First and foremost, I have to acknowledge the incredibly lame writing that's been going on here on the blog. Life has been hectic with schedules, preschool and really, my writing on the restaurant review blog. I've never been one to multi-task well, even though I try. The last month or so of posts here have sucked. It's not my usual style and I think I'm about to come out of my personal writing funk. No more boring and bland blah, blah, blah.
Anyway, there has been a lot on my mind that I've wanted to write about, and we all know that I'm not one to hold back when spilling the beans, but it's taking me some time to even sort it out in my own head. Sometimes I just write and it works itself out, other times I have to have an epiphany before I hit the "New Post" button. This may be a combination of the two.
When I pick up Logan from preschool, I ask him about his day on our drive home. "How was school today? What did you learn about? What did you do?" "I dunno," he replies with a shoulder shrug. "What do you mean you don't know? You were there for 2 hours! You know what you did today. What did you eat? What did you read?" I ask him again. "I dunno," he replies again. This goes on for about three or four cycles until I get a response of some sort that usually doesn't make any sense.
This began to concern me. Was it a communication problem that Logan is having? Is this normal? I asked my friends who are in the same preschool class what their kids are telling them about their days. Some (the girls) report back more detail, but for the most part, I think we're all getting limited details. It's got to be a combination of where they are developmentally and the gender. Specifically, boy speak.
These are the same conversations that I have with Bill as we're hanging out on the couch at the end of the night. One word answers, shoulder shrugs and "I don't know". It's been driving me insane for a very long time, and I think I really began to notice the significant issue around the elections. There are a lot of things I like to talk about, none of which interest Bill in the slightest, and Bill has very few things he likes to talk about - period. More often than not, we sit on the couch and watch TV with our superficial, minimal discussion. With this, a wall grows - a space, a chasm, a distance from being unable to relate. I tend to fill that space with other things and hobbies - blogging, writing about food, MOMS Club, talking to and connecting with people who have the same interests. This leaves Bill behind, almost replaced since I find the missing pieces from others. Marriage is hard and sometimes it sucks.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm asking too much. Is it too much to get simple answers about my son's day? Is it too much to have a conversation with my husband at night? Do I talk a lot, like the stereotypical woman? What about a stereotypical stay-at-home mom? Am I just alone in a house full of testosterone separated by a communication difference of dinosaur growls, single word grunts and shrugs? Because frankly, that's how I'm feeling. Alone in my own home.