Butterflies in my stomach
I'm trying to overcome a pretty big fear of mine right now. The fear of putting myself out there & getting rejected. I'm sending in my application to join a Mom's group.

What's strange is that when I was working, I was the most outgoing, social person in the gym. I had no problem starting a conversation & my clients worked with me for months. In fact, most of my clients were long term clients. I've changed quite a bit since staying at home.

I was always careful with whom I chose as friends outside of work. I don't know if I would call myself a snob, or just being selective. I don't know if it's because I have a hard time trusting people, or if I learned to be careful because of the kinds of people I've met throughout the years (Vegas was quite interesting in that respect). Everywhere Bill & I have lived, we seem to make one or two really great friends that we stay in touch with. I can count on one hand all of our very good friends.

I've wanted to join a Moms group mainly for Logan. To have a group of kids to play with & activities to get us out of the house so he can experience more in life. Now it's more for the two of us.

I have been going crazy (or have already been crazy) since Logan has been born. Isolation & the life change to being a stay at home mom or post-partum depression? I don't know, maybe both. It's been a little frustrating to say the least. Bill really has no clue how I feel. I think it may be impossible for men to understand women anyway. But that's the root right there. I feel very misunderstood.

So, while Logan gets to see & play with other kids, I'm going to meet other stay at home moms who understand. Women who understand what it's like to be at your ropes end when your baby has been whiny all day long. Who understand what it's like to be sleep deprived. Who understand the emotional changes that happen when you become a Mother.

It's a little scary & very different for me. Throughout my life, most of my friends have been guys. I have had some amazing girlfriends that I still keep in touch with, but the guys outnumber the girls. It's just the way it's been. Now, I can't relate to men at all. It's like they are aliens from another planet. Bill included.

The next meeting isn't until October 10th. I can go to the meeting without having to join, just to see if it's something I would be interested in doing. Or, if I want, I could send in my application with my membership fee (I had no idea that you had to pass a screening test & pay...interesting) & start going to the activities that are scheduled for this month. I haven't decided on what I'm going to do. Either way, I'm a little nervous.