Never separate a mother bear from her baby bear.
Unless you really want to loose an arm or a leg or worse, your head. That's one of the first things you learn when you go hiking in bear country. This is also the rule of thumb for any living thing, including people.

Bill's family has been over here this weekend again. I thought that the "crazy overprotective" feeling was going to be better. I thought, "Hmmm, time has passed. It's been a couple of weeks. I should be over this". I was wrong. It's worse. Time has passed, but that also means that the bond between us is much stronger. It makes every cell in my body explode with anxiety to see my son being taken care of by someone else when I'm being shooed off to bed, willing & able to do my mommy job. It's not that I don't trust others capabilities. It's quite the opposite. Everyone is very good with Logan & loves him very much. It's just my brain saying, "Hey, that's my job! I'm here & I can take care of him, not you".

The brain is very tricky to control when sleep deprived. There's the logical part reminding me that they are going to see Logan only a few times each year. Chill out. It's just for the weekend & soon enough, I'll be holding him again. But then there is the primal part of my brain, just like the mother bear. There is no voice, just feeling. Very intense feeling. It's such a deep & raw feeling that it surprises me.

I had finished feeding Logan when I brought him upstairs into his room to change him. He was on the changing table as I was getting the next "costume change" ready. Just as I turn around, Bill's mom had snatched him up off of the table & took him away to cuddle. The primal part of my brain wanted to scream. "Wait, you can't cuddle him! He's in a dirty diaper. I have to take care of that now!" I came out into the loft where everyone was hanging out. I was told that I should go to bed. That's when I almost completely snapped. I jolted up out of the chair & said, "Fine, I'm going to bed. Someone has to change him though". Anyone who thinks that a mom will be able to sleep when she can hear her fussy baby has another thing coming to them. It is physically impossible for me to sleep when I can hear him. I may be able to hear everyone else in muffled tones that I can ignore, but I can hear Logan as clear as a bell. Like he's sitting right outside of my bedroom door.

Bill came into the bedroom & said a few choice words to me, telling me that I was being short with everyone. I told him that when he is up every two hours, then he has every right to tell me that. Otherwise I didn't want to hear it. Short. They're lucky I was just being "short". If they only had a clue as to what was going on inside of my head. Bill later came back in to apologize for what he said & told me he knows that it's difficult. I cried telling him that he would never understand the feelings that were going on.

Sunday was much better. I had a little more sleep & we spent the day shopping. It wasn't the shopping that made the day better. It was the fact that Logan was in his car seat all afternoon & for some reason it felt a little more calm to me. Grandma bought Logan all sorts of new clothes, baby books & a rocking chair to sit in up in the loft. Grandpa bought him a stroller (which is really cool) & Aunt Ju Ju bought him a book, a cute frog rattle & long sleeved onesie.

Everyone has gone back home & Bill is at work. It's just me & the little munchkin again. It feels good. Don't get me wrong, I love everyone to death & I really appreciate all of the stuff they got for Logan & the help with dinners & laundry. It's just that family visits are so stressful now. It's ridiculous. I don't know if I'll ever get over it either. The mother bear mentality is probably going to be with me for the rest of my life.