The mending of a relationship.
I talked to my dad today. It's been a little over 7 years since we've talked. He's been a part of my past that I've wanted to run away (& stay away) from, but with recent decisions to move forward & resolve the pain from the past, it was time to make the call.
He has sent christmas & birthday cards wanting to rebuild our relationship. I've always brushed them off, not wanting to forgive him. Becoming a mother sheds new light & deeper feeling of how I was treated in my childhood. However, my dad is about 30-40% of that pain, while my mom is the other 70-80%.
My dad has dealt with depression, alcoholism & drug abuse. When my mom was at work & he was "taking care" of us girls, we were locked in our rooms so he could get high & drunk. When I was 8, my parents divorced & he abandoned us. We saw him a handful of times after the divorce, but that was about it. Then he just disappeared. It was tough growing up & thinking that I didn't have a dad. I'm not sure how much of a part my mom played in this either.
I didn't see him again for 8 years. He came back because it was my grandma Nancys' dying wish to have the family whole again. We were in contact again for a while until I invited him to the wedding. He said he couldn't make it & disappeared again. This time I shrugged my shoulders & had a "whatever" kind of attitude. This wasn't new & quite frankly, I expected it to happen.
My two younger sisters have been talking to him for a while now. I always thought they were setting themselves up to get hurt again. As time went by, he was still around. When we were sending out the birth announcements, I decided to send him one. I didn't want to keep Logan from his grandpa, who was trying to make an effort to be a part of our lives. Since then, I've sent pictures every month or so. The last card my dad sent, he wanted me to call him. I've procrastinated on this for the last three weeks, making up excuses to myself on why I couldn't do it right now. Too much stress, blah, blah, blah...
I called him this past weekend, but he wasn't home. I was going to try again on Saturday, but he saw my number on his caller ID & called me back this afternoon. It was a short call. He told me what he was doing for work, what he & his wife (I guess my step-mom) do on the weekends & asked how much Logan gets to see Bills parents. Then he asked if Logan has seen my mom yet. I told him how I haven't talked to her since the year 2000 or so & no matter what effort I make to get over the past, I probably won't ever talk to her again. The call got a little emotional after that (which is probably why I've been procrastinating on it).
After a brief recap of the past 7 years, he mentioned that he had some vacation time over Labor Day weekend & asked if he could visit & see Logan. I said it would be ok, since we didn't have any plans & told him that we would talk again this weekend.
I can't say that I feel any better than I did before the call, but I know it's going to take time. It was a short call & there are a lot of things that we need to talk about & resolve. I'm glad we have a couple of months to work on things before his visit.
Our Roots
- Kristin
- Colorado
- I married my soul mate 10 years ago. We got married very young & we are very thankful that we did despite what other opinions may have been. It gave us a chance to grow up together & learn how to ride life's roller coaster ups & downs as a team. We had some good friends & adventures in Vegas when we started out. Then we hit a fork in the road & moved to Portland, OR so I could go to school & pursue a career in chiropractic. That's where we learned that sometimes life has plans for us other than our "perfectly mapped out" one. Bill got a promotion that moved us out to Colorado, somewhere he's always wanted to live, but a place where my thoughts of chiropractic school would die. Marriage is all about compromise, so we made the move to bigger & better things. As we continued to be successful at work, it felt like there was something missing. That's when I started to think about having a baby. As a stay at home mom to Logan, life was everything we wanted it to be. Then we were crazy enough to do it again & soon added Carter to the family. This is our adventure raising two boys in the Rocky Mountains.
Branches
6 comments:
I don't know your story, except for what you write here and there, but it's obvious that it's very painful for you. I just hope this works out for the best, whatever that may be. And hey, maybe Logan can get another grandpa out of it.
I hope things with your dad's visit go the way you want it to. I'm sorry your childhood was so sad. But it's great to read that Logan has such loving and caring parents to make sure he gets what he wants & deserves.
Good for you for wanting to resolve things and despite the problems not keeping Logan from his Grandpa. You're a good mom. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
I think it'd be awesome if Logan got to know his Grandpa. It sounds like he's really making an effort. Hopefully it will all work out.
Kristin, I know that this must be excruciatingly difficult, and I applaud you. I think it's a big step toward letting yourself heal.
My brother and I (well, mostly my brother) dealt with some similar, but not nearly as painful, issues with our father. If you ever want to talk/write, just shoot me an email at jezewhiz@gmail.com.
My father passed away just over a month ago. He died before any of his kids had kids of their own... so he never got to see any grandchildren. It breaks my heart every day.
I hope things work out with you and your dad and Logan.
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