Sunday, August 03, 2008

Round two
Bill's parents came back this week/weekend for another visit. They are on their first road trip as retired people, so they drove through Colorado for a visit during the first half & then came back again on their way home. This visit was a little more stressful than the last.

For some reason or another, Grandpa L thinks it's OK to smoke around Logan. I don't know where he got this idea because the "smoking rule" from day one was that he had to wash his hands & change his clothes if he wanted to hold Logan when he was a baby, to which Grandpa L decided that he just wouldn't hold him (nice, huh). The rules have never changed, however, he's been testing the limits at each visit as the years go by. It started with him lighting up while we were out walking around Downtown this last spring. Then there was the last visit where I had to keep telling Logan to stay away from Grandpa while he smoked in our backyard (which really made me angry).

This last Friday they came over for dinner. Grandma L was cutting up some fruit in the kitchen, Bill, Logan & Grandpa L were in the backyard grilling the burgers. I looked out of the sliding glass door & did a triple take. Grandpa L was standing by the grill & Logan was less than three feet away from his smoldering cigarette. I yelled to Logan from across the yard to come inside & to stay away from Grandpa while he smoked (he should be smoking in the front yard anyway - away from everyone). Grandpa L then has the balls to tell me, "It's OK. The wind is blowing in the other direction. He's fine because he's upwind". I almost lost it. "I don't care where the wind is blowing, it's too close for my comfort", I told him with much restraint. I then brought Logan inside while trying to heard him away from Grandpa L. After that, I guess Bill said something to him but I'm not sure what, but to the effect of don't smoke around our kids, I'm guessing.

So, for the rest of the visit Grandpa L was pissed because I don't want him smoking around us. I never told him he couldn't smoke (that's like telling the sun not to shine) & he has a place where he can go out of view & away from Logan in the driveway or the front yard. If this come up again in the next visit in October (after Carter is born), I will not hold back as much as I did this time.

The rest of the in-laws were their usual selves, Aunt Ju-Ju not being able to commit to a time & place for lunch, ultimately screwing up Bill's lunch hour & Grandma L being fake & also making some kind of interesting statements, comparing Logan to Cousin B (whatever). Nothing to open my mouth over.

Interestingly enough, the info-train with them has come to a complete stop. Since this is the last visit until after Carter is born, they still have not seen an ultrasound, they have no clue about the trip to labor & delivery a couple of weeks ago & they don't know that I'm measuring 4 weeks behind & need to go in tomorrow for another ultrasound. All they know is that we're having Carter at the end of September (hopefully not sooner). Maybe it would have been different if they actually tried to change the relationship, made a real apology, making an effort to respect our parenting choices & not being so cruel to me behind my back.


Anonymous said...

How does your husband feel about the smoking? That would be a deal-breaker for me. Either follow the rules or you're not welcome to visit. Period. For crying out loud it's 2008 it's not like the dangers of second-hand smoke is some new-fangled concept. Sheesh.

Erin said...

I know exactly how you feel on this one. My dad and stepmom smoke and I explained to them in the beginning that it wasn't to be done around Hailey. They try to always remember not to light up outside when she's around though, and if they do I say something about it to Hailey how she needs to stay away from Nana and Papa when they smoke because it's grossy, which is how she says gross. She tells them they're stinky pooey! LOL But they actually stop. My grandma thinks it's ok to go in the back room of her house and smoke and then come in reeking of it. When Hailey was a baby it used to break Hailey out SO BAD but she did it anyway! Drove me nuts! And you don't speak up to grandma, she'll go crazy and bite your head off and then disown you...which is what happened to me, and she didn't come to my wedding. ANYWHO...I even make rude comments to strangers, we'll walk around them and I'll tell Hailey we have to get away from the nasty people smoking. If they all want to kill themselves slowly, that's fine, but don't subject my family to the harmful effects...if they do, they're just asking for rude comments.

Kristin said...

Funny that you mention that Anonymous ...

I don't think Bill really cares about it since he just got busted smoking a few weeks ago. So, I'm guessing since he smokes (not for long - again), the danger doesn't matter to him that much & thus he's not going to be the first one to say anything about it to his Dad.

I'll say something & probably always have to be the first one to say something, but at least Bill will support me (even if I have to flat out ask for it).