Saturday, November 17, 2007

Now we know
While Bill was out with his friends last night & Logan was tucked into bed, I was up watching TV & just...waiting. Then, in the 11th hour I felt that "gross" feeling I had 'before combined with some serious cramps. We no longer have to wait. I got my answer & I didn't even have to take the test. Not pregnant, definitely.

I went to bed very disappointed. Although being scared to death about the possibility of being sick again, I was really starting to get excited about the idea of being pregnant. I was almost positive that I was pregnant considering this is the latest I have ever been & I'm almost always 28 days - exactly. The end result was more disappointing than I thought it would be.

Bill got in late last night while I was still asleep, so I only had the chance to send him a text message before going to bed. Won't have to take the test in the morning. I woke up this morning & rather than waking him up to take the test together, I woke up to Logan pounding on his door to get out. We went downstairs into the living room to cuddle & watch cartoons. Bill slept in a bit & joined us while I was making Logan's breakfast. After talking about his night out he mentioned the message. "I got your text last night. How do you feel about it?" he asked. "It kind of sucks, " I said as I started to cry while buttering Logan's toast. After talking about the insurance situation, Bill said the magic words. "After everything is all set, I'm up for trying in January."

I've mentioned many times before that I had been going back & forth with the thought of having another baby & how Bill & I weren't really on the same time table. The topic even came up last weekend with me saying that if we were to have another baby, I would want to do it before I'm 30. "We have plenty of time," was his response. We are people who tend to wait for the prefect moment to do everything, planning our lives to the very last detail. We couldn't make a decision on where to go & it took some unpredictability to get us on track.

I firmly believe that things happen for a reason & that there are lessons to be learned in every experience. This last week has taught me (& us) that if we keep waiting, we may wait too long. Things are never going to be "perfect" but we can make sure the most important things are in place (like Bill's new job & health insurance). And with that, we are both finally sure that we do want another baby and we have a definite time that we would like to start trying.


Dawn B said...

It's so true with how things are...if things are meant to be then they are meant to be. And it sounds like you and your husband make happy (and kids, so to be parents a second time around would be so cool. I wish you guys the absolute best!! And well, you can truly enjoy your holiday food! (sounds so nuts..but it's the first thing I thought of when I found out I wasn't pregnant again..LOL)

Liz said...



[I shared this with you privately, but that confusion, relief, and disappointment is really a rollercoaster of emotion all balled up in that one instant where you realize your cycle has started.] I think you and Bill and Logan are a wonderful family and I admire how you work so well together.

Maybe being late this cycle was a little cosmic push from the universe. Maybe the lesson here is that both you and Bill do want a sibling for Logan, it just took a little nudge to get you moving.

Cheers to January. Have some wine and enjoy yourself. And never, EVER take another pregnancy test at playgroup! :-)

Jake Silver said...

I wish you good luck and everything with whatever you two decide for your future.