying no to getting a new pet.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Back to school
Spring break is over & Logan went back to school yesterday morning. This session is a bit busier than last because we have added another class to our schedule: swimming lessons. It was a very busy day that was both fun & exhausting.

Last session Logan was going to school in the afternoons. This session we had to switch to mornings to make room for swimming lessons. Two days a week, our schedule looks like this:
  • 7:45-8:00am = Take Bill to work
  • 8:15-8:45am = Come home to do a few things unless there are errands to run outside of the house
  • 9:00am = Logan's class starts
  • 9:00-10:00am = I run errands while he's at school (or grab something to eat that I've been craving)
  • 10:00-11:00am = Come home for a snack & to get ready for swimming lessons
  • 11:30-12:00pm = Swimming lessons
  • 12:30 or 1:00pm = Lunch
  • 1:30 or 2:00pm - 3:00 or 4:30pm = Nap
  • 5:00pm = Pick up Bill from work
  • 5:30 or 6:00pm = Dinner
  • 7:15pm = Bath time
  • 8:00pm = Bed
Once a month there's a meeting from 10-11 in between school & swimming lessons. I'm tired just thinking about it! But, it keeps Logan busy & out of trouble, plus it gets him away from watching SpongeBob, Blues Clues or Dora all day long. That makes it all worth it to me.

So, Logan was excited about starting school again after the break, went right into class & began to play with toys. There's another mom from The Club who's brining her son to the same class (we used to be in the same playgroup before the split), so it was nice that Logan already had a friend that he knew. Plus, it's great to chat with a friend while the parents all wait for class to start.

After class was over, I talked to Logan's teachers about his speech & language in class, asking questions about how often he spoke & if he used two-word combinations. To my surprise, he doesn't really speak at all in class (I thought he would be more likely to talk there) & his teachers thought he was still getting used to the classroom environment. I told them about his speech evaluation & how he was a little behind in expressive skills & explained some of the techniques we are starting to use at home. They are more than happy to help us out & continue working with Logan using his words in class. It will be interesting to see how he progresses over the next 4-5 weeks (he's already made some great progress over the last 7 days).

The next part of the morning was the first day of swimming lessons. Holy smokes, was this kid excited about that! He really didn't start getting excited until we were in the water, but out of 8 or so kids, Logan was by far the most excited & happy one there. You would have thought it was the best day in the world if you saw him. As the swim instructor was getting class started, Logan just kicked & laughed already trying to swim off on his own, making not only the swim instructor laugh, but all of the other parents couldn't help but smile at his complete & utter joy.

During the class the kids jumped into the water (into our arms) from the edge of the pool, practiced kicking their arms & legs & at the end, picking a floating toy to throw out into the pool to swim to. Although the toys are a great idea, it was really distracting for Logan since after a few tosses he wanted to choose another. We rotated between four or five different pool toys & he totally lost focus on actually trying to swim. He was supposed to be practicing his arm strokes, but at this point only kicked his legs & reached for toys. It was still loads of fun though. And afterward, I felt like I had run a mile. My arms & legs were nothing but Jello since this was the most activity I've had in almost 3 months.

Now is the time of the year where we really get to enjoy life, getting out to class, going on walks in the neighborhood & playing in the park. I am more than thrilled to be this busy again because it makes up for all of the fun we missed out on while I was sick. It also makes me feel so much better just seeing Logan so happy to go out & about.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Easter 2008
This year was a lot of fun, especially since Logan is a little older & we can do a few more things to celebrate Easter. We woke up & I brought down Logan's Easter basket since he still has no idea who or what the easter bunny is. He was thrilled to see all of the cool stuff in his basket. I tried to get a picture before he tore into it & that only pushed him to have a massive meltdown. He wanted the basket NOW.

After playing with some of his new toys, Bill made brunch. We had our usual hash brown-sausage casserole, toast & OJ. Logan ate every last bit of his. Impressive! We hung around for a while & relaxed before we got ready for Aunt Ju-Ju, Uncle J & Cousin B to come over for the Easter egg hunt.

They came over & we relaxed for a bit while the kids played. Soon Bill & Aunt Ju-Ju took them downstairs into the playroom while Uncle J & I hid the plastic eggs around the house. They were everywhere! Logan & Cousin B came back upstairs, grabbed their baskets & were off in a flash. Logan was kind of confused at first but soon remembered (or listened) to what he was supposed to do & tried to hog all of the eggs. They had a lot of fun.

After the rest of the family left to go to their other Easter engagements, Logan & I painted wooden eggs. I read about this idea for kids with egg allergies & thought it was great. This way Logan can enjoy coloring eggs without having to worry about breaking out into hives. What's really cool is that I'll write is age on the bottom each year & as he gets older we'll have a collection of egg art projects. He was really excited to paint & got paint everywhere (thankfully I changed him into painting clothes).

We had a great time hanging out as a family & doing fun things. We even started a new tradition that will be a blast in the years to come! Now that the sugar high from the chocolate bunny & the peeps have worn off, it's time to really enjoy spring.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Two steps forward, one step back
Just when I thought I was in the clear & that I was finished dealing with HG, it rears it's ugly head & reminds me that it will be sticking around for a little bit longer. I knew it was too good to be true!!

I had been feeling fine, going on about a month without throwing up. The nausea wasn't too bad & I could live with it. I was eating & drinking (granted the only liquid I could/can drink is juice or chocolate milk, water still isn't sitting well with me). My weight loss had stabilized & I even began to gain some. However, I still needed to take my zofran, even though I reduced the dose from 8mg every 4 hours to 8mg twice a day whenever I needed it. This is where I made my mistake.

I had been feeling so good & so very happy that HG was leaving that I forgot to take my medication all together last Thursday. I usually don't forget these kinds of things, but I guess since I wasn't feeling sick I didn't have much of a reminder. Friday I started to feel gross, but nothing that concerned me. Then Friday evening, on my birthday no less, I was sitting on the couch & had to make a mad dash to the bathroom. I lost my lunch while Logan stood outside the door crying because I had to keep shutting him out & I didn't have enough time to tell him that I was going to be sick. I took my medication immediately after that episode, feeling like I needed a swift kick in the rear for forgetting.

Saturday I wasn't feeling wonderful, but I was bound & determined to go out for my birthday dinner. Bill was taking me out for sushi (California rolls & anything else that was cooked). This is something that I've been craving from the beginning. I was going even if the sushi wasn't going to stick around - but thankfully, it did (along with the Ben & Jerry's hot float that I was almost positive wouldn't stay down).

Easter Sunday I felt the same, not able to eat too much & by dinner I was feeling pretty bad. Bad enough that I couldn't really eat my dinner & after getting Logan to bed, all I wanted to do was stay on the couch. Next to the nausea, everyday since Friday I had been getting massive headaches (a side effect of the medication) that would make me have to hide under a blanket on the couch.

This morning things seem to be getting a little bit better, but I'm still nauseas. I'm starting to notice that I'm getting dehydrated because liquids don't sound appealing, which only exacerbated the nausea. The more dehydrated I am, the less the medication works & a downward spiral happens fast. Thankfully I have some Popsicles & juice (but not much) & I may have to go back to sucking on ice cubes (which helped a whole lot a few weeks ago). I also have a whole watermelon that will help tremendously.

All of this because I missed one day of zofran. It looks like I won't be able to wean off the pills & will be on them the entire time just like I was with Logan. Lesson learned.

***I'll have an Easter update tomorrow along with pictures***

Friday, March 21, 2008

It's just another day
Today is my 28th birthday & as I get older, birthday's feel like every other day. I don't feel older since motherhood already makes me feel like 40. I guess the most I've done today was paying the bills. How's that for exciting?

Logan & I did go to a baby shower this morning where the expectant mom is going to have a girl. Her first is a boy about Logan's age. We used to be in the same playgroup before we grew too big & needed to split. It was really fun buying cute summer dresses for her & in a way, I hoped we would have a girl. Then I remembered that we would go broke buying dresses & dolls (for some reason girls tend to have a lot more "stuff" than boys) & thought having another boy would be perfect. I can get my girl clothes buying fix with baby showers & birthdays (there are going to be a whole lot of them this year).

While the baby shower was a lot of fun, the rest of the day is same old same old - running errands, paying the bills & dealing with massive temper tantrums in the middle of the store checkout. I guess birthday's get to be boring as the years go by. That's OK, I'll just live vicariously through Logan as he will have super fun birthday's over the next 10 years or so.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The speech evaluation
This afternoon Logan & I met with the speech pathologist to get his evaluation. After filling out the initial paperwork, we met with the speech pathologist in a room with a bunch of toys. Logan quickly got to playing with the box full of cars while we went over a checklist & another paper where I circled all of the words he uses regularly. She also played with him, blowing bubbles & asking him to pick up toys that he dumped all over the floor (which resulted in a few meltdowns).

He has a 127 word vocabulary, which isn't too bad, but he should be at about 200. He's on track with everything else except for expressive language. He's about 3-5 months behind there. I was given a worksheet that included a list of activities that help facilitate speech & language skills development. Most of them we already do, but what's happening is Logan throws a fit when we do any of these activities & I drop it, not wanting to force him. Now I have to force him to use his words (which I'm not sure will work or not. I can see big power struggles happening with this). I'm going to do everything that was suggested & we go back in 3 months for another evaluation to check on his improvement.

I also think it's high time I check out a book on how to raise a spirited toddler or a stubborn child.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Babies don't always bring families closer together
The family visits with the in-laws are over & besides the annoyance about their ignorance towards Logan's food allergies (they even planned on coloring Easter eggs last night knowing that Logan is allergic to eggs), it was a fairly uneventful week. Uneventful but interesting in realizing how I feel around them (mainly Grandma L).

After burying the hatchet, working on "repairing" an almost completely irreparable relationship & realizing that nothing was going to change after the whole Christmas Card fiasco, I totally gave up. It takes two people to make a relationship work & I felt that the efforts for change were so one-sided it was pointless to keep trying because I was only getting slapped in the face. In giving up, there is a continued lack of trust.

Being around someone I don't trust is much like a cat who's been repeatedly kicked. There may be an effort to be nice a few times, but after getting kicked after every effort, I don't want to be in the same room with them. Pregnancy only exacerbates that reaction.

When planning for this baby, I was up with insomnia worrying about what was going to happen with Bill's family when I was in labor & Logan would be staying at a friends house instead of with them (because I don't trust them to take him overnight & even more so after the events of this last visit). I was (am?) concerned about what we may end up dealing with after the baby is born. Since there is no effort for change, I'm worried about baby snatching, holding them hostage & pretty much every experience I had while Logan was a newborn. If nothing is truly resolved, why expect anything different?

So, my guard is up. Way up. We're not talking about a wall being put up, we're talking about a fort behind a moat. I don't want to share anything about the pregnancy. Sharing is a privilege & I don't think it's deserved in this situation. Plus, the momma bear feelings began much sooner this time around, even before we got a positive test & that intense feeling to "protect" my baby & mostly my newborn experience have me withdrawing from any & all interaction with her. While pregnancy & new babies bring most families closer together, it's the complete opposite in ours.

I've already begun thinking about boundaries & Bill has been pretty supportive of them so far. He supports my desire to have Logan stay with one of my friends while we're at the hospital & he's OK with me not wanting any family visits until 2 weeks after the baby is born. In reality, things are going to be different this time, only because I'm not going to let them happen again. I'm just not looking forward to the typical reactions that are going to happen when people don't get their way.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The first half is an odd time
The experiences & feelings that I have during this pregnancy are almost identical to how I felt when I was pregnant with Logan. There are a few nuances here & there, but for the most part, it's a familiar life chapter. I'm finding myself anxiously waiting for the 20th week bench mark (or there abouts) because the first trimester & some of the second trimester is such an odd time for me.

Hyperemesis aside, I almost don't feel pregnant. I'm still in my pre-pregnancy clothes, I don't have a baby bump (thus the lack of pictures), I'm not far enough along to feel the baby move yet. I've got nothing but a few body changes & 11 weeks of feeling like death. Even though I'm only 13 weeks into this (& technically in my second trimester), I'm having a hard time connecting with this nameless, unknown baby inside of me. Sometimes I forget that I'm pregnant. I felt exactly the same way in my last pregnancy. This is why it is so important to me to find out if we are having a boy or girl.

I need a pregnant stomach to rub & hold. I need a name to associate with. I need to feel the interaction of kicking, hiccups & somersaults. I need a nursery to decorate rather than passing by an empty room. Otherwise, I just feel like my body has been abducted by aliens or I've developed some sort of chronic health condition. It doesn't seem real until these things happen.

It seems kind of silly to keep wishing time to pass so quickly since this is (or should be) my last pregnancy. I'll be at the end of this before I know it. I guess when I actually feel pregnant, I won't want the experience to be on fast forward.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Not a good way to start the day
This morning has left me very sore, sitting in pain & emotionally exhausted. I don't think I've ever had a worse Monday in my life. And it's only 1:00. We're half way through the day. I'm hoping it can only get better.

It was our early day today since Bill starts work an hour earlier because of meetings. After we dropped him off at work, Logan & I came home to eat breakfast, watch cartoons & get ready to go to a St. Patrick's Day playgroup at a friends house. When I got out of the shower, Logan came upstairs with a bloody lip. I have no idea what he did or how he did it, but I wiped off his face, looked at his lip (which was fine) & escorted him back downstairs while I continued getting ready.

After I was dressed & ready, I came back downstairs to get Logan so he could get dressed for the day. I noticed that Buddha peed on the floor (thank God it wasn't the carpet). I got that cleaned up & tried to get him in his kennel. He knew he was in trouble & ran around the house. While I tried to heard him, that's when it happened.

I fell. Hard. Straight on my tail bone.

It was like a banana peel slip, with both of my legs in the air, one after the other, while I smacked my rear end on the hardwood floor. It knocked the wind out of me & it hurt so bad that I couldn't get up. I had to roll over. After I could get up, I immediately called my OB to figure out what to do. I had to go in so they could make sure the baby was OK.

I called Bill crying to let him know what happened & that I would be going in for an emergency visit. Then I called photographer friend crying to see if she could watch Logan for me while I was getting checked out. I got Logan dressed all the while my hips aching, tail bone throbbing, back tightening up & a crampy feeling in my pelvis.

When I dropped Logan off, photographer friend met me in the drive way with a big hug telling me that everything will be OK as I cried on her shoulder. She got Logan out of the car for me & took him inside to play with Little M. After wiping away tears & having a short conversation, I left for the appointment.

Fortunately I didn't have to wait long. The nurse called me back & escorted me to the scale. It was a quiet encounter without a single word from her. Not a "how are you?" or "it will be OK", just silence as she checked my vitals. This kind of scared me. I sat in the exam room waiting for the Doctor to come in. It seemed like eternity before she knocked on the door. I told her what happened & she did a pelvic exam. Everything was fine there. She got the doppler to check for the heart beat. Unlike last time, it was harder to find the heart beat. As she searched, I held my breath. "This isn't the best monitor to use for how far along you are in the pregnancy", she said. Then she found it & it sounded good.

I let out a huge sigh & again started crying & wiping tears from my cheeks. The Doctor helped me up & gave me a long hug. "I was so worried. I'm so glad everything is OK", I sobbed. She was very sympathetic & comforting, telling me to call her if I needed anything. We went over my treatment plan, because I ultimately sprain/strained my entire pelvic complex. Just like any other soft tissue injury, ice, heat, rest (how do you rest your butt if you're sitting on it?) & ibuprofen are going to be my best friends for a while.

I picked up Logan & we went about our day as usual. The only difference was that I was trying not to cry uncontrollably. We went out to lunch with Bill & his family (without me crying) & it just drained the life out of me. I'm ready for a nap & for it to be tomorrow.

All I can think about is how after living inside a sick mommy for many weeks & getting knocked around on the hardwood floors, this little peanut is one strong kid so far. Just like their big brother.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

They just don't get it
Since Logan has been diagnosed with his food allergies, I've never had any issues with how other people deal with it, as in, I've never expected my friends or MOMS Club in general to cater to Logan's allergies. If there was a function with unsafe foods, I would always make sure to bring safe options for him to eat. Some of our friends have been very thoughtful & have made sure to make egg-free cookies or whatnot for Logan to eat. While I never expected them to do this, nor ever asked that people make safe foods at functions (just requested recipes so I could make sure what was OK), it was great that people understood where we were coming from. I wish it was that way with family.

Bill's parents are visiting this week & as usual, we've been eating many meals with them. One of those meals was out at a restaurant, making it easy for me to find foods that Logan can eat. The others, not so much.

Saturday night after dinner, we all came over to our house to show off the new place. What I didn't know & what nobody told me was that we were going to celebrate all of our March birthday's (Aunt Ju-Ju's, Bill's & mine) as Bill's family usual does, by eating McDonald's birthday cake. "Logan's going to have to skip out on the cake because there's egg in it. Nobody told me about it, so I don't have any safe cake made for him", I said somewhat frustrated. "Oh. I didn't even think about that", Aunt Ju-Ju said & we decided not to eat the cake at all rather than make Logan eat a granola bar while we all ate chocolate & brightly colored frosting.

This morning they had breakfast (eggs, sausage, toast, etc) while Logan & I went to the gym instead. It was a good thing too, because Logan couldn't eat anything other than the toast (& he would have had contact hives from the eggs). Then while we were playing with the kids at the bounce house this afternoon, Bill said that his mom was going to make sloppy joe's for dinner. "OK, I'll make Logan a safe dinner because there's garlic in the tomato sauce. He can't have it". Grandma L pretty much rolled her eyes & walked away after I said this.

While I don't expect the rest of the world to cater to Logan's food allergies, I do expect family to. Especially if someone is going to make a meal for the family, I would hope that they would make something safe for Logan to eat...SO HE CAN EAT WITH US AS A FAMILY. Living day to day with someone who has food allergies isn't super easy & your meal plans are limited unless you can be creative in the kitchen. However, nobody from Bill's family has asked me for a list of foods & spices that Logan can't have. They've never made an effort to make sure there are safe foods for him to eat. His food allergies aren't a big secret & we ran into this same experience over the holidays during their last visit (pizza & the same cake for Grandpa L's birthday). It's like they don't even care.

I always make sure Logan has something safe to eat wherever we go, but I'm his mom & that's my job - to make sure his health is protected as best I can. I wish the rest of the family gave him the same consideration. Instead of saying, "We're going to have this & that for dinner" only to find out that Logan can't eat any of it, it would be great if they ASKED, "We're thinking about having such & such for dinner. Can Logan eat this? How can we make it so he can eat it?". Is this really too much to ask?

Since Logan is only two, he really doesn't understand that he's eating a different meal than the rest of the family. He's too busy running around & playing with his toys to care about what's on his plate. But as he gets older, he will start to catch on to this & I don't want him to feel "different" in his own family or excluded. If this keeps up, we'll probably have to excuse ourselves from home cooked meals with them, unless I make it (which I'm sure won't go over too well) or until they actually start taking Logan's food allergies more seriously.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I cried, of course
This afternoon I had my "first" prenatal appointment (the others were emergency visits for medication). It was a really quick appointment with us not having any questions or concerns, thus making it even faster.

I'm now 12 weeks along, so the main purpose was to hear the heart beat. I was dressed in the exam gown with Logan sitting on Bill's lap looking at pictures of cartoon characters on his phone. I just had a physical days before I got the positive test, so other than blood pressure (110/70) & weight (gained another pound this week making it a total of 4 pounds since lunch at Cheesecake Factory), it was all about the doppler.

The heart beat was very strong, very easy to find & hear. Immediately a huge feeling of relief washed over me & the pregnancy became a little more real. With a big sigh, tears streamed down my face as I tried not to start full on sobbing. "It wasn't all for nothing", my OB said as she smiled & handed me a few tissues.

Exactly. Being this sick for so long wasn't all for nothing. It was a big fear for me that we might not hear the heart beat & all of this suffering was pointless, then I would have to do it all over again.

Everything is going well so far. A strong heart beat, HG subsiding leaving me nauseous mostly at night & I'm back to taking care of Logan again at bedtime (not to mention getting the house put together after the move). Things are finally getting back to normal.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Arts & crafts day
Today was pretty busy, filled with activities to go to one after the other, back to back. We started off by dropping Bill off at work. We rushed back home so I could jump in the shower while Logan watched Dora (a new favorite - yuck). Our house isn't as toddler proofed as the one we moved from, so Logan tends to get into all sorts of trouble when I have to shower. Yesterday it was trying to draw a star & a smiley face on his hand (which was all just scribbles). This morning it was trying to get into the Preggy Pops left over from the last pregnancy that Bill found when we were packing.

After we got ready, we went to our Monthly Meeting where we hung out, ate snacks & chatted for a little bit. There was an Easter decorating activity where the kids could make spring wreaths made from cut paper plates & decorate foam sticker eggs. Logan loved decorating the eggs & did a good job of being creative. I would have to peel the back off the sticker & he would stick them on wherever. Once I'm sure the camera is connected to the computer, I'll have to take some pictures (as in, tomorrow).

After the meeting we were off to school. Logan absolutely loves it & has such a great time there. We've never had an issue with him freaking out when I leave & he's apparently well behaved (funny how that's not the case at home). I ran more errands & when I came back to pick him up, I found that he painted a black sheep & made a kite with hand prints painted on it (& paint all over his shirt).

When we got home, he was wiped out & took a really long nap (yeah, except I didn't get one. Boo). I'm going to have to get a really big keepsake box to put all of his art projects in. Some of these are too good to toss!

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Cheesecake Factory saved my life
Friday afternoon after Logan's check-up appointment, we went out to lunch with photographer friend & Little M at Cheesecake Factory. We've been wanting to go for a long time (it's in a neighboring town & a little bit of a road trip) & I had been literally starving & wanting to gorge on anything I could get my hands on. I didn't care if it was going to come back up or not. This was the perfect opportunity.

We drove up there with the kids having fun in the backseat screaming back & forth. They were a little rambunctious during lunch & it was extremely draining trying to keep Logan in check. The food came (orange chicken lunch special for me, macaroni & cheese shared with Little M for Logan) & I ate like I never have before. Cheesecake Factory is known for their very large portion sizes. I cleaned my plate in mere seconds. I had to stop a few times to catch my breath & let the food settle. I seriously had to make myself slow down. After inhaling my lunch, we ordered our cheesecake slices (tiramisu cheesecake & Logan didn't get any because he didn't even touch his lunch). I ate almost all of that too, & it didn't take long either.

After we paid the check we let the kids run around on the playground in the outdoor "mall" area. They needed to burn off some energy before we headed back home. It was fun just hanging out & being outside. It was also nice to just sit & let the food sink in as I was trying my darnedest to make sure it stayed down. After wrangling Logan, eating a ginormous amount of food & just being out after months of doing nothing but laying on the couch, I was flat out exhausted. I think I could have fallen asleep on the sidewalk if I really wanted to.

The good news was that after we got home, I was able to keep lunch down. And I even ate a fairly large dinner, too. I didn't want to jinx myself, but as of today, it's been about 4 days since I've thrown up. The lunch at Cheesecake Factory gave me the calories to bounce back a little bit more & even though I'm still on the meds, I feel pretty darn good compared to the walking dead feeling I've had for so long. I stepped on the scale at the gym this morning & I gained 3 pounds. Granted, it's probably the food that's still in me (gross, I know) but at least I haven't lost any more weight. At this point, I'm thinking I won't need to adjust my medication & I don't have to worry about going on IV's or a pump.

I think I've turned a corner & the worst is over. Or so I hope!

Friday, March 07, 2008

2 year check-up
This morning Logan had his 2 year check-up. It was actually a very uneventful visit since we are on a selective-delayed vaccination schedule. So, he didn't have any shots today. They just did a routine visit & we ended up walking out with another referral to another specialist.

When we were escorted into the exam room, they took Logan's measurements: 36 3/4 in. for height (91%), 27.06 pounds (38%) & his head circumference was 18 3/4 (22%). He had a horrendous eczema breakout this morning with rashes all over his torso, on the back of his arms, lower back, hip/thighs, calves & back of knees. It looked really bad, but the physician's assistant didn't think so & said we were doing a good job of managing it. We went over all of the things we do, like use specific soaps & laundry detergents, special lotions & keeping food allergens out of the house. We're going to soak him in the tub longer every night to try & get his skin more hydrated & see if that will help (which it will).

They also pricked his toe to check his blood & iron levels. Logan was very brave & it didn't phase him one bit. He didn't cry when his toe got pricked or when the PA tried to squeeze out a decent amount of blood. He even tried to help her collect the drop of blood on the slide. It was pretty cute. Despite his picky eating & dislike for protein (other than dairy), he's clearly not anemic & his blood looked great.

We did talk about his language development & I continued to express my concern that he may be delayed (which I've been worried about for many, many months & have brought it up at every single check-up). I filled out a questionnaire & there were still a significant amount of "no's" checked off. The PA still wasn't concerned, but said that she would send in a referral to the speech pathologist because it's better to be safe than sorry. So, we'll see how the referral goes through (insurance companies are pretty stingy about this kind of stuff) & if that doesn't work, I have a different resource to try. But either way, we're now going to see if he's delayed or not. There's a big sense of relief from that, too.

After it was all said & done, he checked out great & I was told repeatedly how healthy & good he looked. It's amazing that I can't keep a plant alive, but my toddler is thriving. Funny how that works out. Barring any significant events & not including visits to the specialists, we won't have to go back to see the pediatrician for a whole year. That is awesome!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

He's got the fever
Spring fever is in full swing over here. I thought Logan was acting like a crazy wild child because I've been sick & not doing much with him, everyone was sick the week we moved & then add the actual move on top of that. But, I'm beginning to think it's spring fever.

We've been staying busy this week, despite the HG making me feel like death warmed over. Tuesday he had school, Wednesday we went to the gym (I didn't work out - I just sat there while I trained photographer friend) then after 2 hours of that, we went to playgroup for another 2 hours. He played & ran around for 4 hours straight. Then today he had school again where he ran off some more energy on the basketball court. He was exhausted when we got in the car to go home, almost falling asleep in his car seat.

Yet, he's still running around, harassing Buddha & Kitty, not listening & getting into trouble. The combination of being two & having spring fever is enough to drive any parent crazy. I'm really looking forward to warmer weather so Logan can play on the play set in the back yard. Hopefully this weekend will be nice & we can try to teach him how to ride his tricycle in the cul-de-sac & finally meet the other neighbors (I've been antisocial while being sick & need to thank the next door neighbor for the lemon poppyseed loaf she baked for us).

I'm just ready for winter to be over with & I think Logan is too.

Monday, March 03, 2008

This is not the best form of flattery
It's no secret that I've been quite sick for quite some time now. It's to the point where I'm throwing up at least twice on a good day & up to 10 or more times on a bad day. But regardless, I throw up every single day. Even on the medication, which I need to double up with a secondary medication & we're still trying to figure out what the best secondary medication is.

So, with me throwing up all of the time, I'm often running off to the bathroom. At first I never said anything to Logan about it, until he started to cry & get upset at hearing me being sick. As time went on, he got used to me being sick & began pointing to me saying "sick? sick?", to which I would reply, "Yes, Mommy is sick". I started giving him warnings as I was running across the house, "Mommy is going to be sick. Sit here & watch SpongeBob". He would stand outside the door, "sick? sick?" until I came out. Sometimes he would try to break in, even though I had the bathroom door locked.

Well, tonight was different. We had just gone to pick Bill up from work & he made Logan's dinner when we got back & settled in. I was sitting on the couch, immobile, trying not to throw up. Bill was at the table with him doing whatever on the laptop & the next thing we know, Logan starts making these horrible sounds. Bill & I look at each other. "He's pretending to throw up", Bill says in a disgusted, shocked tone. "Well, that's just lovely", I reply, knowing how often Logan listens to me wretch in the bathroom everyday.

So, not only is Logan constantly pointing to me saying "sick", but he's now imitating me throwing up in the bathroom. I think I better start saving up for his therapy costs now, because I'm pretty sure I've just scarred him for life.