Monday, December 22, 2008

It wouldn't be the holidays without an email telling me I'm horrible

Bill broke the news to Grandma L this weekend that we wouldn't be spending the holidays with them. A decision proposed by Bill and supported by our counselor. It was nothing I demanded. I'm not exactly sure what he said - that the stress is too much? I told Bill that if he told his parents about me dealing with PPD, it wouldn't be without his life. This is information that they will UNDOUBTEDLY use against me, blame me for everything, etc. But at any rate, Grandma L and Grandpa L can come over on Tuesday night to open their presents with Logan and Bill while Carter and I go somewhere - coffee maybe. Or maybe not. I don't know. But, we won't be celebrating with them pretending that we're a happy family.

All that was said by Grandma L in the phone call (according to Bill) was a simple "OK". No discussion. No argument. I knew it was too good to be true. Nothing like this happens. There's always some kind of crap to deal with and it's never face to face or in verbal conversation, it's always via email. Que the flying monkeys...

It's usually Aunt Ju-Ju who flies off the handle acting as Grandma L's mouth piece. But this holiday we were surprised with a twist. Uncle J decided to take it upon himself to tell me how horrible I am. He doesn't even know the whole story and is only hearing the lies coming from Grandma L (like how she's going around saying I verbally abused her. This is NOT true and Bill listened to the entire conversation I had with her about her asking Bill to lie to me). So, yesterday I open my email to find this whopper:

"It is very sad for us to imagine the thought process that goes on when deciding that 2 wonderful grandparents, a wonderful aunt & uncle & most of all (Cousin B) will not be having the X-mas they anticipated, because of your Immaturity and Selfishness. It amazes us that you are able to take money from (Grandma L & Grandpa L) when you need it, but you can let Kristin dictate your children like they are pawns. I have never observed the amount of disrespect that has been given to (Grandma L & Grandpa L) in my life, especially from there own son!!!! In some twisted way I believe that Kristin enjoys this DRAMA you speak of since she is the only one that creates it from NOTHING. Maybe a couple of comments like the doctor comment. Wow! Once again someone looking for a way just to gain a little power ???

It is very interesting how much loyalty you give your counselor that is paid & only can hear your side. But when there is no logic to begin w/ you will believe anybody who sides w/ you!!!!!!! What the Fuck has anyone of us done to constitute these repetitive actions. Tell me one thing, Can You ? Can You ? I would love to hear of the horrible things that (Aunt Ju-Ju, Grandpa L, or Grandma L) have ever done, except love & care. I am shocked that they have not lined you out or lost it w/ you.

If (Aunt Ju-Ju) ever treated my mom like Kristen has treated (Grandma L) I would have been done w/ her along time ago.. I am just shocked while I am writing this that so much wasted energy has gone to the disrespect of your parents Bill....Over What ????Come On!! I would love to hear of the horrific events. Please tell me !!!! I am Blown away that your father has not taken you by the neck & shook some sense into you.

I wish it did not have to come to this jackass of an email. After the crazy email when (Cousin B) had his common cold, I am fucking lost. I really hoped we would be able to build a great relationship, but every time I am excited to do something w/ you I hear of more bullshit actions. I don't think they start w/ you, but you allow them to happen. Bill you are a wonderful guy!! I hope you can shed some light on this situation because I don't understand. I have witnessed numerous family situations that don't lead to this much anger, hostility, control that you & Kristin have created.

My gut feeling is there are many unresolved issues in Kristin's past that she carries and transfers to your parents. I hate that I have to be this direct. But I am at a loss. I spend the holidays w/ your sister, parents, and nephew watching them be upset every visit because of these crazy ideas............with no help from you !!!!!

If your wife does not like your parents or me or (Aunt Ju-Ju) then have her stay home...... Don't deny your family the right to see you & your boys. What goes on in you mind when your mom & sister are crying every visit because of Kristin. At least stand up to your wife & let life happen. We are only talking about 4 hours a year.

I know you would like to spend X-mas w/ your family. Or least I hope so.. It sounds like your compromise of having your parents over on Tuesday night is not logical, since we know that Kristen does not want see them. Bring the boys over here to avoid the drama. Isn't that logical? Or is this just another way of Kristin enjoying the power of control and you allowing it, stand up. Avoid conflict have a meeting place w/ just you & the boys w/ your parents. Then Kristen does not have to deal w/ it.!!!!!!!!!!!! Or will she not allow you to do that.

This Game Should Have Been Over a long time ago !!!!!!! Please be respectful enough to call your sister back & acknowledge w/ an email that you & Kristin have read my thoughts. Please don't push this under the rug. Ensure that Kristen reads this. Even an email saying fuck you from both of you would be sufficient."

And there you have it.

It was sent to both Bill and me, and I opened my email first and read it aloud. Bill just shrugged his shoulders. "So what. That's his opinion and it changes nothing here at home". We left the email unanswered. Shortly after that, Bill received a phone call from Grandma L like nothing had happened, nothing was wrong (knowing that she helped orchestrate the email along with Aunt Ju-Ju with some tell-tale details). Bill asked about Grandpa L's birthday dinner that is going on tonight and she passed the phone over to Aunt Ju-Ju who acted the same. Everything is peachy-keen. God damn are these people nuts. Then to top it all off, because we didn't engage Uncle J and respond to his email, he resent it to us this morning.

I have a lot to say about the email, but really, I'm so drained already I can't even begin to do it. I just want them out of my life forever.


Smurfett said...

wow wow wow.

I applaud your fortitude is still speaking w/ your in-laws.

Charlie said...

Oh my gosh - they are weird! I thought I had odd in-laws!!! Keep your chin u you are doing the right things for YOUR family

Debbie said...

I don't see why you can't let your husband take the boys to see their relatives. You don't have to go.

Kristin said...

Because I'm not going to be excluded from my own family during the holidays. If they want to act like this & continue to ruin relationships, that's on them - but we're not going to have the kids spend Christmas with Dad in one family and then have a different Christmas all together. That's just like toting them around in a divorce. We're a united family & we're not going to let this garbage divide us.

Plus, that's exactly what my MIL wants. Me out of the picture. She can either accept that I'm a member of this family or not, but we're not going to cut me out for her sake.

Cindy said...

Smurfett took the word right out of my mouth. WOW.

I also thought the same way as Debbie, but since reading your response, I'm totally backing you up on this!!

Sassy Sarah said...

I am in awe that you still speak to these people! Just because they are your family does not mean they can treat you that way. Family should be supportive and loving of each other.

Good luck!

Hopefully you'll be able to put this behind you and focus on celebrating Carter's first Christmas and Logan's first as a big brother!

Kristin said...


I'm not publishing your comment & you're making yourself look like one of my in-laws.

Eriness said...

Don't kill me, but I think that if I was the BIL and seeing it from his sister's point of view, I would be upset too, having to deal with Aunt JuJu being so upset and having a lot of drama on Christmas. Now, even if I were at fault (not saying you were) that would still be a very upsetting email to receive. Merry freakin Christmas, you know? If he has something like that to say to Bill, he should have talked to him about it in a positive way, not send you an email making sure to further alienate you. He was obviously very upset but it was inappropriate to send this to you. I would not want to be around his family on Christmas either, but is there a way that Bill can take the Logan and explain that you are dealing with PPD right now and are stressed and resting? That way they cannot claim that they are not seeing the kids, and they still have to come over to see Carter? I know it is really none of my business but I have always been the people pleaser kind and feel bad for you guys that there seems to not be a compromise. Will Logan miss Christmas with his cousins? Just makes me sad. Good luck with all of this, there seems to be no love for you for sure from Bill's side. I know when I go to my inlaws, I always feel uncomfortable but that is because I caught my MIL talking about me. She has said I am a know it all, that I don't like her, etc. My hubby actually called her and told her to stop it and that it got back to me. Ever since then she has been on her best behavior. In laws just suck.

Dawn B said...

I'd hate for this to ruin your holiday celebration. But, I know that if it was me in the same boat I'd be upset just like you.
I mean c'mon, they seriously expect you guys to be all divided on Christmas?? When I read the email from them I kept thinking of how orchestrated it it sounded pissed off and pretty rude. They want to be right and just with their words and actions but the two don't mix well. They just need to give up trying to control things and be real. And your the wife..of course you need CONTROL. If you don't then people walk all over ya. Trust me, I spent a huge portion of my life before the kids were born being a pushover. No offense to your husband's family..but it sounds like they want you to be a pushover. Screw 'em.
I wish you guys the best Christmas!!!! Take it easy (well as much as you can and let them stew in their own drama.

Eileen* said...

WHAT?? cue the flying monkeys, lol.. you crack me up! I get it. I so KNOW what your going through... I agree with not seperating the family, husband go and not you? lets just send the message that your not a united unit? hands down, there wouldn't be any way to handle it other than the way you HAVE. Period. There should be no grey area about being a family!