Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Mars and Venus?

First and foremost, I have to acknowledge the incredibly lame writing that's been going on here on the blog. Life has been hectic with schedules, preschool and really, my writing on the restaurant review blog. I've never been one to multi-task well, even though I try. The last month or so of posts here have sucked. It's not my usual style and I think I'm about to come out of my personal writing funk. No more boring and bland blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, there has been a lot on my mind that I've wanted to write about, and we all know that I'm not one to hold back when spilling the beans, but it's taking me some time to even sort it out in my own head. Sometimes I just write and it works itself out, other times I have to have an epiphany before I hit the "New Post" button. This may be a combination of the two.

When I pick up Logan from preschool, I ask him about his day on our drive home. "How was school today? What did you learn about? What did you do?" "I dunno," he replies with a shoulder shrug. "What do you mean you don't know? You were there for 2 hours! You know what you did today. What did you eat? What did you read?" I ask him again. "I dunno," he replies again. This goes on for about three or four cycles until I get a response of some sort that usually doesn't make any sense.

This began to concern me. Was it a communication problem that Logan is having? Is this normal? I asked my friends who are in the same preschool class what their kids are telling them about their days. Some (the girls) report back more detail, but for the most part, I think we're all getting limited details. It's got to be a combination of where they are developmentally and the gender. Specifically, boy speak.

These are the same conversations that I have with Bill as we're hanging out on the couch at the end of the night. One word answers, shoulder shrugs and "I don't know". It's been driving me insane for a very long time, and I think I really began to notice the significant issue around the elections. There are a lot of things I like to talk about, none of which interest Bill in the slightest, and Bill has very few things he likes to talk about - period. More often than not, we sit on the couch and watch TV with our superficial, minimal discussion. With this, a wall grows - a space, a chasm, a distance from being unable to relate. I tend to fill that space with other things and hobbies - blogging, writing about food, MOMS Club, talking to and connecting with people who have the same interests. This leaves Bill behind, almost replaced since I find the missing pieces from others. Marriage is hard and sometimes it sucks.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm asking too much. Is it too much to get simple answers about my son's day? Is it too much to have a conversation with my husband at night? Do I talk a lot, like the stereotypical woman? What about a stereotypical stay-at-home mom? Am I just alone in a house full of testosterone separated by a communication difference of dinosaur growls, single word grunts and shrugs? Because frankly, that's how I'm feeling. Alone in my own home.


Brandy said...

you are not alone!

Dawn B said...

I kind of have a different problem when it comes to Rick and I talking about things..he is so freakin' sarcastic. I love his sarcasm, I love his joke,'s what attracted me to him in the first place. But I have a big problem getting a straight answer out of him when I'm talking about something serious. I wish I could list examples but I'd be here all day. (LOL)
The one thing I can think is that YUP, they are males. They have their own way of communicating and us gals have ours. If you can, keep it up with doing things that you both enjoy. It's so true, it's the little things that matter. When you guys have a nice glass of wine in the evening, sit together for a while and tell him how you love hearing what he has to say. Sometimes guys..well... need a nudge.
As for James, he DOES THE SAME THING AS LOGAN. Sometimes, we get lucky and he'll bring up something fun he did at school, but he's telling us on Sunday. I don't get it. And we ask him those questions too.."how was your day".."did you have fun" etc etc.
These males are crazy creatures.

Alicia said...

You are no different than what goes on over here, although having 2 girls means they talk a lot. But if I ask the 8 year old how school was she says "fine" or "good." If I want more specifics I have to ask a yes/no question that can get me the answer I am looking for. The 3 year old goes to preschool and last night at open house the teacher said it is TOTALLY normal for preschoolers to say they did "nothing" at school. As for my husband, if I want to know something pertaining to him, I have to ask. He does share work stories with me on occasion, but as far as his family goes...he calls them in the car and then never tells me ANYTHING. So his 105 year old great aunt has had several strokes and I had no idea until his sister told me at the Angels game the other night. It embarasses me that I don't know, but I just turn it around and say that their brother/son didn't tell me! LOL
Hang in there and this is why woman have more friends than men!

Smurfett said...

your blog is not blah blah blah! I look forward to seeing your posts every day. The ones on Bill's foot was great!

Smurfett said...

hahaha. you description of what you guys do on the sofa could be me!

I try to remember what I read once. That you're not supposed to get everything you need out of your marriage, and to remember to get what you need from your friends. But I guess it's not good if you get all you need from everyone else except your husband.

I've kind of accepted this though. At least I know that my partner gets excited when we talk about geeky subjects like startrek or video games. I try to show an interest just so I can see him talk animatedly!

Charlie said...

I have exactly the same problem with my 4yr old daughter who has just started school. I'm dying to know what she's done, who she played with, what she ate etc.. and she just tells me she "can't remember" and "look at me skipping mum"!! So frustrating - and she is normally an excellent communicator, she's a right little chatterbox. It seems like she just can't be bothered to tell me about her day! It worried me too, until I started talking to other mums and found out lots of children can be like this.

I'm also a real chatterbox and my husband isn't, so it can be frustrating sometimes - you're definitely not alone in feeling that. It really helps me to read about other women with the same issues!

I do think though that if that's the worst he is - I'm quite lucky (if sometimes frustrated!).