Wednesday, December 07, 2005

2005 year in review... Wow, what a year!!!

We started our year out by moving to Colorado. A great way to start out the year; new jobs, new state, pretty much a new life. We worked our fingers to the bone the first few months. Myself starting the day at 6 a.m., Bill at 8 a.m., both of us working until 9 p.m. Bill was doing a great job as a newly promoted Sales Manager & I had established myself as one of the top trainers in the gym.
By March we decided to buy our first house. We had been exploring the area & really liked the idea of living in the suburbs of Parker. It was fun to see local stables & fields with cows & prarie dogs. It kind of felt like we were getting the best of both worlds...a little bit of the country, a little bit of the city. We bought our house at the end of March just as they were finishing the plumbing. Construction wouldn't be completed until June. It couldn't be soon enough.

Things were going well & I thought I would move up into management too. In April I became the Assistant Fitness Manager, which really meant nothing other than not only having to worry about my business, now I had to worry about the club business as well. It was a little overwhelming & I was starting to spread myself a little too thin.

In the beginning of May, Bill had gone to a business convention in Hollywood. While he was gone, I had run across an article on ovulation. We had been talking about starting a family, but not seriously, mostly just in conversation. It was funny that I was even reading about it because after we got married, I was ready to have a family & Bill was smart enough to tell me to forget about it at that time. We were just too young (me at 19, he at 21) & not financially stable either. I had done a 180 in thinking that I would never want to have kids...ever. My childhood & fear of turning out like my mother probably fuled this fire as well.
But after the events of this year with working so hard & giving my life to other people, the returns were less than what I had expected. Don't get me wrong, there were some very rewarding experiences in my career, but not worth what I was putting into it. I had also been thinking about what life would be like if we continued to live this way, growing old together & never sharing special "family" moments. It seemed very empty & sad.
So here I was reading this information, counting the days of my cycle. Oddly enough, I would be ready when Bill came home from the convention. I never really believed that it would be easy. I had listened to stories of women who had been "trying" for a long time & some ending up in fertility treatments. The counting of my cycle was the only real "effort" I had put into this. I kind of shruged my shoulders & said "let's see what happens". Well, it only took that once. Apparently not only was I ready, but God or the universe or whatever thought that we were ready too. This baby was supposed to happen.

For most of May, I didn't know that I was pregnant, but everyone else seemed to know. I had stepped down as Assistant Fitness Manager because I thought I was hitting burn out. I was so increadibly tired, short tempered & emotional. I thought I was going crazy & needed a serious vacation. Plus at the end of the month, I felt like I was getting the flu. I ended up cancelling all of my evening apointments & going home at lunch to take naps rather than working out (which was unheard of from me). By memorial day I was late. I was never late, so I knew something was going on. That night at 10 p.m. I turned to Bill & said "I think we need to go to the store".
We went & got the digital test that night. I think I had been staring at it for 2 hours while it lay on the coffee table. Finally I got the courage to take the test at midnight. After doing everything & reading the timing directions, the instructions said to wait 15 minutes or so. I litteraly found out in 15 seconds. I guess I was really pregnant. I walked out of the bathroom with my hands over my mouth, shaking. "It says I'm pregnant". Bill held out his arms on the couch as we cuddled & a million thoughts ran through my head. I think I was hyperventalating as well. Bill kept saying that things would be great & that we would make a great family. After I calmed down I looked at him & said "We are officially adults now". This was a new chapter in our lives.

June was a very trying month for me. I was extreamly excited about being pregnant, but also getting increadibly sick. Not only that, but we were moving into our new house as well. Bills mom had come by to help us unpack. If it weren't for her, we would still be living in boxes. I had been to the Dr. to get some medication because I couldn't stop throwing up & was practacly imobilized. It was getting out of controll. I was losing business at the gym & could only work 1 or 2 hours a day. I had also lost 15 lbs. in 4 weeks. By the end of the month I ended up getting re-hydrated by IV & was perscribed medication that they give cancer patients for the nausia related to chemo. The Dr. had mentioned that I had hyperemesis gravidarum. I thought that was the medical term for morning sickness. It wasn't until much later that I found out differently. Things continued that way; being hostage to the couch, splitting headaches, dehyration, but finally able to eat some things be it mashed potatoes, mac & cheese or the ever healthy 7-layer burrito. I fell into a depression & Bill was a little frustrated (not really understanding how sick I was).

By August I had had enough. I was going crazy. I didn't care how sick I was, I was going to go back to work & pretend that I wasn't sick. Boy was that a mistake. After 4 weeks, I relapsed. One Saturday morning I could barely get out of bed. I got sick in the shower, tried to throw the door open & not slip onto my butt atempting to make it to the toilet. Then I was getting sick as I was putting on my makeup. It seemed like a waste of time because everytime I would put something on my eyes, like mascara, I would have to throw up & the mascara would run & I wound up redoing it. Then I would get sick trying to brush my teeth & forget about breakfast. That certainly wasn't going to stay down. This was all in the course of an hour. I was back to my first trimester life. YUCK! I stayed home & decided that I needed to decrease my hours. My health & the babys health was much more important than work.

September was about the same. This was also when we would be able to find out if it was a boy or a girl. At first I didn't want to know, but after the hell I had been going through, I felt like there was an alien inside of me. If I knew what it was there would be a better connection to a person, not an "it". I had been having dreams that it was a girl. Bill insisted that it was a boy. At the ultrasound, the tech asked "if we want to ruin the surprise". I said that if she could really tell, I was all for it. It was a boy. Very obviously a boy. I was shocked. Bill was extatic. I think I heard "I told you so" about a million times on the way home. But it was cute. I was happy that he was so excited. I was just a little unsure of myself because I was the oldest of 4 girls. I had no experience in raising boys. It took a little bit of mental adjusting. I was excited though, now instead of "the baby", he's Logan.

October was a pretty stressful month. I ended up loosing my job. Not exactly what I was planning at six months pregnant. I went into a bit of a depression feeling used & useless. After a few weeks I started to look on the bright side of things. Now I could take care of myself & Logan a lot better, getting enough rest & not stressing out too much. I could learn how to cook (I was always too impatient before). I could finally get to all of the housework & start to organize the house in prep for Logans birth. The best part is that I would be home to pass out candy on Halloween!

November seemed to sneek up pretty fast. We started our "prepared childbirth" classes. It was good to get all of the info on what was & going to happen, relaxation techniques & we also got to tour the hospital. It was so nice! I felt a lot better about labor & delivery. Bill also took a "Boot Camp for Dads" class. He got to change a diaper for the first time (one of the veteran dads brought his son to class so the new dads could practice), how to introduce Logan to Beck (our Beagle), Buddha (our Pug) & Kitty, & learned how to put in the car seat. He was pretty excited about this class. So much that he wants to be one of the veteran dads & bring Logan to class to get his diaper changed!
I made Thanksgiving dinner for the first time this year. The turkey was awesome, nice & tender. I made dressing, but it didn't turn out like I had hoped (a little too much parsley I'm guessing), but the home made pumpkin pie was great. I even made the pie crust (which was an adventure in itself).

Now it's December. The holidays are here again, I love it! We decorated the house & got our christmas tree up. There was a little bit of a fiasco with that. We got a 7.5' tree & it took 15 strands of lights. After 2 days of running out of lights, getting some more, running out again, etc, I was finally finished. It looked great, but boy was it bright. I think I was squinting when I was looking at it. I didn't say anything because I was proud of my hard work. The tree had been plugged in for 10 minutes & then it blew a fuse. At least we laughed. I laughed even harder when we were at Target that weekend & I looked at the pre-lit trees. Bill had mentioned that we had a "Griswald" tree. It was true, we did (it still looks cool though)!

So that is the year in review. It's been a pretty eventfull year. 2006 will be about the same though, full of crazy adventures. I'm looking forward to it. A new year, a new family, pretty much a new life.

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