Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Not happy tears
Today was the first day I've been brought to tears from the overwhelming feeling of trying to make everyone happy. Carter did not sleep well at all last night & I was up for two or three hours at the crack of dawn with him. By the time he got to sleep, it was time to get up & get ready for the day. All I could think about was how we're only three weeks into this not sleeping through the night business & I would do anything for a solid five or six hours of sleep. We got up & drove Bill to work then came home to get ready for playgroup.

If Logan had not known it was playgroup day, I probably would have stayed home to rest, but he was excited about playing with his friends & talked about it all morning. I couldn't tell him that we were going to stay home because he would have flipped out & it would have made the day even worse. So, I tried to get everyone fed, changed, cleaned up & ready to go. Sometimes this feels like a never ending cycle. Then, I noticed that Carter is getting onto somewhat of a schedule & beginning to take a regular morning nap (for 30 minutes) & I tried to make room for that as well. On our dive to our friend's house, Carter started to get hungry again (thanks to his growth spurt that I think is just ending) & screamed & cried the whole way there, even though he just ate before we left.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about how hard it was to make everyone happy all of the time. To take care of Carter's basic needs, to make sure Logan gets to do his fun things at the same time, to try & manage the house, the bills - just everything. I was able to take a few deep breaths & get myself in check as we were driving up the driveway & ready to walk in the door.

Even though we were late, playgroup was fun. Logan played with his friends & some cool toys & I was thankful to have friends to talk to who understood exactly how I was feeling. Having this kind of support definitely helps curb Mom Stress before it gets out of control. On our drive back home, I was feeling a little bit better from the small break & conversation. I've never been great a multi-tasking & tend to get overwhelmed when I don't feel like I have everything under control. I thought back to some times in my life when multi-tasking brought me to practical nervous breakdowns (working in the Chiropractic office) & it kind of sunk in that the challenges we go through in life prepare us for events that we will deal with in the future. Without living through that, the extreme anxiety brought on by the in-laws after Logan was born & other stressful situations, I would never have been able to just take a deep breath & move on this morning. Sometimes I feel like I'm growing up just as fast as my kids are.

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