Guilty
This is going to be a boo-hoo pity party post, but sometimes you just have to get it out & let it happen. This afternoon is the worst I've felt yet. I've been sick in the bathroom many times & glued to the couch the other times I haven't been throwing up. Fortunately this all spun out of control just as Bill was coming home from work, so Logan & I had a good day otherwise.

We spent the morning with The Club going on a tour of PetCo, where the kids got to see the different animals they had at the store, pet the snakes (which Logan did not want to do), birds & ferrets. They got to feed the fish & look at the turtles & rabbits. It was a great morning with big fat snowflakes falling all day. We came home after running a few errands, ate lunch (pineapple slices for me) & then we both took a nap. When I woke up, I knew I was in for a bad evening.

I've had a cold for a couple of days & the sinus drainage just complicates things with HG. I was hanging out in the bathroom while Logan watched cartoons. I was only "watching" him for a half hour before Bill came home from work. He cooked Logan dinner as I ran up & down the stairs to the bathroom a few times. He gave Logan a bath, brushed his teeth & got him tucked in to bed, all as I'm throwing up.

I felt so bad. Not just sick, but I felt guilty. I'm usually the one who makes him dinner, brushes his teeth & gets his pajamas on. I tuck him into bed, kiss him on the head, wave 'night-night', blow kisses & tell each other "Love" as I close his bedroom door. I'm now missing out on this because I'm too sick to do it at night. After Bill tucked Logan in, I came out of the bathroom crying, thanking him for taking care of Logan. "It's OK, you can't help it", he told me.

I knew going into this that there would be times I would feel guilty because I was too sick to take care of Logan. Knowing is one thing, feeling it is another. Knowing still doesn't stop me from crying about it, nor does it make me feel any better about the situation. I guess tomorrow I'll pull up my boot straps because it's another day. Hopefully it's just 5 more weeks of the really bad stuff. Hopefully I'll get over this cold, be able to keep up with the right dosage of zofran (8mg every 4 hours) & by the end of the first trimester, have this monster under control.

I guess I have to stay positive even when I feel sick & guilty.