Thursday, January 19, 2006

Today was my 38 week appointment...
And sadly there is nothing new happening. I'm still at 75% effacement & I've dilated to maybe 2 cm. I knew that it's very common for women to kind of "limbo" at certain phases, it's just a little disappointing when it happens to you.

Being in limbo sucks. On one hand, it's frustrating because I just want to be finished growing this baby so he can come out & join the family. On the other hand, I want to stay pregnant just because I'm nervous about going through the delivery. I know logically & physically what to expect & what's going to happen (for the most part). I just don't know what to expect mentally. How I'm going to feel, if I'll be able to push myself to just do it (or if Bill will be able to do that for me as a coach), or if I'll be able to focus & take control. So, I guess this is limbo with a little bit of tug of war.

I am proud of myself however, for making the right choice to not try & force things to happen. I was given the option of getting the membranes stripped, or "cervical stimulation" as they like to call it. I told them to wait a week & we'll see what happens. I would've felt like a fool if we did, & nothing happened, or worse, I ended up needing medical interventions. All because I was too impatient. I could tell that Bill was a little disapointed when I said no. He turned around & asked, "Can you tell when labor is going to start? Will it be this weekend?" He certainly wants Logan to be born soon. It's killing him to wait. Figures too, comming from a guy who gives me all of my birthday, anniversary & christmas presents early because he's too excited to keep it a secret. I think it's cute though. It makes me grin like an idiot thinking about how excited he is to be a dad.

So, we'll continue to be patient & wait. The next prenatal visit is next Friday. We'll see if anything happens by then, but I doubt it, which is ok. I can enjoy these last few days of being home by myself, getting all of the odds & ends taken care of in the house (aka: cleanning every nook & crany I can find).

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