The many hats of Mom
Moms do many things, wearing many hats. House cleaner, baker & cook, librarian, teacher, chauffeur, the list goes on. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that one of the many parts of my role as "Mom" would I ever be an expert in object extraction or a pseudo-nasal surgeon.

Saturday night Logan was eating his dinner & I was sitting at the table with him. Since his many "nose incidents" he is no longer left to eat without a watchful eye on him at all times. Before, he would sit at the table & eat while I would be in the same room, unloading the dishwasher, talking on the phone, reading a magazine, whatever. But now? Somebody sits with him & watches every single bite that goes into his mouth. This night we decided that after Logan was finished with his dinner & going to bed that we would indulge in some of the best burritos in town (Logan never eats them, so we don't bother getting him one anymore).

I sat with Logan the whole time & when he finished, he was still hungry & asking for more. I made him a second helping of vegetables & told Bill that since Logan was pretty much finished with dinner, I was going to go ahead & pick up dinner. Bill sat with him at the table (I assume) & I left.

On my way home, Bill calls to tell me that Logan had stuck a pea up his nose once again & didn't know how to get it out. Feeling irritated, but confident that I could get it out, I told him that I would do the "nose maneuver" when I got back in two minutes as I was just down the street. I come in to see Logan naked after his bath standing on the stairs telling me that he has "pea in nose". I scold him in an exasperated tone, knowing that this was going to happen again, but irritated that he hasn't learned his lesson & the lecture from the Doctor when she pulled a band-aid from his nose was pointless.

I get him in his room & start puffing in his mouth to get the pea to pop out. Logan is freaking out & screaming. I have no sympathy at all. "Well, maybe you should stop putting things up your nose & we wouldn't have to do this!", I tell him. I even tried digging it out with a bamboo skewer (much like I did with the toothpick & the eraser head), to no avail. After a few more attempts it becomes clear that this pea is stuck & we'll have to go to the Doctor in the morning (SUNDAY MORNING - FATHER'S DAY) for an emergency visit to get it out. I am more than upset with Logan, I am furious. His insurance just rolled over to one plan (he was insured on two) so now we have a 20% co-pay rather than free visits. An emergency trip to get a stupid pea removed from his nose AGAIN would cost us a chunk of change. After yelling at him about it all & getting him to bed, I come downstairs in tears because now we're going to have to pay more for his visits like this & he should have caught on about how bad this "habit" is already.

The next morning I get up with Logan so Bill can sleep in for Father's Day. I get his diaper changed & figure I would try to get the pea out again. I would much rather try again when fully rested & less hormonal than have to take him to the Doctor that morning. So, I get the nasal aspirator & the bamboo skewer again*. After ten minutes of sucking it out as far as it would go & then trying to pierce it or hook the skin of the pea with the skewer, I finally got it out in two parts. Relieved, I still scold Logan & tell him that if he ever, EVER puts anything up there again, he will not watch cartoons, play with toys or go to playgroup for a whole week. He will lose everything he has (like a two year old understands this concept, but whatever).

I am so fed up with this stage & I know no other kids like Logan who are equally as obsessed about sticking things up their nose. It's to the point of ridiculous now. I am, however, now a skilled expert in removing various objects from my toddlers' nose. I wonder if I could ever put this on my resume.

*Disclaimer for parents who are digging things out from their kids' noses: I don't recommend using sharp tools like tooth picks or bamboo skewers to get whatever it is out. It's better to let the Doctor's do it for you because you could either make the situation worse by shoving the object farther up the nose (resulting in a surgical removal) or you could injure or damage your kids' sensitive nasal cavity. Unless you have had a year of practice like I have, take them to a real professional.