So, the family weekend visit.
It was so emotionally draining. The anxiety of knowing that Bill had called his mom to tell her what I was feeling & then having to "talk" about it with everyone killed me. I'm still kind of upset at Bill for doing that, but what am I going to do now. What's done is done.

Bill's mom & his sister (who is 13 weeks pregnant) got in late on Thursday night at about 10 or so. His sister had an OB appointment earlier that day with an ultrasound. She has had 2 previous miscarriages & everyone is on pins & needles with this pregnancy. She was getting the ultrasound to measure for Downs Syndrome & blood tests for other genetical defects. During my pregnancy, we decided not to do these tests because it is what is it. I would never think about aborting just because things "weren't right". Bill's mom told us later that night that his sister's now common-law husband might be thinking differently. My jaw hit the floor. No freakin way. I know that his sister would never let that happen though. They were very tired & drained from the ultrasound because the technician told them that she has a subchorionic hematoma. This ultrasound was done at a different clinic, so she is waiting for them to compare the results to see if it's getting bigger. If it is, this pregnancy could be compromised as well. So, needless to say, we didn't talk that night.

Friday we drove to the outlet mall to get Bill's sister some maternity clothes & Logan some summer shorts. It was a great day to shop. We had lunch, bought cute clothes & didn't "talk". We dropped Bill's sister off back at our place after shopping because she was exhausted (I don't miss that part of pregnancy at all) & his mom & I went to get a few more things for Logan. Again, we didn't talk about it. Later that night when Bill got home, he & I went out for dinner leaving Logan with Grandma. It was strange not to have Logan with us, but I didn't freak out about it. I asked Bill if his mom had said anything about us "not talking". He said no. I then explained to him why I wasn't jumping at the chance. We had a good conversation & I got a few things off of my chest.

Sunday it rained so we stayed in all day. There was plenty of time to "talk", but we didn't. Well, we did, but not about how I felt about her visit. We talked about me sending a birth announcement & pictures of Logan to my dad, when we haven't talked in almost 7 years. I was pretty emotional about that. Then she asked if we (or I, really) remembered life before Logan. Again, I was emotional. She also asked about discipline. I was sitting at the computer with Logan on my lap...asleep & that was the Baby Center topic that was up on the screen. Yet again, I was emotional about it, telling her how we were disciplined at home (it wasn't good). So there was a lot of crying, but not about what we planned on "crying" about. She left that night, without us talking. So while Bill drover her to the airport, I emailed her a lengthy email telling her why I wasn't talking & explaining all of my feelings. It was a lot easier to do it this way. She emailed back, so now it's all cleared up.

Overall the visit was much better than the last few. She knew how I felt (because of Bill) & Logan wasn't a Grandma hostage. I was never told to "take a break" & my biggest fear of being told to pump so they could feed him, never happened. I could tell that she was really watching herself. She made sure that I was holding him often, never taking him away from me. Yet, she had plenty of one on one Grandma time. She said over & over what a happy baby Logan is & how much he loves his mom & what a great job I was doing. She also complimented me on how nice the house looked, which I really appreciated because it took so much effort. Silly, but it meant a lot to me. She's planning on coming back at the end of May for Memorial Day weekend. This time, there won't be any anxiety or crying (maybe, depends on what we talk about). I'm looking forward to a visit that won't be so draining.