Monday, November 16, 2009

The in(sane)-laws

This is not working out. I want it to stop. Now. I hate it. I hate Sundays. This arrangement is worse than the ones we've had before.

Ever since we agreed to the weekly Sunday phone call between Logan and the grandparents, Sundays have become full of tension, anxiety, stress and it's resurfacing my pent up rage towards them. Bill and I have been getting along pretty well lately, but I feel like every Sunday slowly drags us back down. All of the problem feelings surface, like resentment, anger and hurt and they bottleneck in my chest as Bill shrugs it off trying to pacify me. Why did I think it was going to be any different?? Why am I continually driving myself insane thinking that situations are going to change?

Each Sunday is just another reason to argue. You'd think Bill would put two and two together and make the best decision for our family, especially since last Sunday he didn't make the call for Logan. He was supposed to be out of town and plans changed. He stayed home, but the in-laws still thought he was on business. No phone call to them, no stress in our house. Simple equation, right? He's too busy making his mom happy instead of helping the happiness in our house. Again.

I finally got Bill to agree to have the phone call on the speaker so I could hear what was being said, especially since I thought I heard an unsettling remark in the first call. Three or four weeks later, it finally happened. And just as I thought, "clueless" Grandma L is making inappropriate comments. First, Logan is talking about going over to their house to play hide and go seek. "Wouldn't it be fun if you could stay here the whole time?" she says to Logan. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? She just asked my three year old son if it would be fun if he could spend the whole time there. We're having issues with her understanding the role of a grandparent and this just digs her grave even deeper.

Then, Logan gets tired of talking on the phone after only a few short minutes. "I want you to talk to Daddy, " he tells her. "But I want to talk to you," she replies. "Why do you want to talk to me? Why don't you want to talk to Daddy or Carter?" There's an uneasy silence as she thinks about her answer. "Because I love talking to you" she responds. "Well, I want you to talk to Daddy", he says again. "That makes Grandma sad," she tells him.

I glare at Bill and it takes EVERY. OUNCE. OF. SELF. CONTROL to just sit there and say nothing as she tries to emotionally manipulate my son with a guilt trip because he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. Bill just sits there and shrugs his shoulders like it's no big deal.

I couldn't sleep last night because the hatred for her began growing inside me like a toxic cancer. This was the very reason I thought the cut-off was the best choice for our family. Now with the phone calls, that cancer grows bigger every week, infecting our family more intensely. It's too much. And now with this stunt that she just pulled, I am without a doubt going to contact her to let her know that I don't appreciate her guilt tripping my kids. Bill won't do it. He'll just shrug it off again. The mama bear is wide awake now and Grandma L better watch out. These claws are sharp.


Alicia said...

Apparently BILL wants his mother involved and that is not going to change. Maybe you and Bill need to talk about this because contacting his mother is not going to do any good if BILL is not going to draw the line and side with you.

Kelly said...

my experience with three year olds is as follows. they can talk on the phone for about three minutes, tops. they dont care to talk for longer...they really dont need to talk for longer.

maybe it should be worked in that these phone calls with be three minutes now, four minutes when he is four and so on...increasing a minute per year, until he decides he wants to talk more.

grandma is nuts, no offense, to tell her 3yo grandson that it makes her sad that he is finished with the convo. for him, that was the same as talking for 30 minutes!



Dawn B said...

Yikes. I just don't know.. I mean, on one hand it's Bill's mom. And unfortunately as him being her son, he slightly obligated (I guess) to keep in touch with her. And I'm guessing she loves her son so that's tough. But, to guilt Logan into continuing a phone conversation..with a 3 year old??? I just don't get it. I'm sure she misses her grandsons..but I dunno, just seems like she's going about it wrong by making a 3 year old feel bad.
If these Sunday phone calls continue, she needs to know when to draw the line. I know she doesn't and that's where I know this all gets so much harder on you (and now, hard on your son and Bill). I'd just hate to see you and Bill conflict with this. It shouldn't be this complicated. And if these calls continue, maybe try not putting it on speakerphone, leave the room and do something fun for yourself, and let Bill take over and monitor everything. Because honestly, who cares what she thinks of you. You know you're awesome and a wonderful mom..don't give her the satisfaction of being upset. I dunno..just some assvice. :(

Joanna said...

I agree with Alicia in thinking that Bill wants his them involved...Why is it men can't cut those damned apron strings?!

Kristin said...

Dawn, I would never leave him unattended with her, even on the phone. She can't be trusted and obviously, this last phone call just proves it. Ignorance isn't always bliss!

But, anyway - Bill agreed to cut the calls back to once a month rather than once a week (which was his idea after reading this). That seems more manageable. that will start after this next phone call before Thanksgiving. We'll see how that situation goes...

Dawn B said...

I'm so sorry that his mom is like that. Damn.
Well, ultimately she's the one choosing to miss out on the grandkids. It's sad but at this point, with her attitude, she should be very lucky that she has the once a month call. You guys have your own lives to live and enjoy. Why take crap who has time for that?

Jaime said...

Hey ;) Long time no see. God, this sounds so hocking familiar. I'm so sorry. I'm glad it's only once per month instead of once per week.