Breast milk is the fertilizer to my growing weed.
Logan is growing at a rapid pace. He had consistently leaky diapers for the last few days, so we bumped him up a size, to size 1. They look so big on him, but no more leaks. Man, up a size already. We decided to introduce the bottle to him this weekend too. I wanted to have a glass of wine with dinner & we didn't want to wait too long to start bottle feeding. I pumped on Saturday night & it didn't work out so well. I only got a 1/2 oz. I was having some letdown issues. So, no wine with dinner that night. After doing a little research on Baby Center, I tried again on Sunday night. It was much better. I got about 4 oz. that time. Not only did I have to be relaxed & comfortable, but to help letdown I had to think about Logan the whole time. Not that I don't think about him all of the time anyway, but it was a little strange. Bill fed him & it went well. No rejection from Logan & Bill made it look really easy. It was cute to see him with Logan like that. I'm really happy that Bill could be the first person to feed him.

These two events made me a little sad though. With Logan going up a size in diapers, it made me realize that he's not going to be little for long. The newborn stage is such a short period of time! However, the bottle feeding was a little more sad. It was a step towards less dependance on me. It will be nice to not worry about getting home at a certain time if we go out for dinner or if I want to sleep in on the weekend, Bill can take over, but I view breast feeding as a special time for us. It's an incredible bonding experience that only the two of us share. Now I'm giving a part of that up.

My big fear is now when family members come over, they'll demand that I pump so they can feed him...the whole time they're there. This goes along the same lines as the "crazy over protective" feeling. When they were here before, I hardly held Logan at all. He was taken hostage & I only got him when it was time for him to eat. I'm afraid that I won't even have that time now. I'm afraid that I'll be totally pushed away, completely out of the picture. I'm imagining a complete take over. I get the feeling of "What do we need you for now"? I know I'm being irrational, but if this does happen, I will have a freak out. I won't hold back on this one like I have in the past. The hard part is, this is the first of many steps towards independence for Logan. I'm going to have to face these feelings time & time again for many years. I don't think it's going to get any easier either.