It's all coming to a head today
I'm trying, I really, really am. But it's all coming out onto the table this afternoon. This morning we woke up, I fed Logan & he & Grandma L played in the living room while I cooked more baby food. I've been cooking all the time to have something to do & give them some space to play together.
Logan is still a little sick. We put some eucalyptus in his humidifier last night & he woke up a little better. But as the morning went on, his nose got runny. Grandma L procceded to "take care of him". I didn't say anything the first time, even as my blood started to boil. I was cutting eggplant & almost chopped off a finger. The second time I didn't say anything again. Then I burned my hand on a hot cookie sheet. The third time, Logan started to fuss because he hates having his face wiped & I lost it.
"OK. Stop mothering my child", I said, clearly agitated. With a surprised look she said she was only trying to help. "I've been on edge the whole visit & it's because my biggest fear was that you were going to try to take over & take care of my sick baby". "I'm not taking over, I'm helping. You don't know the difference", she replied. "I have a huge list of events where you've overstepped your bounds. I've given you an inch & you went half way around the world. I don't want to give you anymore", I said, trying not to shake. Then she asked for my phone & called Aunt Ju-Ju to come pick her up. Right now.
She got her things together while I read Logan some books & put him down for his nap. Aunt Ju-Ju came in & sat in the rocking chair. We talked for a while, hugging & crying. She said she didn't know what was going on because Grandma L wouldn't tell her. She said that she was ready to write me off on the way over here, but what was that going to solve. "You're my sister. Not my sister in law. I love you & can't imagine this family without you", she cried. "You don't have to love her like we do". We talked, hugged & cried some more. We decided that the two of us are going to sit down for coffee at Starbucks & I'm going to explain everything to her. I don't want to involve everyone else in the family, but now that Aunt Ju-Ju is a new mother, I think she'll have a good understanding of where I'm coming from. I know it's going to be difficult for her to hear some of these things, just as it is for Bill. Hopefully this craziness will all end today.
Our Roots
- Kristin
- Colorado
- I married my soul mate 10 years ago. We got married very young & we are very thankful that we did despite what other opinions may have been. It gave us a chance to grow up together & learn how to ride life's roller coaster ups & downs as a team. We had some good friends & adventures in Vegas when we started out. Then we hit a fork in the road & moved to Portland, OR so I could go to school & pursue a career in chiropractic. That's where we learned that sometimes life has plans for us other than our "perfectly mapped out" one. Bill got a promotion that moved us out to Colorado, somewhere he's always wanted to live, but a place where my thoughts of chiropractic school would die. Marriage is all about compromise, so we made the move to bigger & better things. As we continued to be successful at work, it felt like there was something missing. That's when I started to think about having a baby. As a stay at home mom to Logan, life was everything we wanted it to be. Then we were crazy enough to do it again & soon added Carter to the family. This is our adventure raising two boys in the Rocky Mountains.
Branches
3 comments:
The best thing you can do at this point is to try and articulate exactly what you are afraid of here. That Logan will like her more? That she will do something to undermine what you're doing? That you'll miss out on stuff if she's taking care of him? Try to get to the core of what bothers you, what's underneath the annoyance with every single thing she does.
The you could imagine a perfect scenario with her in it--do you not want her to hold Logan? Do you want her to bring him to you for nose wiping, feeding, dipe chaning? (there's nothing wrong with saying yes to all of these, just make sure everyone's clear on the rules!) So think of ways she could be involved without driving you crazy. (Also, I know it's hard, but try to remember that one day, Logan's going to have a wife and baby and you're going to want to be around for it, so no fair saying "I wish she would just go away and never come back" LOL). Then you could try and explain to her what you'd view as a good compromise. There is a certain amount of bullshit that comes with in-laws, but it's worth it if the kid has great memories of his grandparents.
Bill will stand by you--that's a given. But it's hard for him, too, because he might feel about his mom the way Logan will feel about you one day!
Good luck. I hope I didn't sound preachy here--I don't mean to. I've just BEEN THERE and I know how hard it is, and these things helped me make sense of my feelings.
I hope the best for you..
The above poster made some sense for me. I was never close to my grandparents, and despite some differences w/ my MIL (which still need working out, Im not going to ignore them) I should just be happy that Ava has grandparents that love her very much.
Thank goodness my mil was never that bad, but then we hardly ever see her. Probably because my husband can't stand to be around his own mom. That's kind of sad really.
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