Monday, January 02, 2006

What is up with pregnancy dreams?
I have had the most vivid & strange, disturbing nightmares since I've been pregnant. They say it might have something to do with hormones. I think I have crazy hormones. They were certianly most disturbing in the first trimester. Very gory, dead bodies, creepy to the point of waking me up & getting the crap scared out of me. I think that had a lot to do with being bedridden to the couch all day & getting hooked on episodes of CSI. I watched the whole series & it can be pretty graphic sometimes.

I did have a couple of baby dreams, not many though. I had one dream about seeing the baby (who I swore was a girl) after delivery & she was about a year old. Not a newborn. She was cute with short curly hair & big blue eyes with long eyelashes. She had the same shape eyes as I did too. She was really cute & just looked at me. That was it for the dream. The other baby dream was a little strange. I was in the Doctors office getting a checkup & an ultrasound. They had a new technology for ultrasounds where they actually delivered the baby to check it out & then they put it back in. They did this & everything was fine.

But really, it's all about nightmares. Last week I had one that woke me up pretty fast. Thank God the cat was sleeping next to me so I could pet her & fall back asleep. I dreamt that Bill & I were on a road trip somewhere. It looked like Arizona & the Grand Canyon. We were having an argument about him smoking (something that is a deal breaker for me because I used to work in a cancer clinic...I'm not signing up for lung cancer. He used to smoke before we got married & quit. Then after 9/11 & the crap that we went through, he picked it back up again without me knowing. I didn't find out until we moved to Portland, where he smoked at the truck stops. I was pretty pissed & told him to quit & thought he did, but didn't. It wasn't until we were working at the same gym & one of my clients told me that she didn't know Bill was a smoker. I said he wasn't....BUSTED. I was more than pissed this time. So, as far as I know, It's been over a year that he's smoked, but it's something that keeps nagging me in the back of the head. I feel like I always need to look for evidence & I'm always questioning in my head if I smell smoke on him or his breath). We are having a pretty heated arguement & he's telling me in the dream that he hasn't quit smoking. He tells me that I have no clue & that he keeps all sorts of secrets from me. As he's telling me this, he's not paying attention to the road. The road is curving to the left, but he's too busy telling me that he smokes. We drive off of a cliff into a deep canyon with a river at the bottom. It was like "Thema & Loise". He's screaming & I grab his hand & say "I love you" before we hit. I wake up from the falling feeling with a huge pit in my stomach. Yuck, I hate that feeling.

No comments: