Today is the day the family gets here.
I have a huge pit in my stomach. Bill & I had a conversation about 3 weeks ago about my feelings when his family is here. I told him that I don't want to be told to go take a nap or get out of the house to "get a break" & I don't want to feel like Logan has been taken hostage. These are difficult feelings for me because I know their intentions are good. I know that they are just really excited to see Logan because he is the first grand child in the family & they live so far a way. I feel horrible for feeling like this.

In our conversation, Bill said that I needed to call his mom & talk to her. At the time, it sounded like a good idea. "Be proactive instead of reactive", as Bill says. Then the weeks go by & I start thinking that this conversation is not going to be a good one. It's not nice to say, "I'm having a lot of anxiety about your visit". There's just no nice way of saying it & I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. So in my usual nature, I keep procrastinating. Last night while on the phone with Bill, I told him that I would need his help with Logan if he was still up so I could finish cleaning the house. "Just have my mom do it when she gets here. You know she would". "Yeah, but the last thing she's going to want to do is our house cleaning. She's going to want to hold Logan the whole time anyway. That's why she's coming". Then Bill reminded, or rather told me to make the call to her. After a heated discussion, Bill made a call to her later that night. He told me about it this morning & as I was eating breakfast & checking my email, I opened one from her about having a talk when she gets here tonight.

I know it's going to be a good conversation, even though it's a difficult topic. And I know that it's going to be better in the long run, because ultimately I won't keep feeling like a total shmuck. I just hate being in these situations. But hey, at least we'll be talking in a spotless house.