Meeting Gramps for the first time.
Hmmm. It's hard to put today into words, because really, it's hard to sort out the feelings. My Dad & his long time girlfriend (wife, my step-mom?) got into town a couple hours earlier than expected. Apparently he was really excited to get here. I spent my morning cleaning the house & didn't have time to jump in the shower when they called saying they were in town.

Logan was taking his morning nap when he called but woke up shortly after I hung up. I held him & paced back & forth from the kitchen to the living room, all the while singing "I'm a little tea cup" to him. I kept compulsively looking out the front window to see if they were there. If any neighbors saw me peeking out, they probably think I'm a crazy person now. It was comforting to hold Logan while doing this. He was almost like a security blanket for me. I thought about this as I was pacing, thinking "How strange. I'm usually the one being clung onto".

They pulled up in a little car. I didn't recognize my Dad at all when he stepped out. He is much bigger than I remember. Then as they walked up to the front door, the first thing I thought of was how much he looks like my Grandma Nancy. It was weird.

I hugged him saying that it was good to see him again & hugged "D" too. She's been with my Dad for years. I remember her when us girls would spend time at Dads house after the divorce. As I handed Logan over to meet Gramps, it wasn't like what I expected. Well, frankly, I didn't know what to expect. But it wasn't like some fantasy family reunion with tears of joy. Again much like last night, there wasn't much emotion. The distance was still there.

Logan was great though. He was due to eat lunch & usually if he doesn't eat as scheduled, he's very grumpy. He hung out with Gramps, pulling on his long goatee & playing with his wallet & cell phone. He was content to hold off on lunch for another half hour.

While feeding Logan lunch, we talked about a bunch of stuff. What he does for work, the town they live in & a little bit about genealogy. This struck me as odd. I told him about one of my sisters wanting to look into our family history a bit. Apparently, this is a pretty big interest for him. He told me about some things he's looked into & who's buried where. The reason I thought this was odd...genealogy is an interest of mine as well. It started out as something that "needed" to be done for church & ended up just being interesting. So much that Bill makes fun of me when I want to look at historical "pioneer" stuff all of the time. I guess it runs in my genes.

After a couple of hours of hanging out, Bill came home from work & I jumped in the shower. I got ready, we went out for lunch & then Target. Gramps wanted to buy Logan a walker. Logan likes it a lot. He really doesn't run around in it yet, but he's fascinated with the toys on the toy tray.

I never poked & prodded for answers in our conversations this afternoon. I told him that we went though some hard times as kids after the divorce & how I will never talk to my mom again. Ever. I asked him if he remembered us girls getting our teeth in. He didn't. That told me right there that he probably wouldn't remember much. He told me about how he really tried to stay in contact with us as kids, but my mom always blocked him. During their drinking days he would be drunk, crying about how much he wanted to see his girls. He explained that the reason he couldn't make it to the wedding was because he was flat broke at the time.

Tomorrow we're spending the day together again. I think we'll go to the park & just play it by ear. I'll probably have questions for him tomorrow, but I'm not sure what I'll ask.