The Big One
This was like "The Big One". The enormous earthquake that's supposed to devastate the US in the sometime eminent future. Aunt Ju-Ju & I never got a chance to talk on Friday. Bill came home furious with me. He had a few choice words. He was really angry. He calmed down a bit & we talked. He really wanted me to call his mom to apologize. "I'm not going to just roll over & let her think that everything is OK. I'll sit down & talk to her. I'll explain why I feel like I do. I'll try to work it out", I compromised.

I called her up & said that we needed to talk. Bill really wanted to spend time as a family & for his Dad to see Logan. She said OK. They came over & took a look at the house as I finished feeding Logan his snack. Then I let him loose on the floor & to play with Grandpa L. We sat there for a while deciding on when to go out for dinner. I said that I wanted to talk before dinner, in hopes of coming to a resolution so we could all eat in peace.

Bill & Grandpa L left while Grandma L & I sat at the kitchen table. I had put some of my thoughts down on paper so I made sense & didn't ramble. So I could giver her specific events to when she crossed the line. I made sure to stay calm. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't make a scene. I explained that my issues were with over-stepping of bounds. I told her that I know I'm not easy to get along with when I'm holding a grudge. I gave examples of why I feel like I do. I explained the boundaries that I wanted & was comfortable with. She denied everything & threw a fit.

She sat there & said she didn't remember any of these events. She resented that I wrote my thoughts down. She said I was making it all up. That I was twisting & taking things out of context. She kept rolling her eyes. She called me a "little bitch" & said that she was done with me.

She left & shortly there after Bill stormed in. I tried to explain to him that all I did was try to explain myself. I tried to let her know why I felt like I did & resolve our differences. She wanted nothing to do with it. She said that she would like to see him & Logan again, but never wants to see me at all. He left saying that he didn't want to talk to me.

He slept in the other bedroom & went to work this morning. He usually doesn't work on Saturdays. When he left, he said we would talk when he got home. While at work he sent me a text message saying that he loved me. He had cooled off some & was ready to talk. He wanted to get this behind us. He went to lunch with them & would come home after.

He got home & I explained what happened. I know it's difficult for him. I told him that I tried. I was calm & reasonable. She was angry that I was organized & had specifics as to when she made major offenses. She resorted to name calling, denying everything, storming out & writing me off. He talked about how much stress he's under & how uncomfortable lunch was without me & Logan there. I told him that I didn't want visits with Logan to be without me there too. We are a family & we stick together as a family. Bill & I held hands as I cried & he sighed.

He asked if I would go to the park with the family. I said yes. I wasn't the one who said that they never wanted to see anyone again. I was willing to participate in whatever was going on. He called Grandma L to let her know we would all go. She said she wanted to come over & talk to me again. I said OK.

She came over, but wouldn't come inside. We talked out on the driveway. I was calm again, but firm with my stand. We rehashed part of yesterdays conversation of specific events & boundary issues. She rolled her eyes & continued to disrespect me. I told her that all I want is some respect. Respect our family & our boundaries. I told her that I know I shouldn't have told her to stop, I should have asked her to. She wanted to delve into my childhood history & play psychologist. "I'm not going to go into that. What happened happened. It's not the issue now. Our history is what makes us the way we are. All of us", I said. She then wanted to know how often I left Logan alone, like he was a hermit child. "Logan isn't locked away in the house all day long. We go to play groups, we go shopping, Bill is home more & we all go out. He's not a little hermit". She rolled her eyes again & then asked if Bill ever watched him without me. "He watches him when I go to the gym & I'm fine with that". She kept trying to see if Bill & I were united & questioned our communication. She kept asking if it was me that made these decisions & if Bill knew about them. She wanted Bill & Logan to visit them without me. I told her no. That was never going to happen. We are a family unit & will stay that way. She said that she wasn't comfortable with that or our boundaries. Then she got in her car & drove off.

So now I've talked to her twice. She flipped out both times. I've tried & that's all I can do. I've been willing to talk, to work things out. I've been calm & collected. I've stood my ground. I will not be disrespected anymore & she knows it. That's exactly why she's freaking out. Because I won't be bullied into letting her play mommy & manipulate our marriage, or manipulate our family.

I know Bill is having a very difficult time. It really hurts to see him so stressed. But he has been wonderful. Our communication has been strong though this & our relationship will only get stronger.