Tuesday, November 13, 2007

As time stands still
This has got to be one of the strangest feelings I've ever felt. It's a feeling that is only akin to adulthood & the responsibilities that come with the gig. It's even more strange to me that I've never felt like this before since I've been an "adult" for years now. Not only have I been an adult, but I've lived though many other stressful times that were much more challenging than what life is like now. Life has been hard, but it could have been worse, we've been through worse & really, we're in the home stretch to living a lot more comfortably & whole lot more relaxed. We're not in the thick of it anymore (at least I don't think so), so why do I feel like this now?

I've been overwhelmed & consumed with everything that is going on. I actually have a mental picture associated with this feeling of "too much". I can see myself in my mind juggling for the circus. Seriously. I'm juggling so many balls - more than I could count. Then all of a sudden, time is standing still. The balls are suspended in the air, the crowd is motionless & quiet. I'm the only one moving. Everything else just stops.

I feel like my life is standing still. Which is strange because it isn't. Things are progressing positively & we're moving forward with future plans. We're not stagnant or stuck, where I could see the validity in this feeling. I can clearly understand why I would have felt like this if were last year. But this year? And now? I don't get it.

Anyhow, it's confusing because I got text message from Bill this morning with wonderful news about his commission earning on his paycheck. We'll have a great Christmas this year & won't feel so crushed by the financial burden of the holidays. We're sitting down tonight to prioritize the list of all of the things we need to take care of (some car repairs & the like). We'll be able to move out of this house-of-someone-else's-choosing after the holidays (most likely in the spring). Things are progressing with the nutrition book & I'm beginning to organize a results study to start in early 2008 (this whole study makes me feel like a scientist!)

So, see? Progress! Good things! Less stress! Yea! Maybe all I need is a vacation.

1 comment:

debra said...

Maybe you just stepped on Life's Elevator, because you're definitely still moving, even though you might feel like you're not!

Maybe this is just a delayed stress reaction. You'll be feeling better in no time, I'm sure. You're too busy not to! :)