Monday, April 28, 2008

Sometimes he gets it
I've mentioned before that one topic that I often neglect on the blog is that of our marriage & my relationship with Bill. I might have had a post here & there, a few when we were figuring out the family drama, but for the most part some things are better left between just the two of us. However, sometimes I do have to write about us because it is a moment in our life that I would like to remember so when we're 80 & have no recollection of the previous day let alone events 60 years ago - I have it here.

Pregnancy is difficult on any marriage, no matter how long you've been married or how strong your relationship was before the test came back positive. Although not as difficult as the first time, subsequent pregnancies still present regular challenges that truly test you, or at least us anyway. Add pregnancy complications, hormones & Terrible Two's to the mix & you've got 9 months of some not so fun times.

When I was in the throws of HG, it was tough for Bill. He would wake up & take care of Logan before going to work, then come home (when I was at my very worst) & continue to take care of the things that I couldn't - dinners, dishes & getting Logan to bed. He pretty much had the role of a single Dad for about 10 weeks while I lay on the couch practically dying. With the added stress of some difficult sales at work, I understood that it was not an easy time for him. It wasn't an easy time for anyone in our home. There were many frustrated nights on both our parts, Bill dealing with the extra work & then me dealing with a chronic illness (with complaints & whining coming from both sides).

When I'm sick with HG, I'm by no means an easy person to live with. In fact, I turn into an incredibly terrible person, depressed, angry & just ugly in every sense of the word. When I was working in spinal rehab, I never really understood why my patients with chronic pain had terrible attitudes, but now I get it. It's hard to be chipper when you feel like walking death & that poor attitude doesn't make difficult situations any easier for anyone else in the house.

As I started to feel better, I began taking over again. Bill still gets up with Logan in the morning & gets his breakfast ready, but I'm able to get back to regular life, paying the bills, getting dinners together & putting Logan down to bed. Bill is able to take some time for himself going disc golfing with his co-workers a few nights a week & playing in video poker tournaments for downtime when he comes home. Things soon went from one extreme to another where he was once doing it all to now leaving it all to me while living in a bigger home with a longer list of responsibilities (that required more physical energy than I had).

Once again, very frustrated nights mixed with exhaustion - both physically & mentally ( dealing with toddler screams all day long) & pregnancy hormones led to some ugly nights. But to give Bill some credit - he got it (even if it took more than one crazy pregnant wife freakout). He started helping out around the house a little more to the point where I can't even remember the last time I was the one who did the dishes. Taking care of the house is still overwhelming but I'm working on a solution for that (knock on wood that it actually follows through!) & the small things that Bill has started doing regularly has helped a great deal.

But this is where he really gets it.

It's no secret that Logan is in a "difficult stage" to say the least. And to be frank, I honestly don't know of another kid his age that can outdo his extreme tantrums. I've never seen another mother drag her child by the hand across a parking lot because they would rather run around than behave & listen. I've never witnessed another temper tantrum in the store to the point where the mom had to leave her cart full of groceries. I've also never come across another mother who's had to put her child in time-out in a public place like the mall or the front sidewalk of the grocery store. I've never seen a parent leave a class to never return due to their child's problematic behavior. I've experienced all of these events more than once & it really brings me to the point of insanity.

Bill has been the victim of frustrated crazy pregnant wife phone calls - screaming & crying about how I can't take it anymore. After leaving the grocery store today (again) such a phone call was made (it makes more sense to me to vent to Bill in the heat of the moment than scream at Logan about it). He rescheduled his disc golf night & said that he would stay home to help out. I picked him up from work only to see him standing there with a bowl of Ben & Jerry's "chocolate therapy" in hand. Logan ran around & played on the courtyard playground & we got more ice cream for Bill & Logan to eat too. It was a much needed break & a huge relief.

While I still have to tell him to "think about the details" & there are times that I think he puts more effort & thoughtfulness into a co-workers birthday rather than Mother's Day (don't even ask), sometimes he gets it.

1 comment:

Erin said...

We all have our faults but he sounds like a really great guy. You're very lucky to have such a wonderful husband!

And by the way...Hailey doesn't throw tantrums very often, but do you know how many times I've had to put her in TO in public? Two big ones that come to mind are in Culver's right behind our booth and in Payless on the floor where she threw one of her biggest fits ever while screaming at me "No I DON'T look at shoes, no I NOT go in time out!!" I'm pretty sure everybody in that store thought we were crazy and even my mom had to leave the store from the horrible screaming and crying. I know how it feels, feeling like you never see any other kids wanting to run away like a crazy person in the store or in a parking lot and things like that but it happens a lot more than we think...Hailey is good for the most part but seriously she has her moments, I mean I've had to chase her down in Penney's before, she runs so fast for being so short LOL and actually just last night while I paid for Dan's shorts in Kohl's she laid on the floor over by the junior's dept., face down, head in her arms, legs all splayed out, right in the middle of the main isle because she wanted to go back and get a drink from the water fountain. I couldn't do anything but tell the checkout guy "I'm really sorry" and just leave her there while I paid. They were really nice about it. Kids can just be difficult sometimes (esp. at their age). And they all have their moments, believe me. :)