13 months old
Is it really 13 months? Because it feels like 13 years. So much has been going on since Logan turned one.

He is still a champion sleeper. I often read about toddlers resisting naps or bedtime. Not our kiddo! Granted, there are a few times where he plays in his crib rather than sleeping, but for the most part, he's down & out. His nap times are longer than when he was smaller too. When he once took 30-45 min. naps, now he's down for 2 hours. I seriously can't believe I was worried about him sleeping too much. I love him to pieces, but when he stops napping so much, I will be sad!

I think we are also beginning to enter the Picky Eater phase. I still feed him breakfast, because it's oatmeal & really, I clean up after him enough already. But, other than that, he's on his own. I've started to notice that he always throws broccoli & chicken on the floor. He will sometimes eat broccoli if it's hidden in a baked potato with cheese, but I can't even hide the chicken in mashed sweet potatoes anymore. Other than dairy & eggs, he's on a protein strike. My son has become lacto-ovo vegetarian. I think it's an interesting phase & I'm a little happy that I don't have to cook meat as much.

One thing he certainly isn't picky about is goldfish crackers. Actually, I think he's addicted. When he wakes up from his afternoon nap, I get him a sippy cup of milk & bring him down into the computer room to eat his crackers while I finish up with work. He is happy as a clam sitting on the floor with his cup of crackers & milk. After he's shoved a few handfuls in his mouth, he's ready to start running back & forth...with the crackers still chipmunked in his cheeks. It's common to hear me say, "Stop running with crackers in your mouth. You're going to choke", after ever sentence I type.

He also finds it absolutely hysterical to feed Buddha some of his crackers. If I'm not paying attention, I will catch him sneaking Buddha crackers as the two of them are hiding behind the futon. I'll tell Buddha to stop eating crackers & I tell Logan that those are for him to eat, not Buddha. Logan goes running off laughing with Buddha close behind, watching to see if he drops any treats. Then the next thing I know, Logan is cracking up while hitting Buddha on the head with his cracker cup. Buddha patiently sits there tolerating the abuse because he knows that at any minute, the lid to the cracker cup is going to come off & tons of goldfish are going to spill all over the floor. So, it's worth it to him. And major bonus for me, the crackers that Buddha doesn't eat are soon to be ground & mashed into the carpet by Logan.

Our days are filled silliness & activity. There's the constant running. Running back & forth. Running in circles. Running away & hiding when we play chase. It's amazing how much energy this little kid has. He just figured out how to twirl in circles. So, now he spins around, making himself dizzy. He still loves to throw his toys over the baby gates, often collecting ALL of his toys to toss. He continues to play soccer in the living room too. This morning, he attempted to crawl up onto the couch (he still has to grow another inch or so, it's a tall couch). He loves to run back & forth on the couch, tossing all of the pillows off. He tumbles off the couch & onto the pillows. I don't know how he figured out that they make good crash pads.

Because of his craziness, he is always getting hurt. There was his first black eye from the bookcase. His first fat lip from the activity table. He did a full on head butt into the front door. Yesterday he fell on one of his toys, giving himself another nasty bruise on the leg. I was planning on getting rid of the binky, but with all of this going on, it may have to wait.

His communication is become a little more clear. The other day I listed things that he "says". "MMMMmmmm" for cow. "Ack Ack" to quack like a duck. "Da" for Budha. "Aa" for cat. Today I learned that he knows how to make car noises too. Even though it sounds very similar to his cow moo, it has different inflection. However, he mostly tries to get our attention with "ah, ah, ah" or "uh, uh, uh".

He is developing great hand-eye coordination, attempting to fit blocks in the sorting bucket & stacking his stacking blocks. He loves it when I stack the blocks for him. He runs around like he's going to knock the tower down. I hold out my hand, pushing on his chest, laughing, "NO! Not yet"! He giggles & runs around some more. Then, when I'm finished I tell him "Ok, I'm all done", expecting him to knock the blocks over (something that Dad taught him). He runs over & points to all of the pictures, closely examining all of the blocks.

His favorite toy by far, is Bill's old cell phone. It's just like mine. He flips the receiver open to hear it's sound. He presses all of the buttons. He even found an old ring tone. ODB's "Rollin' Wit You". Yes, Logan is now a thug in training. He plays this ring tone over & over, bouncing around while listening to "Jesus, I'm rollin' wit you. Jesus, I'm rollin' wit you". Bill got this when he was in his rap phase years ago. Like father, like son, I guess.

Logan also knows how to use the phone, or anything that resembles a phone, putting it up to his ear. He likes to "talk" on the phone when someone calls. If I don't let him talk, he usually tries to talk over me, attempting to join in on the conversation.

He is getting more teeth. Slowly, but surely. He has five (three bottom, two top) & is getting another top. I've noticed that his bottom teeth are crooked. It makes me think that his adult teeth will be too, giving me flashbacks of life with braces.

It seems like I could go on & on about all of the things that Logan does. From having a fantastic time during babysitting, to running outside & doing a belly flop on the muddy grass (thanks Bill). Life with a toddler is certainly an adventure!

And without further ado...A picture that explains why there haven't been any pictures in the last month. Logan gets ultra mad at me for not letting him play with the digital camera.

Even the computer is sick
Logan had a cold last week. As usual, it wasn't a big deal. He was a trooper (for the most part) & somewhat tolerated me chasing after him with a Kleenex all day long. We missed playgroup. We stayed inside to make sure he had a full recovery before exposing anyone else or being exposed to something again.

Logan is the sharing type of kid. Last night I started to feel a little gross. This morning I woke up with a cold, that really? Feels like a sinus infection. Wonderful. So we missed a baby shower this morning because my nose was on the fritz. I was bummed because showers & parties with MOMS Club are the times that I bake something yummy. I was going to make homemade donuts. Oh well, maybe next time.

So here's Logan with a little bit of a runny nose & me with half of my face & ear feeling like it's going to burst from my head. Then there's the computer.

Yesterday I was trying to work, writing up another fitness program. The computer crashed, no joke, every five minutes. I felt like I was going to rip out my hair, tear off my fingernails & scream bloody murder. It was incredibly frustrating.

With the hair still on my hear & the nails still on my fingers, Bill came home for lunch. He said he would watch Logan (or listen for him during his nap) & try to figure out what was up while I went to go take a long hot shower. He couldn't figure it out.

He got home from work last night & ran a few virus protection programs. Our computer was infested with 26 viruses, multiple trojan horses, spyware & whatever else you never want to see in your computer systems. Bill cleaned it out & thought it was fine.

Then it started again this morning. Bill thinks we might just have to reformat. I just want to chuck this thing out the window. It's too bad we really aren't in the market for a new computer.

Mr. Curious
Within the last few weeks, Logan has begun to point & "ask" about objects around the house. His "asking" consists of a "Huh" or "Uh". So for the last month or more, we've been walking around the house pointing at things. He'll often run around by himself, pointing at the closet door, the carpet, the diaper bag, the front door & whatever else is around to learn about.

He clearly knows that Daddy uses the front door to leave for work. At night, he'll stand at the door with his finger in the crack of the door jam, looking back at me with the "question look". It's cute, but sad at the same time. Bill was a little bummed what I told him about this.

He points to pictures of cats, ducks, dogs, cows & really knows his animals. He knows where our belly buttons are & he knows facial features on his toys (but not us or himself). He also knows where his "stinky feet" are. When I'm changing his diaper, he'll grab his feet to smell & makes the "stinky face", wrinkled nose & big funny smile.

Logan has also been repeating "words" for objects. Again, these are mostly grunts or moans of some type. We ask him what cows say & he'll "MMmmmmm". We ask him about ducks & he says "ack ack". He says "Da" for Buddha & "Aa" for cat.

He also knows specific toys. When we ask him to get Micky Mouse, his cow, certain balls, or books, he knows exactly what we're talking about.

He's a smart little kiddo. I'm really going to have to make a conscious effort to expand my vocabulary from "Be careful", "don't feed Buddha" & "stop running with crackers in your mouth".

First a black eye & now a fat lip
It's funny how I look back & think about how I felt about Logan & the "baby crash helmet". "Ha, ha, ha. That's pretty funny", I giggled. Well now it might be a serious thought. That or a padded white room.

First Logan runs around, trips & falls into the bookcase, giving himself his first back eye (that healed pretty quick). Today he was running around, trips & falls onto his activity table, giving himself his first bloody fat lip.

He cried & I picked him up, noticing blood streaming out of his mouth. His two bottom teeth cut his bottom lip. I tried to keep a cold washcloth on his lip while wiping up the blood. Yeah, right. What was I thinking? Like a toddler who even though is bleeding rivers out of his mouth wants to stop running around, pestering the animals.

After the blood stopped, I let him down to continue his crazy clumsy boy antics. He tried to pick up his activity table by himself & drag it across the room. He STOOD on his sit & spin, trying to turn it by himself & keep his balance (just like on a wobble board or skate board!). He also tried to pick that up, as he was standing on it. He ended up doing the stunt-man roll a couple of times, but wasn't phased at all. He then proceeded to beat the cat after telling him a million times to be nice.

What have I gotten myself into?

I think it's over
It's been a full week of Logan being completely weaned from breast feeding. We were nursing once a day for quite a while. When I stopped, I was uncomfortable & engorged on the second day. Logan nursed on one side (the side that was the fullest) & I haven't had any problems since. Logan seems to be OK about it too.

He's a little more fussy, but it's because there's been a lot going on. He's had a cold for a few days & I've been trying to work as much as I can during the week so when Bill has a day off on Saturday, we can have quality family time. He gets a little irritated sometimes, so we go off & read books, chase him with his stuffed animals, point to things around the house & learn about parts of the body. Then he's OK. Probably not the best time to completely stop, but it's been bearable.

He hasn't been pulling on my shirt too much & he's happy to drink his milk from his special milk sippy cup. Although, he still prefers water. Overall, I think it's been a successful process.

I'm a little sad about it, but not really. It's actually a feeling of relief. Don't get me wrong, I loved nursing & for us, it was really easy. We were very, very lucky. But, I was ready to have my body back. I just had this feeling inside that we were finished. I can't explain it, but it just felt different. It was over. I think I'm still trying to process how I feel about it.

My own personal stay home mom vs working mom epiphany
A couple of weeks ago it became very clear to me as to why I was having such a difficult time with Bill's suggestion (& really, pleading) for me to go back to work.

When he would mention it, I got a knot in my stomach. I would then go over the budget again to see where we could trim here & there, to see what other sacrifices we could make. I would often tell Bill that I would eat rice & beans forever if it meant that I could still stay at home. Being at home was the life I wanted our family to have. The stay at home mom was the mother I never had.

Right around Logan's birthday, we talked more about how Bill needed help. I still wrestled with it, but was more comfortable with the end result because for one, Bill needed help. Then, Logan & I were beginning to wean. I was satisfied that I stayed home with Logan for his first year. We were able to nurse to our "goal" of a year. I was there to see all of his firsts. He was becoming more & more independent everyday.

But I still procrastinated. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks why. Fear. I was afraid of failure.

I had a deep feeling of fear of being a complete failure. If I went back to work, I felt like I would fail at being the best mom that I could be to Logan. I also felt like that work itself was another opportunity to fail. So here I was thinking that I could not be the mom I wanted to be & not the employee I knew I could be.

It was something that I couldn't handle.

That fear stopped me from doing anything to move forward, regardless of my husbands cries for help. It stopped me from action. It killed my motivation on a personal level. It stopped me from even thinking about solutions. I dug my heels into the ground, resiting every inch of the notion.

While I was buying my time, waiting until the very last minute for the inevitable, I got Stefanie's email.

Before that day, I was beginning to realize on a personal level, that no matter what kind of mother I am to Logan, it will never fix my childhood. I will never have a different mother & I am not my mother. While the perfectionist in me still might strive for the impossible, this family experience is ours alone. Not a recreation of the past. Not a prevention of the past. Just us moving & growing forward in our own way.

I was on the right path to dealing with the fear of failure at home. At that same time, it was like the planets aligned when I received that email. Her simple email just asking if I would develop a fitness program for her gave me the courage to face the fear of failure in the working world. It was even better than that because it created an opportunity where I could overcome that fear AND continue to be at home with Logan.

It was perfect timing. It's been an amazing time of growth, personally & professionally.

The most boring post in the world
Today was especially busy. Appointments in the morning & trying to work all day while Logan did his best to distract me. I'll have a very interesting & introspective post tomorrow because I'll have some more time.

Along with Stefanie & Kim, look out for Wendy & Beth on the other blog (I'll have the link list updated tomorrow too). Lots of people are starting to workout now!

His first shiner
I've noticed that I say the same things over & over to Logan throughout the day:

• "Be careful"
• "Watch out"
• "Don't go down the stairs by yourself"
• "Be nice to Kitty" (alternates for Buddha too)
• "Ohhhh...You'll be OK"
• "Stay out of there. That's not for babies"

While our home is baby/toddler proofed, there's only so much you can do. And it's no wonder why Logan got his first black eye last night.

I was working on the computer, developing some workout programs & the next thing I know, he goes flying into the bookcase. At first he cried & looked fine. Then as the night went on, his eye started to swell a little bit & turn purple. He looked like a little tough man.

It's better today & not nearly as purple as last night. I'm a little bummed that I didn't get pictures, thinking that I would do it today. I'm sure he'll have a more accidents to come (not that I'm hoping for that!)

Flowers do grow from manure
Yesterday afternoon, Aunt Ju-Ju decided to come over to talk rather than have a dinner get together. Which was fine with us, just as long as we talked.

She came over & I gave her a hug, telling her how happy I was that she came over. We had some lighthearted, trivial talk while Logan shower her all of the new things he's learned. He ran around, carrying his new cell phone, playing with his toys & smiling at the Little Einsteins DVD that she brought over for him.

Then we decided to talk about the family drama & things got a little ugly.

She went on the attack, just like Bill & I had predicted. Round & round we went with her talking about how there shouldn't be boundaries in a family, pretty much saying that they should be able the behave & treat people anyway they want (because who am I to say how I want to be treated) , regardless if it hurts others because that's not their intention (not true in this situation). She also said that I just needed to surrender my role as a mother while Grandma L visits, because that what she has to do with her in-laws, also claiming that I'm crazy for wanting to be the only one who changes diapers & feed my baby (like I gave birth so everyone else in the family could play mommy). She tried to tell Bill that he needs to make his parents happy after all they have done for him from the beginning of his life & that my feelings & our family come after that.

She was angry that they weren't the ones to babysit Logan when we went out for dinner ( like I was supposed to be comfortable with them doing so when I'm not even on speaking terms with her or allowed in their home, by her choice). She claimed that having my friend watch Logan was extremely disrespectful.

Then she started throwing out some lies. She said that Uncle J was so pissed at us that he didn't want to come over & that's why we weren't having dinner. She said that because of me, their parents won't come out to visit anymore, they have to fly out there. She said they also changed their mind about moving to our town when they retire & told us to just move back to Oregon because I was just ruining their lives. This was the first time Bill was hearing any of this.

Her stance in the whole situation is like telling someone who gets hit everyday to just toughen up if they don't like it.

We tried explaining some of the things we've been learning & working on, to no avail. We tried to explain that we don't have anything against her & that this issue is with Grandma L. It didn't get through to her that this is our home & our family & no matter how anyone else in the extended family feels about it...that's the way it is. It didn't ring true that their mother has been mean & said nasty things about me & to me in my own home (yet she's the one who's been "wronged'). She did acknowledge that the family doesn't talk about their feelings & tries to sweep everything under the rug. So, when something is brought to the surface, it's like World War three.

After going over much, much more, it got to the point where she was becoming more & more out of line. Bill asked her to leave. "Things are just getting worse. Let's just stop here before it gets out of control. I think you should leave. Nothing is going to be resolved in one conversation, so it would be best if we talked to you later". She put on her shoes & stormed out of the house.

After Bill & I talked about what happened & how we felt about it, he got a call from Uncle J. He told Bill that he didn't have any hard feelings & that he wasn't there because Aunt Ju-Ju told him that she wanted to talk to her brother alone. We knew the real reason was that Uncle J would've been the voice of reason when she got out of control & she knew that too. He also told Bill that when she got home, she ran into her room & collapsed on the bed hyperventilating.

Bill went over to tell her that even though he asked her to leave, she was still more than welcome in our home. He also wanted to try & talk some sense into her while Uncle J was there to stop her from throwing a fit.

The three of them talked with Uncle J telling her exactly what we've been saying. It's not her issue, she has no control of the matter & what happens in our home is our business.

They talked for a long time. They talked about their family & the way things have effected them. Bill learned that Aunt Ju-Ju had to train Grandpa L, their own father, to say I love you to her.

Bill left feeling better that there will eventually be a resolution & that his family will come around.

When he got home, he got another call from Aunt Ju-Ju. She told him that she called their parents to tell them what happened. She told Grandma L the conversation she & Bill had about how their family deals with feelings. Grandma L told her to tell Grandpa L this right now. She got on the phone with him & explained how she & her brother felt. Grandpa L listened & acknowledged their hurt. She told Bill that the next time he talked to Grandpa L, he wouldn't have to have the conversation about dealing with feelings, it was already done. And in that conversation, when Bill says "I love you", he'll say it back.

So while opening my mouth to say how I feel has started a family feud, there have been some extremely positive results to come from it. First, our marriage has never been stronger & our home together has never been happier, in spite of how others are behaving. Then, Bill's family is finally coming to the realization that sweeping issues & feelings under the rug does nothing but make matters worse. And finally, Grandpa L is learning that there's nothing wrong with telling his family he loves them.

Little of this & a little of that
I never thought things would go this fast, but I am pleasantly surprised! Virtual Fitness has been up for only a day & I have a handful of potential new cyber clients. This is just awesome! It's been interesting to see what working at home is really like (even if it has only been one day). And quite frankly, right now it seems to be harder than working outside of the home.

Yesterday afternoon, Bill, Logan & I went to another MOMS Clubber's house. Her son is a little older than Logan & he's outgrown most of his toys. My friend offered to sell us a ton of toys for practically free. We were thrilled. We loaded up the entire trunk (no kidding) & I made a second playroom for Logan in the computer room. I hoped it would keep him busy while I try to write out programs. It does, but there's still a lot of distraction. Last night he was pretty happy to walk around the room holding his snack cup full of animal crackers. The next thing I know, I see him & Buddha hiding in the corner behind the futon. Logan is sneaking him crackers & Buddha is slobbering all over his hands. It was gross, but pretty cute. So, if the toys don't keep him entertained, at least the dog & cat do.

Speaking of entertaining, if you read the first post on the other blog, you might have noticed that Logan is now playing soccer in the house. This happened the other day & I was so incredibly shocked that I instantly sent Bill a text asking him if he taught Logan how to dribble. He called & said that he showed Logan how to kick the ball maybe once or twice, but not how to dribble across the room. It was firm confirmation that Logan truly IS my little Olympic soccer player, just like I thought before he was born.

And in high anxiety news, after months & months of Bill telling his sister that our family won't be separated, she's agreed to come over for dinner tomorrow night. We already know she's on the attack, based on what she's been telling Bill. So, this should be interesting. Last night Bill came home from work & said that they might not come over because Uncle J is going out with a buddy of his. We're kind of irritated about that. Bill is going to talk to Aunt Ju-Ju about it, so we'll see what happens.

The beginning of a new adventure
For some time now, I've been grappling with the thought of going back to work. My whole thought process, mental melt downs & my own personal stay at home mom vs working mom epiphany will be another post for another day. However, I will say that the wall that I've been trying to climb has everything to do with motivation.

I've been trying to motivate myself to get back into the game & have had absolutely no luck. I was burnt out & my passion for fitness was gone. Until....I got an email from Stefanie.

Sometime last week she emailed me asking if I would write up a program for her. I was so excited. I got her nutrition plan together & sent her the cardio & core program shortly there after. In the next day or two, she'll get her flexibility & lifting routine.

By developing her program, I felt that spark of excitement that I used to feel when I was training at the gym. It was definitely the jump start I needed.

With her encouragement & my desire to work at home, I've decided to set up a second blog. I know, I know. Not less than a month ago I was talking about how keeping up two blogs was way too much work for me. Well, this is different. And I've set it up so that I have the ability to do this without Logan screaming at me to get off of the computer, if it's only for a few short times a day.

My second blog is Virtual Fitness. It's where I can connect with people all over the world, just like I have here. I'll keep it interesting by posting tips, a weekly health & fitness article & as more people achieve their results from the programs, I'll add their before & after pictures along with their success story.

This is way too exciting & I can't wait to see what happens!

A list of things I love

• I love hearing Logan singing & playing with his toys when he wakes up in the morning
• I love snuggling on the couch to watch our morning cartoons
• I love my "me-time" where I waste it on blog reading
• I LOVE CHOCOLATE
• I love ice cream
  
• I love coffee
• I love wine
• I love beer
• I love sushi
  
• I love it that Bill likes to cook. And he's really good at it too!
  
• I love to vacuum because it makes Logan laugh. And I like clean carpets
• I love to bake yummy treats
  
• I love naps, but never take them
• I love hiking
  
• I love the look on Logan's face when Bill walks into the room
• I love the big smiles Logan gives me when I get him out of his car seat
• I love, love, love my long, hot showers
• I love lip gloss
• I love going to playgroup
  
• I love finding a new comedy series to watch (last one was Kenny vs Spenny)
  
• I love how Bill & I are the perfect "fit" in a hug
• I love it when Bill laughs at something cute that Logan does
• I love spending our time together as a family
• I love the tight, warm cuddle with Bill as we fall asleep in bed
• I love my family
  
• I love Logan
• I love Bill

Happy Valentines Day!

Our turn
Tonight is the night that we take our turn for the Valentines Day babysitting swap. We'll call our little friend "Little L". Little L is coming over to play with Logan, Kitty & Buddha. We'll eat lots of food (a ton of goldfish crackers, I'm sure), read lots of stories & probably play a lot of hide & go seek. It's going to be interesting to see how Logan feels about Little L coming over to his house to play. I'm betting that I'll have some great stories to tell.

We had a MOMS Club meeting today where Logan had the bejesus scared out of him. A new member joined & her older toddler son (3 years old?) is quite a screamer. He screamed in Logan's ear on more than one occasion. Logan cried a whole lot. He's not used to someone screaming a high pitched, blood curling scream at all, let alone in his ear. He didn't want to get off my lap to play with his friends Little L & Little N. I felt bad for him. So we sat by our friend Little N & his mom the whole time. Which is fine, we like them a lot.

I was telling Little N's mom about the date night swap that Little L's mom & I were doing (OK, this is sounding confusing). She thought it sounded great & offered to swap a night too. So now I have two friends that are nice & their kids are great & they will babysit for free. This is awesome.

Again! Again! Again!
I'm living my life on repeat now that Logan is a toddler. The only thing that we do over & over & over & over & over again is reading some of his favorite books.

All of Logan's toys & cardboard books are in the living room. I usually sit on the floor & read a book (my own book) while he runs around in circles or tries to find some kind of trouble to get into. When he gets tired of playing by himself, he'll pick up puzzles, toys or books, bring them to me & set them down on my lap.

He has a few favorite books that I now know by memory (which is a freakin' miracle considering how terrible my memory is). We read Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, Monkey Around With Chimp And Zee, & One Bear, One Dog. Granted, we read ALL of his books more than once a day, but these three are on the top of his list. His first choices. His obsessions.

It used to be really cute reading the same book over & over again. Now it's not fun. Especially since I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to see the same movie twice. Or read a book more than once.

But, I do it for him. Just because he can't read by himself yet. And I love him.

Our first "date" as parents
Last night Bill & I went out on our first date since becoming parents. It was long overdue. We had a really great time eating delicious food & having a conversation that didn't include kids or work.

I had arranged a Valentines Day babysitting swap with another Mom in MOMS Club. She & her daughter are at playgroup every week & Logan knows them & is comfortable with them. We dropped Logan off at their house. It took him about 5 minutes to get comfortable while all of us parents chatted. As soon as he saw all of the toys, he couldn't care less about us leaving. We left with Logan distracted & not having an earth shattering meltdown.

Bill & I went to a nice Italian place that had been recommended by a whole lot of people. I had a glass of wine with my lobster ravioli & Bill raved about his stuffed manicotti. It was great. I told him about some of the questions in yesterday's post. It turns out that if we were to travel outside of the US, he would rather go to Japan than anywhere in Europe. Then we tried to count all of the celebrities that we've met.

"Let's see...There was John Stewart at the Rain Forest Cafe, Ice T at the House of Blues, Jay Z at the Hard Rock, Rosie O'Donnell at Rain at the Palms, Oh & don't you remember shoulder checking LeAnn Rimes?", Bill asked me.

"What!? I did What?! No, I don't remember that at all. Are you sure I did that? I shoulder checked her. Really???!!!", I gasped almost spitting out my ravioli.

"Obviously you don't remember, but yeah. You shoulder checked her at the Hard Rock. We were walking between Mr. Lucky's & the hallway to the parking garage. It was pretty funny".

I have absolutely no recollection of this at all. Otherwise I would've posted about that instead of meeting John Stewart. I told Bill that he better be prepared to take care of me when I have alzheimer's, because I clearly don't remember the majority of my life. "That's OK. I remember for you", he said.

I also told him that with shoulder checking a celebrity, getting in trouble with the police in my early teens & living a mostly illegal life in my early 20's, I sound like a complete criminal. That made him laugh, which made me feel better. I guess if I was a hoodlum, he wouldn't think it's funny.

After having a good laugh & getting completely stuffed, we didn't have room for desert. We decided to go pick something up to take home. We were going to walk around downtown, but it was way too cold. So, we picked up some sweet treats & left to go pick up Logan.

We got to their house & I turned to Bill, "I don't hear any screaming. That must be a good thing". We knocked on the door & my friend answered. We stood in the entryway talking about how they all had a good time. After a while, Logan came walking around the corner with a ball in his hands. It was really cute to see the look on his face when he saw us there.

Apparently, Logan didn't know that we were gone for about five minutes after we left. Then he was confused & started looking for us around the house. He played with his friends toys & they fought over a ball. It looks like we need to start learning about sharing. They had dinner & my friend was surprised at how much he eats. I think she said that he ate a half of a cup of vegetables (which kind of sounds light compared to some times at home). She said that he was really good & really quiet, but the two kids play very well together. I was ecstatic to hear that everything went so well. Logan's first babysitting experience was a success!

We said our good bye's & many, many thank you's & we drove home with Logan falling asleep in the car. I got Logan to bed, then Bill & I stayed up late to eat out dessert & drink a couple of martini's. We had a lot of fun winding down, talking about what a great night it was.

We're definitely going to make sure we go out & have a date night at least once a month. I can't believe it took us this long to make it happen.

Getting to know me, Getting to know all about me....
Thanks to Lizzy, this may be more than you want to know about me. I'm all for it though, because it's great entertainment!

1. Are your parents married or divorced?

Divorced. When I was 8. It was a very traumatic experience. Mom remarried someone that I refer to as "Satan". More traumatic experiences followed.

2. Are you a vegetarian?

I was in high school for a period of time. It started out by not eating pork (another story for another day). Then I only ate fish, no other proteins, even dairy. I lost 30 lbs in two months.

Now, I eat it all. I actually had a pork chop last night for the first time in 12 years.

3. Do you believe in Heaven?

Yes & No. I don't believe in a sunny, happy place where we're all jumping around on clouds. But, I don't believe our existence stops at death. The First Law of Thermodynamics, which I actually use in personal training, fits very well here. Energy can be changed from one form to another, but it cannot be created or destroyed.

4. Have you ever come close to dying?

This is where I might contradict myself with the last question. I wasn't at deaths door, but when I was in 6th grade, our family was involved in a roll over car accident. I was sleeping on the back seat in our mini van, not wearing my seat belt. Seconds before we rolled, I woke up with something or someone telling me to put my seatbelt on. I did, we rolled & I was fine. Bruised, but fine. We all walked away from that one. I have a feeling that if I didn't listen to that "voice", I wouldn't have walked away.

5. What jewelry do you wear 24/7?

My wedding ring & diamond stud earrings that Bill got for me for Christmas many years ago.

6. Favorite time of day?

Hmmm, it's a toss up between nap time, where I get a few moments to myself & playtime when Logan is laughing & we're chasing each other around the living room.

7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?

Yeah.

8. Do you wear makeup?

In my pre-mommy days, I would never leave the house without it. I used to get complements on it all the time. At one point, I thought it would be cool to look into being a makeup artist. Now, I wear it when we go out but if I'm in a rush, I'll leave without it. It's not that important anymore.

9. Ever have plastic surgery?

No, but I think about it. I'm not sure if I would ever go through with it though.

10. If you did have plastic surgery, what you you do?

Ummm, augmentation & rhinoplasty.

11. What do you wear to bed?

A shirt & yoga pants, which used to be my workout pants. Yeah, I'm really working them out now.

12. Have you ever done anything illegal?

My life from the age of 19 to 25 was illegal. Actually, maybe longer than that. But once I found out that Logan was on his way, I walk the straight & narrow.

13. Can you roll your tongue?

Yes.

14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows?

Yes, but not a whole lot. Just a few strays.

15. What kind of sneakers?

New Balance. They are great workout shoes, even though I really like Nike. They have better style, but terrible performance & fit.

16. Do you believe in abortions?

Believe? This sounds strange. But I'm pro-choice. Even after becoming a mother.

17. What is your hair color?

Brunette.

18. Future child’s name?

I have no clue. Bill & I are still on the fence as to whether or not Logan is going to be an only.

19. Do you snore?

Yes. But not louder than Bill or Buddha.

20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?

I'm actually afraid of international travel (I know I sound really ignorant). Bill wants to go to Europe someday. If he made plans, I would get over my fear & have a good time.

21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

No, but Kitty makes for a great bedtime cuddle.

22. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?

Sit on it & brainstorm for a while. I want to make sure we spend it wisely!

23. Gold or silver?

Silver. I really don't like gold, unless it's white gold.

24. Hamburger or hot dog?

Hamburger. Bill makes a kick-butt burger too!

25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Sushi.

26. City, beach or country?

Country. I often think about how cool it would be to have our own little farm.

27. What was the last thing you touched?

Cheese that I cut up for Logan's lunch

28. Where did you eat last?

Seeing as though it's lunch time & all I've had today was a cup of coffee, it would be dinner in the living room while watching CSI.

29. When’s the last time you cried?

Yesterday morning, but everything is cool now.

30. Do you read blogs?

I think I'm close to addiction!

31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?

Half the time, I already feel like I do.

32. Ever been involved with the police?

I'm going to be honest here. Twice. Once when I was 12 & then again when I was 15. The second time the cop felt bad for me & let me sit in the front seat. And these aren't times that I've been pulled over for speeding either. I don't think I've ever told Bill about these instances, so I might have some explaining to do.

33. What’s your favorite shampoo conditioner and soap?

Well, when we had more money to spend on the good stuff; I loved MOP & Alterna products

34. Do you talk in your sleep?

Not that I know of & Bill doesn't seem to notice

35. Ocean or pool?

To enjoy the surroundings, ocean. To get in the water, pool

36. Sauna or whirlpool

Whirlpool, all the way. Even though I take showers hot enough to make our bathroom a sauna.

37. Starbucks or Krispy Kreme

You're serious? I have to choose? Man, this is a tough one. I want both, but I've gotta have my daily coffee over a yummy donut any day.

38. Window seat or aisle?

Window. Aisle seats are beyond boring.

39. Ever met anyone famous?

I lived in Vegas for quite a while, so I met famous people often. One of the more famous people was John Stewart at the MGM. Bill was so excited about it too.

40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?

Well, my life isn't over yet, so there's still time to make it happen. I have learned a lot of life lessons though & that is success to me.

41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?

Twirl & shovel it in my mouth like I'm starving. I love, love, love spaghetti!

42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?

Ricki is trash. Oprah is on my DVR schedule, every single day. Along with Dr. Phil (guilty pleasure)

43. Basketball or Football?

Basketball, even though our house is practically a sports free zone.

44. How long do your showers last?

30 minutes. If I'm lucky & we have an endless amount of hot water, I could stay in there for hours. The shower is one of my favorite places to be.

45. Automatic or do you drive a stick?

Automatic. My freshman year, a few friends tried to teach me how to drive stick. I never learned. Just like water skiing.

46. Cake or ice cream?

Ice cream!!!!!!

47. Are you self-conscious?

Yep

48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up?

Yes, but not very many times. The last time I binged was my 24th birthday, where I don't have a clue as to how much I drank. That was the first & last time I've ever blacked out & threw up in my sleep. Gross, I know.


49. Have you ever given money to a beggar?

Not on the street. Bill's childhood friend who lived in San Fran made mad money by pan handling. He had money & a job too.

50. Have you been in love?

Oh yeah. Especially now more than ever.

51. Where do you wish you were?

Hmmm. Hiking somewhere in the late spring, early fall? OH! I wish we were living in Oregon again too.

52. Are you wearing socks?

I'm never without them (unless it's tacky). At home, it's always my white gym socks. And no, they don't go up to my knee, thank you. Ankles only.

53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?

Thank God, no

54. Can you tango?

Nope & I would laugh at myself if I tried.

55. Last gift you received?

I'm not sure. Flowers from Bill? Presents from Christmas? I don't remember.

56. Last sport you played?

Disc Golf. I suck at it too.

57. Things you spend a lot of money on?

Food & household items. I'm trying to budget better. It's not working very well.

58. Where do you live?

In a house that I can't wait to move out of

59. Where were you born?

Where they have "The Greatest Snow on Earth"

60. Last wedding attended?

A couple of friends we hung out with in Vegas. This was years ago & there is a pretty funny joke from that day that I'll never forget. I would tell it, but it's not blog appropriate.

62. Favorite position?

At first, my reaction was "EWWW! My family reads this!" So, I'm going with my favorite yoga position...the plank pose.

63. Most hated food(s)?

Bell Peppers. YUCK!

64. Most hated soda pop

Tied between grape & cherry

65. Can you sing?

Some people say yes. I'm no American Idol though.

66. Last person you instant messaged?

Bill last night at work to ask him a question

67. Last place you went on holiday?

Portland to visit my sisters & new baby M over Thanksgiving. It was a lot of fun.

68. Favorite regular drink?

Coffee & water

69. Current Song?

I'm not really fixated on anything right now, but not too long ago I was all about Rocco DeLuca & The Burden, I trust you to kill me

70. Tag 3 friends

Jezer, because her husband asked if she got kicked out of blogging.
Jake, because he always has some interesting answers (Angela Lansbury!)
Kayce, if she's feeling up to it. She hasn't been feeling well & I thought this might be a fun way to distract her.

12 month check-up
This morning we went to Logan's One Year check up. He measured 28 3/4 inches long (20%), weighed 20.4 lbs (16%) & his head circumference is 17 3/4 (12%). The nurse said that he looks great & is very healthy, even after he peed on the table three times in the process of getting measured. A whole lot of it too.

We talked about his nutrition, drinking whole milk (which he's been doing for a couple of weeks now), sleeping patterns & his activity. Everyone was really surprised that he's walking. The only thing that he's "behind" on is language development. They're not worried at all because there's such a big learning curve for the timing of development. I'm not really worried about it either.

We talked about ear infections because he's been tugging at them a little more than usual & he seemed a little warm on Monday. They checked out clear. They checked his blood to see if he was anemic. He's not. I asked about when we should take him to the dentist for the first time. I was glad to know that we won't have to think about it for a couple of years.

I also had questions about Type 1 Diabetes. Not that I think Logan has developed it, but what to look out for if he does. The kid drinks water like a camel & has the diaper changes to prove it. His weight loss at his last appointment made me start to wonder. Development of Type 1 at this age is pretty rare, but apparently you know without a doubt when your kiddo is that sick.

Bill had questions about when to switch to a forward facing car seat. Logan meets the age, height & weight requirements now, but he's still happy to be rear facing. In this conversation, we decided that he's going to stay rear facing until he starts to complain about it, or until it begins to look really awkward. It's safer & why change it if he likes it the way it is?

Then we talked about his vaccinations.

Bill & I are still on opposite ends of the spectrum in our philosophy. He wants to do the combos & all, in spite of Logan's history of reactions. I would rather not vaccinate him any further. But, we continue with our compromise of doing single dose shots. Logan ends up getting one or two shots at the most.

The nurse we had this visit was very understanding, compared to the nurse last visit who made it seem like I was making up Logan's reaction. I told her how I felt & what we were comfortable with. She said that she read his chart (which the previous nurse did not have prior to our visit) & totally agreed with our plan of action.

We decided not to give him an MMR. He ended up getting two shots, one in each leg (we left his records of what he got at the office). These were vaccinations that he had before, so I felt better about what kind of reaction he would have. The only difference was that these were combos. The last set of shots produced a mild reaction that we could deal with, compared to the pertussis shot that sent him into his semi-coma. He was brave & only cried for a little bit. We check out & decided to go out for breakfast.

We ate a a place that was just around the corner from the children's clinic. We had a great time at breakfast, talking about how lucky we are to have such an easy going, healthy boy. Logan charmed everyone around us by his fabulous behavior & cute smile. After we finished, Bill left to pay up front while I got Logan cleaned up.

I noticed Logan's face turning a blotchy red with a little swelling. Bill came back & I asked him, "Look at Logan's face. Do you think these are hives?" Bill looked. "Yeah, I think those are hives". As we sat there studying Logan's face, we could see the hives growing bigger & turning into little pustules. "Holy freaking crap! Is he having a reaction!? Jesus! Well, lets drive back to the clinic & have him checked out", I told Bill.

We drove back around the corner & walked into the clinic. I told the receptionist at the front desk that he just had his shots today & is now breaking out into hives. The nurse that we had just seen not more than an hour ago came back to get us. She checked Logan out. He sounded good & the hives weren't blocking his airway. She asked what he ate for breakfast. Crackers, eggs, toast, a little bit of sausage & potatoes. He's had them all before, many times. And he's never had a reaction like this before.

She said that she didn't exactly know what was causing this, but there was a possibility of it being another reaction to his vaccinations. Because of Logan's history, she said that we should see a pediatric allergist. She mentioned the name of a Doctor who specializes in this field & said that their insurance department would get the referral together & give us a call. In the mean time, they gave Logan Benadryl & told us that if anything got worse, call the clinic.

We left with Logan feeling well, but looking off. He sang in the car for about two minutes & then passed out. We got home & I put him to bed where he slept for three and a half hours. I constantly checked on him to make sure his face wasn't swelling anymore. It was actually starting to look a little better. When he woke up, he was fine. His face was back to normal & he ate goldfish crackers. I decided that he was well enough to go to play group. He had a great time & is now passed out again.

I'm glad everything is back to normal, because my biggest complaint about vaccinations is that you can't take them out & there's not a treatment plan for adverse effects. Because Logan has had multiple reactions varying from sever to mild to moderate, I think we're now starting to believe that those will be his last set of vaccinations. I'm finished playing Russian Roulette with my son's health.

Feeling a little angry
This has been stirring inside me for about a week. Since Logan's birthday, to be exact. I've tried to process it, but I guess I just need to vent & get it out to feel better about it.

And what do I end up venting about the most? Dealing with Bill's family.

I'm angry with the choices they've made. I'm angry that they cut me out of the family & in doing so, have been missing out on special events in Logans life. They chose to miss out on his first Christmas because Bill & I were not keen on the idea of all of them celebrating at Aunt Ju-Ju's house while leaving me home alone. I still can't believe they expected that to happen.

I'm angry that because we won't be divided, they chose to miss out on Logan's first birthday. I started to feel this way when we received Logan's birthday card from Bill's parents. Grandma L wrote something very simple, but it touched a nerve with me. She mentioned how she wished they could be here to celebrate his birthday with him. My initial thought was "You could have been here to celebrate with us, but you made the CHOICE to not be involved with our family if I was going to be around!"

I have the same feelings with Aunt Ju-Ju's choice. They live 10 minutes away. We could have had a fun family day getting ice cream together. They could have been here to see Logan throw his birthday cake around. Logan could have been poking & prodding at his cousin. They could have been here with us as a family, but they made the choice that they did & these are the consequences.

Bill & I have been starting to plan a night out for Valentine's Day. When we moved to our new town, we were excited that Aunt Ju-Ju & Uncle J could have the opportunity to babysit Logan. Because of their choices, Logan will have fun (hopefully) hanging out with one of the moms that I've become friends with at MOMS Club instead.

Even though Logan isn't really "talking" yet, I still put him on the phone when I talk to my family. He has a great time listening to them say hi & asking him what he's been doing. It's really cute. Bill's family misses out on this because they only call him when he's at work, not at home...where I am.

I'm beginning to wonder how they all sleep at night knowing that they're missing out on so much.

But, this is the result of their decisions. The only way it will change is if they change. It might happen some day. It might not. I'm still angry about it though.

The Conclusion Of The Birthday Extravaganza

All of Logans birthday celebrations are finally over. We had so much fun extending his birthday until the weekend so we could enjoy it together as a family.

Saturday morning I made Logans birthday cake. It was a healthy recipe for an apple cake. It was more like an apple bread, but it was still pretty good. I made a sugar free cream cheese frosting too. The cake looked horrible after I tried to decorate it. I was trying to make it look like the rocket on The Little Einsteins. Yeah, that didn't work out at all. Therefore, there won't be any pictures of the cake itself. I was just glad this was his first cake that was going to get demolished, so it really didn't matter what it looked like.

We spent Saturday afternoon downtown. It was freezing cold. We bought Logan a baby sized disc so he can learn to play disc golf like his Dad. He loves it! Then we made our way over to Ben & Jerry's for Logan's first ice cream. I got him a little cup of vanilla. The kid loves that too! Gee, who knew that kids liked ice cream so much. He had a great time eating his ice cream & playing in the little car again. He kept turning the steering wheel & making friends with everyone in the store.

This is a picture of his first trip to Benn & Jerry's this summer. He was 7 months old. The difference in size is incredible!

The rest of the day wore us out & we didn't have any energy for birthday cake. We decided to save it for Sunday. Bill went to work that afternoon. He was going to come home for lunch & we would eat cake then. But Logan was exhausted & took a four hour nap. Apparently running around in circles while screaming wears a kid out. He was ready to go when Bill came home that night though.

We stripped him down to his diaper & let him run around in circles some more. Then I had to catch him to put him in his high chair. We sang him "Happy Birthday" & Bill helped him blow out his candle. Then the Little Man went to town on that cake. He had such a great time. He wasn't a fan of the frosting (I don't blame him), but he loved the cake. He was also very nice, making sure to share with his Dad, handing him handfuls to eat out of his hand. He also made sure to share with Kitty & Buddha, throwing cake on the floor for them.
After he got full, Bill took him straight into the bath while I spent the following hour cleaning the kitchen floor. Logan was on a combination of a four hour nap & birthday cake sugar high & didn't go to bed until after 10 pm. It was the perfect ending to the best first birthday a little boy could ask for (if he could talk).

I need a makeover
I need this in so many ways. Recently I've been feeling like a frumpy house wife. Honestly, I know that it being winter has a lot to do with it. Logan & I have been getting out for playgroups every week (almost), but when it's zero degrees (like it is right now), I don't want to get out of my pajamas.

So, I don't get out of my pajamas & neither does Logan. Unless he gets food all over them, which he usually does. Then the days that we do get showered & dressed, I feel like I have nothing to wear. I throw clothes out of drawers & off of hangers searching for something warm & "not frumpy". I can still fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but they don't fit me. I bought those clothes when I had a six pack (or close to it) & if I was flashing my stomach...big deal. I worked hard for it & short shirts were fun to wear.

Not anymore. It really feels ridiculous, out of place & it's just not me. When did I become so conservative? I wear layers now. I always wear some kind of undershirt, usually a white tank that is long enough to cover any skin if I raise my arms & the shorter top layer rises up. For those of you who are LDS or have LDS family, I feel like I'm wearing garments. Garments!!!! By my own choice!!!!!

I know my overindulgence in the holiday baking has a lot to do with it. Bill & I have had cupcakes for breakfast the last two days. That accompanied by not leaving the house & not exercising, well, Thank God I still fit into my clothes.

Then there's my hair. I need to get it cut. Logan was three months old the last time I stepped foot into a salon. I'm back to the daily pony tail.

And then, my glasses. When we moved, I ran out of contacts & never got another supply. Now I need to get another exam. My glasses are old as dirt too. While I like the librarian style, it's time for an updated look.

I need to get into the dentist too. My daily morning coffee has done wonders for the stained teeth look. Yeah, gorgeous.

Wow. I sound like a total mess. Pajamas, out of shape, pony tail, glasses & coffee stained teeth. It's amazing that Bill's still married to me. Have I really let myself go?

For a while, Bill & I have been talking about me going back to work. Before he got his promotion, it was because I had to do it for our family. Now there's less pressure & I don't have to make "X" amount & it will be nice to have some extra money. This will solve some issues; going out & getting clothes that I like that suite my lifestyle, having some cash for the salon, teeth whitening & some new glasses/contacts & it gets my big butt back into shape again.

Bill is coming home today with his new work schedule. Then I'm going to figure out when I can get into the gym. I'm giving myself a month to get back into shape before I start training again. I've lost 30 pounds in two months before ( I was at 30% body fat. I'm probably right back there again) & I've also gained 10 pounds of muscle in one month too (I was at 17% body fat. Don't know if I want to go there again). 30 days is plenty of time to get back into "fighting shape". It also gives me some time to scope out the gym & start finding potential clients.

Logan is a year old & we are starting to wean from breast feeding. He's down to nursing at breakfast & dinner. Once he's completely weaned, I'll start taking my supplements again. That's when I'll do a detox fast as well. I used to do one every spring. Kind of like a spring cleaning for the body. It looks like I'm right on schedule.

You know what else needs a makeover? This blog. I guess since I'm going back to work, even if it is part time, am I still qualified to call myself a stay at home mom? I've been looking for different templates, but haven't found one that I like. If I don't find anything, I'll probably just add "The Toddler Edition" to the title. No worries though, it won't be password protected & I'm not going to change the URL. Any suggestions or opinions would be cool.

Holy crap, this is one crazy post.

The day after
Logan's first birthday was a lot of fun. I made the cupcakes & frosting in the morning while he ate breakfast. The whole time that I was frosting & adding sprinkles, Logan was screaming & yelling at the top of his lungs, just for fun. It was pretty funny.

We went to playgroup where he stood around watching his friends play for a while. One of his friends had Nilla Waffers. Logan was really interested in those & followed his friend around the whole time. We gave Logan one & he didn't eat it. He just carried it around with him wherever he went. I laughed about it being his security cookie. Eventually, he tried to feed it to a doll that one of the girls was playing with.

Everyone loved the cupcakes. I made a dozen vanilla & a dozen chocolate. There were very easy to make & I was really surprised that they turned out so good (not to brag, or anything). Logan & I shared a chocolate one. I think he inherited my chocolate addiction because he was all over this cupcake! He smiled a big chocolate smile after every bite. It was adorable.

One of the moms bought Logan a balloon for his birthday. This has to be the best present in the whole world for a one year old. When we got home, he ran around the house, bopping it up & down for a really long time. It was even his first choice toy this morning.

The night before, Bill asked if we could celebrate Logan's birthday on Saturday. He's been working really hard & has been getting home late almost every night. I'm going to make Logan's cake on Saturday morning, we'll take him out for an ice cream cone, go out for dinner & take a ton of pictures. Lucky little boy, he gets two birthdays in one week!