I am crazy
Once I think I've made up my mind about not having another baby, the clock starts ticking again. Last Friday when I saw the Doctor for the breast exam, she was asking about contraceptives & thoughts about getting pregnant again. I told her about my experience with HG & that I couldn't go through it again. "Oh, every pregnancy is different. The next time around could be much easier for you. I wouldn't recommend limiting your family size because of HG", she explained. Yeah, well, what if it's worse the second time around?
Then on Sunday I was at a board meeting for The Club. One of the co-presidents "unofficially" announced her second pregnancy. We were all very excited for her & started talking about the moms who will be trying for 2nds in the next few months. My photographer friend & her husband are going to start trying in the next month or so & everyone turns to me saying, "Now we're just waiting for you!" This is after I've explained that there's a possibility that The Club would be raising Logan if I get as sick (or worse) as I was when I was pregnant with him.
This morning we went to a baby welcome party for one of the moms in The Club (who's a good friend & her older daughter is one of Logan's best play friends). We had a great time, eating good food & chatting while the kids played. I was sitting next to a friend who was holding my massage therapist friends baby (who is 8 weeks old?). Logan was sitting on my lap & wanted to take a peek at the baby. "Logan would make a great big brother", she says. "Yeah!", Logan exclaims. "Yes, I suppose he would be a good helper once he got over the jealousy part of it", I replied.
And what happens when I get home? I start talking baby stuff to Bill. "You know, the Doctor told me this. So & so is pregnant, this person is trying", etc, etc. The only thing that didn't come out of my mouth was "are you sure you don't want another?"
What happened to my memory? It was only a couple of months ago when I was sick with the flu & crying because I was getting flash-backs of 9 months of HG. This back & forth thinking & feeling is driving me nuts!!!!!!