Thursday, August 14, 2008

Place your bets
This afternoon I had an appointment with my OB. It started out as a typical visit with the Group B Strep test (I'll find out results later). The Doctor also checked my cervix to see what was going on. Carter is head down, cervix is still high, but I'm already a fingertip dilated. Now, this really doesn't mean anything other than things are changing. They could be fast or slow changes. Often times, women walk around at 2cms dilated for weeks. But, things are moving along either way! My only rule is that Carter has to stay in until 37 weeks. I'm thinking he'll be born at 38.

Another thing that was brought up (by me) in this appointment was anti-depressants. Now, I don't typically ask for comments on here but now I am...

This pregnancy has been the most stressful eight months that I've had in a very, very, very long time (other than when we were dealing with the in-laws). Looking back to after Logan was born, I'm pretty sure I had undiagnosed post-partum depression & I know that dealing with Bill's family was the catalyst that took me there. I wasn't on any medication at the time & even though I was still able to take care of Logan, it was a horrible first year & I cried all of the time (for VERY good reason). The only reason nothing was done about it was because there was reason to be depressed & I never realized that "Life Crap" could bring on PPD. To be frank, I'm depressed now (not too bad, but again, for VERY good reason) & I'm afraid that extenuating circumstances will bring on PPD again.

So, because the depression on both accounts have been because of events & circumstances & not chemical/hormonal imbalances, I'm unsure if I should start medication. I don't feel out of control, but extremely stressed out which does effect me & every single other person in the family. We're working on the issues at hand & although it will take time to fix, we'll get there eventually just probably not before Carter is born.

My OB is leaving the decision up to me. I'm not a big fan of medication, especially anti-depressants in this situation ONLY because depression is happening because of life crap that is going on. If I take the medication, it won't "fix" the problem per say, so I don't see what the point would be.

I just don't know what to do. I'm definitely not at rock bottom, I've been through much deeper bouts of depression unmedicated & made out alright (like after Logan was born), but I don't want to make the mistake of not thinking about this seriously & all of a sudden finding myself in a black hole (especially if Life Crap gets worse). I'm really confused about it all right now.

I would really love to read comments about anyone's experiences with PPD & medication, especially if it was brought on by difficult things happening in life at the time.


Anonymous said...

I had to go on Zoloft during pregnancy. It wasn't a magic happy fix but I started feeling like "myself" again immediatly. I'll admit, I was very ashamed that I had to be medicated during what was supposed to be a happy event. But,I'm over that now because I realized that having a functioning/happy Mommy was best for baby during and after pregnancy. Plus I found out that many MANY women have to go on anti-depressants during pregnancy.
So, I guess I think you should do it if meds will help you get "yourself" back. Hope that helped.

erica said...

This pregnancy for me has been rather stressful as well, and there have been a lot of times where I've had major meltdowns. For months I considered going on meds as well (which is super hard for me anyway because I almost never take any type of medication whatsoever) and through some research I was doing one day, I came across the benefits of Omega-3 fish oils. Really I was stunned at all the information I found, but felt like that could be my answer.

I went and bought some (you do need to be careful to get the right kind) and within a week I noticed a MASSIVE change in myself. (My family and friends also commented how much different I was, and asked what I'd been doing) I started out on 3x a day as was recommended, but am now down to 1x a day and really, I've never felt better. I still have some stressful days, but I'm handling it a lot better now, and feel back in control of myself and my life.

You need to do what's best for you though; if you feel like anti depressants are going to help you through it (and you do go through far more shit with your extended family than I go through with mine) then I think it's a great choice to make. I think really only you can know what's truly best for you. A happy mumma = a happy family. :)

I know you asked for advice relating to meds in general, so I'm sorry I don't really have anything for you there, but thought it might help to know you're so not alone in feeling the way you feel, and the confusion and frustration you're going through.

Kristin said...

Thanks Anonymous, that kind of does put it into perspective a bit.

I don't think I'll get "myself" back because I will still be sad, angry, hurt, etc. about what's going on. I'm still functioning, even though I'm not the person/mom I want to be right now. I don't think I'll be back to "normal" until the Life Crap is taken care of, or at least until the dust settles a whole lot more.

Maybe I'll get the prescription & just keep it on hand since it takes a couple of weeks to work into the system. Maybe I can take some time to really asses how progress is going & once I'm closer to 37 weeks, think about it again.

Kristin said...


I might try that out first. Even if it doesn't help, it wouldn't hurt at all anyway.

Mindseye said...

Cod Liver oil has a super amount of Omega 3's and 6's. I take it and so does C. I feel better and can think much more clearly when I take it. We buy Spectrum brand "Norwegian Cod Liver Oil, Naturally Caught" that you may find in the cold section of your local co-op.
Amazingly, a B-Complex and magnesium are wonderful for stress induced depression for me too.

Mucho Love,


Jezer said...

Although depression and anxiety (mine go hand-in-hand--yeah for me!) run in my family and I had a predisposition to it anyway, my first real and scary bout with depression was triggered by circumstances--life crap, if you will. My second very serious bout came 8 weeks into my pregnancy with Al. I took Zoloft before, during, and ever after that pregnancy. I wrote about it

Erin said...

The stress/anxiety that I experience is brought on by stuff going on in my life, and I've been able to get through it all until just recently when my health problems compounded with my stress and lack of adequate sleep etc. and I just felt like I had to do something because I was just so worn out and down all the time. Even though I really don't like medications, esp. ones for depression and things of that sort, I knew I had to do something and my dr. put me on Lexapro. I was really nervous about taking it since I had such a bad reaction to Cymbalta that she put me on for my pain...but the first day after I took my first Lexapro pill I felt so much better. And I know it wasn't just all in my head because I was VERY skeptical, I really did NOT see how this little pill was going to make me feel better and make me deal with my problems better. But it really is helping me deal with everything better. I still have a LOT going on in my life, but I'm able to not focus on the negative so much. I just feel so much better and I feel like I'm laughing and acting silly again. I was shocked at how well it really worked and I'm not embarrassed or ashamed anymore that I need this right now because I'm just so glad I feel better. I'm sure if you asked your dr. would give you a couple sample packs of something to keep on hand in case you did feel like you needed it after you have Carter. I know how you feel and what you're going through...I hope everything turns out better this time. But if you do feel like you might need a little help, don't be afraid to try something. If it doesn't work, you don't have to take it anymore, but if it does, well you feeling better is what's important!

Liz said...

the thing with depression is that it's a chemical thing.
it doesn't matter what triggers an episode, but when you're in that funk for an extended period of time, the chemicals in your brain rearrange and THAT's where medication comes in handy.
talking a page out of my own assvice book, i'll be requesting some antidepressants myself very soon. there are several kinds that are safe for both pregnancy and breastfeeding. check on for more specifics.
other than that, hang in there. the good thing is that you have the ability to recognize when things are hard and the balls to be proactive. go you!

Anonymous said...

With Tristin I had Zoloft afterwards def. baby blues both times.With Braidi I had Lexapro and it helped so much with anxiety and depression.Only 10mg a day and I didn't gain weight or have side effects.Its hard having a new baby and harder the second time because of the first born getting use to a life change.It will work out.As for Carter I would say 38 or 39 weeks.Your body changes faster second time around.The most important thing is take care of yourself.

Joanna said...

I was on Welbutrin (sp?) after Kelsie's birth from the mood swings/anxiety/depression. It was a mess. I didn't want to be anywhere near my older daughter. I wanted to just be with the baby, I even detested Zack coming around. I was on meds, they helped and I was off in a few months time. I need stress pills now. With the stress of having Kayla with ADHD and then Kelsie being a typical almost 3 year old, I am ready to pull my hair completely out and put a few holes in the wall to boot!

With being dialated. I was 4 cm's 2 weeks before my oldest was born. She was induced on her due date. With Kelsie I was induced one week early and I wasn't dialated at all nor was my cervix softened. I think it's just one of those typical every pregnancy is different.

Anonymous said...

I, like you, have PPD after the birth of my first child, due largely in part to inlaws. (aren't they wonderful?!) As my due date for my second child drew closer, I was worried that I would experience PPD again, and was prepared. Luckily, I didn't have PPD again. (ILs weren't allowed around for at least a month). But I was prepared. I feel that it is better for everyone involved if medication is needed to take it. Good luck, I truly hope that you do not suffer from PPD this time around.

Jaime said...

Following the birth of my second child I had a serious case of PPD. At first I assumed it was stress but it quickly spiraled downward and fast.

I went on Zoloft and I'm so thankful I did. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to enjoy my son. I didn't find that the medication erased anything, rather I felt more like myself. I was less weepy, less cranky and more stable.

I think antidepressants are a wonderful option to have and I advocate women using them if needed. There shouldn't be any shame, most of us have been there before.

Ashley said...

Wow, ready for a book? I was MISERABLE after Paisley was born, but not really because of her. Rather my alcoholic husband. The constant stress of wondering if he'd be coming home drunk. He even moved into the other room because he couldn't sleep when I nursed.
Definitely life events, but that just makes dealing with postpartum issues even harder. I also think that with Logan around, you'll be even more stressed with 2. I know you are not a fan of meds, but I would STRONGLY recommend something. It helped me sooooooo much. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking back to that time. Having a newborn is hard enough, but factoring in all the other crap you're going through, you could probably use a little help. It won't hurt anything to try. My doctor even induced my 8 days early due to depression. Even after the crap that I've gone through the past year, I don't think I could have done it without the help of meds. It's obviously your choice, but it's one I strongly recommend. Good luck!!