Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I am crazy
Once I think I've made up my mind about not having another baby, the clock starts ticking again. Last Friday when I saw the Doctor for the breast exam, she was asking about contraceptives & thoughts about getting pregnant again. I told her about my experience with HG & that I couldn't go through it again. "Oh, every pregnancy is different. The next time around could be much easier for you. I wouldn't recommend limiting your family size because of HG", she explained. Yeah, well, what if it's worse the second time around?

Then on Sunday I was at a board meeting for The Club. One of the co-presidents "unofficially" announced her second pregnancy. We were all very excited for her & started talking about the moms who will be trying for 2nds in the next few months. My photographer friend & her husband are going to start trying in the next month or so & everyone turns to me saying, "Now we're just waiting for you!" This is after I've explained that there's a possibility that The Club would be raising Logan if I get as sick (or worse) as I was when I was pregnant with him.

This morning we went to a baby welcome party for one of the moms in The Club (who's a good friend & her older daughter is one of Logan's best play friends). We had a great time, eating good food & chatting while the kids played. I was sitting next to a friend who was holding my massage therapist friends baby (who is 8 weeks old?). Logan was sitting on my lap & wanted to take a peek at the baby. "Logan would make a great big brother", she says. "Yeah!", Logan exclaims. "Yes, I suppose he would be a good helper once he got over the jealousy part of it", I replied.

And what happens when I get home? I start talking baby stuff to Bill. "You know, the Doctor told me this. So & so is pregnant, this person is trying", etc, etc. The only thing that didn't come out of my mouth was "are you sure you don't want another?"

What happened to my memory? It was only a couple of months ago when I was sick with the flu & crying because I was getting flash-backs of 9 months of HG. This back & forth thinking & feeling is driving me nuts!!!!!!


Erin said...

I didn't have the problems you did, but I am having the same feelings...some days/weeks I think I'd be just fine with only Hailey for a few more years. Then I hear about somebody else getting pregnant, or somebody's trying, or somebody has their baby, and I think awwww I want one! It doesn't help that my office is right across from Preggo's office here at work so we have to stare at each other all day. She is the one that has HG, it's her 2nd pregnancy. She had to be hospitalized once early on this time around, but at 20 weeks it pretty much leveled off and she's having a wonderful pregnancy now. Her first daughter just turned 4. But she said it's not as bad with this one as it was with her other daughter.

Emmakirst said...

I hope that next time you aren't as sick, I can only imagine the fear though that you would have it again.

Wendy said...

I had to do a little research on this condition! I am sooo sorry that happened! Can they tell at all if it would happen again? I had the normal morning sickness with Lani and Wes but I can't even imagine going through what you did :(